FINALLY got rid of that AWFUL cow (MIL)!

[MImom2be]

While I usually seek advice (not just pregnancy, but even dealing with hubby's family) I don't think I've ever posted an update.

Some of you may have remembered how I was having SO many issues with my husband's family, if not, here's a QUICK recap (full version would take PAGES upon pages to explain)

-His grandparents are pushy, but not overly offensive.
-His mother has treated me like crap since day one, and has ruined most special events involving hubby and myself.
-Things with his father have IMPROVED, Thank God!
-His mother ruined ANOTHER family get together (as I will explain in detail, as this is a rather new development)

Mind you, that was a quick recap, which doesn't make them sound ALL that bad, but if some of you remember previous posts about it, you'll know, his family has been intolerable.

Okay, here was the FINAL straw that broke the "camel's" back.

I had my baby shower on April 13th. His mother OFFERED to host it (I SHOULD'VE been suspicious THEN!) and we (hubby and I) agreed.

All throughout the pregnancy she has said she resents us for getting pregnant before SHE was ready (Um, didn't know my uterus responded to YOUR demands, but, okay), she blamed ME for us having a girl (Nope, doesn't work that way, either!), and there have been SO many lines she has crossed, and has made life (prior to pregnancy as well) living hell.

Anyway, so because she's rude most days anyway, I just let her plan away, I really couldn't give a rat's a$$ about what decorations she used, what food she brought, etc... BUT, I myself handled invites, so as to make sure her friends and family didn't out number mine (she doesn't need strength in numbers!) and that was fine!

So the day of the shower, people showed up (mostly my friends and family, thank goodness!) and everything was fine! She was late getting there, so I had to set most of the stuff up myself, and she was yelling at me to hurry up and that I was decorating wrong (You'd have been proud, I kept my mouth shut through it!) but once my guests got there, she enlisted them to decorate and started yelling at them!!! My GUESTS!

What I ended up doing to handle my guests who were being shouted at, insulted and belittled (normally I am on the receiving end), was I gathered them, just told them to just throw the decorations on the tables and I'd get them, that they were MY guests and not to be enlisted slaves.

Okay, so we got past the decoration phase.

Then the party starts. I was being social, floating from table to table, thanking everyone, checking in with old friends and just telling everyone how happy I was that they were there! That went fine.

However, once dear, sweet, Mother In Law started hearing my conversations (I was telling people how happy I was we were having a girl, and happy to be pregnant) she starts yelling what a disappointment my pregnancy was, because SHE didn't tell us it was alright to get pregnant, and that if she (our daughter) is anything like her mother, she'd never baby sit, and what a MAJOR let down it was that our baby wasn't a boy.

AGAIN, I ignored her (thinking maybe if I didn't feed the troll, it'd go away). Nope. Got LOUDER. Even HER family/friends told her she was being rude!

Okay, so the party just got worse, we won't go into details, but basically it involved me ending the party because my guests were sick of hearing her nasty mouth, and I tried to get out of there as soon as I could.

Flash forward to current; I have refused to speak to her, respond to her texts/facebook comments, have refused to meet up with her, etc... Nick (hubby) went to go talk to her last night. He explained to her that her behavior not ONLY at my baby shower but over the last 3 1/2 years was totally unacceptable and wouldn't be tolerated. That she had voided her right to her granddaughter and daughter in law.

Not only did this nasty cow have the NERVE to say, "Good, I didn't approve of you being with that low life (me) anyway, I wouldn't want anything to do with anything that came out of her! (our daughter)" but she ALSO said she had never done ANYTHING wrong, that I was clearly blowing things out of proportion and that "as usual, she's making drama" (talking about me) YEAH, I was the one making drama.

But yeah, Nick finally told her she wasn't welcome in my life or the baby's until she learned to grow up, keep her damn mouth shut (I'm sure it wasn't worded that way) and be an adult.

Must say, since blocking her from my cell phone/facebook/etc... I have felt SUCH a level of peace, a LIFTING feeling and just feeling better about my pregnancy! I'm sure I haven't heard the last of her, as Nick refuses to swear off sucking his mommy's teat (sorry, still a little pissed that he allowed her to once again, bad mouth me) but at least my daughter is safe from her as am I!...for now.

 

[Piper84]

OMG the crazy bitch. Hope your husband keeps her at arm's length from now on too

 

[Julesillini8]

Oh man. How could a grandmother say that? Uh. Well, glad your husband talked to her and blatantly let her know that her behavior and treatment of you and your daughter is unacceptable. I remember reading your post about possibly lying about which hospital so she won't be in there for the delivery. Hope things calm down for you and you won't be bothered by her antics anymore....

 

[Julesillini8]

Just so you know, baby girls are glorious, don't listen to her

 

[iwantabub]

Great news your hubby stood up to her Hun.


Xx enjoy the peace and your beautiful bubby girl

 

[mnonie]

So glad you guys are getting so much deserved rest bite from your mil it's long over due . Enjoy your pregnancy, sounds like you've been reasonable over her behaviour . Xx

 

[MImom2be]

Nick/Hubby has already said he refuses to cut her out of HIS life, and that is FINE (really, what choice do I have?) but he also CLEARLY understands that our daughter will NOT be attending ANYTHING which his mother will be at. THAT I can settle with!

Maybe it's just my opinion, but a "grandmother" who is willing to say all that about her own first grandchild does not have ANY right to see that child.

My child will NEVER grow up being treated/talked to the way she does to me, and Nick. I'll bury the bitch before that.

But yes, while she will unfortunately always be getting fed information about her, and I cannot FULLY remove her from our daughter's life, at least, for now, I have a solution I can work with.

Nick also realizes that any sort of get together we host, either just for family or specifically for our daughter, she will NOT be in attendance.

I wish I could say that since the 13th (my shower) this hasn't caused a rift in my marriage, but that'd be a gross lie. We (Nick and I) have gone round and round about divorce every single day, since it happened. Despite agreeing that 90% of our BIG fights over the years have always had at least SOMETHING to do with her, he still wants her in his life.

I don't get it, she does that shit to him too, but whatever. So long as that nasty heifer isn't in MY life or my daughter's, I'll settle for that!

 

[xdxxtx]

My partner's brother is 11, so we obviously don't share a MIL... but my MIL could have been yours otherwise. I SWEAR I could have written this (IF I'd been ballsy enough to let her throw us a shower)! I'm so proud of you AND, although your husband is still "sucking her teat" (LOL love it), hopefully he will grow up and realize how harmful this woman is for your family AND your marriage.

 

[sophie22]

Good riddance to bad rubbish!

 

[Jenafyr4]

Although my current MIL is WONDERFUL, my ex's mom was like this. My ex was a titty baby (still is) and NEVER stood up to his mom, which turned into me and her getting in to it... She was ALWAYS in our business (mainly becuz of my ex) She made a HUGE scene at the birth of our second son because the DOCTOR asked her (and others) (not my mom) to step outside...then she left and said I told them to tell her to leave Hello Bitch I'm in labor I didn't know what was going on!!!! Needless to say to this day I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire!!!! She's still mouthy about me and my new hubby....GL with that, and I pray she has a change of heart and some day grows up and apologizes....but I know it will never take away the past...

 

[Piper84]

My MIL is a handful sometimes and too obsessed with her sons, but DH is always giving her verbal smackdowns when she steps out of line (which is a lot).

She thinks it's my influence, so I kind of have the opposite problem

 

[Tami]

I can relate to this, my OH's mum is a complete psycho but she does put on a good front, I'll give her that.
I have no idea how she managed to raise a son as great as Micky (OH) because she is a manipulative witch of a woman who treated her children like slaves and never lifted a finger herself. I've actually witnessed her throwing her rubbish on the floor in the house and then making her youngest son pick it up and shouting at him for being messy, I was shocked.
She's been convicted of everything from fraud to drink driving and I'm so glad we're out of her clutches, but it wasn't easy.
At 17 my OH decided he wanted to leave home, he couldn't take it anymore, so he moved in with me and my parents and boy did she hate that, his dad paid A LOT in child maintenance, and would do until he was 19 as long as he was living with her and in education. She shouldn't have been getting paid that, but we just found out that she had been claiming it right up until his 19th birthday, and had been telling everyone he still lived there. My OH's dad is now claiming it back, and it's well over £6000!
Anyway on the day he left she started sending abusive messages and threatened us constantly. My parents lived a couple of hours away and she drove to the coach station in order to cause a scene and stop us from leaving, well we foresaw that so went to the train station instead, lol.
My dad was coming to pick us up, but had a few hours drive to get there so we waited in the train station, and while we we're waiting she proceeded to drive to my parents house and shout obsceneties in the street WITH her 15 year old son and 6 month old daughter in tow!
My mum called the police, at this point we were driving down, and when they came they said unless she left they were going to arrest his mum and take the children into protective custody to which she replied she didn't care. We literally had to beg the police not to arrest her over the phone, not for her, but for his siblings. She really should have been arrested that night, but the children came first to us, despite her attitude.
So we arrived at my parents house, she was still outside, and the police ushered us in the back way for our own safety, Micky then went outside to talk to his mother, and ended up walking away while she shouted abuse.
It was a long night, the most stressful I've ever had for sure.
She continued to send threatening messages, threatened to kill me at one point, and when we blocked her from everything from facebook to email/phone she used her son's facebook to post abuse all over our walls, her 15 year old son! So unfortunately we had to block him too at the time, although we've since provisionally unblocked him.


Fast forward a month and I get a letter saying she is taking me to court for something like £1500. This was a HUGE shock, I definitely didn't owe her anything, but we filed the paperwork, went to court and waited...she eventually turned up 3 hours late! The judge wasn't happy, and the case was thrown out, he even commented that he thought that she had only started the proceedings in order to cause stress and get revenge for her son leaving home.
So we cut her out, she's called a couple of times since on Micky's new number (she keeps getting them off his little brother, so it can't be helped) and every called ends with her shouting and screaming at him. She's definitely unhinged. Our life is much better off without her, and while I'm sure we'll eventually hear from her with regards to our baby right now things are going well for us. There are some people who come into your life who you just can't keep a part of it.

It'll be hard for you if your OH wants to keep contact, but I can understand why, I've always said to my OH that if he wants to get in touch with her he can, I would never stop him, but at the same time I'll never be able to sit around a family table with her, or even have a conversation with her. But he doesn't want anything to do with her anyway, and has said she will never be grandparent to our child. Really you just have to take each day as it comes and hope nothing blows up. It's been a few years now, but I used to be too scared to check my emails or my texts, even to answer the door in case it was her, but I got to the point where I'm sick of it, especially now when we have our daughter to think about, and I wont live my life scared of the conflict she will surely cause at some point. It's probably my pregnant hormones talking but I'm ready for anything she can throw at us!!!

 

[tristansmum]

Even if she has a problem with you to say that about her own grandchild.... An innocent not even born means she is not fit to be her grandmother anyways. I guess I can understand your husband still wanting her in his life as she is his mum. Sounds like he totally sides with you but he is still going to love his mum even if he doesn't like her. I hope you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy now. Perhaps agree with him that his mum is not to be mentioned now by either of you to avoid any agruements. He can still contact her but not to say anything to you and you not to say anything more about her??? Don't give her the satisfaction of causing problems between you.

 

[meli1981]

dont let that awful woman ruin your marriage, this is what shes plainly trying to do. dont give her the satisfaction. once that beautiful baby comes, she will be begging to see her, but itll be too late. maybe then she will learn her lesson. then again some people never change, dont let toxic people ruin your happiness good lyck hun

 

[Zfbaby]

I love my actual mil she's great but dhs step mum (smil) is horrendous. I totally understand how you would feel about protecting your child from your mil.
We cut ties with smil after a string of unacceptable behaviour. the final straw was her hacking into my email accounts,Facebook and eBay accounts and told fil that I was pregnant and that we hadn't bothered to tell him out of spite. When in fact I was only a few weeks along and we'd struggled with fertility treatment and loses so had wanted to wait. She ruined a moment in my husbands life that he had looked forward to for a long time. She now she won't be allowed near our son and won't be allowed to attend any family events we are involved in. Some people just enjoy controlling everyone and everything. Glad youve it her away from you and hope things get smoothed out with your dh

 

[MrsGards]

wow she is a chocolate chip short of a cookie!! Good riddence to the nastiest, smelliest, skankiest bit of rubbish going. Enjoy the peace and quiet since she's been disposed off!!

 

[MrsWhite]

Hey at least you don't have to worry about her trying to be in the labor room with you! I may be remembering wrong but didn't you have to lie about the hospital to keep her away?

 

[3xpire]

I'm almost envious that you've gotten rid of your MIL. My MIL to be is almost as crazy as yours, just a little less up front and a little more "lets stab the pregnant woman in the back". Holy sh**. Good riddance. No family member, friend, acquaintance, anyone who is going to be anything less than supportive doesn't have the right to be apart of your family or your daughters life. And screw her for saying having a girl is a disappointment. Christs sake. You'd think most grandmums would be excited about a little girl!

 

[lilliesmummie]

and i thought mine was bad!!
Although, mine probably feels the same, but doesn't dare say it

 

[MImom2be]

Hey at least you don't have to worry about her trying to be in the labor room with you! I may be remembering wrong but didn't you have to lie about the hospital to keep her away?

You were right on the money, we were going to have to lie about our birthing hospital to avoid her.

I totally agree, even just waking up this morning, I felt BETTER. Better than I have felt in a very long time. I no longer have to worry if she's going to twist and misconstrue what I post on Facebook, make nasty comments TO or ABOUT me (told hubby last night that unless he defends me, I don't WANT to know what she says about me anymore!) and the feeling that our daughter will grow up with LOVING family (albeit who don't necessarily respect boundaries, but one journey at a time!) who will appreciate her and treasure her for the miracle she is, it is such a wonderful feeling!

One thing I never did quite understand; I am 22, almost 23, and never, and I mean NEVER did my parents EVER allow me to do that kind of stuff to someone. NEVER was I allowed to make someone feel like the lowest lifeform in the room, I assure you, I would've gotten my backside beaten SO badly, I wouldn't sit down for a year! I guess I don't understand why or who ever let her believe that how she behaves is appropriate and proper to her age. Maybe it isn't my business to understand, so long as she stays FAR AWAY FROM ME AND MY DAUGHTER.

A part of me wonders if I should've gone with Nick last night to have that talk, but when I asked my therapist prior to it, he said in no way, shape or form should I be near her because since we got pregnant, when she stresses me out, I start to bleed vaginally. It physically and emotionally isn't safe for me to be around her.