Entirely fed up and concerned that I am psycho!!

[Oneday25]

Hi all.

I have never posted or signed up to things like this before. I'm usually the google queen that analyses everything!!

I'm approaching 25, and for as long as I can remember I have longed for a child, my dreams involve pregnancy every night. I feel like a mother, just without the baby!! It breaks my heart everyday. I don't know what is wrong with me!!!

Over the past few years my body has played me up a fair bit. I.e strange cycles etc, and each time I convince myself I am pregnant. I am also a self confessed poas aholic. The upsetting thing is my partner, who is a few years older, want children just, "not right now"

He has screwed up my mind so many times, and knows I am not on the pill, yet he will quite happily BD knowing I'm ov!! What is wrong with him?! I know not many men will openly say, hey honey, lets do it!! But seriously, risk it because you enjoy the 'danger aspect?!' Of course when this happens my mind goes BING he must want a child!!
Only to be heartbroken when he says its purely because it ws heat of the moment. I do think I am a bit psycho sometimes, but with these mixed signals, maybe it's not surprising I am this obsessed....

I'm posting today because I have been fooled by my body yet again. My lmp was aug 11, and my partner and I had ALOT of u/p BD throughout the month, today would've been 7 weeks since last period. In that time I have had 3/4 faint positives, and a bunch of negatives before that, cramping, headaches, sore boobs on and off, and re occurring nausea in the pm's, tiredness, and strange d/c TMI sorry...

Why is my body doing this to me?? I really thought this was it, but no, just another trick. I have had positives before and not been preg, so what is happening? Is there something in my wee?!!! Lol!!

I just feel like I have to vent on here..... Partner really does empathise and understand a woman's need for a child, but wants me to accept that he isn't wired the same. He even said, maybe it will just happen by accident, who knows.
What does that even blooming mean?! I don't get it..... I would hate to push him into it, but I've achieved a lot in the last few years, have a very good job, as does he, we own a house, love each other to pieces, have had nothing but crap the past few years and fought it all together.... I am ready to be a mummy!!!!! How do I get over this? It makes me so emotional, I get so jealous over other mums. The difference is, I don't just want the pg, the baby, the pram, the good days. I want a CHILD, a family, it nurture and raise a baby that we have made with so much love, And experience the good with the bad. I have a lot of experience with challenging behaviour and working shifts, mum has always said I'd find being a mum a doddle in comparison haha.

I just don't ever remember a dream where I wasn't preg, or a school play where I wasn't the 'mum', I think my job has always been to fill that void too. I know it'll will happen at the time it's meant to, but I'm now concerned that maybe there is something wrong, surely I would be preg by now...... I just feel partner wants to 'not try but not prevent' and I feel that is really mean (


Thank you for reading my warble!!!!!


I just feel sad and awful that I obsess over this so much. Partner is nearly 31, sometimes I just want to say GROW up!!!! It's not like we're 17?!


One day xxxxxxx

 

[Oneday25]

P.s AF came today! That bit was missed out at the top, hence me saying I'd been tricked yet again haha!!

 

[Padan1111]

Hi Oneday

I'm sorry to read about your confusion and disappointments in BFN. If you get faint positives followed by AF perhaps it would be worth talking to your Dr to see what is going on. Could it be possible that you are preg and then early miscarriage (sorry :S ). There may be something that the Dr could suggest to prevent that happening in the future?

As for your OH, perhaps he just doesn't want the responsibility of saying "ok, lets TTC" but it seems like he would be happy with an accident. That doesn't mean that you can't be TTC on the sly! You already have an idea when you are ovulating, you can initiate BD at the right times of the month and keep your fingers crossed! I do wonder whether any women is actually ntnp! I'm not even sure I know what that means once we have come to the decision to have a baby and are all on a babyandbump forum. It suggests we're a bit more serious about it then we are letting on!

Good luck with everything, perhaps a softly, softly approach with your partner. By that I mean stop discussing it with him, just get on with it What he doesn't know won't hurt him!

 

[Oneday25]

Thanks so much for your lovely long reply! I agree maybe I should be seeing a doctor. AF really is making up for lost time! Ouch very upsetting. OH even mentioned the other day he is worried that maybe it's him that isn't right. I think it shows that he had had a pang of "oh she's not preg"

Deep down I think he does want to do it, but like you say, just doesn't want to have to say lets try. I do also realise that he wants things to be in place and be perfect so he can be the best dad he can, but in reality, is it ever perfect? I don't think so!
I know he just wants it to happen by accident.... So maybe I just hve to go with it! I said to him earlier, how do you feel that I'm defo not pg? He said actually he wasn't sure how he feels. Which I suppose it better than "bloody fab, phew!" Haha.

He was SO excited when he thought we were prego, so it's hard when you have "experienced" that..... Then it's gone!

I think you're right though.... Just stop talking about it... And wait. I think the more pressure he feels the worse the situation will be.....

Thanks ) xxxxxxxx