Fear of Dissapointment

[ask86]

I am dreading disappointing my parents by making the life choices that Dh and I are making
My mom keeps telling me every week when I see them that we should not even be thinking about having another baby for years and I know that she will be very upset over our decision... She helps me out minimally financially and babysits my daughter for a few hours every month or two, but I still feel like I have to please her and its making me sad and doubtful.
We rent an apartment which we LOVE in an incredible neighborhood with great schools and tons of kid friendly parks, community centres, libraries etc. And we have done the math and yes, money will be tight and we may have to cut back here and there but she makes it sound like having another baby will render us homeless and hungry
She and I have different priorities and when I say that I don't want to do shift work because I will miss my daughters life (I am at work 3 pm - 11pm) she sighs and says "oh please that's a fairy tale, you are not missing anything" She is a good mom, but she never prioritized me and has always said - and continues to say to me now - "You have to take care of you, kids grow up and move out and then what are you left with"
I understand what she is trying to say, but I also remember how sad and lonely I was growing up and I don't want any of that for my daughter, and YET..... I am still afraid of disappointing her!
Am I alone? Am I wrong?
Thank You for letting me vent!

 

[Angel_blues]

You should do what's right for you. It's your life. Financially if you can't really afford it right now, maybe save more and put it off a little while? Life can change in at a moments notice and there is never a perfect time to have children! Do it when you feel its right for you! No matter what I'm sure your mother will be happy to be a grandmother again *hugs*

 

[gigglebox]

No offense but your mom sounds selfish as hell. Children are the greatest investments we can make in our own lives, for our future and for the future of the world. Taking time to love them and teach them is a beautiful thing, and in my opinion, the right way to raise a child. Keep giving them the time and attention they crave and need. Screw your mom's opinions. You didn't choose her as a mom, but you can choose to ignore her advice.

 

[Earthylove]

Sorry you're having to deal with that. DH and I are in a similar situation, only its his mom that I believe will be upset/disappointed. She's really hard on DH and makes him feel bad for working in his field with a B.S. Instead of pursuing a masters, Phd or medical school. Whenever he has an accomplishment or some recognition for the good work he's doing, she finds some way to invalidate it. She'll think we're lost for good when we start having kids! Like now we'll never amount to anything because we'll be tied down by a family. I haven't even given her a clue that we're gonna start ttc soon. I don't want to deal with it and honestly, I feel like this isn't a decision our parents get to make or weigh in on. As long as we know we're in a good place to try for a baby, I'm good! I would be lying if I said it didn't affect me, because I do feel pressure to achieve a certain level of things and her fear and doubt in us sometimes makes me second guess myself and DH. But I can't live my life on someone else's terms. Plus I know she's wrong, lol.

Your mom already had the chance to live her life the way she wanted, and you deserve the chance to do the same.

 

[tverb84]

I know how it feels to have a parent who's negative about a lot of things. Almost every time I see my dad he says something negative,it could be the smallest thing that doesn't even matter or it could be about how slow the service is at a restaurant we're eating at. Last week I told him I'm tired of his negative comments and he wasn't even aware of what he was saying.I haven't talked to him since I told him that sometimes he has negative comments.I love him but I can only take so much of what he says.

What I am saying is that I felt much better after telling my dad that I don't always like what he says.Hopefully you'll find a way to tell her the same thing.

 

[EmmySocks]

My mum makes me feel the same. But it's important to remember we're adults now and you don't have to follow your mum's rules, it's for you and your OH to decide.

But i know it's easier said than done because i'm dreading telling my mum. I'm wtt for #1 but she expects me to work hard on my career first. I'm still doing the career thing, but i'm going to have a baby as well because that's what is important to me in my life
I hope she isn't as disappointed as i think she's going to be but she'll get over it. Same with yours. xxx