don't know what to do about my ex's mum :/

[stephanie20]

Not been on here for a long time so just seen all these posts, i really do not appreciate being thought of as a bad person on here and to your comment dave no i am NOT trying to play God with my childs life, how dare you say that?

I think your situation and mine are alot different, I don't see my FOB coming on a forum like this and asking for advice regarding his child, no he spends all his money on drugs, threatens me and sleeps with 14/15/16 year old girls from what i'v last heard. If the mother of your baby was doing that would you be happy with her seeing her???

Its ridicolous I'm being judged for not wanting a waste of space like that on her birth certificate, the birth certificate just doesn't state the mother and the father (btw I know who her father is so i don't know why people are saying I will be denying her the chance of knowing him, I will show her photos and tell her about him and the door is ALWAYS open, its not my fault he cant be bothered walking through it) it gives the father EQUAL RIGHTS. Like someone has already said on here why would I willingly give him equal rights when he has done nothing to support her up to now, his own mother made him come to the second scan, he didn't even have the decency to come to that of his own accord.

But like i said dave, my situation and yours are different, I suppose if you get on your daughters birth certificate you won't use it to cause trouble, you'll see her and be there for her. My FOB would probably take her just to spite me and then I'd have to go to court to get her back....THAT would be wasting taxpayers money, not me not putting him on the birth certificate.

I came on here for advice, not to be judged.

 

[stephanie20]

Oh and with regards to CSA, he works for his dad and they've told me he'll be starting to pay him cash in hand just so i can't get anything off him. Really sounds like a good dad that don't it?

 

[dustbunny]

Not been on here for a long time so just seen all these posts, i really do not appreciate being thought of as a bad person on here and to your comment dave no i am NOT trying to play God with my childs life, how dare you say that?

I think your situation and mine are alot different, I don't see my FOB coming on a forum like this and asking for advice regarding his child, no he spends all his money on drugs, threatens me and sleeps with 14/15/16 year old girls from what i'v last heard. If the mother of your baby was doing that would you be happy with her seeing her???

Its ridicolous I'm being judged for not wanting a waste of space like that on her birth certificate, the birth certificate just doesn't state the mother and the father (btw I know who her father is so i don't know why people are saying I will be denying her the chance of knowing him, I will show her photos and tell her about him and the door is ALWAYS open, its not my fault he cant be bothered walking through it) it gives the father EQUAL RIGHTS. Like someone has already said on here why would I willingly give him equal rights when he has done nothing to support her up to now, his own mother made him come to the second scan, he didn't even have the decency to come to that of his own accord.

But like i said dave, my situation and yours are different, I suppose if you get on your daughters birth certificate you won't use it to cause trouble, you'll see her and be there for her. My FOB would probably take her just to spite me and then I'd have to go to court to get her back....THAT would be wasting taxpayers money, not me not putting him on the birth certificate.

I came on here for advice, not to be judged.

I think some people have taken their own situation and lapped it over yours. Although I can appreciate where Dave is coming from, I do agree it is unfair to presume all FOB's want to be their for their babies. Case in point there is a whole forum for single parents. Further more you shouldn't feel the need to defend yourself against someone else's opinion, misguided though I'm sure it was, as you have said... your situation is completely different.

I stand by what I said in my other post but didn't want you to be feeling shit or feeling that everyone is judging you on here, some of us do read and listen.

 

[stephanie20]

I think some people have taken their own situation and lapped it over yours. Although I can appreciate where Dave is coming from, I do agree it is unfair to presume all FOB's want to be their for their babies. Case in point there is a whole forum for single parents. Further more you shouldn't feel the need to defend yourself against someone else's opinion, misguided though I'm sure it was, as you have said... your situation is completely different.

I stand by what I said in my other post but didn't want you to be feeling shit or feeling that everyone is judging you on here, some of us do read and listen.

I agree that there are some women that are nasty and don't let the dads see their kids as a way to get back at them and that is probably what is happening to dave but not all people deserve to be part of their childs life and not all dads actually want to be there.

But yeah I understand what you mean, if he wanted to be there and if he wasn't acting like such a **** then I'd have no problem with him being there lol

 

[kelzyboo]

No one's judging you at all hun, i agree completely with what you've said, mostly because you're situation sounds a lot like my DD's FOB!! 6 years later, he still doesn't care!

There are bad fathers and bad mothers, peoples situations are different and should be treated that way, whats right for one would be a disaster for another, people would do well to realise that before they judge others for their choices. You do what you believe is best for you're child, thats all you can ever do and no one should ever judge you for that xx

 

[Laura2919]

I would like to say that FOB is not on my son's birth certificate but it's not through choice. Where I live if you're not married both parents have to be there when registering the birth. Since FOB cut all contact after I refused a termination I registered the birth alone (in tears) and the father's details were left blank. So it's not always as simple as 'you know who the father is so he should be on the birth certificate.'

To the OP I'm so sorry to hear that you're having trouble with your ex and his mother. They don't deserve all the nice things if they can't help with the responsibilities (eg finance)

xx

Same here. FOB had to be there when I registered the twins.

As for the post about not being able to come here and say what you want. Your still entitled to do that and you shouldnt feel you cant. People have different views and done see things the same. Its just the way it is. I would still post if I had something to post about and I pop into this section frequently and answer what I can...

 

[daveww]

i am a little confused as to the mention of my name in sevral posts , i have not personally attacked anyone all i have done is give my opinion from my point of view. each person has a unique point of view. i have posted nothing on this forum to be offensive or upset anyone. if you dont like peoples opinions dont ask the question

 

[stephanie20]

its really is nice to no thier is some mature sensible women out there. but i suppose this forum covers a wide specturm of women so you will get the odd one who is a trouble maker and likes to play god with a child but i guess thats just life .

^^

implying that i'm trying to play God with my childs life and that im a troublemaker, oh and that i'm not mature or sensible because I don't want him on the birth certificate.

nice.

 

[daveww]

its really is nice to no thier is some mature sensible women out there. but i suppose this forum covers a wide specturm of women so you will get the odd one who is a trouble maker and likes to play god with a child but i guess thats just life .

^^

implying that i'm trying to play God with my childs life and that im a troublemaker, oh and that i'm not mature or sensible because I don't want him on the birth certificate.

nice.

omg your supposed to be a mother... grow up stephanie

 

[stephanie20]

you know what? i could say the same thing about you but i'm not going to because i'm obviously not as childish as you. I have sympathy for the position you're in and I understand that there are some men that deserve to see their children and have ex girlfriends/wives that stop them but i'm not like that and i don't appreciate being called a trouble maker etc.

sorry if me telling you that makes me childish because i don't think it does. i think you're childish, judging everything by what you've been through which isn't fair, i came on here for advice on MY situation, not to be judged and abused by you because of what you have gone through.

 

[kelzyboo]

She's mearly pointing out the place that you personally attacked her!! And every other mother who's FOB isn't on BC!!

I don't think you can see past you're own situation, which is understandable, but if all you can do is judge and attack a woman who's doing the best thing for HER child, then you should say nothing.

 

[stephanie20]

She's mearly pointing out the place that you personally attacked her!! And every other mother who's FOB isn't on BC!!

I don't think you can see past you're own situation, which is understandable, but if all you can do is judge and attack a woman who's doing the best thing for HER child, then you should say nothing.

I agree completely. Thank you.

 

[daveww]

maybe you should read the entire post and not pick bits to suit yourself. i very clearly said i did not personally attack anyone or wish to cause offense. if you want to make sure a man is not on the bc of your child then dont sleep with them. if you do then accept the fact that person is the childs father and get on with it.

 

[kelzyboo]

And give him the means to ruin that childs life??
Not a chance. Not ever.
In an ideal world it would happens like that, its not an ideal world and not all fathers want that responsiblity. You make it sound so simple, it really isn't.

Can't you understand that some fathers don't want to be part of their childs life? Shall we force them? Would that be best for the child?

Your situation sounds awful and there are deffinately bad mothers out there too, but accept that just because you're not a bad dad doesn't mean there are none!

 

[daveww]

And give him the means to ruin that childs life??
Not a chance. Not ever.
In an ideal world it would happens like that, its not an ideal world and not all fathers want that responsiblity. You make it sound so simple, it really isn't.

Can't you understand that some fathers don't want to be part of their childs life? Shall we force them? Would that be best for the child?

Your situation sounds awful and there are deffinately bad mothers out there too, but accept that just because you're not a bad dad doesn't mean there are none!

i would certainly agree that thier are some very bad fathers out thier and a good chunk of them are not even intreseted in being a dad but feel they have to do it becuase of thier own mother of father pusing them into it etc. but the fact still remains the person is the father and has parental responseability or can get it thro the courts and by having intercorse with that person you both created a child , a child is born with a mother and a father not just a mother ... the father might think similar things of the mother unfit parent etc. the bottom line is for the rest of your life the person will always be the father to the child so just accept it ..... and dont play for sympathy and accuse people of targeting a person and being offensive when thier just givin a opinion

 

[kelzyboo]

I'm playing for sympathy?? PMSL
I couldn't care less tbh, just speaking up for OP who doesn't deserve to be judged!

I earn my parental rights every single day, he doesn't even care enough to send her a birthday card, tbh i don't think he remembers when it is actually. Should he have the same rights as me? No, because he doesn't do the same job as me. Simple. He will always be her dad and when she's older i really hope he actually wants to try to build something then, if thats what she wants and she's not lied to in any way. She'll always know who he is and providing i know, she'll know where he is to contact him when she's older.

If these fathers cared enough they could get those right easily, by proving their commitment to their child, as we do every day. The courts favour fathers now, its not hard. The fact that they don't speaks volumes about them. Why would anyone allow someone the rights to take their child and never bring them back unless they were to be trusted and completely commited to that child and unlikely to ever do that.

Its just life. Not always fair but thats how it is. If they cared they'd get their names added on, proof of a bad dad is when they don't bother trying!

 

[stephanie20]

i would certainly agree that thier are some very bad fathers out thier and a good chunk of them are not even intreseted in being a dad but feel they have to do it becuase of thier own mother of father pusing them into it etc. but the fact still remains the person is the father and has parental responseability or can get it thro the courts and by having intercorse with that person you both created a child , a child is born with a mother and a father not just a mother ... the father might think similar things of the mother unfit parent etc. the bottom line is for the rest of your life the person will always be the father to the child so just accept it ..... and dont play for sympathy and accuse people of targeting a person and being offensive when thier just givin a opinion

First of all I am not playing for sympathy :/ I am trying to get advice, its not the same thing and secondly I think anyone would take offence at coming on a forum like this asking for help and instead getting someone calling them a "trouble maker" etc.

You are getting two seperate things tangled up in my opinion, yes I know hes my childs father and I know that will not go away and that doesn't bother me. Believe me she will know who her dad is, I will show her pictures of him and tell her about him like I said before but at the end of the day a birth certificate doesn't just tell a child who their parents are, it enables both parents to have equal rights. Thats all good in an ideal world but in this world that enables a father who only wants to cause trouble to cause trouble. For example if he is on the birth certificate if he sees me in town he can snatch my baby and refuse to give her back until i go to court and get an emergency residency order (i think its called that). Why would I give him the chance to do that?

I know hes my childs father dave but until he acts like that why should I give him these rights? If he mans up and sees her and pays for her and stops acting like a child then he can go on the birth certificate but until then, no way.

 

[daveww]

you as a women help create the father when you have intercorse , its all well and good pointing out the bad points of a man when your pregnant but you were quite happy to have intercorse with that person initially. bc space for father is for the fathers name grow up whatever your opinion the man is the father

 

[stephanie20]

you as a women help create the father when you have intercorse , its all well and good pointing out the bad points of a man when your pregnant but you were quite happy to have intercorse with that person initially. bc space for father is for the fathers name grow up whatever your opinion the man is the father

yes i was because he didn't take drugs, sleep with underage people and abuse me before i got pregnant. you just don't get it at all and i cant be bothered arguing with someone as small minded as you do you not think i'd have prefered it if he did want to be there, if i could have a break once in a while? but no that isn't going to happen because he does not want to be a dad. I don't understand why that is so hard for you to understand to be honest :/

oh and btw how am i supposed to get him to come to register her with me? did you think about that? no. you just assume because you want to see your child every other man does, he can't go on the birth certificate if he doesn't come with me to register her and he doesn't want to be there when I register her.

so you grow up and stop thinking everybody wants to see their child because you do...

 

[daveww]

you as a women help create the father when you have intercorse , its all well and good pointing out the bad points of a man when your pregnant but you were quite happy to have intercorse with that person initially. bc space for father is for the fathers name grow up whatever your opinion the man is the father

yes i was because he didn't take drugs, sleep with underage people and abuse me before i got pregnant. you just don't get it at all and i cant be bothered arguing with someone as small minded as you do you not think i'd have prefered it if he did want to be there, if i could have a break once in a while? but no that isn't going to happen because he does not want to be a dad. I don't understand why that is so hard for you to understand to be honest :/

oh and btw how am i supposed to get him to come to register her with me? did you think about that? no. you just assume because you want to see your child every other man does, he can't go on the birth certificate if he doesn't come with me to register her and he doesn't want to be there when I register her.

so you grow up and stop thinking everybody wants to see their child because you do...

you should start a petition for the worst treated women in the world, you think you are so hard done by... omg get a grip grow up and stop acting inmature