Extended Breastfeeding

[Lightworker]

Whats wrong with sleeping with your mom when you are 13?

 

[OmarsMum]

Whats wrong with sleeping with your mom when you are 13?

nothing wrong with it, but touching her breast & playing with her nipples for comfort is not right IMO

ETA: When I said alone, I meant without touching his mum's nipples, he still sleeps in his mum's bed most of the time

 

[xemmax]

I'm not being rude at all, ahcigar but have you any idea just how difficult and time consuming exclusive expressing is? Never mind that some BFing women have a perfectly good milk supply, but can't actually get anything out when they express?

Also, not all breastfed babies will accept bottles. Oliver never did, so expressing wasn't an option.

ahcigar, you might end up enjoying breastfeeding so much you end up an 'extended breastfeeder' yourself! You really never know until you try

I can pretty much guarantee 200% that I won't go past 3 months if that long before go to straight expressing. I have enough trouble thinking of doing it for that long even.

I hope it all works out as planned for you!

 

[KittyVentura]

I can pretty much guarantee 200% that I won't go past 3 months if that long before go to straight expressing. I have enough trouble thinking of doing it for that long even.

Please don't say things like that. For your own sake. You'll put too much pressure on yourself. Expressing is hard and very challenging. Of course people can and do manage to do it but I only know of a few mothers that said a strong statement before experiencing what it was really like to be a mother who were able to achieve what they wanted to exactly.

When I was pregnant I was adamant I wasn't having pain relief in labour and that I'd 200% guarantee I'd BF (Because of course mothers that didn't BF were just lazy and didn't try hard enough right?). I was so vocal about these plans and built them up to myself so much.

I ended up with an epidural due to a hyperstimulated induction and couldn't BF past 3 weeks, for reasons I won't go into, despite giving it my best shot and trying as hard as I could. That pressure that I put on myself when pregnant means I'm STILL dealing with the feelings of being a failure even now, nearly 10 months on.

I've made a LOT of friends through this site and most of those feel the same about their own things they built up and put pressure on about when pregnant.

By all means, have plans and try your best to acheive them. I really hope they work out for you, but give yourself a break. Motherhood is something that you have no idea about until you experience if yourself and you don;t know how you'll feel or manage when the baby is here or even how hard some of the things you thought were easy were... an vice versa xx

 

[KittyVentura]

In regards to extended BF. I really don't know. I admit that the videos and clips etc of a 7/8 yr old BF do take me back a bit. But a young child I see no issue with. I wanted to get to 2 years with Fin... though now I look at this massive brute and couldn't imagine BF him now... but I guess that's because I haven't now for so long xxx

 

[xemmax]

I can pretty much guarantee 200% that I won't go past 3 months if that long before go to straight expressing. I have enough trouble thinking of doing it for that long even.

Please don't say things like that. For your own sake. You'll put too much pressure on yourself. Expressing is hard and very challenging. Of course people can and do manage to do it but I only know of a few mothers that said a strong statement before experiencing what it was really like to be a mother who were able to achieve what they wanted to exactly.

When I was pregnant I was adamant I wasn't having pain relief in labour and that I'd 200% guarantee I'd BF (Because of course mothers that didn't BF were just lazy and didn't try hard enough right?). I was so vocal about these plans and built them up to myself so much.

I ended up with an epidural due to a hyperstimulated induction and couldn't BF past 3 weeks, for reasons I won't go into, despite giving it my best shot and trying as hard as I could. That pressure that I put on myself when pregnant means I'm STILL dealing with the feelings of being a failure even now, nearly 10 months on.

I've made a LOT of friends through this site and most of those feel the same about their own things they built up and put pressure on about when pregnant.

By all means, have plans and try your best to acheive them. I really hope they work out for you, but give yourself a break. Motherhood is something that you have no idea about until you experience if yourself and you don;t know how you'll feel or manage when the baby is here or even how hard some of the things you thought were easy were... an vice versa xx

I couldn't agree more

"The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry"

 

[ahcigar1]

I can pretty much guarantee 200% that I won't go past 3 months if that long before go to straight expressing. I have enough trouble thinking of doing it for that long even.

Please don't say things like that. For your own sake. You'll put too much pressure on yourself. Expressing is hard and very challenging. Of course people can and do manage to do it but I only know of a few mothers that said a strong statement before experiencing what it was really like to be a mother who were able to achieve what they wanted to exactly.

When I was pregnant I was adamant I wasn't having pain relief in labour and that I'd 200% guarantee I'd BF (Because of course mothers that didn't BF were just lazy and didn't try hard enough right?). I was so vocal about these plans and built them up to myself so much.

I ended up with an epidural due to a hyperstimulated induction and couldn't BF past 3 weeks, for reasons I won't go into, despite giving it my best shot and trying as hard as I could. That pressure that I put on myself when pregnant means I'm STILL dealing with the feelings of being a failure even now, nearly 10 months on.

I've made a LOT of friends through this site and most of those feel the same about their own things they built up and put pressure on about when pregnant.

By all means, have plans and try your best to acheive them. I really hope they work out for you, but give yourself a break. Motherhood is something that you have no idea about until you experience if yourself and you don;t know how you'll feel or manage when the baby is here or even how hard some of the things you thought were easy were... an vice versa xx

If I end up not being able to express then I will go to FF. And wont feel bad for going to FF if need be, and won't allow anyone else to make me feel bad about it either. I know what my comfort levels are and I know what I do and do not want to do. Just like I don't let people put me down for wanting an Epi. I already know I don't want to have all natural. So as soon as I hit that 4-5cm when can have it, I plan on doing just that. Just how I am.

 

[KittyVentura]

If I end up not being able to express then I will go to FF. And wont feel bad for going to FF if need be, and won't allow anyone else to make me feel bad about it either. I know what my comfort levels are and I know what I do and do not want to do. Just like I don't let people put me down for wanting an Epi. I already know I don't want to have all natural. So as soon as I hit that 4-5cm when can have it, I plan on doing just that. Just how I am.

Fab. I'm glad you've got your back up plans in place. I hope I didnlt sound preachy. I just see so many women that I care about so much dealing with so many issues realting to things with their babies now working out to plan that I feel I can't not say anything if I think someone's putting that pressure on themselves when pregnant. I hope things all work out the best for you xxx

 

[LoraLoo]

Amy is 25 months and has just stopped breastfeeding. My choice. I say choice- I went to feed her one afternoon and just had an urge to push her off me as it felt wrong. I think alot of it is to do with my pregnancy hormones. Somebody on here told me it was called Breastfeeding agitation, I'd not heard of it before. Until that point I had been happy to let her continue, and to Tandem feed when baby arrives. I hope I manage to feed new baby as long as I have with Amy as th benefits are massive xx

 

[BabyJayne]

I can pretty much guarantee 200% that I won't go past 3 months if that long before go to straight expressing. I have enough trouble thinking of doing it for that long even.

Please don't say things like that. For your own sake. You'll put too much pressure on yourself. Expressing is hard and very challenging. Of course people can and do manage to do it but I only know of a few mothers that said a strong statement before experiencing what it was really like to be a mother who were able to achieve what they wanted to exactly.

When I was pregnant I was adamant I wasn't having pain relief in labour and that I'd 200% guarantee I'd BF (Because of course mothers that didn't BF were just lazy and didn't try hard enough right?). I was so vocal about these plans and built them up to myself so much.

I ended up with an epidural due to a hyperstimulated induction and couldn't BF past 3 weeks, for reasons I won't go into, despite giving it my best shot and trying as hard as I could. That pressure that I put on myself when pregnant means I'm STILL dealing with the feelings of being a failure even now, nearly 10 months on.

I've made a LOT of friends through this site and most of those feel the same about their own things they built up and put pressure on about when pregnant.

By all means, have plans and try your best to acheive them. I really hope they work out for you, but give yourself a break. Motherhood is something that you have no idea about until you experience if yourself and you don;t know how you'll feel or manage when the baby is here or even how hard some of the things you thought were easy were... an vice versa xx

If I end up not being able to express then I will go to FF. And wont feel bad for going to FF if need be, and won't allow anyone else to make me feel bad about it either. I know what my comfort levels are and I know what I do and do not want to do. Just like I don't let people put me down for wanting an Epi. I already know I don't want to have all natural. So as soon as I hit that 4-5cm when can have it, I plan on doing just that. Just how I am.

If I could give just one piece of advice to any first time expectant mother for labour and the first year of LOs life it would be to make no plans, no promises and no guarantees that you will or will not do this that or the other. The reality is far, far different from any perfectly made plans thought up in third trimester. I think 99 per cent of mums on here would agree that they have ended up doing something they swore they wouldn't, or don't do the things they were dead set on doing. xemmax quoted Robert Burns - my offering is Mike Tyson - "Everyone has a plan - until they get punched in the face". Substitute punched in the face for having a baby, and you are pretty much there!

Back on topic - the age people breastfeed their LOs to is completely a personal decision. I tend to agree that anything encroaching on school age is, for me, not something I would be comfortable doing. I agree with midnight fairy in that you wouldn't expect children that age to still be bottle fed, and breastfeeding is something that is intended to rear your young and supplement them until they have a full and varied diet where all those needs are catered for. That being said, if someone does want to still BF past the age of three, then that is their choice, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

I do wonder though, if "extended" BF-ing (at whatever age you consider it to be extended) is more for the mother than the child? That closeness, that knowledge that this is something that only you can give the child must be a very powerful feeling - and I just wondered if it's something that some mums find hard to let go of, and so are reluctant to give it up?

 

[midori1999]

So why isn't breast feeding an age appropriate comforter past 3 or 4 or into school age? I can see why a dummy isn't and why a bottle isn't, but why isn't breastfeeding? What harm does using BF as a comforter in older children do?

Also, as I mentioned earlier, there are health benefits for the child until the immune system is fully formed, which can be up to age 7. There are nutritional benefits for as long as the child breastfeeds for. The natural age of weaning for humans is most often anything between 3 and 7.

If a child and mother both want to continue breastfeeding, I don't see why there should be an upper age limit on it? It is mutually beneficial. The American Paediatric Society say 'as long as the Mother and child wish to continue' and don't put an upper age limit on it.

 

[xemmax]

Jayne I can offer you my mum's experience of extended breastfeeding. She breastfed my brother until 4 and it was undoubtedly for him, not her - she was ready to stop a year or so before that but he breastfed so much she found it impossible to stop. Eventually she weaned him with a threat from the tit-tit police (true story) as she was then tandem nursing him and me and returning to work and found it too difficult to cope with the demands of it all. So while I'm sure there are mothers that do it more for themselves (the more obliging ones perhaps) it's definitely not always the case, and even so the child will only receive benefits from it. I think for some children it is just not a habit they grow out of and they find comfort in it for many years.

Also, love the Tyson quote!

 

[Lightworker]

tit tit police- that floored me

 

[BabyJayne]

Jayne I can offer you my mum's experience of extended breastfeeding. She breastfed my brother until 4 and it was undoubtedly for him, not her - she was ready to stop a year or so before that but he breastfed so much she found it impossible to stop. Eventually she weaned him with a threat from the tit-tit police (true story) as she was then tandem nursing him and me and returning to work and found it too difficult to cope with the demands of it all. So while I'm sure there are mothers that do it more for themselves (the more obliging ones perhaps) it's definitely not always the case, and even so the child will only receive benefits from it. I think for some children it is just not a habit they grow out of and they find comfort in it for many years.

Also, love the Tyson quote!

And I love the tit-tit police!

Thanks for sharing that - I can definitely see why the tit-tit police would be needed in that situation.

I totally get that it's not always the case. Maybe it never is, maybe it often is, I don't know. I do think it's an interesting point though - doing something or keeping something going more for your own benefit as a mother. Not just with regards to BF-ing, but in all kinds of things.

Everyone has their own limit I guess, where to them it becomes something that they feel is no longer appropriate/needed/practical etc. and what fits one does not fit all. Parenting is subjective - so while I might not envisage ever BF-ing past the age of 6 months/12 months/two years or whatever, I completely respect that others may choose to do so (or find it difficult to stop). I also reserve the right to change my mind - as each child is different and you never know what the future holds!!

 

[freckleonear]

I do wonder though, if "extended" BF-ing (at whatever age you consider it to be extended) is more for the mother than the child? That closeness, that knowledge that this is something that only you can give the child must be a very powerful feeling - and I just wondered if it's something that some mums find hard to let go of, and so are reluctant to give it up?

I don't think that's generally the case. On the extended breastfeeding support threads I've read, the mothers often seem to find it quite challenging and hard work and the reason they keep going is because the child clearly wants to. Personally I've never particularly enjoyed breastfeeding (and I've spent nearly three years of my life doing it so far) so the only reason I want to continue is for my daughter's benefit.

 

[LeeBee]

I wonder if there would be any affect on the child psychologically if they were breastfed past the "norm". I personally wouldn't feel comfortable BFing past age 1.

 

[Jess137]

I honestly don't know what I would consider "extended breastfeeding". I know that a lot of women are uncomfortable with that term. I guess I don't get why it needs to be classified. Breastfeeding is breastfeeding. I don't have a child yet myself, so I don't know how I would decide when to stop. Probably let my child stop when they are ready. (I do plan on doing everything I can to breastfeed my children.)

My SIL has a 3.5 yr old and a 9 month old, and she is tandem breastfeeding. She has not fed the 3.5 yr old in front of me since he was about 2, but I know that she does at home. I don't see anything strange or wrong with it, but I understand why she does not do it in front of others. People are so judgmental!

I also don't understand why people think you should take your child off of the breast, just to give them milk from another animal. It is so weird and makes no sense to me.

 

[Tegans Mama]

I don't agree with the term extended breastfeeding. How can you extend something that has no real time limit in the first place?

I hope to BF our next child for as long as nature intends. If they are still bfing at four then so be it!

 

[smelly07]

Whats wrong with sleeping with your mom when you are 13?

nothing wrong with it, but touching her breast & playing with her nipples for comfort is not right IMO

ETA: When I said alone, I meant without touching his mum's nipples, he still sleeps in his mum's bed most of the time

it isnt normal for a 13 year old and especially a 17 year to have to touch his mothers boobies whilst sitting next to her and/or play with nipples in bed with her for comfort or to get to sleep!

like i have said and others too, breast feeding is normal and natural but you do have to draw the line somewhere.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Whats wrong with sleeping with your mom when you are 13?

nothing wrong with it, but touching her breast & playing with her nipples for comfort is not right IMO

ETA: When I said alone, I meant without touching his mum's nipples, he still sleeps in his mum's bed most of the time

it isnt normal for a 13 year old and especially a 17 year to have to touch his mothers boobies whilst sitting next to her and/or play with nipples in bed with her for comfort or to get to sleep!

like i have said and others too, breast feeding is normal and natural but you do have to draw the line somewhere.

I think I would agree with this. My 7 yr old is far to big to even carry let alone feed lol.