Doing the right thing??

[dustbunny]

Little update. I had my LO on Monday after a rather traumatic labour. Came home from hospital Wednesday and have had zero sleep... but have lost 1lb shy of a stone!! Haha - alas, just bump not general weight loss.

Am in a 2 and 8 over whether to tell FOB's mother that LO has arrived. I know before I have been adamant I won't be doing it but it's not sitting well with me... I actually feel guilty for not telling him. I was pondering over whether my mum could message his mother, so as to keep me and FOB out of it so to speak, on a grandmother to 'grandmother' level with the basic facts?? You all know what hes been like.

I just don't fancy the shit storm which is bound to follow. I hate having a conscience and trying to please people sometimes.

 

[jemmie1994]

if you think it'll cause trouble i wouldn't, in time it will be obvious to them that LO has been born (do they know the due date?) and if they want get in contact they will just leave it to them if you've had no support don't put yourself out for them

 

[dustbunny]

Thanks, I really do not know why I feel like this. Think major lack of sleep is really getting to me. I remember when I was in labour thinking "if someone can sit back and let me take this much pain and merely assume they can walk in as if I had just done the shopping...!!!"
They both knew the due date and they both contacted me last week. FOB said he had bought loads of baby items and 'useful' items even though he knew I had already got everything... then his mum said she hadn't got anything because I had never contacted her asking for what I needed... which means neither of them have got anything. It was more lies.

Thank you jemmie1994

 

[Dezireey]

Congratulations sweetie, glad all is okay now and you and LO are safe and sound. I guess FOB will know one way or another as time goes by so choose the best method that causes you less stress. Communicate and get it over and done with or just let him contact you when the penny drops that LO must have arrived by now. Good luck xx

 

[Lemonflower]

Congrats hun!!

Nah, don't tell him, he's a prat!!

He or his mother will contact you no doubt soon or let him find out from someone else.
I let my conscience get the better of me and it caused me upset didn't it.

Just enjoy your gorgeous baby and try not to think of him.

xxxxx

 

[teal]

If you think he is going to cause upset then I would leave it for you. You've just had a baby and it's hard enough trying to settle in with your new baby without him either swanning in like he's the worlds best father or going in a strop.

I do agree with you, it sounds like lies. He's bought useful things but doesn't think you'll need any of these useful things before you have your baby?

I know I mentioned it earlier but I didn't try to tell FOB until I had registered LO. I know some people might disagree with that choice but I didn't want him pushing in with surname drama and stressing me when I was already all over the place. Once I registered LO I send him an email but it came back undelivered (he also changed his phone number and moved) so the decision was really made for me. By the time your LO is registered you would have had a few weeks and a chance to think (between trying to sleep )

I wouldn't worry too much about your conscience after everything he's done

I tried to contact FOB but I still had a hard time with guilt. I'll drop you a pm about that later if you want, I think this reply is long enough!

I'm here anytime though, seriously don't think you're alone because you're not xx

 

[whoops]

Going against the grain, but I'd tell her/them. The last thing you need is more drama down the line, where they act like you've been shutting them out or not keeping them informed. I'd do what you can now to make sure your conscience is clear in the future, and to make it seem like you've always been the reasonable, forthcoming adult in the situation.

 

[lemontree12]

I have no idea what I will do when when the time comes for me to make that descision!

My fob wants nothing to do with my daughter and has blocked me out of his life after 4yrs together!

Part of me feels like I should inform him when I go into labour because if anything happened to me or the baby then he couldn't blame me for not telling him! But then again the actions and choices he has made in the last 4 months are down to him so mayb I owe him nothing!

I was also debating about sending him a picture of her when she was born and make him look at the little person he has took so many opportunities away from! His parents are gutted by his choices and they will also not be in her life! Their choice and I think they are foolish to let him decide something like that but hey...

Only u can tell what is best! But if it was me I would be telling them, u would give my right arm for my fob to be interested or even remotely ask if she was here! He's never asked how i am and how she is. So things aren't going to change for me!

Do what's right for u and ur baby!
If u need to chat drop me a mail xxxx

 

[dustbunny]

Thanks ladies. Am really struggling at the moment with what is the best thing to do which is causing my anxiety to come back which could lead back to depression, something my MW is now worried about. Really do not want to get ill again. Tried writing a letter but ended up bursting into tears half way through, makes me so angry always being the better person and trying to include someone who blames me for everything and although has played at being interested... it has only been playing. I have never stopped them doing anything, never stopped them sending things or coming down off of their own back.

Just makes me so sad.

 

[teal]

I sent you a pm honey

Massive, massive hugs xx

 

[MommaAlexis]

Ifffff you're pretty and you know it clap your hands! *waits for claps*

 

[dustbunny]

Well he knows now and so far nothing but have a major feeling this is a calm before the storm. Will be worried all day waiting for a reply.

 

[angelpkj]

hang in there christ my hormones were all over show for months after giving birth to little one was an emotional wreck at times
you will feel better i promise

 

[dustbunny]

For someone who keeps up-to-date with facebook, uploads photos etc etc and apparently waits with baited breath for contact etc... still no reply.

 

[teal]

Just shows where the priorities lie doesn't it? Hope you're ok xx

 

[dustbunny]

I feel much better now that I at least gave them the opportunity. I've blocked them all now so if they want me they can contact me via a solicitor.

 

[Lemonflower]

Same as my LOs FOB and family! No contact for over 3 weeks now. At least we did the right thing and told them though!
Not sure what he's thinking, saying planning! Like you just waiting now but who knows they've both been useless during pregnancy they may not even bother with solicitors!!

Seems funny now he was actually threatening joint custody a few months ago. I was so scared and now nothing...

Has your FOB gave/bought your LO anything?? I've still not received a penny and LO hasn't even got a gift either.

xxx

 

[dustbunny]

Same as my LOs FOB and family! No contact for over 3 weeks now. At least we did the right thing and told them though!
Not sure what he's thinking, saying planning! Like you just waiting now but who knows they've both been useless during pregnancy they may not even bother with solicitors!!

Seems funny now he was actually threatening joint custody a few months ago. I was so scared and now nothing...

Has your FOB gave/bought your LO anything?? I've still not received a penny and LO hasn't even got a gift either.

xxx

Nope, nothing, not seen a thing. He says he has but tbh wouldn't you have sent a cheque by now?? Or had the "useful baby items" delivered to my house directly?? Or even a teddy bear?? All lies at the end of the day anyway, think his mum and him need a chat before they both tell me different things. It is disgusting how they have both acted. GRrrr..... hate all FOB's... and men in general.

 

[teal]

Same as my LOs FOB and family! No contact for over 3 weeks now. At least we did the right thing and told them though!
Not sure what he's thinking, saying planning! Like you just waiting now but who knows they've both been useless during pregnancy they may not even bother with solicitors!!

Seems funny now he was actually threatening joint custody a few months ago. I was so scared and now nothing...

Has your FOB gave/bought your LO anything?? I've still not received a penny and LO hasn't even got a gift either.

xxx

Nope, nothing, not seen a thing. He says he has but tbh wouldn't you have sent a cheque by now?? Or had the "useful baby items" delivered to my house directly?? Or even a teddy bear?? All lies at the end of the day anyway, think his mum and him need a chat before they both tell me different things. It is disgusting how they have both acted. GRrrr..... hate all FOB's... and men in general.

It's awful how many FOB's just don't care.

My ex and his mum both know about my son but haven't bothered at all and it's coming up to three years since I've last seen FOB.

Who needs them! These so-called men definitely don't deserve to know our LO's after all this.

 

[Lemonflower]

It's FOB's mothers too, as women how could they stand by and let their sons do what they've done to us.
I know my mum would do they right thing... But then again it's maybe why these men have behaved the way have.

Teal.... Can I ask what your story is? Were you single and pregnant and then heard nothing?

xxx