Don't feel a bond or connection to this pregnancy

[Miss_Bump]

Please support only, no judgement.

I have a 10year old. As soon as I found out I was pregnant with her I was head over heels with so much love for her I can't even explain it. She is 100% my entire world. Everything I do is for her. We are incredibly close and have been since the day she was born.

Now I'm pregnant with my 2nd and it's totally opposite. I feel absolutely no bond. Nothing. I don't get the eeeeee I'm pregnant feeling I get the, oh, I'm pregnant feeling followed by a tut or eye rolling.

I'm terrified I tell this to DH as I just don't think he'll understand it or think I want to get rid of the baby. I don't I just have no emotions toward it at right now.

I don't know what to do. I don't feel normal. But I know it is normal.

I have 2 nephew's. Oldest is 5 and I'm so in love with him. SIL had her 2nd baby, my other nephew a few months ago. Seen him once due to covid lockdown but again, absolutely zero interest in him. It's like I don't have enough love for 2 nephew's and worry that's what is will be like when my 2nd is born. It's like I just don't have enough love for 2.

Sorry if this is upsetting for anyone but I needed to share x

 

[Sander]

I had this problem with my 2nd. I felt weirdly empty about it?? Your 2nd pregnancy is not the same as your first, and I would dare to say your relationship with your 2nd isn’t quite the same either. I didn’t feel connected with my 2nd until he was close to 5/6 months to be honest (after he was born). It’s hard because your first can do so much more and there’s less novelty around having a baby - also for me personally I struggle with patience in the newborn stage. But once the baby grows and you can start seeing their personality everything changes. My kids are very different but I couldn’t imagine my life without either of them. Now I’m having my 3rd and I honestly don’t have a ton of time to think about the pregnancy, but I feel like my bond is stronger with this one because I know it’s my last so I’m trying to make the most of it.

Anyhow just know you’re not alone, and don’t feel bad if it takes a while to feel connected to your baby. It will happen eventually, promise!

 

[CC94]

I felt that way, even “weirded out”, with my third. I don’t think staying team yellow helped, but honestly had felt that way from day one to her birth. Didn’t matter, the second she was born I fell in love. It was the weirdest experience.

 

[HLx]

I think there's no bond is this world like a first baby/daughter bond. I had my girl first shes 8 followed by 2 boys, almost 6 and 6 months old. I love my boys obviously but me and my daughter has a bond like no other, she's my best friend we do everything together, it doesnt mean that I love my boys any less. I was excited with both my boy pregnancies, but i was more intrrested in how my daughter felt about it, which of course having two brothers isnt ideal for a girl in her eyes! When you meet the new arrival and see the bond between your daughter and the baby, im sure you will change your mind

 

[Miss_Bump]

Thanks all for the replies. It's reassuring to know im not bonkers and im not alone.

I have my 12 weeks scan this afternoon and i'm kind of excited but as DH cant come in i feel a little deflated.

I'm hoping im just having a hard time adjusting to hormones and moods during first tri and maybe 2nd will be better.

 

[LuvallmyH]

You don’t know the second baby yet. It’s hard to imagine you’ll love him/her like you do your first. But you will. And maybe not even the second the baby is born. That’s not unheard of either. I had such a strong bond with my first & had never been away from her for a moment. When my second was born I sent dh home to be with her because I couldn't bear her being without one of us. They I called him and cried I was a terrible mother because I just didn’t love him like I did her. By the time morning came, after feeding him and snuggling him and knowing how much he needed my love it was all better. We out so much pressure on ourselves but we are only human. And hormones are brutal. Good luck at your scan!

 

[Miss_Bump]

You don’t know the second baby yet. It’s hard to imagine you’ll love him/her like you do your first. But you will. And maybe not even the second the baby is born. That’s not unheard of either. I had such a strong bond with my first & had never been away from her for a moment. When my second was born I sent dh home to be with her because I couldn't bear her being without one of us. They I called him and cried I was a terrible mother because I just didn’t love him like I did her. By the time morning came, after feeding him and snuggling him and knowing how much he needed my love it was all better. We out so much pressure on ourselves but we are only human. And hormones are brutal. Good luck at your scan!

Thank you, I'm glad I'm not alone!

Scan was wonderful, definitely feeling a lot better now as saw the baby so that helped tremendously.

I think I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself. I've decided I want to find out the sex so they will also help x

 

[mummy2lola]

When I fell pregnant with my first I was so excited all the way through,I never got that “rush of love” when she was born but I was completely in love with her and always have been,my second and third pregnancy,there was no feelings,I could sort of forget I was pregnant,when I started feeling movement in the second pregnancy I got a little bond but the third,although I loved feeling the movements and got scared if I thought they had decreased,I never felt bonded,both second and third pregnancy never came with that “rush of love” that I’ve always heard about but by the time I’m wheeled into recovery I’m staring at them for 24hrs without blinking and just smiling with love,don’t feel bad,not everyone feels all of the emotions that u always hear about and it doesn’t mean u will love them any less xx