ex and benifits rant!!!

[stevon111]

grrrr im getting sick of my X asking me to buy her more things for faye i give her 20.00 per week which goes into her bank account (through the csa it would be 23.50 if found out) but now shes still asking me for more things to buy for faye like a new buggy which i bought a simple 30.00 buggy from argos just to make it easyer to get on and off a bus with to fold down...but NO she wants me to get a 80.00 buggy from argos and she also wants me to get her a matching footmuff for the mamas and papas pram we have. i have a footmuff but my X would like a proper matching mamas and papas 1 for the pram we have.
she gets 800 pounds a month in benifits and has no home of her own or no bills to pay exept her new contract phone bill which would be about 40.00 at most a month. and she lives with her sister and sisters husband and only looking after her 4 days a week as i have faye 2 days and they have her 1 day. and 2 weeks ago she was in town paying for her friend to go out as she didnt have any money

its crazy how i get told that fayes my daugher aswel as hers but its me who is expected to go out and buy more things for her. i provide so so well for faye when shes at my own house and i dont want to be blackmailed by my Xgf when she gets all that money a month.
i hate the fact that i bet when i say i wont go out and buy these things that she will go around telling people i dont provide for my daughter

1 thing i sat and did last night was stupidly looked into nappies 24 pounds a month would give her about 250 nappies so thats around 8 per day...so where is the rest of this 800 pounds going i will never know

 

[babybambi2011]

hia, do you think that she would agree to pay half and you pay the other half. i dont ask my ex for any more money than what i get off him from csa. we decided to go through csa as he has another daughter from a previous relationship and it would make it fair to both children that they both get the same amount. the only thing i ask from my ex, is that he makes sure he can see her.i admit that i seem to be helping him more than i should but if it means that he is able to see his daughter and spend soem quality time with her, im more than happy to provide bottles, formula, nappies ect for him to keep at his. he lives 30mins away but gets the train down to see her so i see that as fair really.
i would sugguest saying to her that she has to pay half of what she "wants". she doesnt need a matching footmuff when youve got one that works perfectly fine!
i bought a food processor just for lilys food, and i asked if he wanted to put anything towards it, and he paid half.
sorry if i seem to be going off at a tangent...happens a lot! lol
but yea, say youll pay half, as you do pay £20 a week, and thats more than what some dads pay!

 

[bumphenders]

I didn't want to R&R But I firstly want to say like, well done to you for paying for Faye... Not a lot of men are like you, I've read a few of your posts..

Can you not compromise with her and offer to pay half each for the buggy...
My babys dad isn't going to be in LO's life as it stands, but when he was going to be, he said he would gives his other 2 kids, £2.50 a week because he managed to get round the CSA... So I would get £10 a month off him, i told him to keep it.

It sounds like you buy what Faye needs anyways, so if she won't come to some kind of compromise then I personally wouldn't buy it unless Faye really really needed it..

hope this helps



ps. WHo said us Makems and Geordies don't get on

 

[xSophieBx]

I agree with the others about offering to pay half for big things. & then put ur foot down if u feel shes taking the piss as you do have your daughter 3 days yourself... it would be different if you only had her 1 day a week.

Also, how the hell does she get that much a month in benefits? Thats double what I get.

 

[purpledahlia]

Theres no way she gets £800 a month in benefits! No way at all with no house!

Income support is £120 every fortnight and her tax credits will be £59 a week. Child benefit is £20 a week and £20 from you a week, All that equals £630 roughly.

Remember budgeting weekly is much different from monthly and a lot harder... are you sure she pays no rent?

With regards to her wanting you to buy things, If its not 'needed' then i would stand firm on that, But if it is needed then i would go half. I'd be so gratefull if FOB went halfers on things and gave me £80 a month!

 

[bambinoccino]

She gets around £630 in state benefits £80 of Steveo and £6.20 a week in healthy start vouchers so thats around £735 a month so its not a bad estitmate of what she has coming in.
No matter what money she has coming in, you should go halves with her on the buggy speak to her about it, especially if you are getting use out of it too.

Just say to her that you are happy to buy her a buggy and there is one at £30 at Argos or you will go halves on getting her the buggy that she wants...

Seems a very fair assesment to me!

 

[PumpkinPatchx]

If I was you Hun, id go through CSA. You don't need to buy labels and designer stuff to be a good dad! You've bought her a pushchair and a foot muff. If she gets too bad with her expectations, go through CSA or this is how your life is gonna be from now on.x

 

[purpledahlia]

She gets around £630 in state benefits £80 of Steveo and £6.20 a week in healthy start vouchers so thats around £735 a month so its not a bad estitmate of what she has coming in.
No matter what money she has coming in, you should go halves with her on the buggy speak to her about it, especially if you are getting use out of it too.

Just say to her that you are happy to buy her a buggy and there is one at £30 at Argos or you will go halves on getting her the buggy that she wants...

Seems a very fair assesment to me!

Healthy start is only £3.10 a week? I did a calculation and it came to £630 odd including his £80. Otherwise where did you get the extra from? Cos i went by what i get? Not that it matters to the OP needing to go halfers with his ex, but im intrested how shes apparently getting so much!?

 

[Laura--x]

Id also love to know how shes getting that much a month!

I get £565 a month and i have my own house ( get £500 rent paid, having to top up £50 ) and i dont get a single penny of maisies dad. Ive never asked FOB to pay for anything, except when she needed a new bed i told him she needed one and he offered to get it, but apart from that ive brought all pushchairs and everything else thats been needed.

I think its fair for you to give her half, or so much towards a new pushchair, but just dont let her take the micky out of you, if she knows you'll spend money she'll keep pushing you and get as much as she can from you.

 

[bumphenders]

At the end of the day, its not about how much she is getting, and where she is getting the money from, so why does it matter?:S

 

[Laura--x]

At the end of the day, its not about how much she is getting, and where she is getting the money from, so why does it matter?:S

i think it does sort of make a difference if shes getting £800, not having monthly bills to pay out, fob paying maintence but she is still asking him to buy all these things, when she clearly does have the money to get them things if she wanted them.

If she was getting £500 a month and did have bills to pay out and never had much money left after bills food nappies and making sure her child has everything she needs, then it would be a bit more understanding for her asking fobs help..

 

[purpledahlia]

At the end of the day, its not about how much she is getting, and where she is getting the money from, so why does it matter?:S

It also matters because it sounds to me like shes working, which would be fraud.. Theres no way a single mother with no rent gets over £800... so im interested to know how?!

I think it does make a difference with the situation depending on how much money she has... Makes quite a bit of difference really?

 

[purpledahlia]

As far as i can see, going by what i get, including her maintenence payments she gets £630 a month plus £3.10 a week in healthy start vouchers. (which doesnt go far believe me!)

So after food and travel thats around say £400 a month she has, so say £100 a week.. to spend on her and LO Think its do-able for her to save the extra for the buggy she wants without having to ask the OP to pay out £80 for it?

But also to the OP - not good to generalise or assume she is rolling in it getting more than £800 a month... i very much doubt she is, unless like i said shes working on the sly....

 

[bambinoccino]

She gets around £630 in state benefits £80 of Steveo and £6.20 a week in healthy start vouchers so thats around £735 a month so its not a bad estitmate of what she has coming in.
No matter what money she has coming in, you should go halves with her on the buggy speak to her about it, especially if you are getting use out of it too.

Just say to her that you are happy to buy her a buggy and there is one at £30 at Argos or you will go halves on getting her the buggy that she wants...

Seems a very fair assesment to me!

Healthy start is only £3.10 a week? I did a calculation and it came to £630 odd including his £80. Otherwise where did you get the extra from? Cos i went by what i get? Not that it matters to the OP needing to go halfers with his ex, but im intrested how shes apparently getting so much!?

Opps sorry I thought the 630 was just IS,TC & CB

I've calculated:

£67.50 Income Support
£59.36 Tax Credits
£20.30 Child Benefit
£3.10 or £6.20 Healthy Start (How old is child?)
£20.00 Child Support

= £170.26/£173.36 a week.

= £681.04/£693.44 every 4 weeks.

= £737.93/£751.22 a month.

So still not far off, My estimate was on a calander month, whereas I think yours was based on a 4 weekly cycle.

I cant really comment as although I dont get any child support I get alot more than this so I don't really know whats it like to have that much Although I imagine with just a phone to pay for its quite easy...

I havn't been a single mum on that kind of rate since 2007.

 

[Laura2919]

She gets around £630 in state benefits £80 of Steveo and £6.20 a week in healthy start vouchers so thats around £735 a month so its not a bad estitmate of what she has coming in.
No matter what money she has coming in, you should go halves with her on the buggy speak to her about it, especially if you are getting use out of it too.

Just say to her that you are happy to buy her a buggy and there is one at £30 at Argos or you will go halves on getting her the buggy that she wants...

Seems a very fair assesment to me!

£3.10 in healthy start. She only has one child and if he is paying child support and she is declaring it they would deduct it off her benefit.

 

[Laura--x]

She gets around £630 in state benefits £80 of Steveo and £6.20 a week in healthy start vouchers so thats around £735 a month so its not a bad estitmate of what she has coming in.
No matter what money she has coming in, you should go halves with her on the buggy speak to her about it, especially if you are getting use out of it too.

Just say to her that you are happy to buy her a buggy and there is one at £30 at Argos or you will go halves on getting her the buggy that she wants...

Seems a very fair assesment to me!

£3.10 in healthy start. She only has one child and if he is paying child support and she is declaring it they would deduct it off her benefit.

They dont take maintence off benefits anymore hun, changed last year or the year before i think. FOB tried that one with me when he first started paying ' ill make sure the social know so they take it out of your benefits so it makes no difference if i pay you anyway' well spoke to someone and researched online and from a certain date maintence payments dont affect the amount of benefit you get, but you should still notify them x

 

[purpledahlia]

Yeh maintenence makes no difference on benefits

With just a phone to pay it does seem a lot, But bearing in mind clothes and food and toiletries for herself and child, It will drop down, But i think Stevon is being more than fair as he IS paying for his child and also has her sometimes and provides when he has her... so she is being unreasonable. But i dont think shes loaded. I get the same as her minus maintenence, (dont get any) and its very difficult. But i run a house too..

 

[bambinoccino]

You get £6.20 a week in HS vouchers for the first year thats why I wanted to know the age of Steve daughter

Plus don't you get a baby premium for the first year?

 

[purpledahlia]

they scrapped that Last year some time. It finished just after my LO turned 1 thats why i remember thinking i was lucky!

 

[bambinoccino]

Oh right, cor it all changes so quick!