Feeling so alone.

Misscalais

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So my husband is pretty much never at home, works long hours 6 days a week. He goes to the pub after work a few times a week as well so its mostly just me and my boys at home. I have no family or friends where we live, i feel so isolated and depressed. This weekend he's off doing his own thing (scuba course ) which is something i wanted to do together and he had a boys weekend away a few weeks ago. I love my husband more than anything but im not sure why he doesn't want to spend time with me any more. Hes normally a really supportive and caring person. I honestly feel like i will end up being a single mum some time in the future.
 
Dear :hugs: :hugs:
Well I really don't have any advice nor do I want to say something ridiculously obvious. But you're not alone sweetie! If it helps, I can relate because my family is not near me so it's hard not having that support.


Have you tried to explain how you feel? Remember that this too will pass <3 :flow:
 
You should join a mothers group or play group, do your own thing and make your own friends, don't be there waiting when he gets home, make him wonder where you are and who you are with, he has got too comfortable and complacent! New friends with kids like yourself will boost your confidence and either he will start prioritising you again..or maybe you just won't care as much anymore, sounds harsh but it's true!
 
:hugs:

I can relate. Only my husband is jobless, and is alway right here.. He does squat to help and is always on his PC.
We live with my terminally ill mom and my good-for-nothing basement troll brother.

I feel so alone all the time, and I am pretty sure I will be a single mom soon..
 
I can relate too. My oh is on a 17 day cycling trip in Asia. Gets back on Monday, home fr 1 weekend & then of fr a boy's weekend skiing. I must be insane to allow all that! He works long hours and need a physical release as his job is high stress. We used to do these things together, but he never adjusted his rythm to a baby or toddler or me being prego again, so I end up alone often while he does his thing. I'll be alone probably fr the next 4-5 years. Hopefully we'll have a relationship left by then.
 
Thanks girls. Its so tough, he's always been like a best friend to me and now he doesn't really want anything to do with me. It's heart breaking.
Im sorry for everyone going through similar situations its just not fair.
Im hoping having our baby girl will soften his heart again.
 
So sorry your feeling alone :hugs:

I'm in similar situation, OH works everyday and don't see us till bed time! I live far from my family and hate that. Just wish they were close enough to go see them as much as I wanted to.
 
HI
I can also relate. I live in nz and all my family are in the UK. Dh works 7 days a week on our business and I work 3. I feel so alone too. Sometimes I wonder what's the point if living in nz.

I see you have 3 kids already. I'm wondering if your oh just wants his own space (whether rightly or wrongly) rather than him not wanting to spend time with you. I get frustrated when Dh decides he wants to do something else rather than spend his free time with dd and he doesn't realise he is even doing that.
Is it possible perhaps to arrange a baby sitter and you and oh do something fun together?
 
Oh Calais, I'm sorry to hear this! I would definitely make it known I wasn't happy and if things didn't change I would do what take2 said! For him to just leave you at home and him do his thing when you don't have alone time is really unfair to me. I'd talk to him and see where his head is at so you don't lose him completely. Not saying you would but since it was never like this, something is going on.
 
Like winterbabies said something has to be going on! Be calm but don't fudge about how you feel lady. The best way to resolve anything is to communicate. :hugs:
 
Thanks girls.
Given that he didn't want this baby in the beginning put a lot of stress on our relationship which i did not expect. We both didn't want any more children but you know i didn't just magically get pregnant.
His business is extremely stressful, lack of help from my inlaws frustrates him too. I feel like he's taking all the frustration out on me because there's no one else to blame.
Id understand if he never got to have any time out but he always gets to have time out while im stuck at home, i kind of feel neglected ( not just by him, but family and friends as well ) no one makes an effort except me, i just doesn't get it. I feel like im more of a nanny and a maid rather then a wife and a mother.
 
Hi miscalais, even though I'm in a similar situation, where I get left while oh is 'enjoying himself', I know as well that it's as lonely fr him as it is fr me. He wld love me to join him, but his activities are just not catering fr any family-activity. I'm trying to find something that we all do & he would enjoy but its hard. Especially since pregnancy doesn't suit me and I'm often more dead than alive by the time he gets home.
I'll have to talk to him when he gets back from his holiday. I'll have someone babysit our son & we'll go fr a meal. I'm planning to make it a nice evening to reconnect without moaning my way through the date. I know we love each other but we need to feel that connection especially when we are spending so much time away from each other. So, miss Calais, my humble advice; ditch the kids fr an evening, set up a date with your OH & just enjoy that time together. That might bring you closer to each other again. X
 
Hi miscalais, even though I'm in a similar situation, where I get left while oh is 'enjoying himself', I know as well that it's as lonely fr him as it is fr me. He wld love me to join him, but his activities are just not catering fr any family-activity. I'm trying to find something that we all do & he would enjoy but its hard. Especially since pregnancy doesn't suit me and I'm often more dead than alive by the time he gets home.
I'll have to talk to him when he gets back from his holiday. I'll have someone babysit our son & we'll go fr a meal. I'm planning to make it a nice evening to reconnect without moaning my way through the date. I know we love each other but we need to feel that connection especially when we are spending so much time away from each other. So, miss Calais, my humble advice; ditch the kids fr an evening, set up a date with your OH & just enjoy that time together. That might bring you closer to each other again. X
Thanks hun.
Getting 3 kids baby sat is hard lol my mum is the only one who is willing mind them and she lives 5 hours away. But when we do visit she always offers to take the kids for a few hours so DH and i can either have dinner or lunch together. My fil lives next door but because he couldn't even raise his own children he has no idea what to do with them. They pop over from time to time and help him in the garden etc but i can't leave them with him go any where. I just feel like DH is being more selfish than he should be for a married man.
 
I think he is too. I'm not trying to put him down at all, I'm sure he is great and is stressed. I loved doing my own thing back in the day, but dh was not to fond of it. I'd go with my mom for an all day thing and DH would be home from work by himself. It wasn't fair (even tho I would love to have a house to myself with no kids!! :haha:) we never see eye to eye on things like this but I compromised and only go with my mom sometimes and do things with dh first.
 
I would just have a sit down talk with him and even schedule a nice dinner at home so he can spend time with you and the kids.
 
I think he is too. I'm not trying to put him down at all, I'm sure he is great and is stressed. I loved doing my own thing back in the day, but dh was not to fond of it. I'd go with my mom for an all day thing and DH would be home from work by himself. It wasn't fair (even tho I would love to have a house to myself with no kids!! :haha:) we never see eye to eye on things like this but I compromised and only go with my mom sometimes and do things with dh first.
Yeah i think it wouldn't be so hard for me if i could just pop into see my family or friends while hes off doing things every now and then but because i have no one here and i really hate being home on my own it makes it really hard for me. I don't think he understands how hard it is for me. Im hoping that we will be able to do a little get away together before the baby arrives. With Christmas coming up as well he will have some time off work and my mum should be able to mind the boys for a night when we go visit.
 
It just makes the days so long when it's just yourself and kids. I completely know how that is when dh works long hours. So lonely and really depressing!
 
Yes I'm hearing you. I spend every day on my own (when I work it's just me in the office) . It would be nice to just pop and see my family.
I think I'm quite depressed over it.
Then all I do it seems is tidy and clean. No fun at all.
 
I've been silently reading this thread. I'm really amazed at how you ladies handle managing a household,plus kids with little or no help!!! It's incredible! I think you ladies should give yourself many pats on your backs for doing such a great job and holding the fort all this time!

I don't have my family where I live, but my in-laws live not too far away. And to be honest, I did have a long "discussion" with them to be more involved in the lives of the grandkids. My sons are 4 and 2 and we have only just established a mini routine that involves the in-laws taking the kids once a week so I know that my Wednesdays are my breather days. Things will change again when baby #3 is born, so I'm trying to milk these breather days as much as I can. Hub tries to help out more with the household, but he's self-employed with a company with about 30 employees so he's pretty busy at work too.

I do go for cellgroup with my church once a week without the kids, so that's me-time and so much needed. We read the bible, pray together and I find it really good for my soul.

Just want to encourage you to keep trying to find pockets of time to do things that you like and enjoy. It really takes the monotony of being a mom and wife and doing chores around the house off.
 

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