Feel down

[LankyDoodle]

I haven't posted for ages as I got so down about the whole having to wait stuff.

I went to see a feamel GP at my surgery today to ask about having my coil removed, and honestly you'd think I was a 15 year old girl with no house, no job, no income and no partner, the way she spoke to me.

I have a house of my own which we have just extended for a family, my husband and I both have good jobs and we have been married for 5 years. I have my degree and a masters degree. We are comfortable some months and not others (aren't most couples?!). We have 2 horses and we have a great life. One thing is missing: a baby. I am 26 in October so yes, I am going to be a young mum if we start TTC now, but not ridiculously young.

I don't know whether it's the fact I was mentally ill in 2006 (yes, THREE YEARS AGO and I have now had therapy and been off medication for 2 years with no relapses!) or that I am overweight (and am continuing to lose this weight, which was gained when I was ill - have lost 3st so far) or that I have gall stones (which are managed with diet and I rarely have an attack). I don't know whether it's because I am only 25. But she just kept trying to convince me not to have the coil out.

I am in a job I don't enjoy very much as it bores me a bit and anyone could do the job. What I mean is, I went to uni for 5 years so that I could do something interesting (with children - my qualifications and experience are all relating to chn), but I work with young people who can be quite violent and aggressive, and I am more into younger children (I used to be a nanny). I have a plan for the future, though, which involves childminding and fostering when I have my own baby. I also do a job which I enjoy immensely, on the side, which is working with children with disabilities (offering respite to their families), which I would continue beyond having my own baby. My boring job offers lots of training opportunities which will help with childminding and fostering, though, so I can't complain; and the pay is not too bad considering I get so much time off (I do 10x24 hour shifts a month). I was planning to leave this job at the end of March, continue on supply (I am a qualified teacher) and with my little side job until I find another job (because to work with chn, they take references before interview, so current employer would find out and would sack me, meaning I may end up jobless). With all this confusion and uncertainty, the prospect of a baby looks even bleaker.

I can't start CM registration and fostering yet because we have an ongoing building project which makes the house unsuitable for this work.

So I am down and feeling like my time will never come. I am trying my best to make everything fit into place but nothing will. There's always something getting in the way. A couple of years ago I had a miscarriage (accidental conception), and since then all I have been able to think about is being a mummy.

 

[AutumnRose]

 

[Nyx]

Your GP shouldn't have spoken to you like that, they should be unbiased towards things that are your choice and should provide you with support and advice. Can you see another GP? Or talk with a family planning clinic. It sounds to me like you're in a stable position to have a baby and your age shouldn't really matter as long as you know what you want and the responsibility involved, so I don't see why she would have been against having your coil removed.
Well done on losing some weight already Seeing as you're fully aware of your own health and are managing it well then I don't see any reason for not having the coil out. As well as having a plan about your job as well I think you're really quite organised! Good luck with it all!

 

[dan-o]

Aggrhh, drives you crazy doesnt it?

Some of the people I saw were like that when I needed my implant out. I'm 32, no children.
In fact one family planning clinic told me they wouldn't remove it unless I had discussed with one of the doctors what other type of contraception I wanted to go on!!

 

[LankyDoodle]

Thank you so much I expected no replies as I haven't posted for ages and am not a regular, but I feel so down.

She isn't my normal GP. My normal one is lovely - he is a man and has helped me so much - but I was told by practice nurse at my smear last week, that I cannot have it removed by her and had to see the GP who specialises in contraception etc.

This GP said to me 'are you planning to use condoms because I can't give you the pill' (I wouldn't want the pill, but I assume she means because I am overweight). She seemed very sure to highlight to me that I had to be extremely careful with condoms as 'we don't want any accidents too soon.'

As for my health - I do worry that being heavier could have implications for me and baby, so I am losing weight and will continue to stay healthy. I don't imagine I will conceive straight away anyway, after all the problems I have had with my health over recent years (as in all the chemicals they made me take when I was ill).

She was quite sweet but I came out with coil still in and felt like bursting into tears!

 

[booflebump]

Oh hun. Its strange how sometimes female gps can be the least helpful? You sound like you are working towards having a lovely environment to bring a baby into. Let this one slide - see your male gp, get the coil out and let your body settle before trying for a bubs. Dont let this woman dishearten you from your plans! xx

 

[LankyDoodle]

Thank you. I think I'd feel weird having a man fish round my bits. LOL. She told me to go and think about what she said and if I really want it out then to go back, so she might do it reluctantly if I promise to wrap up in a large rubber suit, never to be removed.

 

[jen1604]

Im sorry to hear about your GP hon.
Its not really up to your gp even if you did want to get pregnant tomorrow though,theyre supposed to be unbiased.
Like someone else said I would maybe go to a family planning clinic to see if they would remove it?
Congrats on the weight loss btw and I hope things start to feel better for you soon xx

 

[toffee87]

Grrr. I hate dr's like that. They should support what ever you want!!

When I went to my dr to come off the pill, he asked in a very nice way if we were ttc. I said in a shocked way (i was 19) noooo way lol. And he was very nice, he made me feel that he'd support me if I was. And like I say, I was only 19.

A nurse when I had a ultra sound just to check my ovaries etc, asked loads of questions. She was very rude.

Grrr!

Don't let the GP make you feel that way. The chances are they are just insecure. And society has become so obsessed with contraception, they're forgetting that people at what ever age want kids.

 

[LankyDoodle]

I think it's because I am fat. They must be terrified that an otherwise healthy, young woman (OK with 3x small gallstones) might get herself pregnant in such an irresponsible fashion, to a man she has only been married to for 5 years. How will she provide a loving environment for the baby when she only lives in a 4-bed semi in a nice area of town? Makes me so fed up.

What's worse is, one of the kids I work with, who is 14 years old, thinks she could be pregnant and finds it all hilariously funny.

 

[LankyDoodle]

Well I am now getting my coil removed on Monday afternoon. I am stupidly excited. We won't be TTC for a while - about 2-3 months - but I do want it gone!

 

[LankyDoodle]

Thank you, everyone, BTW.

 

[Nyx]

That's good news, you're allowed to be excited, it won't be long before you can start TTC. Lots of luck.

 

[booflebump]

Thank you. I think I'd feel weird having a man fish round my bits. LOL. She told me to go and think about what she said and if I really want it out then to go back, so she might do it reluctantly if I promise to wrap up in a large rubber suit, never to be removed.

Or turn up with a big metal chastity belt and hand over the key? I had a male gynae consultant when I had abnormal bleeding and he was actually better than any female doc Ive had up and around my bits! xx

 

[booflebump]

Ooh just spotted your update - thats fab news! xx

 

[Pinkgirl]

aww hunni i am sending you big

I honestly mean this but i think you are at the perfect age to have children!!
Hope you are ok

xx

 

[holly81]

Great news! Was so sad to read the beginning of this thread, but glad it's got a happy ending! Good luck with TTC

 

[sleepinbeauty]

This bothers me so much. You sound like you'd be fine. Granted, I don't actually KNOW you, but it sounds like you would be ok. This bothers me so much *cries*

 

[Ready2Go]

Great news. You'll make a great mum, with so much experience and knowledge already!! You just take care of yourself and don't let anyone else interfere in what's a decision for you and your OH xx

 

[LankyDoodle]

Awww, sleepinbeauty, what's up?

Thanks to everyone who has commented. It has really helped. Sorry it has taken a while to respond but I have been out to do my horses, and also as I work 24 hour shifts, spent some time with my husband tonight (who, incidentally, is currently doing my head in as he has lost his precious Hayne's manual for his car and is going round clattering things and thinking out loud in that way they do when they want you to hear them in the hope you will say 'oh, here it is, love, I was hiding it up my bum.').