FINALLY got rid of that AWFUL cow (MIL)!

[Babushka]

Thank god your husband has finally stood up to her & told her where to go. This woman needs a lot of help & keeping her away from your child is the most responsible thing for you to do. If it were me, I would ring the guests and apologise for her behaviour & invite them over for another baby shower (without the presents & psych) - that way you will have better memories of your shower.

 

[MImom2be]

WELL, I SPOKE TOO SOON.

She called Nick today, and demanded that her, I and Nick sit down and "air out complaints." I told Nick that there was NO freaking way I would be doing that (HELLO, NOT SAFE FOR MY BABY TO BE UNDER THAT AMOUNT OF STRESS!!!) And NOW, Nick is threatening a divorce because of the rift that I am causing between him and mommy!!!!


ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

Someone, PLEASE smack me, tell me this is all a horrible dream!

 

[Jenafyr4]

Tell him just that...The stress is not worth the health of your child and if he's willing to jeopardize his daughter, then maybe some time apart is best...I swear I hate men sometimes. I'm so sorry for your heartache

 

[lmp1505768]

I would have issues with your husband , if it were me. The way I see it, is you and him are a team. A family. And he should always have your back. And all he is doing by continuing to support and communicate with someone who insulted you and your unborn baby that way,is disrespecting you. To me , family is about who is there for you, not who is blood related. Its not as if she has apologized and is trying to change. She straight up called you names and insulted your baby!

And the fact that divorce has even come up would just irritate me. Marriage means working through the hard stuff together, not threatening to leave each other when the going gets tough.

Id talk with hum and then personally, i WOULD sit down with them. And id be calm, and 100% honest. Tell her how she makes you feel, and how much she stresses you out, and that EVERYONE sees it. Not just you.

The thing with that though is your husband needs to have your back the entire time you're having that conversation. So he needs to decide before hand where his loyalties are.


I went through a similar situation with DF's aunt and cousin a few years back. She told him she didn't trust me and blah blah blah. He straight up told them that I was a permanent part of his life, and if they couldn't accept that they would be forcing him to choose,and they wouldn't be satisfied with his choice. Needless to say, they eventually woke up and we all at least pretend to like eachother now lol

I sure hope you and your hubby can work this out!

 

[MImom2be]

And the drama gets worse...She just called Nick and told him that if I refused to see her, she would be driving over to my home and would MAKE me talk to her.

Honestly, I'm thinking a restraining order is not far behind.

 

[lmp1505768]

And the drama gets worse...She just called Nick and told him that if I refused to see her, she would be driving over to my home and would MAKE me talk to her.

Honestly, I'm thinking a restraining order is not far behind.

I think this is your opportunity to shut her down. Show her you hold the power here. She can show up all she'd like, but until she has been invited over, she isn't coming in. And if that ends in a police report being filed when she wont leave your property, fine.

I think she is walking all over you and your territory, and you really need the chance to defend what's yours, to her face. Or even over the phone. You tried playing nice, it didn't work. Not your fault.

 

[MImom2be]

I just made a call to my therapist (thank god I have their cell phone number!) They advised me, being almost 8 months pregnant, to NOT allow a confrontation with her, at this time. That it jeopardizes not only my own health, but the health of my daughter.

I did mention that I had places to go, safe places, and he advised me to take a break, leave, and keep myself and my daughter safe. That the stress from this drama can only harm my daughter and I, and that his mother is getting angry because she isn't getting her way, throwing a hissy fit, and will continue to do so, so long as her son bends to her will.

My daughter is and should be my first priority, not this marriage. If keeping my daughter safe causes my marriage to fail, than good riddance, it wasn't all that healthy of a relationship to begin with.

 

[Breadsticks]

I'm so sorry you are going through this! I just wanted to offer you as your therapist has given you the best advice. I sincerely hope your husband sees what his mother has put you through and gives you his full support.

 

[lmp1505768]

Maybe a break would show your husband that your serious and he needs to figure it out and pick :/

I tend to be very protective of my space and family ,when it comes to my MIL, so I am a bit more confrontational :/ we all have our pitfalls right?

I really hope things settle down for you and hubby opens his eyes! He should be prioritizing baby too

 

[meli1981]

youre right, you and youre daughter come first. you are woman in your husbands life, not his mother! if being in this situation is going to cause problems in your preg, i say leave. just you saying your husband threatened divorce is making me livid! how dare he manipulate you like that! go to a safe place hunny, you and your baby need rest good luck

 

[Dani_Ldn]

Oh hon, your post made me cry What a horrible, horrible person she is! If I remember rightly your hubby refused to stand up to her before? I am sure as hell glad that he is now! That says a lot, trust me, even if he can't cut her out of his life, him standing up for you & your daughter is such a massive step, try not to be too angry at him for keeping her in his life, if she is half the bitch she sounds like (which I am sure she is!), then over time she will soon drive him away completely. Please stop the divorce talk, you don't need this stress at this wonderful time in your life, enjoy the time being pregnant & the time without that horrible cow in your life!

 

[Pielette]

Oh my God she is horrendous I'm so sorry that your husband isn't sticking up for you, and I can't believe he has the audacity to threaten divorce for you causing a rift - what a load of rubbish!

I think you should leave too, for two reasons - one to protect yours and your baby's health, and two to give him a kick up the bum. You're right, your daughter must come first, the sooner he realises that the better.

Good luck.

 

[Dani_Ldn]

Agh, I just read your later posts, maybe hubby needs a few days on his own to realise that he is doing the wrong thing & that his mother is def doing the wrong thing.

 

[Mjane84]

I so feel for you!

I agree with all of the other ladies that you and LO come first. Before DH, before crazy MIL. Do whatever you need to do to keep the peace for you and your little girl's health. Your MIL obviously doesn't give a flying turd about either of you in that capacity, so you need to do it.

Your MIL has major issues, but I am sure you know that. Anyone who says the things she does, or behaves in any way similar to her needs professional help, and that's on her. Honestly, I don't believe what she says about your daughter. I think her vile attitude towards you is just seeping over into what she is saying about LO. Because if she didn't care, she wouldn't be wanting this ridiculous meeting, nor threatening to drive over to your place. She would have her son, and that would be all she needed in life.

I think you need to be prepared for once LO gets here, MIL is going to have a whole different attitude. She'll still treat you like garbage, I am sure, but I can see her making demands to see your daughter and using DH to do it.

DH is another matter. You and your little girl are his family now, his number one priority. I am not saying that anyone, man or woman, should not recognize their parents, siblings, etc. once they get married, but they are now part of an extended family. You three are it. He needs to grow up and realize that. If he is threatening divorce over this, he has some major growing up to do. Maybe, like someone else posted, you can initiate a break so he can see how it feels to be apart.

The bottom line is, you don't need any of this. Sending hugs to you during this difficult situation!

 

[Jenafyr4]

I hope you were able to avert an ugly situation....prayers and hugs for you

 

[iluvmyfamily]

I can't believe she said that! I've had issues with my MIL. She's taken $3800 from us and never gave it back. Said she was using it to pay the rent for the apt she was renting but we were staying there for a while when she was in PA, and because she used the money on things for herself, we got evicted. Not just DH and I, but our 3 kids as well. She threw away my Wedding dress when she came to clean up the apt and I didn't get to it yet. She took pictures of my kids, we saw a book she bought that said "How to Raise Your Grandchildren", she took my first daughter's hat when she was born in the hospital and lied and said she didn't know where it was. I found it in her dresser with a ribbon around it with my daughter's name. WEIRD. Back then she ruined our Wedding, Holidays, Baby showers, Baptisms, anything and everything special to me. Things you can't change, things you can't get back. I've told DH many times I plan to leave him with the kids to get away from her, and he always told his mom off for the things she's done. The last straw was us getting evicted because of her, and he stopped talking to her for 2 yrs. I was the one to literally FORCE him to call her up to see how his dad's doing (his dad is VERY sick). So now his mom is back in our lives but she seems afraid to say anything or get close. She lives over 300 miles away so there's no change in her seeing us as she doesn't drive and I have no intentions in seeing her. She called yesterday actually to wish our son a happy birthday. But that's basically the extent of it. I don't like her seeing many pics of the kids because I feel she's lost the Grandmother title, but I still send them once in a blue moon. It sucks that she and her hubby are Grandparents to such smart and beautiful children and they can't even see them. The only real Grandparents my kids have are my own parents. His mom has made up lies to me about him, lied to him about me, have seriously tried to break us up countless times. Her cousins and sisters even tried to ruin things for us. It's just a huge mess. I know how you feel. One time she talked crap about my mom to DH and DH came back and told me so I related a message to her and she got so mad that he defended his mother in law. But you know what? my mom never did nothing to him so why not defend her?! I know she and I can never be close, I always wanted to have that closeness with her, but she never allowed it and honestly, without even trying for it to be this way, it's just too late and impossible to happen.

If your MIL is saying she doesn't want anything to do with anything that comes out of you, then that right there alone is enough to say "eff you, you will NEVER step foot in my house ever again and when MY daughter is born don't even TRY to come and see her because I'll slam the door on your face." People may think that's mean but it's NOT. She's disrespectful, clearly has something against you for probably no real good reason and it's time to start living your life with your hubby and soon to be daughter without having to hear someone in the background complaining about how you do things differently than her, how your having a girl and not a boy, how you weren't supposed to get pregnant just yet and how she wishes her son never met you. It's not needed and definitely something that can be avoided. Tell DH if he can't understand why you'll never talk to her again that's his problem, and if it comes down to it that he wants his mom to see the baby and she kisses up to him and he asks you if he can take the baby to see his mom, you should still say no. You're the mom, sorry but you make the choices.

I hope things start getting better now that she's gone. I would NEVER talk to her again.

Ohhh... I just read your updates. She's trying to give herself a good name to her son. She wants him to think that she's trying to fix things and you don't want anything to do with it so he gets mad at you and puts the blame on you. She already know you're not gonna bother to talk to her, and that's why she's making an "effort". To show her son "I tried, your wife didn't." It's a freaking game. Why all of a sudden after 3.5 yrs is she trying to fix things?? It's a fake. I don't blame you for saying no. Honestly, she's the one with the complaints and causing problems in the family, not you. Why do you have to sit anywhere to air out anything? And if DH is threatening a divorce, tell him "you are a joke. You and your mother deserve one another. You go pack your shit and live with her. But don't think you're gonna have anything to do with me again." I mean cmon, after what she said about your unborn child, he still wants to deal with her? It's fine for him to still love his mom, that's his mom, it's something that's there even if he doesn't want it to be, but to bother with her knowing how you feel about her?? I don't know about that.

You deserve better...... so does your baby.

 

[Piper84]

And if DH is threatening a divorce, tell him "you are a joke. You and your mother deserve one another. You go pack your shit and live with her. But don't think you're gonna have anything to do with me again."

 

[cantwaitforu]

Wow, I just read through this.

Get a restraining order against her and your unborn child. She is harrassing you, and your unborn baby. Document everything.

With DH - he needs to step up and man up. Consider couples counselling. Document everything. If divorce is in your future, you need to keep track of all of this because there WILL BE a custody battle.

MIL especially needs professional help. There is something not right with her. Tell DH she needs to speak to someone asap.

 

[MImom2be]

Thank you so much, everyone.

Well, we made it through the night (baby and I, Nick was at work from 6pm-6am) she never stopped by, but according to Nick this morning, she is stopping by tomorrow. Good luck with that, I'll call the cops on her crazy ass in a heartbeat, screw "how it hurts" Nick.

I was really upset last night (justifiably, if you ask me) and his dad called me - my father in law. While normally I try to keep our maritial troubles out of the family (they kind of like to talk) his dad came unglued...I guess he ripped Nick a new you-know-what, told Nick he needs to be a man and that I didn't deserve any of this, and if HE won't take care of his wife and unborn daughter, his father WOULD. Brian (Nick's dad) said that if this shit was allowed to continue, he'd disown his son and come pick me up and take me over there, to keep me safe from Nick's mother. Mind you, it should be noted, Brian (Nick's dad) and Yvonne (Nick's mother) are divorced...Brian woke up one night to find her standing over him with a BUTCHER KNIFE!!!!

Nick's relatives also called me this morning (all on his father's side, mind you) and said that Brian didn't specifiy WHAT was going on, but they offered places to stay, legal help, money if I needed it, and the good ole fashioned shoulder-to-cry-on. I asked them if they knew how bad it would hurt Nick if they helped keep me and baby away from him, they ALL said the same thing, "Too damn bad. He made his bed, you are in a compromised state, and are being unjustly subjected to his mother's insane behavior. Right now, YOU AND BABY are OUR priority, even if you're not Nick's."

Honestly ladies, I never thought it would come to this...I knew the bitch (Nick's mom) wasn't exactly "right" even when Nick and I were just dating, but never did the stories of her threatening to kill Brian come out, and she CERTAINLY never showed stalker tendencies.

Truth be told, I think that comment about how Nick and his mother deserve each other is spot on...I'm in Michigan, USA, where the courts find in favor of the mother 99.9% of the time; and I have enough (not including his family) people willing to help me find a DAMN good lawyer to protect MY rights and MY child's. The way I see it, Nick's actions along with his mothers, are causing him to LOSE right's to his child. At this point, I'm sort of seeing him as a sperm donor...Not a husband and CERTAINLY not a father; a FATHER doesn't risk his daughter or wife's health because his mommy DEMANDS he does it. THAT is not a man.

I am documenting everything; and will be more than happy to let the courts decide if that BOY deserves to see his daughter.

 

[Dani_Ldn]

Wow.

MIL is bad news, I am so glad that your hubbys father & family are on your side, I am sure that they have all heard the stories about her craziness for years! Do what is best for you & baby, the last thing you need is that mental woman breaking into your house & trying to hurt you or baby.