Feel guilty for thinking about ttc

[Frankietoo]

Hi everyone

I suffered what I was told was a mmc back in July 09, which seems like a lifetime ago. I found out in September that I had had a partial molar pregnancy and am still in follow up.

The thing is I really really want to ttc again now but I'm not expecting my all clear until late April. I know it's only a few months and I know fully the reasons why health professionals tell you no. I have a constant battle in my head on one side it's my life I want to do this so bad and on the other I don't think I could go through all that again.

My due date is February 14 and I think that's making things seem a lot worse right now. Is anyone else feeling this way? x

 

[Firedancer41]

I feel exactly that way and I think it is completely normal. Sometimes I catch myself consumed in thoughts of TTC and then am horrified that I didn't use that time and those thoughts towards him.

The other day I stopped by the cemetery and told him how much we loved him and how much we wished he was still with us. I also told him how much we wanted one more baby to love and to give to his sisters. Although it's like I was reassuring him that he wasn't being *replaced* or forgotten about, it made me feel more at peace with my feelings, and I felt like I had a balance between grieving my loss and desiring to get pregnant again.

I am sorry for your loss and I think in time you'll know if and when you are ready with more certainty.

 

[ronshi]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I totally know how you feel, as I had a similar experience. I had 2 early mc and then conceived shortly after.

But my baby was diagnosed with acrania when I was 14 wks and I was advised to let the baby go. That was in Aug 09 and we've finally been given the go ahead to start trying again.

It's a terribly emotional time, but one of the worst things is people constantly asking me when we're trying again. I feel like telling them to go to hell but I just smile politely. It's none of their business!!!!

I know in your case they would advise you to wait a little longer than me, I can imagine how hard that is. I feel it's been a lifetime too, but April will come a lot faster than you think. Why don't you go for some counselling meanwhile? Look after yourself hun. good luck xxxxxxx

 

[Ten]

My due date is February 14 and I think that's making things seem a lot worse right now. Is anyone else feeling this way? x

on your loss, mama

Things got a little easier for me once my due date passed - felt like I wasn't staring down the barrel of a gun anymore.

I feel exactly that way and I think it is completely normal. Sometimes I catch myself consumed in thoughts of TTC and then am horrified that I didn't use that time and those thoughts towards him.

The other day I stopped by the cemetery and told him how much we loved him and how much we wished he was still with us. I also told him how much we wanted one more baby to love and to give to his sisters. Although it's like I was reassuring him that he wasn't being *replaced* or forgotten about, it made me feel more at peace with my feelings, and I felt like I had a balance between grieving my loss and desiring to get pregnant again.

I'm sure he understands, mama - you'll always miss him, but love isn't finite. There's enough room in your heart for him and another baby as well. It's not like being disloyal (though I know how much it can feel that way sometimes...)

 

[Frankietoo]

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. I have been much better today although hearing everyone plans about how they are spending valentines day was quite upsetting. I plan to spend it on the beach thinking about how that was the day that my precious little one was due to come into this world.

I really hope it won't be as bad as I think it's going to be, I've a lump in my throat just thinking about it.

Counselling is a good idea, it took me a long time to pluck the courage to say I need help and when I went to see the nurse at my work, all she did was hand me some customer service number and tell me that she knew someone who had a molar pregnancy and she had to have a hystorectomy so at least I am not in that boat. I just ended up feeling stupid and needless to say I didn't call the number.

Even though I feel this guilt I agree with you Ten there's plenty of room in my heart for many babies. Lots of brothers and sisters hopefully! x