Do you think preemie families should be given financial help?

[nkbapbt]

I dont think it should be just for preemies what so ever. I think it should be for NICU parents and babies.

There are all the things you mentioned available to families here, but only certain families. Basically ones who ask, make a stink about it or rightly need it to survive.

I honestly think a NICU package would be useful, where they give parking passes, vouchers to the hospital food and so on. Even if it only for the first two weeks, and if you are staying over a certain time it should be free period, IMO. And then information about grants, funding and how to secure further help if needed.

I do think fathers should be allowed to get benefits if they chose even if they do not have kids at home to look after, who's to say that a father is anymore ready emotionally to work than a mother is?

I do think that if they take them right away, then it cuts into the benefits later on.

Just my opinion!

 

[angelstardust]

Sorry I meant fathers couldn't get the 'childcare' benefit when the mother is in hospital before the baby arrives if there are no children at home.

 

[Foogirl]

Sorry girls, but I can't justify FTB getting it if they have no children needing childcare, they can still work and visit later.

Not quite as simple as that. For some the trip to and from hospital can be a couple of hours. The visiting hours on the wards can be quite inflexible too. Plus, after an emergency c-section, I couldn't drive for 4 weeks and my husband was the only way I could get to the hospital. If I had to wait until he got home from work at his usual time before I could go there, it would have been very late and time with Abby would have been severely limited.

The first occasion I was in hospital with bleeding was when I was in London. 600 miles away. Abby could very easily have been born there, so some kind of leave for him would have been vital.

But it also needs to be taken into consideration the emotional well being for a father in that situation. If Mr Foo had had to return to work in the days following Abby's birth, it would not have been very good for him at all. He saw his wife lose 2 pints of blood right in front of his eyes and then had to endure waiting for the birth and dealing with seeing her in the NNICU. People need to recover from that. Everyone seems to think paternity leave is purely for the benefit of the mother, to give them help etc, but fathers have needs during that time too.

 

[angelstardust]

Sorry girls, but I can't justify FTB getting it if they have no children needing childcare, they can still work and visit later.

Not quite as simple as that. For some the trip to and from hospital can be a couple of hours. The visiting hours on the wards can be quite inflexible too. Plus, after an emergency c-section, I couldn't drive for 4 weeks and my husband was the only way I could get to the hospital. If I had to wait until he got home from work at his usual time before I could go there, it would have been very late and time with Abby would have been severely limited.

The first occasion I was in hospital with bleeding was when I was in London. 600 miles away. Abby could very easily have been born there, so some kind of leave for him would have been vital.

But it also needs to be taken into consideration the emotional well being for a father in that situation. If Mr Foo had had to return to work in the days following Abby's birth, it would not have been very good for him at all. He saw his wife lose 2 pints of blood right in front of his eyes and then had to endure waiting for the birth and dealing with seeing her in the NNICU. People need to recover from that. Everyone seems to think paternity leave is purely for the benefit of the mother, to give them help etc, but fathers have needs during that time too.

If you read it again, I was referring to the 'benefit' prior to the birth of the child.

Trust me, I fully understand how hard it is for a man to watch his partner fight for her life in front of him as he is firstly shuffled out the way, ignored and then left to stand helpless. 4 years and my own husband is still not fully 'over it'.

I can't make a distinction between an expectant mother being in hospital and any other wife/husband/child etc being in hospital. So if it came to it then there should be some sort of benefit for anyone who has an immediate dependant in hospital to be allowed some sort of paid leave (but I think there already may be something like this, trying to think of the name, personal leave, crisis leave?), but that then broaches into something beyond maternity/paternity benefits/leave and allowances. Although I suppose leave if you have children could be classed the same way. Hospital benefit maybe?

 

[angelstardust]

Another thought, have any of you thought about clubbing together to make some 'How to survive NICU' guides for new parents? Make up some leaflets with advice on what charities there are available and how they can help, support groups in your area, what help there is out there?

We all learn so much after it happens, it would be good to share it.

Most health care trusts will print off and distribute leaflets like this if you approach them. Get your local MP (or MSP) involved. BLISS may help?

I've taken part in something similar (petitioned parliament and everything) and while it is hard work and can sometimes feel daunting, it is very worthwhile if you make a difference.

 

[Foogirl]

If you read it again, I was referring to the 'benefit' prior to the birth of the child.

Yes, I was in hospital with bleeding on and off for the 3 weeks prior to the birth. Half that time was 600 miles from home.

Trust me, I fully understand how hard it is for a man to watch his partner fight for her life in front of him as he is firstly shuffled out the way, ignored and then left to stand helpless. 4 years and my own husband is still not fully 'over it'.

Left standing in the corner holding the suitcase......shocking.

I can't make a distinction between an expectant mother being in hospital and any other wife/husband/child etc being in hospital. So if it came to it then there should be some sort of benefit for anyone who has an immediate dependant in hospital to be allowed some sort of paid leave (but I think there already may be something like this, trying to think of the name, personal leave, crisis leave?), but that then broaches into something beyond maternity/paternity benefits/leave and allowances. Although I suppose leave if you have children could be classed the same way. Hospital benefit maybe?

It is sometimes called compassionate leave. The problem is it depends on the goodwill of employers. And many employers just have none.

 

[angelstardust]

If you read it again, I was referring to the 'benefit' prior to the birth of the child.

Yes, I was in hospital with bleeding on and off for the 3 weeks prior to the birth. Half that time was 600 miles from home.

Trust me, I fully understand how hard it is for a man to watch his partner fight for her life in front of him as he is firstly shuffled out the way, ignored and then left to stand helpless. 4 years and my own husband is still not fully 'over it'.

Left standing in the corner holding the suitcase......shocking.

I can't make a distinction between an expectant mother being in hospital and any other wife/husband/child etc being in hospital. So if it came to it then there should be some sort of benefit for anyone who has an immediate dependant in hospital to be allowed some sort of paid leave (but I think there already may be something like this, trying to think of the name, personal leave, crisis leave?), but that then broaches into something beyond maternity/paternity benefits/leave and allowances. Although I suppose leave if you have children could be classed the same way. Hospital benefit maybe?

It is sometimes called compassionate leave. The problem is it depends on the goodwill of employers. And many employers just have none.

Me thinks compassionate leave should be revised and made to be fair then I didn't even know about, kinda heard of it, but that's it.

Mine was left sitting on a bench as baby was wheeled past then I was wheeled past. And the doctors barely spoke to him until he yelled 'what the F*** is going on!' when they had cracked open the eclampsia pack and even at that he was asked to leave! So not right at all.

 

[Foogirl]

Mine was left sitting on a bench as baby was wheeled past then I was wheeled past. And the doctors barely spoke to him until he yelled 'what the F*** is going on!' when they had cracked open the eclampsia pack and even at that he was asked to leave! So not right at all.

This is definitely something they need to revise. My poor poor husband, it breaks my heart to think of him having to go through it. He was rescued fairly quickly with a cup of coffee, but he had no-one talk him through it.

 

[angelstardust]

This is definitely something they need to revise. My poor poor husband, it breaks my heart to think of him having to go through it. He was rescued fairly quickly with a cup of coffee, but he had no-one talk him through it.

I was kept 'asleep' for 3 days so have no idea what went on, I've been told (some back then, some when I got my medical records and more when I fell pregnant with Amber) and it was bad, but he saw it all, he was there watching it all unfold, I can't imagine what it was like.

As for their de-briefing, they told me I should be dead, my baby should be dead more children would be suicide then left me alone in my room for 2 hours till my husband got there!

Complete disregard for the emotional and mental well being of the patient, don't think they could do any worse for the patients family!

 

[Marleysgirl]

Information on grants and charities made easily available. My suggestion would be a councillor of some sort to meet with parents and discuss what help they can get, where they can get it, issue parking/food vouchers, direct them to support networks, explain the whole neonatal lifestyle to them etc. The neonatal nurses do a great job but they are there to look after the babies and so sometimes the needs of the parents are sidelined.

Our NICU had a social worker who could provide information on practical things like grants (except she was useless). There was also a phone number for a counsellor pinned up on the wall, but only the one and when I phoned she was on holiday!

It is actually on my list of things to suggest to our NICU (I've been asked whether I'll consider going onto some kind of parents forum). I feel it would be beneficial to have a staff member that does what you list - chat about what help & where, explain the lifestyle and what's expected of parents etc.

I felt like I was thrown in the deep end with NICU, and having different nurses attending Andrew every day, I couldn't build up any rapport where I could ask stupid questions.

 

[asacia]

I can't make a distinction between an expectant mother being in hospital and any other wife/husband/child etc being in hospital. So if it came to it then there should be some sort of benefit for anyone who has an immediate dependant in hospital to be allowed some sort of paid leave (but I think there already may be something like this, trying to think of the name, personal leave, crisis leave?), but that then broaches into something beyond maternity/paternity benefits/leave and allowances. Although I suppose leave if you have children could be classed the same way. Hospital benefit maybe?

I think that is what I think, that if there are additional benefits for families with a baby in NICU, then what about other dependants? Too many people (mothers, fathers, children, grandparents) spend time in hospital for there to be an additional benefit, I think. It would be nice though, but I don't think it is realistic.

Also, about the emotional needs of the father, I think that if he is unable to work following a trauma, normal sick pay rules should apply.

I think that in exceptional circumstances (extended stay in hospital, return from hospital following extended stay) then parental leave should be able to be taken in longer blocks, of up to 4 weeks.

It is hard really, because there is obviously a big need for the family, but there is also limit resources and the needs of businesses to take into account.

 

[AP]

[deleted because I actually cant be bothered. Im not saying we're 'special' or anything. Its just financially draining and hospital fees etc do not help]

 

[asacia]

Sorry, hope I didn't sound unsympathetic, I didn't mean to. It is tough balancing working with caring responsibilities, in his last job my OH had to take a lot of unpaid time off work to look after me. It isn't possible in his new job to do this and it makes things very hard.

 

[nkbapbt]

Here in Canada, you can get benefits if you are caring for a family member with grave illness. That being said the person you caring for must be in danger of dying within 26 weeks.
I personally think that's bull simply because there are no rules to babies in the NICU, I am sorry to say this but sometimes they cannot tell you if a baby in the NICU will die.

Morbid I know. But I just think it's messed up.

I think it's a wonderful idea to get pamphlets together to give out about NICU resources for new parents to the NICU.

 

[Foogirl]

I think you sister should still be able to get the Health in Pregnancy grant, I applied for mine after I gave birth. Your sister should speak to her midwife. You are entitled to it so should claim it, it will help towards her unexpected costs...I hope your sisters LO gets stronger and bigger soon and comes home for xmas...

After you posted this yesterday, I decided to email HMRC to get an answer. They confirmed that you must still be pregnant when you claim. If you haven't claimed by the time you give birth, you are not entitled.

I know many women are still being given the benefit after a premature birth, but the rules do mean that there is no entitlement. This should be changed I think as even if you aren't pregnant, the additional monies would be very beneficial to those who have babies in NNICU care

I think that is what I think, that if there are additional benefits for families with a baby in NICU, then what about other dependants? Too many people (mothers, fathers, children, grandparents) spend time in hospital for there to be an additional benefit, I think. It would be nice though, but I don't think it is realistic.

This is a different argument entirely. My father in law had several extended periods in hospital and of course we visited regularly, but visiting a sick relative in hospital and caring for a baby in the NNICU are two totally different things. Many (indeed most) of us would spend extended periods in the unit, full days are not uncommon. The additional costs of doing this - 2 meals in the hospital canteen, drinks etc soon add up. On top of that mothers are there all day but fathers (who apparently should jump straight back to work) visit later in the day, that makes two trips (sometimes more) a day. The days when I couldn't stay all day, if I had doctors appointments etc, I would be up and down to the hospital 3 or 4 times a day. And this can be for weeks - sometimes months at a time.

Relatives of patients in long term care at hospital can claim travelling expenses and parking. But there are very few situations where a relative will require (or even be allowed to) spend full days at the hospital with a patient.

Also, about the emotional needs of the father, I think that if he is unable to work following a trauma, normal sick pay rules should apply.

Why is it beyond comprehension that, if we treat pregnancy and maternity differently from sickness for women, we shouldn't do the same for fathers? Talk about a waste of resource. To do this you would need a GP appointment (difficult to get) and a doctors line (which costs to produce) If there was a standard, decent amount of leave for fathers this wouldn't be necessary.

It is hard really, because there is obviously a big need for the family, but there is also limit resources and the needs of businesses to take into account.

The system in Sweden works fine. Parents are given a number of parental leave days and it is up to the parents how they divvy them up. You don't hear businesses there complaining about the needs of the business. We are just so backward in the UK, because family is the last thing to be given any importance. We have come forward in maternity leave and parental leave somewhat, but not nearly far enough. It is illegal for an employer to put the "needs of the business" over the requirements for maternity. The same should be true for paternity. If employers and employees work together to find a solution, there shouldn't be a problem.

 

[AP]

After you posted this yesterday, I decided to email HMRC to get an answer. They confirmed that you must still be pregnant when you claim. If you haven't claimed by the time you give birth, you are not entitled.

Sodding liars, I didnt even get the form for until at least 3 weeks after Alex was born!!

Besides the form asks you for the due date - no mention of birth date! I guess its down to the midwife.

Foogirl tell them they are bloody liars! lol!

They dont know if your pregnant or not, as long as the midwife states the expected due date!

 

[premmiemum123]

After you posted this yesterday, I decided to email HMRC to get an answer. They confirmed that you must still be pregnant when you claim. If you haven't claimed by the time you give birth, you are not entitled.

Sodding liars, I didnt even get the form for until at least 3 weeks after Alex was born!!

Besides the form asks you for the due date - no mention of birth date! I guess its down to the midwife.

Foogirl tell them they are bloody liars! lol!

They dont know if your pregnant or not, as long as the midwife states the expected due date!

It is your entitlement and I didn't see anything about still being pregnant. My midwife signed my form and put my original EDD..I claimed 3 weeks after Emily was born...they are liars!

 

[Foogirl]

Sodding liars, I didnt even get the form for until at least 3 weeks after Alex was born!!

Besides the form asks you for the due date - no mention of birth date! I guess its down to the midwife.

Foogirl tell them they are bloody liars! lol!

They dont know if your pregnant or not, as long as the midwife states the expected due date!

The speed at which these forms comes out are shocking. I asked for it at 25 weeks but despite repeatedly asking, I never got it. 4 weeks later Abby was born.

They can find out if you have given birth, as it is registered. Also, if you have already submitted your claim for Child Benefit (as I had) they should be able to cross check. Clearly they don't as they still paid my HIP.

It is your entitlement and I didn't see anything about still being pregnant. My midwife signed my form and put my original EDD..I claimed 3 weeks after Emily was born...they are liars!

Dinna shoot the messenger!

Their whole response was...

Thank you for your e-mail on 12 November 2009 regarding Health in Pregnancy Grant (HiPG).

The grant was introduced on 6th April 2009 and to qualify, women must

- have a due date on or after 6th April 2009,
- reached their 25th week of pregnancy,
- received advice on matters relating to maternal health from a midwife or doctor
- be resident in the UK,
- not be subject to immigration control,
- still be pregnant at the time of their claim.


I am sorry to hear that you have had your baby so early in your pregnancy.

Unfortunately, if you did not complete a claim form during your pregnancy then you will not be entitled to the Health in Pregnancy Grant.

The bottom line is, there is no entitlement. The reality is, some women are still being paid the allowance. But some are definitely not.

 

[Lil-woowoo]

Thank you Foogirl for that info. I just noticed your in falkirk, not too far from me i stay in stirling x

 

[Foogirl]

Thank you Foogirl for that info. I just noticed your in falkirk, not too far from me i stay in stirling x

Yes, I know it well - at least I know the route from here to the hospital!!