Doing the right thing??

[jemmie1994]

It's FOB's mothers too, as women how could they stand by and let their sons do what they've done to us.
I know my mum would do they right thing... But then again it's maybe why these men have behaved the way have.



xxx

this exactly!
if i was FOB's mum i would be mortified at his behavior, yet she just appears to have shook it off and expects me to go to their house (where he is) so she can see Evie
tbh i'd expect abit of understanding from her seeing as her husband split up with her and they had 3 kids, if his mum wanted to see them she had to get 2 buses to their house....hypocrisy much?

 

[Lemonflower]

Yeah let her come to your house, stupid woman.

My FOB's mother was left whilst pregnant and his nan claimed to have "loved" me like a granddaughter. I don't see how they know they're grandson is here and have done nothing! They also know i'm struggling financially to pay for my rented house that their precious son left me in and LOs bits ( i don't get benefits until May/June time thats when my Stat Mat pay kicks in though my monthly salary at the mo isn't much and only just covered my outgoings) They are a really f**ked up family though!
I'm glad my son won't be influenced much if not at all.
xxx

 

[teal]

It's FOB's mothers too, as women how could they stand by and let their sons do what they've done to us.
I know my mum would do they right thing... But then again it's maybe why these men have behaved the way have.

Teal.... Can I ask what your story is? Were you single and pregnant and then heard nothing?

xxx

I had been seeing FOB for almost a year when I found out I was pregnant. (wasn't planned, I was on the pill). I waited a few days before I told him and he broke up with me when I refused to be pushed into a termination. I've not seen him since June 2009. He cut all contact I did try to contact him once my son was born but my emails failed.

I plodded along until I started feeling really guily the tail end of last year. I decided to try and contact him to give him once more chance, I did manage to get a contact number for him but I got nothing but abuse on the phone.

Following all that if he ever changes his mind he'll have to take me to court before I'll allow him to see my son.

Sorry if I've hijacked your thread with this long post dustbunny

I have no idea how their mums don't bother with what their sons have done. FOB's mother knows but hasn't bothered to contact me. My mum has said that she doesn't understand how someone wouldn't want to know their grandchild.

 

[Lemonflower]

What an idiot!!! Sorry hun!!

I wonder whether these men will rear their ugly heads in years to come. And will then be "cool dad" taking out LOs after not giving them a second thought for years.
It is still early days for me and Dustbunny though - they may rear their ugly heads earlier.
I think my FOB will once he gets bored or he visits a friend with a small child. He's a brat who will think, "I want one of those".

 

[teal]

I'm sure if that happens our LO's will see right through them.

It's disgusting they just walk away from their children. I hate the thought after walking out they just swan in when they feel like it.

xx

 

[dustbunny]

teal: really dont worry about it, I think it is lovely we all feel comfy enough to share our stories together.

And as for them rearing their ugly heads, like weeds in my garden, they will be eradicated. I realised this morning, in the wee small hours whilst feeding LO, I have been a mug for so many people it is unreal. They still haven't sent anything and they had 9 months to get their act together, it is not like LO was not planned so they have no excuse what so ever. I would be a bit more understanding, maybe, possible, who knows, if this whole thing was not planned... but you don't agree to something, dilly dally over it when it happens and piss off. Yes I left him but did so in the hope he would grow up... but then it takes a big set of balls to grow up and nothing of his was particularly big.

I think I am going to try and be a stronger person and cut people from my life who cause nothing but pain and drama.

We all deserve better ladies!!!

 

[teal]

Definitely don't need any drama hun You're right, they've had nine months to step up. There is absolutely no excuse.

I like the weeds comment suits them well!! xx

 

[jemmie1994]

I've realized how much of a mug I've been for FOB and his family too before them lot came along i had a relatively quiet life now there all this drama can't be doing with it unless they make a move I want nothing more to do with them and if FOB comes back in years to come he'll be sent off with a fly in his ear and minus his testicles...if he had any to begin with!

bloody men eh??

 

[dustbunny]

I've realized how much of a mug I've been for FOB and his family too before them lot came along i had a relatively quiet life now there all this drama can't be doing with it unless they make a move I want nothing more to do with them and if FOB comes back in years to come he'll be sent off with a fly in his ear and minus his testicles...if he had any to begin with!

bloody men eh??

Hehe... Loving the "if he had any to begin with!" comment!!!


I just cant fathom why guys get let off of things so damn easily because they are male. They have this get out of jail free card allowing them to come and go as they wish, the courts support this and they think it is best for the child to have useless idiots walking in and out.

Ranting again, just had the health visitor question me about FOB... wtf!!!

 

[teal]

I hate getting asked about FOB.

They do get of lightly. I don't understand why they don't feel guilty. I felt guilty thinking I didn't try enough when it was him who left. I know I've said it before but I strongly feel that no contact is better than half-assed contact.

xx

 

[jemmie1994]

^^same dont understand how anyone can just walk away from their child it'd drive me mad not knowing whats going on with Evie, but i don't feel any guilt anymore i tried my best to get FOB involved but he just walked off...literally!
lesson learned...these guys must have a screw loose or something how can anyone not want to be there for these beautiful babies?

 

[teal]

Yep some serious loose screws

I don't think I'll ever understand how my ex could just leave and then get on with his life as though nothing happened. I would have thought that would have been something that eats away at you.

I always feel a bit off when it's fathers day but it does make me wonder if he see's adverts for fathers day and if it bothers him.

What does still kind of upsets me is knowing that one day my little boy is going to ask about his "dad" and will find out the truth.

 

[jemmie1994]

im exact same! whenever i see adverts for nappies or anything wonder if he sees them and thinks of Evie bit of wishful thinking doubt he cares, am dreading the day Evie asks about her dad and i have to find a nice way to say he didnt want her, dont see why we should be the one to tell them should make these 'dads' do it! i dont want to make excuses for him and have her think her dads nice but i dont want to tell her the truth and have her get upset :/

sorry dustbunny totally taking over your post here

 

[teal]

Once I made it clear to my ex that I was keeping the baby (he tried to push me into having a termination) he asked what he was going to do when the baby tracked him down in 18 years.... I told him that was his problem and not mine. Selfish or what. Just left his pregnant girlfriend and he was worried about himself.

I feel the same, I don't want to make excuses for him but I don't want to hurt my son when the truth is so, so harsh and horrible. I'm thinking something like your "dad" (I even hate typing that damn word) wasn't ready... feels like an excuse but still truth in it. I think we all love our children enough for two parents anyway xx

 

[jemmie1994]

my god what an arse! they really dont think about anyone but themselves, my ex wanted me to 'get rid' at first then decided he'd stick around turned up for the good bits scans etc then once she was born she interfered with his going out and his xbox but ofc thats all my fault cos i pushed him out
that sounds like only way explain it really without them getting too upset but yeah least they will know they know they have mummys who love them more then anything

 

[Dezireey]

The only reason these men do this is because they can. Life throws lots of unwanted responsibilities at us and moments where we think we can't cope e.g loss of home, moving to another country, someone close to us dying etc, etc and the wheat is usually separated from the chaff and people who can sign a 'get out' clause and avoid responsibility and things they 'don't like to face' will always take the easy way out. Women are just built to be stronger, emotionally. We have to, otherwise I think the world would be in chaos. I agree with previous posts though, can't for the life of me understand the mothers of these men letting their sons get away with such crap. The only thing I can think of, is that they love their sons so much, they will believe anything they are told such as 'it's not my baby Mum, she may say it is, but its not the truth'

No matter what happens, we have to carry on with our little ones and be happy, they can just go live their pathetic lives knowing somewhere in the world they have a child. There definitely should be a law though saying that they are forbidden to suddenly turn up years later when it suits them and play at being a lovely Dad, because they are not. These men are their own worst enemies, if they change their minds one day, they will never be able to reconcile properly with their children about the way they treated their mother. My boy will be told nice things about his Dad but he will be wise enough to think to himself 'my Dad is actually a real shit, he left me and my Mother'

 

[MommaAlexis]

Mine's mum has been very supportive and nice! I'm glad!

 

[teal]

Jemmie - what an arse putting his xbox first

dezireey - I thought about that too, no idea what they've said to their family!

Alexis - that is brilliant she's been supportive xx