Due date 8/30, bff's wedding 9/4?

[macydarling]

Hey everyone. My best friend is getting married 9/4 and I'm the maid of honor. She has known I'm pregnant from the moment I got my bfp. She doesn't seem to anxious about this but I am starting to worry! She's been adament saying that I will probably give birth a few weeks prior to my edd anyway. I'm a FTM and she's a nurse so I figure she probably knows better than me but...ahh! First I was worried over the dress because I had no idea what size to order but we decided to just order 2 sizes up. Now I'm worrying about giving birth the day of or day before the wedding and not being able to attend (I HAVE to be there!) I was also assuming (foolishly I guess) that I would just bring the baby along with me if I had him prior but DH pointed out that is not really a good idea to have an infant around so many people. I know I won't want to leave him
I don't know if I should be hoping to have him early or hoping to go past my edd. Not sure what I'm really asking here but wondering if anyone has been through a similiar experience or has some realistic advice? Thanks!

 

[spicyorange]

Sorry but I think there's no chance! Baby's can be anything up to two weeks late anything between 37 and 42 weeks is totally normal and your not going to be up to a wedding if it's a few days old! I can't imagine leaving the baby either, at a few days old? I think you need to work on the fact you're highly unlikely to be there and no way can you carry out MoH duties

 

[GoHawks]

I have a similar situation, but in reverse. My sisters wedding is 8/29 and my due date is 9/1... Too close for comfort! I know how you feel thought and I've been having the same freak outs! Just try to stay calm and not worry yourself about it too much because in the end everything happens for a reason. Hope it all works out for though! good luck!

 

[pachamama92]

I would say if ypu give birth later than your due date you might be ok (tired and p!seed off but you could maybe make an appearance) if you give birth a few days or even weeks before it will be very, very, very hard!! You can't predict this at all and neither can your friend!!! She should have a back up plan in case thé last thing you will need at that time is more stress and thats what is going to happen!! Tell her to get her act together and come up with a plan b!!!

 

[DoodleDoo]

I think there'll be plenty of chance you'll be able to go, even if it's just for a few hours. My mum went to her best friend's wedding two days before she gave birth to my little brother, she was tired but she was glad she experienced the special day There's not much you can do but wait until the time and see what suits you best then

If he comes early and you're well enough to go, can you maybe just go for the ceremony or a little bit of the reception with or without LO? I know it's not ideal but I know I would really want to be at my best friend's wedding at least for a little while.

 

[maryanne1987]

Probably best to talk to your friend and make a back up plan just incase. If baby is late then yes you probably could go and you may feel ok but I went two weeks over and to be honest a wedding would be the last place id have wanted to go. Those last two weeks killed me. Would she be happy we're you to go into labour mid ceremony? Or is the place the ceremony taking place close to a hospital. I'm sure your desperate to be a part of her special day but maybe you just need time to talk about things properly and look at the situation realistically. You may have to accept that it's just not possible to go as you just can't plan when baby will make an appearance.

 

[Zephram]

Have to agree with one of the PPs - if you've just given birth it's really, really highly unlikely that you'll be going to the wedding. If you're overdue you might be able to put in an appearance, but you'll probably be more of an honorary maid of honour than one doing full duties. You get big, sore and exhausted by the time you're post dates.

Your friend might be a nurse but she's not being realistic, I think you should probably have a good sit down chat with her about the very real possibility you won't be there.

 

[greats]

You need to plan for 3 possible scenarios...

-Either you're still going to be heavily pregnant and you can attend...
-You'll give birth the few days before or on the day in which case there's really no way you'll be able to go what with healing from birth, etc...
-Or you'll give birth a few weeks before the wedding & be able to attend for a couple hours without the baby (I would not bring a newborn around that many people... Think how many germs and viruses are lurking around).

I'm due July 31st and have my cousin's wedding on August 8. My husband is an usher and my daughter is the flower girl. Depending on when I go into labor and give birth, I'll be dealing with one of the three scenarios I mentioned above.

 

[hivechild]

If it were me, I would very politely tell her that she should ask someone else to be maid of honor, not because you don't want to, but because you don't want to disappoint her, and that if you are able to, you will be delighted to attend as a guest to share in her special day.

If nurses could accurately predict when women were going to give birth well before they do so, can you imagine how much money they'd make in that kind of fortune telling business?!

 

[macydarling]

Thanks for all the advice. I know you all are probably right but I'm just so desperate to go. We really are more like sisters than friends and honestly, she really doesn't have any other friends to step in We are kind of all each other has. When I was apologizing about the dress fiasco she was like, oh don't worry about it, I don't care about any of that as long as you are there. I feel so guilty But I know you all are right. She doesn't have any kids and this will be my first, we both have no idea what labor/childbirth etc will be like...I know you are right when you say likely I won't be able to go but I just feel so incredibly guilty coming to terms with it. She knew I was pregnant before she finalized the wedding date, if only she could have made it a few weeks later instead...ugh I feel like this is an impossible situation

 

[SparklesHeart]

Try not to feel guilty, there really is nothing anyone could have done!
If it were me I would go with the mindset that I wasn't going, then be so so happy if I can. Your baby's birth will be the happiest moment ever, and you don't want any niggly feeling about what day its happening on!!! Prepare a gorgeous cards filled with sentiments from you to be read out at church/reception, maybe along with a small gift for the bride to be given incase you aren't there. No friend could possibly be mad at you for having a baby, and sending her a love filled card!
Hope you feel better about it soon.

 

[spicyorange]

I think you'd feel more guilty if you promise to be there and pull out last minute, it stall the show by your waters breaking down the isle! My friend midwife toss get she would def. Be early...She was 12 days late... I think the most you can plan for is popping in for a few hours. I also think if she wanted you there so badly she should have been more considerate of the date

 

[CormacksGirl]

Can you record a video message to be played at the reception just in case you can't attend! If you go over then depending on how you feel you could make an appearance!

But if you have baby early then I would seriously doubt I could make it!

 

[tulip1975]

It sounds like she's in denial - just do what you can to be there if the timing works out. I just read this article about data analysis of birth timing. The conclusion was that most babies are delivered at 39 weeks, and that FTMs are both likelier to deliver early AND late. So it's going to be impossible to predict.

I hope it all works out for you guys.


https://www.livescience.com/38179-royal-baby-firstborns-late.html

 

[iiTTCii]

This happened when I was pregnant with DD. My original due date wasn't until 6th September and my BFF was getting married on the 24th August so everything running up was fine as I doubted baby would be that early. I found out the week before the wedding that I was being induced at 37 weeks (due to medical problems) and DD ended up being born on the 22nd. As soon as I found out I was being induced, I told my friend that there was no way I could come. Horrible and I would have loved to have been there, but me and baby come first now.

 

[mel28nicole]

My best friends wedding was in July. Her sister was the MOH. She had her son 9 days before the wedding. She brought him along and was there the whole time. Meanwhile i was 36 weeks along myself. It is very doable.

Even if you do have the baby a couple days before, the ceremony is only what, 30 minutes? You can do it. Maybe not be able to stay the whole time, but at least long enough time for the ceremony and pictures.

And if you haven't given birth yet, you can still manage doing the ceremony and pictures. Obviously you can't go crazy dancing during the reception. Being 36 weeks at my friends wedding I over did it and had terrible braxton hicks.

Dress wise I would order a bigger size. I normally wear a 20 @nd got a 30. Belly area it fit great. If you do have the baby shortly before, you're still going to be bigger and a bigger dress will be more comfy.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[Perplexed]

My best friend's wedding is a few days after my due date. Now I don't expect my baby to come till a week later BUT my friend and I talked about it and she knows there's a good chance I won't make it at all. I'm really sad about it but there really is no helping it honestly and we both made our peace with it.

 

[hivechild]

My best friends wedding was in July. Her sister was the MOH. She had her son 9 days before the wedding. She brought him along and was there the whole time. Meanwhile i was 36 weeks along myself. It is very doable.

Even if you do have the baby a couple days before, the ceremony is only what, 30 minutes? You can do it. Maybe not be able to stay the whole time, but at least long enough time for the ceremony and pictures.

And if you haven't given birth yet, you can still manage doing the ceremony and pictures. Obviously you can't go crazy dancing during the reception. Being 36 weeks at my friends wedding I over did it and had terrible braxton hicks.

Dress wise I would order a bigger size. I normally wear a 20 @nd got a 30. Belly area it fit great. If you do have the baby shortly before, you're still going to be bigger and a bigger dress will be more comfy.

Good luck with your decision!

I think it's important to note that it may be doable shortly after giving birth or close to her due date. Every woman is different and their recovery afterward is unique to themselves.

It took me several weeks before I could get out and about and do much, despite having a relatively uncomplicated birth and being fit and healthy at the time. Between the birth itself and the sleepless nights, I was wiped out.

Some women are also close to incapacitated close to giving birth as well, and between all the preparation and the ceremony and pictures etc. it can totally be too much in the end.

I think ultimately, it comes down to the OP has never been pregnant or birthed before, and doesn't know what to expect or how she might feel or the condition she will be in. She is uncertain about backing out now, but if she is forced to back out at the last minute, it's going to put her best friend in much more of a bind not having her there as MOH, as opposed to her hopefully but with no certainty being there as a beloved guest to help celebrate the day.

 

[macydarling]

I really appreciate all the responses and advice. It looks like a lot of you lovely ladies have had to deal with similiar situations!
I have to admit that I am concerned. As I stated before, I am a FTM so I have no experience with labor and recovery but thus far I have had a difficult pregnancy. I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum at 6wks and hospitalized for over a week before needing to have a PICC line placed. I am doing better now but I am still not able to get around very well with about being sick or fainting. My midwife said the nausea and vomiting will likely last until I give birth. So, keeping in mind that it has been a difficult pregnancy (imo) to begin with, I'm not sure how it will be as I progress. Hopefully I will catch a break and feel better soon and have a very easy labor and delivery/recovery Idk if the hyperemesis will effect any of this but it seems like a lot will go into this decision...feels like the cards are stacked against me atm!

 

[mummy2_1]

I am moh to my bff I will be 8months on the day and plan to do as much as I can on the day I also have a.toddler so imagine I will leave close t his bed time and make my apologises then. It's one day that I will never forgive myself if I didn't try t go to but I am prepared I will be very tired and may need to bow out. good luck in ur decision making