Feeling depressed about TTC today...

[Watson101]

Hey all - I'm having a bad day today.

I'm 37, and will be 38 in September. We started TTC 18 months ago now - we wanted to start trying earlier but my dear Dada was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2006 which blew my world apart and I couldn't cope with losing him and TTC all at same time - this July will be the 2nd anniversary since we lost him so hard month for me.

After 6 months without Dada we decided to move on, look to the future and try to start our own family - the constant failure to conceive every month however is now starting to add to the depression and lonlieness that I feel and I now worry that it will never happen for us.

After 6 months with no success we had bloods done and SA which all came back fine. Then in Feb 2011 I got a BFP but then had a miscarriage very early on. Since then I've been charting, cut out booze and caffeine, am having acupuncture, taking chinese herbs every day and have managed to regulate my previously irregular cycle at 31 days but still no BFP - AF arrived this morning.

I think that really after 18 months and approaching 38 years old, being practical I do need to go back to the GP now and ask for more help but I am scared of what they will say and I suppose I was just hoping we'd get another BFP and not have to go down the medical route. Each month I've said to myself if it doesn't work next month we'll go to the GP and each month I've put it off again...

Doesn't help that my sister in law is due on Saturday for her 2nd baby. She's 40 years old and started TTC this 2nd baby way after we had started to TTC our first. I had imagined that at least I would also be expecting by the time she was due but no such luck.

So I guess I am feeling pretty sorry for myself today. Maybe I'll pluck up the courage to go back to the Drs this week. Being an ostrich and just hoping everything will miraculously just work out is not necessarily the best option but I just have so much heartache going on think I am running away from everything else.

 

[dachsundmom]

 

[Jax41]

Hi Watson

I know how you feel, I put off TTC when my lovely Dad was poorly for 5 years (no room for it in my head) and he died last year since then I've joined the TTC waggon!

I'm so sorry you've had a loss, that things are taking longer than expected and that your SIL is about to pop, it's hard hun I know....I've been TTC since Sept 10 and not even had a sniff of a BFP.

Don't be scared to go see your Dr, there is so much that can be done to help things along, as Macwooly says (and she talks a load of sense) Mother Nature needs a kick up the bum sometimes. I first saw my Dr before Xmas, she said we'd not given it long enough and to go back by the summer, I have an appt booked with her on 27th July for help, I so hoped to be preg by now....

Don't lose heart just yet, it will happen and you will get your little we're all here for you when you need us

 

[Saz100]

Watson101 - so sorry to hear of your heartache. It's so difficult and I can totally sympathise with you. Itseems when TTC everyone around you is either expecting or has a baby and that can be like a knife in the heart! You have to try and stay positive, the good news is that all your initial tets came back normal and I really think it just can take that little bit longer when we are of a certain age! I'm 35 and been TTC for 2 and a half yrs with 2 miscarriages inbetween and some days I also feel like it's relentless but try to stay strong there are many option out there for all of us. I think you should definitely bite the bullet and return to see your doctor just to discuss your options bearing in mind that referrals etc can take time. Try and keep your chin up and sending you and all the other lovely ladies on here lots of baby dust

 

[Ruth2307]

Oh dear you poor love. You've had so much to deal with and losing your Dad is very sad too. I'm very sorry to hear this.

We are the same age, I'm 37 (38 in November). Started TTC in Sept 2009, long-awaited BFP April 2011 MMC June 2011.

It is one of the hardest things in the world to 'pick yourself up, dust yourself down and try try try again'. There are days when you wonder is it all worth it? This feeling is usually at its strongest when you're at your most fragile i.e. when AF arrives or when you have to face yet another pregnant woman. Thankfully though the feeling usually passes and you will find the strength from somewhere to go on.

If you're not getting anywhere on your own then perhaps you should go and see your Dr again. Nothing is ever as bad as we imagine and to be honest having an answer or explanation is much better than not knowing what's going on. I know that perhaps you may hear the words 'unexplained infertility' but it's still an answer of sorts if that makes any sense? Besides, we don't know that yet! I don't think ignorance is bliss in this instance.

If you don't get another BFP soon, I hope you find the strength to ask for help and some get answers. You could also ask for some counselling. This journey is very difficult and you if talking to someone is your thing then it can really help. It may also help with coping with the loss of your Dad.

There are so many women like us - just read this forum!! So you are not alone. I hope you can find comfort and support from these wonderful women. Whenever you feel like today and want to express yourself or need advice, just shout and you'll be well looked after.

All the best
xxxx

 

[NorthStar]

TTC pretty much sucks unless you are one of the lucky ones that fall pregnant straight away.

It is worth going back to the doctor and getting checked out though, maybe there's nothing wrong or maybe something minor and easily fixable, you won't know til you ask.

Know exactly what you mean about people around us constantly getting pregnant seemingly at the drop of a hat, but I wonder how many of those were actually trying for ages and even had medical intervention - for some reason there's a stigma attached to this so people tend not to discuss it openly.

How proactive have you been with TTC so far, are you charting/BBT?

 

[sukisam]

oh hunny sorry to hear you lost your Dad, mine died in May 10 and it's still hurts so much. The whole ttc can be so traumatic on top of grieving, especially when AF comes, i find I'm okay all month until the week before my period and then I go bonkers
Like others have said it might be worth going to your doctor for a chat + support. I find the ladies on B+B very supportive so post away as much as you need. I've been charting too for the last few months which has helped me getting the at the right time. It sounds like all the things you're doing are working if your periods have regulated. FX you get a soon.
I'm 39 (40 in Nov) so understand the sense of urgency (that I try very hard to ignore!).

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[tulip girl]

Watson, I feel your pain. So sorry you are out this month. TTC is flipping shite. x x

And...just why is it taking so long? I've been patient, I'm a good person it MUST be my turn soon!

I'm currently feeling ok (ish). I'm 7dpo, so still feeling hopeful, but wait another couple of days or so, till the spotting starts, and then It'll hit me again.

Not sure I can keep going, it's been nearly 2 years since we first started TTC (and a couple of years before that of not being very careful). It's so hard. My job is peeing me off, because I want to be (should be) on maternity leave!

I'm not the same happy person I was before all this started; I wish sometimes we'd never started. Think I really need to call it quits, be happy with our wonderful teenager and get on with life.

Sorry for the doom and gloom, just helps to know someone understands. x x x

 

[Indigo77]

Ladies......

 

[purplelou]

watson -

 

[goldie66]

Me 40 OH 40 ttc #1

Cycle 5 Af due 23rd July

 

[Paige.Br]

I intensely feel the pain you are experiencing with the loss of your DH. I am so touched with your story. It`s so sad to think that getting pregnant is definitely not easy. But, I do believe you still got many reasons to be happy in life. I am praying that you will certainly obtain the happiness that you have aspired for a very long time. God bless!

 

[crystal443]

Hi..my dad died this past February he was only 57, he didn't have cancer he died of complications from Chrones Disease..I miss him everyday. I'm 36 and coming up on 37 and I can tell you that going to the doc to get referred or whatever your next step maybe is a relief..feels like your back in control of things Once you go you'll wonder why you waited so long...good luck

 

[Indigo77]

I can tell you that going to the doc to get referred or whatever your next step maybe is a relief..feels like your back in control of things Once you go you'll wonder why you waited so long...good luck

I hope that's true....

 

[crystal443]

It is...I fretted for the longest time about going to the doctor...but once I went I had choices again...for me the choice is naturally keep trying or IVF. The choice is there so I know where I stand, we tried naturally even after were told that because me in all my infinite wisdom insisted if we were unexplained it would "happen" for us, we did manage to have 2 kids before. That was back in November, I feel like we gave it a good go and I'm ready to move on to IVF in Sept. now. With Dad passing in February and Mom came for a 6 week stay it just wasn't the right time but its feels right now. I'm glad we did it

 

[Watson101]

Dear All, I am so touched by your sweet and supportive responses - thank you for taking the time to write to me - it really does help to hear your voices and encouragement. So sorry Sukisam, Crystal443 and Jax41 to also hear of your losses - TTC on top of grieving is so diffficult.

It is the 2 year anniversary of my Dad's passing on Friday - so my plan is to get through this week somehow and then thanks to your encouragement, I'll bite the bullet and make the Drs appointment next week.

Tulipgirl - I totally get your comment about sometimes wishing you'd never started TTC - it totally affects how you start feeling about everything doesn't it.

Love, thanks and baby dust to everyone. XX

 

[Nat0619]

Watson, I am so very sorry to hear about your dad too, that must be so hard

Our TTC stories are very similar hun As are our ages (I turned 37 last month). We too started TTC around 18 months ago now. We visited docs in January this year after a year trying, I had my bloods done and OH was given a pot to do an SA. My bloods came back fine and OH never ended up getting to do his SA as we got our long-awaited on 21st February this year But unfortunately a mmc was detected at our 12 week scan on 19th April - stopped developing at 6 weeks I had medical management for mc on 27th April.

So I too am now back to TTC and am terrified of it taking a year again (or more!) I feel like time is running out for us I wish I didn't want children, it would be so much easier x

 

[tigerlilly]

Oh honey I know just how you feel. Firstly i'm sorry to hear about your dad I,m 38 and have been trying for 18mnts and i also have depression for which I take meds but will have to stop soon as i have bfp.

My SIL has annouced she is 5 weeks pg she has irregular periods and hr dh is very under weight smokes and drink and they have done nothing to improve their health! and we have swapped to a mainly vegatairan diet, exercise regulary we have have also spent over a year researching products and our values as parents. What really makes me angry is she has been playing the age card at 29 and how she can't get pg and the hardest part is she's using the baby to get what she wants.

TTC is a hard journey and you have many friends on hear and we are all hear to support each other. much love to you, and big hugs xxxxx

 

[lisap2008]

So very sorry for the loss of your Dad. I understand I had 2 friends one who was 42 and the other was 44 and both gave birth to healthy babys a year ago . here I am still TTC ,gives me hope though that it can happen .

 

[Watson101]

Aww thanks Lisap2008 - I think that's what we all need on here - a little positivity and some lovely examples of it all coming right in the end.

Nat0619 - we do have similar TTC stories and ages! - my MC was at only 2 weeks tho so no medical intervention necessary. I've been seeing a Chinese Dr since my MC for acupuncture and herbs - wanted to get everything healthy and working so that if I am lucky enough for another BFP we won't lose it - not that there are any guarantees about that tho It certainly has made my cycles regular if nothing else so that has got to be good.

Tigerlilly - I share your frustration at those who seem to fall pregnant without even trying... we have also ditched the booze, sugar, caffeine, started going to the gym etc etc in an effort to improve our chances - is OK when you start with the lifestyle changes but hard to sustain month after month when you don't feel you are getting anywhere - I guess we just need to hang in there together knowing at least we are doing all we can for a BFP.

xx