- Feb 25, 2008
- Reaction score
Im really just having one of those days. Broke down today crying today and just felt so cranky and upset. Looked in my closet to find something to wear tonight and I have nothing! Nothing that fits, nothing that looks good...just all crap! My self esteem isnt that great lately and I have been major hard on myself I just dont know why. I used to have fairly good self esteem, not great but I was okay with how I looked and I felt fine. When I got pregnant the first time I started to get really bad acne (my skin used to be really nice) so now Im always worried and paranoid about my face and I really just want it cleared up. I started to gain weight which in all honesty was really weird for me because I have always been thin and petite. I know some may think thats petty and that Im worrying about nothing but it really is playing on my mind especially since being pregnant twice and having the 2 miscarriages. I probbly wouldnt be that concerned with my weight if I had clothes that fit properly. I have stretch marks all over my legs and the backs of my knees which I hate but doesnt surprise me. I am 4ft 11in and can never find clothes to fit me and really dont have the money or time to get all my clothes tailored which I would love to do. If clothes fit me around the waist then they are wayyy too long as now my waist size is bigger than it used to be. If the clothes fit in the length then they are usually way too small around the waist. I just seem to never be able to win. Honestly if you were to ask my bestfriend she would even say for me to have this weight on me is weird to see (although she would also say I look fine the way I am-just is different for me)...I just feel fat, I hate my hair, I hate my clothes, I hate this acne and I just feel ugly. I dont have the money to make myself feel beautiful by getting my hair cut or getting new clothes etc so I guess I will just have to feel this way for a while. I honestly just feel down on myself right now. You really dont have to comment on this I just needed somewhere to vent how I feel as my husband tells me I am beautiful anyways but just doesnt understand how I really feel and no matter how much I really try to talk to him about it he always says "I think you are beautiful' but its different. I dunno...probably doesnt make sense and some may not understand but its just how I am feeling lately. If I was pregnant or have had a child I really dont think I would be this worried about all this as it would all be worth it but I have just feel like I have nothing to show for it. Sorry for the rambling and whatnot.