Embarassed and scared to tell MW

[starlightexp]

My first birth was a planned homebirth but it didn't happen. I transferred in because I wanted pain relief.

I am now pregnant with number 2 and want to plan a homebirth again. I have my booking-in appointment in a couple of weeks time with the same MW who attended my first planned homebirth and to be honest, I'm totally embarassed to tell her that I want to try for a homebirth again.

I'm afraid that she'll ask me whether I'm sure that's the right thing considering what happened the first time.

I know these feelings are irrational because I really don't know what she's going to say.

Any experiences out there you can share with me about planning a second homebirth after not getting it the first time around?

 

[Odd Socks]

i didn't have a homebirth, but my 2 cents...

my first i wanted a waterbirth, but asked for pain relief 16 hours in, just as they started running the pool, so i didn't have my waterbirth, i wouldn't wait for the pool.

second time round, i realised that i lost all sense of perspective when i'd been in labour, i'd been scared, i'd only dilated 2cm in 8 hours (i was 4cm when i was allowed the pool) & thought i was going to be going for another 24 hours at least, i didn't know what to expect of g&a, i was panicking. i did keep calmer second time round, i had coping strategies & definitely dealt with the pain better. i ended up having my non-medicated waterbirth second time round.

don't be embarrassed, you've learned from experience. & you are allowed to change your mind!

*hugs*

xx

 

[Sarah27]

I didn't have HB but I agree with the above post... the first time you are in labour its a big flipping scary shock.. and you don't know what to expect. My first labour was very scary and painful as I had been induced.. it was horrific... ended in a section :O( However my second labour was a vbac.. managed very well as I knew what I was expecting I had some g&a towards the end but didn't really need it tbh think it was a take your mind off it thing...... Don't worry you can always try again and this time be more prepared for what its like... granted your second birth maybe quicker too! My first took days.. whereas my second labour took 12 hours from start to finish! :O)

 

[numum]

I think you're fab to try again-go for it I'm sure the midwife will be supportive-like pp says you have a better idea of the whole process now and fear is such a huge part of what causes pain in labour

 

[beetroot]

I've had 2 very different home birth experiences. The first was slow and steady and even though I managed without any meds, I remember the contractions in early labour being very painful! Second time round, I coped without meds until 6 cms, it was painful but manageable. It was only when I got in the pool the contractions became so bad that I had g&a, but that's because the last 4cms and 2nd stage was over in a hr and half. Plus the last half hour was the pushing and that was a relief, not really painful!
I suggest you go for it! It's amazing being at home and if you can't cope again, it doesn't matter and I'm sure the midwives won't mind.

 

[Creative]

I think most mums would tell you that ther level of pain really came a s a shock to them the first time and that the fear then kicks in.
second time and subsequent times, you can feel far more in charge, know what to expect and when it all happens, you are more in control of your fear.
I can't see any reason that she would humiliate you over your request.
You have every right to ask for a HB.

 

[ace28]

Okay so I just wanted to say that I'm now wishing I hadn't read this thread- I'm a first time preggo going for a home birth and you guys have got me scared now that I won't be able to handle it!

I think I can I think I can I think I can...

 

[T-Bex]

I have lots of friends who had HB with first babies; it's not "I think I can", it's "I know I can"! Power of positive thinking


I'm going for a HB this time, after having Bethan in the hospital (and not having a jolly time of it), so I'm hoping I'll be joining team HB!

 

[NaturalMomma]

Don't feel embarrassed by transfering to have pain medications. Many women do, and it's nothing to feel ashamed about. Just tell your MW you are preparing more this time around. I suggest reading lots of books on natural pain relief and maybe even get a Doula who is skilled in homebirths.

 

[starlightexp]

Thanks. I'm an avid reader and read every natural birth book going and had a doula the first time. Still didn't happen for me.

Anyway, I had my booking-in appointment with a woman who had the same last name as the MW for my first birth so I assumed it was the same one but she'd gotten married or something. Well, it wasn't the same one.

AND- this new MW used to be an independent MW so is SOOOO pro-HB and is very supportive of my quest for a HB this time.

So I had nothing to worry about

Ace28, sorry my thread freaked you out. I know a lot (and I mean a lot) of women who have had home births for their first, so please know that I am not in the majority. YOU CAN DO IT! And by the way, I was able to give birth without any drugs whatsoever, just not at home as I wanted. Homebirth is a state of mind, not a location.

 

[Creative]

Homebirth is a state of mind, not a location.

Never a truer word spoken (or typed!)

So glad it al went well. Sounds like you have a super midwife and are in for a great birth.