Fingers crossed for you Starry

I'm glad they were able to find 110bpm! That's really good actually, my daughter was around 113bpm if I remember correctly so that sounds great
That's exciting Hann!

I think those things are great, they really help ease the mind
-Went to the ER this morning after a little more cramping and I swear, everyone's pulling at my heart about this baby!
I went, they didn't do any blood work, just pulled up my other blood work from last week and decided to do an ultrasound. I explained what had happened during my last one and that the blood work shows there's probably a baby there somewhere, it's just difficult to see. They said they would look everywhere for a baby to make sure.
Well, the ultrasound was LONG, I swear the girl was looking everywhere. I knew she couldn't tell me anything but I still was bugging the crap out of her about things. She kept smiliing though so I figured she saw something... and in the middle of the ultrasound she said she needed to leave for a moment to look for a second tech for a second opinion on some of the pictures... she LEFT the room AND LEFT the wand inside too.
I couldn't help myself, I had to look myself and I'll tell you, doing a trans-vaginal ultrasound yourself is NOT easy but I was able to find the sac myself and I saw my little bean!! I was so excited but it was very difficult to look at the screen (because I had to sit up a little) and hold the picture on the baby.
I felt great when she came back in and took the rest of the pictures, she looked really positive, but... she never ran the heart beat doppler, or at least, if she did, she had it muted....
Well afterwards I went back to the room and I was so positive and the doctor came in and he just sighed and I instantly prepared for the worst... He told me he did find the baby but it wasn't developing correctly, probably a chromosome problem... I asked if he could find any heartbeat and he said no... I asked "Could I be earlier?" and he just shook his head and said no... that I was probably going to miscarry very soon. I instantly broke down and he patted me on the back and told me he was so sorry and left the room...
I was able to pull myself together while I waited for the paperwork and the nurse came in and said "Are you okay? I'm so sorry" and I broke down again... I wish she wouldn't have said that

She gave me the paperwork and they called it a 'Spontaneous Abortion" I hate that term, I can't believe they call miscarriages such a thing...
I begged to see a picture of the ultrasound of the baby but they said that's the one thing they can't see on their computers in the ER, only in radiogoy but they would fax all the scans to my OB...
So I came home, DH and I cried for little and then we called my doctor....
and low and behold, she's annoyed with what the ER said... as soon as I talked to the secretary she waited for the nurse to be off the phone and then just passed it over. She told me that those techs and ER doctors have nothing to compare their scans to and that she thinks I'm just early. That she's not going to go by their diagnoses and will look at the scans herself and call me back....
So I'm like, all over the place... I came home and was starting to accept I'd lost the baby and now my doc thinks they're wrong and everything's okay until she says so... soo... I don't know... I'm still waiting for her phone call... I'm trying to prepare for the worst this time but there's a tiny bit of hope still...
Update: Nevermind, that little hope is out the window. My doctor called back and said "I'm sorry but it looks like bad news." She said suddenly that there was just a 'sac', there was no fetus and it looked like it stopped developing weeks ago. I'm so confused now... If she would have said "The fetus stopped developing weeks ago" and not that there was no baby, I'd feel better, but they're saying there is no baby, so what did the ER find that my doctor isn't seeing now?
I'll okay and handling this as it is but I just wish my doctor would tell me why the ER thought they saw something and now she's suddenly not seeing anything!
I have my appt tomorrow still and she doesn't even want me to go for bloodwork in the morning, just to come in for the afternoon appt... It just sounds like there's no hope and I'm willing to accept what has happened but I wish my doctor would just say there was a baby at some point
