Feel really upset after 28 week scan :O(

[Tiaenya]

Okay this is my first ever thread ive started... being brave lol

I had my 28 week scan yesterday (i was 28+6) why is it i felt like i wanted to cry, i didnt know if the scan went well or not really.

As i dont know anyone on here no one really knows the suitation... sorry if this becomes really long...
At my 20 week scan they picked up nuchal fold was approx 6.3mm (they said it all so quick and its not in the pregnancy notes i carry but in the hospital ones they have) we were told baby could have downs, and was offered a amnio for the next day... we wanted to go home to think and talk everything through. They wanted to scan us again 2 weeks later, so we decided to not have the amnio and wait until the scan in 2 weeks, and then make the final decision as to have the test or not.

2 weeks went really slowly, we were both really upset, but decided we couldnt get rid of baby, it didnt feel the right thing to do for us!

At the rescan - they said baby appeared 'normal' the nuchal fold was measured again and was 3.1mm - i went to the midwife and they said it looked very promising with all results of this scan, so we went away happy

28 week scan, it seems im back to square 1, i really feel down about everything, i wasnt shown baby at all on screen, they were whispering between themselves. they didnt tell us much, the nuchal fold measured this time 6.7mm - we wasnt told if this is good or not, all they basically said was because of this problem, your baby is at risk of having downs and we want to offer another scan in another hospital - we turned this down as we had to travel 50 miles to the hospital and as they keep telling us they cant tell on a scan anyways!

we have another scan at hospital at 34 weeks, i just dont think i can take anymore. I feel so upset coming out of these scans they arent doing anyone any good.

we have come to turns that baby might have downs - this really isnt the problem, its the way they make you feel at the hospital.
They just handed us back my notes and said bye!!!! (seriously that was it)
I get it all sorted in my head for them to undo everything and make me feel really bad and start worrying over everything, making me re-think everything

With all this, we wasnt even given any scan pictures of our baby, yesterday i asked if we could get some, and they said no point now!!!

just to add they havent found anything else wrong with baby, everything else looks to be all okay.

sorry for the long post. thank you for reading

Tiaenya

 

[MummyMummy]

what a horriblesituation for you to have to be in sorry you are having to go through this

if you are unsure aboutfindings then phone up your mat ward and ask them there... you have a right to fully understandwhat's going on with you and your baby!

if the scans aren't doing you and good and you mention the outcome isn't a problem as you have discussed enough to know what you want then can't you refuse to have them? or not have them so often? atleast them it's not a constant stream of upsetting scans?

xXx

 

[Momy91]

Oh hun it's just horrible how they treated you! I'm so sorry for you going through this!
I can get so mad over this! Jeez! I hope you and your LO will be okay

 

[snettyb]

Aww hun, i don't really know what to say. I just wanna send you lots of Can you not still get the amnio and then you will know for sure? I know it doesn't affect how you will feel about your baby but at least you will know then and be prepared. I really hope things turn out ok for you xx

 

[Angel21]

I didn't want to read and run, and know nothing about nuchal fold measurements so can't help, I'm sorry. But I hope everything turns out well for you, it's a bit bad that you don't get a chance to talk things through....maybe ring your midwife and say you'd like to talk things through and ask any questions you have? sending

 

[Lizzie Lou]

Oh hun I don't know what to say but didn't want to read and run. They should give you loads of info and talk everything through with you surely? Hope you get some better answers soon

 

[lisac25]

hiya, i'm sorry u r feeling upset, its unfair of the staff at the hsp to make u feel like this, its their job to reassure you, i would phone ur midwife and tell her you wnat to discuss the matter fully, to put your mind at rest.
although no where near on the scale of things for u, i came out of my second scan feeling really dissapointed and let down, they had completly confused me about the sex of bubs, and i wish i had spoke up and said somehting to them, but just left quietly in the end, and paid for a private scan which was a million times better!!!

i thought the older bubs got the harder it was to use the nuchal fold as a marker anyway??????? or perhaps thats just me thinkin that, i dunno. i really do think you should phone ur midwife though hun for a chat it will make you feel better x

 

[Kiree]

That's awful how they treat you, they need to understand that while its just a job to them. Its your precious baby.

I agree with what someone else said- if the outcome doesn't make a difference to you, maybe you shouldn't put yourselves through the stress of anymore scans..

 

[Bunrab]

i thought the older bubs got the harder it was to use the nuchal fold as a marker anyway??????? or perhaps thats just me thinkin that, i dunno. i really do think you should phone ur midwife though hun for a chat it will make you feel better x

I thought that too, thats why they are so specific with the time you can go privately for a Nuchal Fold scan ... we went and i think it has to be between 11 and 14 weeks to be as accurate asd it can be, I just remember at the time they were very specific about dates.

 

[Aidedhoney]

Hey hun i am sorry for you, i agree that the way hospitals handle situations like this is wrong. I didnt get pics at my 20wk scan as my baby has a serious heart condition, it really hurts.

As for the nuchal measurment i had a high measurement at 10wks (complications picked up on it early lost twins last year so was getting scanned reg). I was told that after 14wks the nuchal measurement couldnt be used as an indication of problems as the baby grows into it.

Its a rollercoaster ride all the waiting around and not knowing, like you i didnt know where i was and if i was coming or going. All i can say is stay strong, if you want to talk about it talk if you want to cry cry. People around you will understand, perhaps you could get in touch with your mw, i know mine is brill to talk to when it all gets too much.

Take care hun and big hugs to you xxxx

 

[babystar]

 

[MelanieSweets]

Aww sweeite first of all

Its seems like you and OH are going through the mill a bit, but can I just let you know that they do get these things wrong sometimes, i read a story about someone being told there child had downs and they came out completely fine and they nearly aborted there little one, i think they are sueing the hospital now, but you will do whatever you feel is right, i think the trouble is you get attached to your bump and its not easy, you will love it whatever it had though I think, keep strong and keep hopeful thats all i can say and if you ever need a chat just PM me xxx

 

[Tiaenya]

thanks for all you replys.
I was thinking of not attending anymore scans now as i really do get upset over it all.
I then come away (like i am now) questioning our decisions we have made are they right or not

My friend (we have known each after since we were 5)has just told me shes pregnant and due in december She asked me how ours was going i finally told her, Dont get me wrong, im not looking for her to feel sorry for us or anything, just when i told her she said 'oh right' then banged on about how annoyed she was about having to buy a double buggy! i just thought it that was all i had to worry over, id be really happy.

i think i see the consultant on tuesday if hes not busy like last time, so ill speak to him then about it all.
i suppose its our fault really because we turned down the amnio, but our risk of miscarriage at that point was higher than baby having downs

Sorry i feel like im just moaning, and im getting on my own nerves..
sorry everyone!

 

[lisac25]

you dont need to be sorry, its better to get things off ur chest, and we are all here for u x

 

[amslou]

You have every right to moan hunny and you are not getting on anyone's nerves. I suggest that when you go on Tuesday you should wait to see your consultant even if he is busy and get everything cleared up in your head. Did you have the blood tests as well? Did they show up as high risk. As some of the other ladies have said you cannot have a scan for it outside of the 11-13w6d time frame as certain features that need to be seen on the scan are not present. At 20 weeks they should only be looking for soft markers as an indicator and you have already stated here that there weren't any other anomalies found.

If you are able to try and put it to the back of your mind. As you have already said it wont make any difference to whether you keep your baby or not especially at this now late stage so cross that bridge IF it comes. These things are not guaranteed. Babies with over 3mm measurement are often born perfectly normal and babies with under 3mm measurement are sometimes born with downs.

 

[staceymy]

Aww sorry to hear this. They really dont know how to make you feel better do they. So inconsidorate.

 

[MelanieSweets]

Dont apolagise at all hun, why should you it puts things in perspective with you going through what you are going through xx ..your friend is being slightly inconsiderate actually, i would be straight round to see you if i were her, moaning about a double buggy PAH ! x

Please try to think positive though xx

 

[Tiaenya]

You have every right to moan hunny and you are not getting on anyone's nerves. I suggest that when you go on Tuesday you should wait to see your consultant even if he is busy and get everything cleared up in your head. Did you have the blood tests as well? Did they show up as high risk. As some of the other ladies have said you cannot have a scan for it outside of the 11-13w6d time frame as certain features that need to be seen on the scan are not present. At 20 weeks they should only be looking for soft markers as an indicator and you have already stated here that there weren't any other anomalies found.

If you are able to try and put it to the back of your mind. As you have already said it wont make any difference to whether you keep your baby or not especially at this now late stage so cross that bridge IF it comes. These things are not guaranteed. Babies with over 3mm measurement are often born perfectly normal and babies with under 3mm measurement are sometimes born with downs.

hi, no we didnt have the triple blood test so we didnt know anything until the 20 week scan. as we refused the downs test, i know there only doing there job.

The have looked at everything all the things they would look for i guess. We had a detail echocardiogram and that showed nothing. face, feet, heart, kidneys all appear normal.... everything apart from this nuchal fold bit...

The way we were told was really unkind also... we were scanned and she said that she was having trouble looking at a certain bit, and a walk to get baby to move might help... so they said they would get a scan arranged in another part of hospital, we had no idea, and alarm bells started ringing when we were waiting and said the doctor would be with us shortly and not the normal sonographer... we went into the room, and she said, 'i hear babys nuchal fold measured high, i need to look in more detail... when i asked what did that mean, she said well i havent looked so i cant say.. i layed there for 10 minutes panicing with them not saying a word... then they said your baby could have downs and was offered a amnio .... i was shocked in the way they say it like there reading out of some textbook.

GRRRRRR!

since 23 weeks, me and hubby have spoken about it we know the outcome that baby could have downs and we get on with our pregnancy as we want our baby reguardless. its the scans that send me right back to the start...

i hate feeling like this.

thanks for your reply xxxx

 

[Gemma Lou]

Thats awful. WHen I had a bad scan experience I rang and asked to speak to the person in charge of all the midwives, they rearranged another scan to put our minds at rest and gave us some pictures to take away. I rang on the friday and had a new scan booked for the monday, it may be worth trying this. Log an official complaint, at the end of the day, you are unique, every mother is important and everyone should be treated with care. x

 

[kbaker09]

Hiya I just wanted to say

By the way, one of my friends who is 36 was told all kinds of crap during her last pregnancy. She was told in the scans by docs/midwives that her baby would have downs/could have a disability etc etc. And guess what - her baby came out absolutely fine! And she's the cutest little thing ever.

I don't want to give you false hopes or mislead you but just wanted to say that these things aren't 100% accurate either way. I hope all goes okay with you and I would definitely complain about the insensitive staff!