Driving myself crazy!

[YellowCrayon]

My partner and I have been TTC for 20 months now. We’ve started going down the fertility testing routes and discovered that my partner has a low sperm count and low motility so although it’s not impossible for us to get pregnant, it’s definitely not likely currently. We are taking lifestyle steps to help the issue, but nothing that would have had an effect yet.

However, my period is one day late. Not much, I know, but it’s something – particularly considering for the last couple of months before this, I have been a day or so early. For the last week or so, I’ve woken up feeling very nauseous – so much so that I bought and did an HPT two days before I was due on and of course got a BFN. It was a 2 pack and I didn’t bother to take the other one. I purposely left it at home this morning because I don’t want to test again at work, and then spend the rest of the day driving myself crazy trying to spot a line that isn’t there. But I’m slowly going insane anyway. I’m running to the loo every 10 minutes to check, I’m barely concentrating and I just need to get through the day. Part of me doesn’t want to take the other HPT just to see yet another BFN anyway. I’m happy with the tiny flicker of hope that I have, but it’s not helping me get through the day! How do you stop yourselves from going crazy and how do I deal with the disappointment of yet another BFN when it does – inevitably – happen? I’m trying not to let myself get too excited, because I don’t want to crash too hard when AF does arrive, but it’s impossible!

 

[berniegroves]

Hi Honey,
I am afraid i don't have any wonderful words of wisdom to help, but i didn't want to read and run.
I believe you must be a very strong person as you have made it through the last 20 months without losing your mind, so you will be able to get through the next few days.
With regards to taking the HPT, if you take it and it is positive then that is amazing, if you take it and it is negative then try to view it as the starting point for your next month's worth of ttc.
Would you and OH be able to have a date night/weekend, when you just spend some time together and relax and enjoy each others company without any pressure?

x

 

[YellowCrayon]

Your words are wonderful! Thank you! It's unbelievably frustrating and I can't talk to anyone about it - we're not telling anyone we're trying because I don't want people to keep asking, which I know they'd do out of love and hope but would upset me too much when I had to say "not this month" again. So I really have no one to talk to about this apart from my partner, and I can't keep calling him at work every time I go to the loo to tell him "Still no AF", it would drive him insane! Not to mention upset his bosses!

So I really have no one to share all these feelings with and everything just going through my head, churning around in there isn't doing me any good. Just to be able to say something to ONE person makes an unbelievable difference. Thank you so much.

I keep telling myself that we're not expecting to be pregnant this month anyway, that it's HIGHLY unlikely and not to crash too hard when it all goes wrong, but it's so hard. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!

 

[berniegroves]

Oh honey you are more than welcome. I can only imagine how stressful it must be to not have anyone to talk to when TTC has consumed your thoughts for so long.
I think it is a much harder process for women generally, as we do charting and checking and get addicted to POAS!! lol! Men generally don't get involved in that much detail and so i think women can be stressed about it and we also talk more than men and so to not have any freinds/family who know you are TTC is going to be hard. But that is where we come in, everyone i have spoken to on here have been so supportive. If you ever need to rant, rave etc then just send me a message, i check emails every day pretty much. I am more than happy to provide any help and support i can.

We also haven't told anyone we are TTC as we didn't want any questions etc and it is already driving me crazy not having anyone to analyse it with.

Try and focus on all the good things you have and make the most of the time you and OH have together. So instead of thinking 'how long until i get a BFP' try and think 'how long have OH and i got left to spoil ourselves!' I know it is hard and it may not help, but is just an idea.

Let me know if AF arrives or if you take the other test. And remember if it isn't a BFP it just means it is time to look forward to the next cycle and the possibility that this is the month.

xx

 

[YellowCrayon]

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Just knowing that there's one person out there who knows what's going on makes everything so much easier.

I've decided I'm going to test with FMU tomorrow, assuming AF doesn't come before then, so I'll let you know...Wish me luck!

Oh, and please feel free to analyse away with me! I'm happy to talk any time you need me too!

 

[berniegroves]

Good luck for the test tomorrow. Remember that positive or negative it is just another step in this process and you can handle anything. I have my fingers crossed for you.
Let me know how it goes

x

 

[berniegroves]

Hey, How are you? How has the rest of your week been? Good i hope.
let me know how you are honey

x

 

[crossroads]

Any news?

 

[berniegroves]

Hi,
Was just wondering how you were
x