doctor belives fathers should not watch the births of their children

[tinkerbelle93]

I know this was published a while back but I thought it was very interesting for numerous reasons. I think some of the points are quite good, but wouldn't make me reconsider DH being at birth that much. What do people think? https://www.mamamia.com.au/parentin...r-watch-women-give-birth/#BcXCoLECWrKVrew7.97

 

[tinkerbelle93]

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-559913/A-obstetrician-men-NEVER-birth-child.html this article is a bit better!

 

[Noodlebear]

Personally think that most (dare I say all?) of what was said is total rubbish. Lol.

 

[emyandpotato]

Not at all in touch with reality. If you look at OBEM half of the mums of the girls on there are obsessive, want to talk/laugh/have an opinion, want to be involved with the baby straight away etc. etc., so what, should women be alone with a stranger? The points about stress levels and needing tranquility are valid but surely this could be easily accomplished by emphasising this in birthing classes and perhaps working on stress relief for new dads too.

Personally, the thought of not having my OH with me makes me want to cry. It'd be horrible and frightening, especially the first time. And my OH did nothing that was mentioned but was someone familiar and held my hand and made me feel safe. Hospitals are horrid places and in my experience it was the midwife who made me feel uncomfortable and embarrassed and unable to relax. Without my OH I would have been so afraid.

As for the stuff about men leaving and keeping certain things private, well, that's absolute bollocks, pure and simple.

 

[sue_88]

What I really hate is this insinuation that men 'watch women give birth', generally they are doing no such thing, they are actually watching their own child, flesh and blood enter the world and the delivery route is insignificant.

I think denying a man to see that is pure evil. In short: I don't agree

 

[Fergie]

What absolute piffle.

I'm grateful my OH was with me. I didn't want anyone else there except for him and he was my backup in case anything happened. He knew my wishes and he was ordered to stick to them and not let me be forced to do anything I didn't want to. I can't believe he left his wife to give birth on her own. If he was my hubbie his arse would have been kicked to the kerb, no need for him to walk out. And another thing I've never heard of a new dad leaving because the birth traumatized him. Seriously the daily fail at it's best !.

 

[Bex84]

What rubbish. My dh kept me calm and was someone to speek up for me. When I gave birth he sat behind me, holding me and it made me feel safe. I didn't want mum who would have told me to stop being silly if you make a noise and to be honest did not want other family members or friends in a very vunrable time. I trusty dh and needed him. When I'm ill or in pain he is the one I want there not a stranger. My labor was 7 hrs so he didn't slow it. He loved being there when dd came into world, I'm hoping he will be there for birth this time if family actually help with child care. Obviously he hated seeing me in pain but he was what gave me a centre to relax and he got to see her take her first look at the world and first thing she saw was mummy and daddy

 

[tinkerbelle93]

I think it's funny how he feels so strongly he secretly walked off and left his wife when she had their child!

 

[Tess.ie]

I don't agree that men shouldn't be there, whatever works for the couple; but if I'm totally honest I wish my DH didn't want to be there.
Before my dd was born he refused to talk about or think about the labour even though I tried on numerous occasions, but because he felt weird about it he wouldn't listen. As a result he was no help to me in labour, he didn't know what I wanted when I wasn't able to articulate for myself, and that coupled with a midwife who was very stand off-ish resulted in a birth I am so disappointed in even to this day. I wish my mum had been with me, but I was only allowed one person in the room and I couldn't deny my DH the opportunity to see his child born. He will be there for this baby too, but I have a much better midwife this time so he can be as useless as he likes!

 

[Dragonfly]

I think dads should do whatever it is they want to do, and every one else. I think the doc is the last person who should be at the birth too. *which is the case where I am*.

 

[tinkerbelle93]

I don't agree that men shouldn't be there, whatever works for the couple; but if I'm totally honest I wish my DH didn't want to be there.
Before my dd was born he refused to talk about or think about the labour even though I tried on numerous occasions, but because he felt weird about it he wouldn't listen. As a result he was no help to me in labour, he didn't know what I wanted when I wasn't able to articulate for myself, and that coupled with a midwife who was very stand off-ish resulted in a birth I am so disappointed in even to this day. I wish my mum had been with me, but I was only allowed one person in the room and I couldn't deny my DH the opportunity to see his child born. He will be there for this baby too, but I have a much better midwife this time so he can be as useless as he likes!

Sorry about your disappointing birth hopefully the better midwife will make all the difference this time!

 

[hayz_baby]

When I was in labour with ds1 I had my step mum (I'm vclose with) and oh. I had a long hard labour, I was pushing for over 2 hours. Ds1 became distressed, he did his first bowel movement inside me. It became a situation of get him out quickly as poss. Very quickly 5 mw came in and a consultant. I started to panic, which you can imagine was inevitable but also the wrong thing to do. He made me look at him, reminded me to breathe, told me everything was going to be OK he got me to focus. He was the first person I needed to keep me going.
The same happened with ds2, this time just oh was there, my planned natural water birth took a surprising turn when during pushing it was discovered that ds2 was breech. Again, (I know I probably should b a little better but you can't blame me!) I paniced, I was told I was carrying on and I was like no! You can't do that, I paniced, again he got me to focus. Reminded me to breathe and that itvwould b OK.
Fact is I could not of done those labours without him. He knows how infeel, that I don't think I could of done it. I'm.not saying the very worse would of happened but fact is my labours could b completely different. He got me back to where I needed to be and that was bringing my babies safely into the world. Coz we are a team and when one of struggles the other picks up.

Also, this is a man, who especially when ds1 was born, had awful anxiety, yet I couldn't of stopped him from being there. Seeing your child's firsts moments. Why wouldn't you want to see that.

Fact is, up to 2 people, we should have whoever we want in labour with us. And no doctor or study can say otherwise. If a woman out there says no, it will make matters worse then yeah fair enough but you can't tar all men with the same brush

 

[steph.]

My dh nearly delivered my dd1 as midwives didn't realise I was in labour. Obviously having his there didn't slow me down. He handled everything so much better than I ever thought, and I will never forget the look of absolute wonder in his face when he saw her head come out. It's something we will share forever and if anything it made our bond stronger. He thought it was a real shame when his friend got kicked out of the delivery room by his wife as he would miss something so magical.

My 2nd birth ended in c-section and I attribute that to the midwife strapping me to a bed and forbidding me get up. The baby flipped from head down to a really awkward position. If I had laboured alone with my dh again I am sure I would have had another easy birth. Anyway I was terrified during the c-section, having him there was so much comfort.

 

[Pearls18]

I disagree with everything said.

My labour SPED UP when my husband arrived, he was based 3.5 hours away, I don't think it's a coincidence I started pushing 10 minutes after he arrived, I think my body relaxed when get got there. My second labour was so quick he had to help deliver as the MW didn't make it on time.

I was in so much pain after both my labours from excruciating after pains I needed him to hold the boys while I delivered my stubborn placentas, I am grateful he was there to help take care of the boys, as soon as I was able I had my babies back and breastfed them.

My husband has never been depressed.

Our sex life is as good if not actually better than before we had kids.

I know what I say is anecdotal, but I don't see much scientific fact in what he said either.

 

[Noodlebear]

Unless he checked hormone levels in all these women so he could compare them I don't see how he could claim any of it is factual tbh. Just a very old fashioned man.

 

[wishuwerehere]

Bollocks. When i had dd2 my oh ran the show completely (mw arrived after her head had come out!) And i was so much calmer having him there than i was in hospital where midwives were in charge. I would be way more stressed without him!

As for the sex thing, he'll talk to me whilst i take a crap, he cleaned up my birth pool after the fact, and i've vomited on him, our sex life has not suffered. He's a bloke, he's pretty hard to put off sex!

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I think people should do where they relax BUT I do think people think having hubby there is said thing nowadays and underestimate the woman bond. Its sad we lost that. We are deep down in tune with each other x

 

[tinkerbelle93]

I think people should do where they relax BUT I do think people think having hubby there is said thing nowadays and underestimate the woman bond. Its sad we lost that. We are deep down in tune with each other x

Yes I also think it's a little sad how having the father there seems to go without saying, but not for having any other women there. I can sort of see why years ago it was seen as the place for only women and for women to help each other through it and bond. It's so strange how it's changed so dramatically in only a few decades.

 

[BabyMamma93]

The truth is that without him there, the woman is finally able to relax into labour in a way that speeds up delivery...
why is this? because your too uptight about your OH seeing anything..
My OH wasnt in the delivery room, never wanted to be. my mum and sister was, i think i would have been more relaxed if he was there??

Physically, in order to deliver the placenta with ease, her levels of oxytocin – the hormone of love – need to peak.
Often, as soon as a baby is born, men cannot help but say something or try to touch the baby. Their interference at this key moment is more often than not the main cause for a difficult delivery of the placenta, too.”
i had my baby taken from me a few mins after he was placed on me, as he wasnt breathing. yes i felt love, but also worry, stress, i was very upset. i delivered the placenta just about fine..

, I have noticed that the more the man has participated at the birth and the worse his wife’s labour has been
again my OH wasnt there, just my mum and sister, i had a hard time in labour, 20 hours from waters to birth, pushing for almost 3 hours as he was stuck on u bend and when he did come i had a episotomy and a 3rd degree tear, i doubt it would have been harder if my OH was there...

i loved this though..
The best things in life are messy and real and incredible. Like eating a mango. Or having sex. Not hermetically sealed and tied up neatly with a bow.

but im not saying dads should be there, its up to them at the end of the day, yes i would have liked for him to be there, but he wasnt, and didnt want to be, thats fine, he says he doesnt regret it and if we were to have another he wouldnt be there again, doesnt mean he wasnt thinking of me every 2 mins, or texting my sister to ask how i was etc.

 

[minties]

I ended up with a c-section, but to be honest I wished my OH wanted there when I laboured with my son. He was annoying and made it all about how tired he was.