Eleven years on...my fourth loss

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by Rebaby, Feb 13, 2020 at 10:52 AM.

  1. Rebaby

    Rebaby Mama to 2 boys

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    Tomorrow marks 11 years to the day since I joined B&B. I was miscarrying my first pregnancy at the time, just 4 days after discovering I was pregnant and felt absolutely lost and alone, and this forum was such a help in the days, weeks and months that followed, as I fell pregnant again and gave birth to a healthy baby (now a ten year old boy!).

    I never expected that here I would be, 11 years down the line, with 2 gorgeous boys, a new partner and unfortunately recovering from yet another loss. I had a scan on 5th February at 9w6d pregnant and was told that sadly our baby's heart had stopped beating at around 8 weeks. I had an ERPC last Friday (7th February) and I am just now beginning to feel 'not pregnant' anymore. Both OH and I are keen to try again, but my last loss (in 2013, with my ex) was a partial molar, so I want to wait until after my first AF and also for confirmation that it isn't another molar (even though I know it's extremely unlikely, and there hasn't been any suggestion it might be).

    I have days where I feel very lucky to have the two children I have, when 11 years ago I didn't even know if that would be possible, but of course I have other days where it feels very unfair that I've had to go through so many losses, and endure so much heartache, and I'm older now too, so I worry that my chances of further mc's only increase from this point, and I wonder how many times I could put myself through this to hold another baby in my arms. But I do want that very much, and I know it would mean the world to my bf who doesn't have any children of his own (but is fantastic with my two).

    Hugs to anyone else who is just stumbling across this section of the forum in their hour of need. I hope we all get our happy endings very soon.
     
  2. Bevziibubble

    Bevziibubble Well-Known Member
    Moderator

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