I don't understand how abstaining from things like caffeine or alcohol is putting your life on hold. Surely it is worth doing everything as healthily as possible when TTC at "advanced maternal age". Is it that much of a sacrifice. I agree the odd glass now and then doesn't hurt and may probably help with a little bit of relaxation but I still only ever have a glass when the witch is here. Everythign about having children is about being selfless and sacrificing some things for others. To me it is not a sacrifice. I could not live with myself if I was wondering IF I had done this or IF I had done that would it have been or be any different.
TTC requires certain sacrifices or "compromises", when you are pregnant this needs to be done too, soft cheeses, fresh prawns etc etc then when breastfeeding what you put into your body also has to be considered.
I don't believe doing ALL you can in order to achieve a healthy pregnancy and a healthy take home baby at the end of it is putting your life on hold. Saying "other" people smoke crack, drink alcohol or don't even try to get pregnant but all do is just irrelevant to me. It's what I do and how I am able to live with my choices and decisions that matter. I never try and "justify" doing something that is potentially not good for ttc, the baby or myself etc etc. If I do it, I do it and it was my choice. But to judge another for their choice is wrong and to come on here and seek justification for that choice is also wrong in my book.
Make your decision based on knowledge, facts and what your choice is, not what someone else says they did or didn't do.