Femmes Fetales - (PAL) Holding onto Hope 9 months and on...

[sparkle]

Sam- well done, reaching out is the first step. I had pnd after C, it was diagnosed at about 8 weeks when I burst into tears on the hv. Know that there is help out there and it does get better. I also suffered from depression in my teens and this often comes back as pn too. If you want to talk we are all always here and please pm me if I can help. One thing I would say is let yourself feel this, dont try to block it out. If you need to cry, cry. Look after yourself xxx

 

[Beanwood]

Shell What gorgeous photos.

Sam - Oh hun. I agree with everybody else that it is good that you have recognised the symptoms and asking for help. That is so important and I think that you should be very proud of the fact that you are being so sensible and not trying to ignore it.
It is so hard and the feelings and expectations that you put on yourself as a mum are very intense. You want to be the best at everything and that is understandable. You are human, do not be hard on yourself.
XX Sending you lots of hugs. XX

 

[shelleney]

Sam - so sorry to hear you are going through this, Hun. Its wonderful that you have recognised the signs and are seeking help. But please dont feel guilty, it is not your fault. You are a brilliant Mum, and once you get the right treatment, you will be able to enjoy Jessica to the fullest.
Also, i dont have PND at all, but sometimes I wish Freya would just leave me alone. If she is being too demanding on me during the day, I am desperate for her to go to sleep so that I can just be "me".
So what you are feeling is completely normal, Hun, and nothing to be embarassed or ashamed about.

Take care
xx

 

[Vixmar]

Evening ladies!!

Took me a while to read missed posts! only read from 281 so sorry if i missed anything important!!

Sam- Im so sorry you feel like that, what your wrote brought tears to my eyes becasue that matches my exact feeling i had for jessica when she was born 8yrs ago.... but well done for admitting it so soon i left it to the point i almost got to the point i could have damaged myself and her, and people offering to have her for a few hours isnt really helpful but when you tell anoyone how you feel they go quiet coz deppresion is a tabo subject, and all you need is someone to listen to you and understand and they just dont get it!! i was put on proxac and offered councilling and a family support worker... it takes time but you will get through it, im here any time if you need a chat, big hugs hun!! xxxxx

Grand- Sorry to hear about your painful bf, i admire how far youve come with it x

Lil- Good news on you app! all your obs sound perfect! Not long noweeeccckkk! x

Bean- Poor Nate!! but glad its finally getting sorted! finger x for ya!! x

Amber- Grace is such a cutie!! i love her dark locks!! x

Shell- I loved Freyas flower head band its adorable! Wheres it from??? as for the teething libby is dribbling alot (ive bought some funky bibs from ebay they are adorable and a hell alot more absorbant than bibs) and hands in the mouth 24/7! Zack didnt get his first tooth till 21months!! So im not expecting any for at least a year lol

Sparkle- Hope your monkey stays put as long as poss for you!

Sorry if ive missed anyone! im such a empty head, ive had to write down what i wanted to say as usual!!

AFM
So muc to say but wont bore you all!!
Has a fab xmas and ny with family,
Andy didnt have much time off but what we did was nice,
Libby currently has a suspected chest infection, she has had a horrid cough since her cold two weeks ago and it wont go, unsure if she should have her jabs i took hger to gp, who queried infection but she doesnt have temp and feeding fine and genrally happy but gave meds and atrovent inhaler just incase....
I have got her a bumbo and it is fab! shes only spending a few min at mo in it but she enjoys it, shes also fallen in love with the mirror on her play gym!! she can now grab out for her toys and chew them! Shes growing every day and it makes me sad lol

As for me, New year same old crap!! Feeling a little overwhelmed with the 3 kids at mo, as Libs is growing she wants attention 24/7 but so do the other two, and im constantly split in 3!! im struggling to get libby in her cot before andy goes to bed as she hates silence so i have no 'me' time at all!! Im feeling isolated from work and freinds and trouble filling my time tbh, im waiting for some courses to start at sure start, baby massage and weaning classes, even tho ive done them 2 times already its just for company really! ill get there eventually im just used to being busy and surrounded by adults and maternity leave is getting to me!!
And my cat daisey had to be put down yesterday.... absoluley gutted, she had kidney failure due to my ass of a neigbour spraying dodgy weed killer on his grass.... my poor baby was suffering for months and we never knew! weve spend a fortune on vets bills this week on scans and bloods etc... but we finally decided to let her rest last night and it was incredibly sad she was part of our family!!

And ive got my second peroid since libby!! yay!!! since we started getting bk to my dear hubby thinks we need to make up for 8 weeks of lack of sex! driving me insane that man, i cant load the washer without being attacked!! so i now have a weeks break yay!!

Anyway ladies i have babys to feed and cleaning to do~!
night xx

 

[Beanwood]

Oh Vix I am sorry to hear that Libby has been poorly.

I am sorry to hear about your cat, that is very sad. We have cats and you are right they are like part of the family.

Big husg.... XXX

 

[Amberyll23]

I don't have much time to catch up with everyone tonight, but I wanted to give Sam a huge hug. Hun, you are not a bad mother. In fact, you are showing just how wonderful a mother you are by recognizing your symptoms and getting help. I applaud you for the strength you are showing in addressing this head on!! I did not get ppd but like grand, I have, and still do get the baby blues. We want so much to be the best mommies we can be, so we end up forgetting about our own needs, and we need to remember that we have to take care of ourselves too!

Please know that we are all here for you Hun to support you!

 

[XxSamBxX]

you ladies are amazing and all your kind words have made me cry i would never of got thru the things i have without you guys you were there when i had my miscarriages, thru my pregnancy and now thru this i just want to thank each and everyone of you for the support you have given me and the support i know you will all offer in the future when needed you are such beautiful people and i am truly blessed to have met you all and i know i met you thru sad circumstances but i wouldnt change it because it gave me Jessica and has made me realize i really am not alone. And if i could i would send each of you a massive bunch of flowers and choccies all of you are such amazing mothers and i hope i can one day be as amazing as you guys and i know i will be.

If i didnt have Jessica i wouldnt address the depression i would of suffered in silence but i know i am prone to suicidal tendency's in the past and i can not and will not put myself at that point where one moment i do something stupid, because it was always a split second decision to try and take my own life before and then i would think of all the people i would be leaving behind and the hurt i would cause so i would always go to the hospital for treatment, i as a mother WILL NOT put my daughter thru that whether she understands or not I understand so i wont knowingly let myself get to that point i got thru it once i will get thru it again because i have so much more to fight for now I have Jessica and she is all i have ever wanted when people asked me as a child what i wanted to be when i grew up i always said a mother and a vet well i didnt achieve the vet part but i did achieve being a mother and i am gonna do everything in my power to be the best mother a little girl can ask for.

Sorry about the massive speech one of the worst effects of depression is not being able to sleep and when i'm tired i ramble on.

I hope you all have a fab day I love you all my Femmes Fetales sisters xxx

 

[shelleney]

Hi Vix.
Good to hear from you. I got Freya's headbands from ebay. I got 6 different colours. she looks so cute in them! i can send you the link if you would like to get some for Libby?
Sorry to hear Libby has a suspected chest infection. Im sure I read somewhere that you dont have to postpone her vaccinations if its just a cold. but obviously get a second oppinion, dont take my word for it!
Glad to hear that you had a fab Christmas and New Year together. and its great that Libby likes her Bumbo seat. Freya loves hers! Isnt it crazy how fast our babies are growing up?
Sorry to hear you are feeling overwhelmed and have no "me" time. I feel the same, although I only have 1 child, so Im sure its much harder for you with 3! I hope that Andy is giving you enough help when he's at home? and I understand you feeling isolated when you're at home with no adult interaction, I feel the same. I hope you manage to get out to the Sure Start centre, and make some Mummy friends there.
Also, really sorry to hear about your poor cat. At least she is resting in peace now.
You made me laugh about being pleased to get your period so you could avoid your OH's advances! my OH has started attacking me too, but I often just tell him im not in the mood! lol.
Take care Hun xx

 

[grandbleu]

Shell - Freya has such a cute smile! I love her in that little seat - is it expensive??? I think Indy gets tired of laying down or being held by me.

Sparkle - So happy that AA is a sticky baby despite the early labor...hope she hangs on at least on more week but every day she's in is great!

Amber - Oh my gosh I love the pouting bottom lip - so sad but so cute at the same time...it's funny that babies get all these expressions that we've not taught them yet.

Lil - Sounds like you might not have an induction after all if your cervix is already favorable...just so you know if you are perfectly healthy and so is baby there's no reason to induce at all if you don't want to.

Vix - So sorry about your cat - we don't have animals in our home (although we want some!) but I know they are part of the family for most people that do. I also understand about not getting any "me" time...Indy is attached to me most of the day and it's overwhelming...my classes start up again this week and I'm desperate for them as well!

Sam - Continued for you during this hard time. I hope you get a therapist very soon so you can talk about your feelings and feel free to come on here and "chat" to us as well.

PS. To all those expressing ladies (Shell/Amber...who else???) I need help again - I tried expressing today and got a dismal 5ml/.25 ounces after 30 minutes of manual pumping...I can't do anymore time because Indy needs me to pay attention to him and also my nipples are so sore already and pumping even hurts them now. Is there a technique to get more milk out??? I feel like I'll never get a full bottle at this rate....

 

[XxSamBxX]

Grand - when i used a manual pump i only got tiny amounts and then when i got an electric pump i found i would get double that i did when using a manual also i hand expressed to get a little more which isnt as harsh. i'm not an expert just thought i'd offer my "knowledge" lol just wish i could breast feed

 

[sparkle]

Grand- can offer a few tips from when I expressed with C. Like Sam i got much more from an electric than a manual pump. I used to express one side and feed the other as I felt my 'let down' was better, especially on the first feed of the day. It also helps to see LO when you are expressing, either a picture or real life apparently! It does take a while to express, but once you work it in it should be easier.

 

[kizzyt]

Sam, massive hugs to you Hun, well done for seeking help, that more than proves you are a good mum to me xxx

 

[Vixmar]

Shell yes please post the link!
And my dam periods turned into not much prob due to my depo jab, but as far as andys concerned its full on heavy and painful ha ha! And Libby did have her jabs in the end that day but as I'd booked for doc and jabs the jab nurse called us first and said she was ok to have them, doc then said she shouldn't have incase she has symptoms from anti biotics that we mistake for jab symptoms! But luckily she's been fine with both sets of jabs and the meds! I give 1.5ml of calpol before jabs and 1ml after just incase! Hope freyas go well this week! X

 

[Beanwood]

Vix - glad libby is ok.

I might have that depo jab Vix. I had it when I was about 20 as I had really painful periods and it stopped them completely. I seem to remember having put weight on then though. How do you find it???

I asked dh last nite if he would consider anymore. NOOOOOOOO way. Silly really because I really don't think that I do either. Don't think I could go through all that again. I don't like being told NO though. I want the decision to be mine. Kinda selfish I know. Couldn't afford it anyway - would need an extension.

Hope everyone is ok. XX

Sam - how are you feeling hun? XX

 

[Amberyll23]

Shell--Freya is such a doll, I LOVE her smile!! And those flowers are too cute!! She really is such a happy, joyous and adorable little lady!!! Hope her shots go well this week hun!

Sparkle--how is AA doing today hun?

Bean-- on Nate taking a bottle! Grace is the same way, btw, she always wants the breast, even after a bottle, I find I have to distract her, lol.

lil--I hope you don't end up needing an induction, but sounds like you are in good hands if that is the case!! and if you do, i hope it goes smoothly for you!!! I'm with neffie, do you have any guesses on if the little one is a boy or a girl?

Sam--extra hugs to you today, still thinking of you Just take things one day at a time, it WILL get better and you are doing the right things.

Vix--I am so sorry to hear about your kitty. Like I said on FB, it is so hard to lose a pet, I hope things are getting better, it just takes time, sometimes LOTS of time. Also sorry to hear that Libby has been feeling poorly--I hope her infection clears up and that getting her shots did not cause any confusion. I saw a bumbo in the store yesterday and almost bought it---how old should they be when you start putting them in it? Grace loves sitting up in our laps, but she still needs lots of help and support. Glad to hear your cycles area back on track and you and DH are having some fun (even thought it may seem like too much fun!! that is what all those months without will do--my DH is dying to get us back in action, lol)!! I am hoping once the hag takes her exit, we can start soon!

Grand--try not to express so long at the beginning. My lactation consultant said to start out slow, like 10-15 minutes, to get them used to the pump (because it is very different from what our little ones do when they feed). Starting out at 30 minutes probably made you very sore--let yourself get used to the pump. Also, try pumping for a couple of minutes after Indy feeds--you won't get a lot, but it is supposed to encourage production. Finally, the other ladies are right, electric pumps will give you more production than manual. I have a double electric pump that I use now, but started out with a manual one when we got home so I could get used to the suction, etc.--because it really is a different sensation and makes me feel like a cow! mooo! lol

Hope all you other ladies are doing well and enjoying your weekend!

AFM: Grace has discovered herself in the mirror, it is one of the most precious things. She smiles and coos at herself, and then buries her head in my shoulder like she is shy, lol. I could spend hours watching her do this! lol Also bought her a belly mat with a pillow yesterday to help her with her bellytime--hoping that will help her strengthen her arms (her legs are already very strong) for when she starts crawling--she spends so little time on her belly, and she hates it, so I am hoping the mat will help. Cradle swing is now a huge hit with her, thank god--I thought my investment in it was going to go out the window--or to Goodwill, lol. Neffie--you asked why it could not go to daycare--our daycares here in Pittsburgh don't let us bring in large personal items for the children--I can bring in a favorite blanket or small toy (doll, etc.) if she is attached to it, but that is it. I think it is to avoid having the place overloaded with other people's toys/items, liability issues if something broke, etc. I just hope they know what they are in for if we can't get her crib-broke by Feb! lol

 

[XxSamBxX]

Hiya Ladies :hey:

Vix - I hope Libby feels better and i'm glad she didnt some of the nasty side effects off the jabs.

Bean - Talking of more kids already? i am like you would like the decision of how many we have to be mine to but i know its a joint one my OH wants 2 kids but i want 3 might have to trick him after the second child lmao!!
Today is a good day feeling very up beat but taking everyday as they come no expectations.

Kizzy - Thank you

Grand - how is the expressing is it any better? i find my expressing very frustrating but i dont produce enough to deal with Jessica's demand for milk so she is on formula until i can keep up with her but she is on 60 - 90ml every 2 hours and i only produce 10ml after expressing for 20mins so just waiting for mil to kick in FX'd.

Amber- Thank you hun i am taking each day as they come got my doctors appointment on tuesday so hopefully they have some help for me. I didnt know they did belly mats? Jessica LOVES belly time its her fave she has started pushing her bum in the with her legs extended lol and she keeps getting stuck with her legs in the air and all her weight on her shoulder so i think she is thinking about trying to roll over in a few weeks.

If i have missed anyone i'm sorry i hope your all well

AFM - Today i am feeling very upbeat Jessica has been quite colicy for a few days and is really struggling to get her wind up and only finds it comfortable to sleep either on her belly or side (like her mom) if she falls asleep on her back after an half hour or she she will wake up screaming like someone has just slapped her or something. She also spat up clear liquid earlier when she was asking for a feed could this be because she was hungry and it was excess stomach acid should i mention it to the doctor on tuesday as she has an appointment after mine because she has been snuffly for 5wks She is starting to smile when i talk to her the corner of her mouth is starting to curl my baby is growing up lol she will be going off to highschool soon

 

[IMPPEARL]

Wow so much to catch up.

Sam sorry you are feeling blue but like everyone has said good for you for recognizing the signs and getting help!

Grand I know what you mean about getting virtually nothing when you try to express. Me too! Lol Alia eats so much I've never been engorged and most of the time I feel like I am just going through the motions of bf'ing cuz I'm empty. So when I express I get an ounce at most. A friend of mind suggested waiking up during the night to try. Alia is sleeping 6-7 hours at night. I tried this last night and finally filled my 1st bottle! Though I did have 2ozs in it already. So maybe if your lo is sleeping well you could try that?

Afm. I've been getting sleep ok. But I've still been exhausted. I really feel for those of you who's lo's wake alot during the night! Alia sleeps mostly 11pm-6am or so and I'm still finding it hard. She's feeling better for the most part. Still has a bit of a cough but not too bad. But she's just such a mommies girl. Dh holds her and only lasts maybe 10 min before she cry's and wants mommy. And it Frusterates him too cuz he wants to hold and love her but she just won't have it. It doesn't help that we've never given her a passifier and she won't take it now anyway. So all she wants is brest. But I'm duying for some me time too! Anyway. Hope everyone is well. Sorry I can never remember what I want to say to you all! But thanks for everyone's help and support!

 

[grandbleu]

Imp - You are so lucky Alia is a great sleeper so soon. Indigo still gets up 3-5 times a night which unfortunately doesn't leave time for pumping if I want to get any sleep but I'll definitely try that technique when he sleeps a bit more. Don't worry about her not wanting to be so much with dad just yet - you are her world right now of all warm and yummy things..she'll branch out very soon and definitely have him participate in bath time, play time, singing, reading, walks, baby wearing, pram pushing, nappy changes so they can bond then. To get your "me" time what we do is OH takes Indigo on an hour or 2 hour walk after work so I can just relax and do whatever. We don't do it every day but like 3 times a week - it really helps .

Sam - So glad you're feeling better and so is Jessica! Indy likes side sleeping as well. He's also always spitting up but if your LO is gaining weight and doesn't seem upset by the spit ups then it's totally fine. Smiles ROCK and make all the hard work worth it

Amber - Indy hates belly time as well so let us know if the mat helps! I work with him on his rolling over skills and it has helped him if I'm laying down just next to him - he lasts longer. Thanks for the pumping advice very helpful

 

[Amberyll23]

grand--yw hun! also, try expressing first thing in the morning if you can. for some reason even a couple hours of sleep (after Grace's witching hour wakeup) seems to give me the best supply. maybe that is true for you too!!

on the mat, i will definitely keep you posted!! We tried it some today and she seems to like it a lot, especially the support pillow because that keeps her from lying totally flat on her belly, which is what she hates. she was scooting across the mat with her feet, lol. here is the one we got for her: https://www.walmart.com/ip/Bright-Starts-Prop-and-Play-Mat-Little-Blooms/14675788 There is also a non-pink one as well for little boys or mommies tired of pink! hehe

Imp--so good to hear from you hun! Don't worry, Alia will get used to daddy, it just takes a little time. We do something similar to what Grand does. When DH comes home from work, we do "Daddy time" which is exclusive time (an hour or so) for him and Grace--I'm usually nearby, but not so close that I distract her-usually in kitchen cooking or upstairs napping/doing laundry, haha! It was hard at first (all she wanted was me), but now she looks at it as playtime--they make faces at each other and play on her einstein mat, etc. I also agree with Grand--make sure he helps out with baths, changes, feedings (if you are teaching her on expressed bottles), it helps with their bonding a lot!

I too am jealous of Alia's sleeping habits! I'm still happy to get 4 hours! lol

Sam--so glad to hear you are starting to feel better hun. I will keep you and Jessica in my thoughts and hope your appointments on Tuesday go well!!

 

[lilrojo]

Hey ladies.. hope your all well.. I honestly go back and forth on the sex.. I would love a boy as i have a daughter right now.. but honestly just want a happy and healthy baby..so we will see in a few more weeks..haha cant wait.. till the sleepless nights start, but they are worth it..