Due date 8/30, bff's wedding 9/4?

[macydarling]

Hi everyone :wave: , I just thought I would update this thread.
I still haven't made a decision yet on this and am having tons of anxiety over it. My dress came in the other day and of course it doesn't fit. It probably won't be able to be altered either due to the way the stitching is in the corseted bust area. My friends mom was very chill about it and said if her dress lady can't fix it she will get me a new one. She was saying how even if I have the baby before the wedding I won't want something super tight or form fitting and she is definitely right on that! She also made a comment something along the lines of, "...if you have the baby and feel up to going to a wedding..." and boy did my friend give her a look! She did not look happy about that possibility. I love her but I really wish she would acknowledge the fact that it is really out of either of our control I suppose there is nothing we can do but wait and see how it all pans out!

 

[mummy2o]

Hi everyone :wave: , I just thought I would update this thread.
I still haven't made a decision yet on this and am having tons of anxiety over it. My dress came in the other day and of course it doesn't fit. It probably won't be able to be altered either due to the way the stitching is in the corseted bust area. My friends mom was very chill about it and said if her dress lady can't fix it she will get me a new one. She was saying how even if I have the baby before the wedding I won't want something super tight or form fitting and she is definitely right on that! She also made a comment something along the lines of, "...if you have the baby and feel up to going to a wedding..." and boy did my friend give her a look! She did not look happy about that possibility. I love her but I really wish she would acknowledge the fact that it is really out of either of our control I suppose there is nothing we can do but wait and see how it all pans out!

Indeed just go with the flow, see how your feeling at the time. If the baby comes early and you feel great then go (I felt fine after a week with DD, born on due date, and that was with an emergency section) or if you feel like death after the baby arrives don't go (I felt terrible for months after DS, 16 days late, was born with another emergency section), wasn't really fully recovered for my sisters wedding 3 months later! If your still pregnant you could feel brilliant or you could still feel crap. Its one of these things you don't know until the time. Also there could be the unlikely possibility that baby might arrive on the wedding day. So go with how your feeling closer to the time. No one knows and as she's your BFF she should understand, allow disappointed at the time, although she should probably have known better to book a wedding by your due date.

 

[bathbabe]

Me personally.... id just go with the flow!
Either heavily pregnant
With a newborn, id take baby with me.
In labour - bad luck BFF but I wouldnt be there. X

 

[DoubleTFun]

My sister inlaw had her wedding date set last October, and I found out I was pregnant the end of January and due on her wedding date. I was supposed to be a bridesmaid. I was still planning on staying a bridesmaid until I found out I was having twins. My first 2 children were born early 37, 36+4. Dr said I'll be lucky to go past 36 weeks. I told her I wasn't going to be able to be in the wedding and she completely understood. She still keeps me in the loop along with all of her bridesmaids. I am staying out of all bachelorette party planning since I already know I won't be able to attend except possibly the dinner before they go out partying.

From my experience with recovery having vaginal deliveries, It took a few days to be comfortable walking around my home and that is after spending 1-2 days in the hospital after delivery.

Even if you deliver before the wedding you may not be up to it. Your friend needs to think realistically and prepare herself that you might not be able to attend.

I hope everything works out and you are able to attend your friends wedding.

 

[WW1]

You simply won't know until the time. I was in hospital for a week after the birth (born at 39 weeks) so by your timing I'd definitely not have been there. However, several friends have been heavily pg at weddings and been fine. We've also been to weddings with teeny tiny babies in attendance. It's all doable in the right circumstance but you can't control that and won't know.

If this is causing you real stress I think you have to be honest with your friend. Say you're desperate to go but know there a possibility you'll be in labour / hospital / recovery and she needs to accept this. I'm sure she doesn't want to stress you out and if she realises your fear of disappointing her is causing anxiety, she may be more realistic.

In the meantime, you can do nothing until the wedding itself so try to go with the flow x

 

[Pielette]

You're in a tough spot but like the other ladies have said, you'll have to wait and see how you feel when it comes to the date.

It is impossible to know how you will be feeling if you've had the baby. Myself, personally I'd take a newborn to a wedding, but how I felt physically would be the issue. After I have a baby I lose a lot of blood and my iron levels go way down. I end up very weak for a couple of weeks after birth.

Before birth I generally feel ok, just a bit tired, and I would go while heavily pregnant - as long as the hospital is close enough for my liking. However, for you all of this is unknown.

I think you need to relax until the time comes. It is not in your control. If you have tried to tell her that there may be issues with you attending and she won't listen there's very little you can do now.

 

[bitethebullet]

My friend was due around my wedding date and I just made 2 table plans- plan A and plan B. She kept me updated and text me a couple of days before the wedding saying she thought she was good to come as no sign. Day before she text to say she was in Labour! Plan b was put in place. things have to be flexible in these situations!

 

[LittleBaby311]

I'm sorry you're in a tough situation here I just wanted to give my opinion. I hate to say it, but I would have to skip on being MOH and try my best to just be there. I had DS on due date and there is no way I would've made it to a wedding just days after. I felt so bad that I never got newborn photos and just took them myself. I would also like to say myself I don't believe in going places unless absolutely necessary until baby gets shots (that's just me). Maybe tell her nicely as possible that maybe you two could come up with a backup plan in case the inevitable happens? There is nothing you can do but try your best. I hope it works out Hun, but maybe just talk to her about it and tell her you are very nervous.

 

[macydarling]

Well I'm due this week! I have an appt tomorrow. Last week I was 1cm dilated and 80% effaced. I've been that way for 2 weeks now. I've been walking daily and taking epo and rrl tea as instructed by my midwife. Nothing to do but wait

I have the final dress fitting for my gown on Tuesday (which btw, we were able to just alter the original gown, woohoo!). I got into a bit of a tiff with my friend today. She told me she didn't want me bringing my son to the wedding/reception. I told her he needs to come so I can bf him and she said, why not just leave him with a sitter and pump? I had to explain to her that the lactation consultant said not to pump at least the first 6 weeks and besides that, I would not feel comfortable leaving my newborn so soon. I told her my DH could stay with him in a quiet room somewhere in the church/reception area and we could switch off but she didn't seem to fancy that idea either. She finally agreed he could come though (probably because I told her I would not be able to come if he couldn't). Hopefully the dress fitting isn't awkward/tense! I don't feel like I was being unreasonable though so I don't feel bad about it.

Anyway, I suppose I'll have the midwife check my cervix again tomorrow even though it doesn't mean much. I've got a feeling he will go overdue anyway.

 

[SparklesHeart]

Oh my, I cannot believe she wanted you to leave your newborn with a sitter!!! I know some people who don't have children can be a bit clueless, but come on! Perhaps one day if she has children she'll understand what she was asking?!
I hope your fitting goes well, and hopefully baby will either show up enough time before/after the wedding for you to be able you relax and enjoy the day.

 

[Fliss]

First babies are 'statistically' overdue.

It's unlikely you'll go all that early - I did and everyone was gobsmacked, particularly considering he was almost 7lb at 35+4.

I think she needs to be very prepared for you to not be there - as I wouldn't want to be travelling overdue OR having just given birth.

 

[Eleanor ace]

Your friend sounds like a bit of a bridezilla! I totally respect people not wanting children at their weddings, whether it is a cost thing or just personal preference- their wedding, their choice. But if she wants you there she has to accept that if your LO has been born there is no way you're going to leave him and to ask you to is out of line. Not only would it interfere with breastfeeding but your poor boobs would be soooo sore!! And mentally leaving your newborn would probably be really hard; I know some mothers could handle it, everyone is different, but most couldn't so soon.

 

[pachamama92]

You should just be thinking about yourself at the moment.Your bnew baby is far mire important than her wedding and personally I think it sounds like she's scared the new baby will over-shadow her day. Why on earth would someone ask a new mother to leave her baby at home!? She's causing you too much stress, at a time she should be supporting you.

 

[Fliss]

Ok just saw the bit about leaving a NEWBORN with a sitter *fumes*

That would have been it for me and I'd have pulled out then and there.

Okay it's the most important day of her life but that is ridiculous.

I was invited to a friend's wedding when Nathan would have been just over a month old (perhaps a little younger) but she didn't want DH or baby there - I just said I was grateful to be included but that I couldn't leave a young baby.

This is WORSE

 

[macydarling]

Thanks for the reassurance. I never know if I'm being sensitive because or hormones or reasonable these days. I did tell her I won't be coming if Noah isn't allowed. She didn't respond to that so hopefully she isn't saving it up for a telling off tomorrow at the dress fitting.

 

[LilianA]

I would try to make it to the ceremony at least since you guys are so close unless of course you deliver the day before!!

oh wow sorry I just read the last update! I can't believe she expects you to leave your newborn at home!!! that's not very nice! she should be more considerate of your situation too!

 

[jlw617]

You have to do what's best for you...unfortunately as you will find, once you start having children, especially if the majority of your friends don't have children, you may lose some friends...some people just don't know how to relate and your bff sounds like one of those people, it's not a given but it's a possibility. I have a really good friend who was very cold when I had my first mc almost 10 years ago, we had a little bit of a falling out for a couple years until she had kids of her own, she really just didn't know how to be herself around me anymore after I had my first child. I hope everything works out and you do what's best for you and baby!

 

[bathbabe]

Oh wow. Sorry but shes a bitch!!

 

[Blu10]

I agree with pp maybe she doesnt want a newborn getting all the attention on her special day, in which case she should really man up! Im sorry but no baby would mean no wedding for me too. Yoir circle of friends alters when you become a mum x

 

[WW1]

She's being totally unreasonable! I know it's her wedding day but to say your newborn should be separated from you shows she's lost the plot! If she's horrible to you at the dress fitting tomorrow, if be tempted to pull out. You don't need this stress in your life right now. I seriously hope she's had time to think through her comments.