I sure hope it gets easier. Actually I know it will but I think it just takes time. I've recently made a decision not to try for a third child.
I am equally excited about the future, but sad about letting go of the vision of the family I wanted. For me, the positives of staying at two vastly outweighed the sense of completion I know I'd get at having 3, but that hasn't made the decision any easier for now.
It was a combination of things that led me to this decision. I have two kids, a 6 year old girl and and soon to be 3 year old boy. They are at an age where dh and I are starting to regain our lives. They're also at a critical age where I'd like to give them opportunities to do whatever it is they want in life. If I had 3, it would mean that everyone would have to make major sacrifices. I'd have to pull my girl out of a lot of her favorite activities both due to financing and time constraints. We wouldn't be able to afford to send #3 to the good preschool that my daughter and son went to and that would kill me. I literally don't think I have it in me to pull my boy out of that preschool and put him in one that is not nearly as good because I wanted a third. I wouldn't have any quality time with dh, who I already spend far less than with than I think is healthy for a relationship.
One of my favorite things about being a parent is being able to do things with my kids and watch them grow and explore and experience new things. When I was growing up, my parents didn't have money for me to get into any activities, take any lessons, or go on any vacations. I didn't feel deprived growing up and I was happy, but now that I'm a parent, I want my kids to be able to do all of those things that I couldn't as a child and have a full, well-rounded life. If I had a third, I'd be able to provide some of that for each of my children but not as much as I would like. We would not be broke, but we'd have to carefully budget every single luxury. I'm just tired of that life and I don't have it in me to struggle anymore. I look at how much more carefree we all would be...
I would love that third child dearly, but I fear that every time I'd have to say "no" to one of my children due to financial and time constraints, I'd forever have to revisit the "was it worth it" question. Dh also feels very strongly we should stay at two, but would do it for me. Also, I work a full-time job and I'm already stretched time wise at three. I wouldn't be able to spend a hour with each kid individually at bedtime and helping them with their homework. I'd lose some of that intimacy I have with each of my kids and my hubby.
Also, it took extended periods to conceive both of my children. I just don't want to go back to TTC roller coaster. I feel like all of our lives would be on hold and don't want to end my childbearing years on a bad note. I just don't have it in me anymore to try month after month anymore. I don't want to go back to pain of BFNs and single lines on HPTs.
Pretty much everyone in the equation, including myself, would have to make significant sacrifices to make my dream of a third child come true. Yes they would gain from having a third, but everyone is already so happy with what they have right now. Everything is perfect and we have a life that many people would envy. There is no compelling reason for me to make this happen. In our situation, it just feels very selfish for me to push for a third.
It is hard, but I'm doing this for my children and my family. I feel I am giving up on my dream so they don't have to. It would be one thing if it happened accidentally and we had no choice but to make it work. It's another when you consciously make a decision to do something that you know is going to have life-altering implications for your family.
