FOB came to my house yesterday!

[Ash_P]

This is a long thread so sorry for the rant. Also opinions on what happened would be greatly appricated.

I told MIL that I no longer wanted to hear about anything that happened to ex and unless it was affecting the welfare of baby then tell me NOTHING. One minute she saying that when he seen the 3d pic of the baby and threw it across the table, then she told me that she thinks that once LO is born he will see baby and realise he made a huge mistake and want me back. My reply, I dont give FUCK what he wants, I dont want him back.

Anyway next day (yesterday) he sends me a text saying that he seen the pic and thought baby was gorgeous, and could be know the sex, and that he wanted to talk to me about getting stuff in for the baby and arrangements that needed made for when it comes along. I took the mature way and foned him, Im not getting into arguements over texts. he started on a rant, so I lost the head and said, U know where I live, U wanna talk about ur child then be at my house for 4!

Much to my surprise he turned up, I showed him the dvd of baby, he sat like a little boy with his mouth hung open watching it, proceeded to tell me how much he wants to be involved and what he wants to do with baby and all this rubbish, ( i wont hold my breath) He then went on to talk about his relationship!!! WTF!!! About how hes moved on and is happy now, and how he realised after 5 years that we Just werent suited.
I gave off to him that he hasnt even as much as gave me 50p towards a blanket for his baby.

Then he text me today saying that although he seemed disappointed about the sex of the baby he is genuinely pleased that it was just shock, and he loves the name I have picked. And to make him a list of things that I need for my bag and babies hospital bag and he will get them.

What u make of it all, and apologies for long post.

 

[tinkabells]

Mmm i would actually, send him a list and give him a time limit so that if he doesnt come through you have enough time to get it yourself, but i think he has now realised you are pregnant, yes it does take them awhile and because he has seen baby on dvd, its now real to him
But i think he was telling you about his new relationship because, he prob wants to show you, that cos you dont want him anymore, at leats someone else does, lets just hope she doesnt go through what you do, but nif she is a cow, lets hope he does hahaha xxx

 

[Ash_P]

Well I cant fully blame het cause it takes too. But I hate her. She split up my marriage, She knew he was married and knew I was pregnant and yet still went for him. So I hope he puts her thru shit to be honest lol

What kinda things should I ask for? I dunno lol

 

[suzanne108]

Ask for expensive stuff!!!!

Its good that he's come round...although to be honest, now that my FOB has kinda come round I find it even harder than when his head was in the sand. SORRY, not what you want to hear is it?! It might just be me being weird. But I hate that he is always texting and stuff and asking things about MY baby...just after I had gotten used to him not being here. xx

 

[Ash_P]

Totally understand suzanne. thats y i wanted him to totally leave me alone so it would b easier to deal with. it bothers me that the longest part of the pregnancy is over and now he shows an interest. but i give him til LO is 8 weeks old til he gets bored, then we can get on with our lives x

 

[suzanne108]

Yeah I'm thinking (and VERRRRRY selfishly hoping) that FOB will get bored too. Mine is gonna have to travel 150 miles to get here, and although I won't be unnecessarily nasty I won't be welcoming him into my parents house with open arms!! I reckon he'll get bored of baby not doing much....so yeah they may disappear again.

Thats the annoying thing....they can come and go as they please and there isn't much you can do about it. If he wants to be in LOs life we can't obviously push them out...but then its so easy for them to walk away. So unpredictable, and we don't want that for our bundles of joy!!

I won't be making FOB feel welcome until he has well and truly proved himself (the amount I hate him though, he'll prob never prove himself!!)

I wish I could forget my feelings and just think about LO knowing its daddy.....but its so hard!!

(sorry I waffled!) xx

 

[nievesmama]

Id write him a list and like Tinkabells said, give him a time limit so if hes not forthcoming you still have time to get it.
I understand about thinking of the baby as yours, when you have noone to support you etc you do feel that way. It slightly annoys me that these men can put us through crap, not wanting to know etc yet when they finally grow up and think they are ready we have to allow them in.
Good luck hun, hope it goes ok xx

 

[lou_w34]

Deffinatley ask for expensive stuff! heehee
Its hard to know what to suggest... who knows how he's gunna act when bubs gets here. Until then your playing the waiting game to see how he's gunna react.

I think they enjoy making life complicated!

 

[KaeRit21]

suzanne i totally get what you mean...ive cut all contact with FOB because i think its completely unfair that he didnt take an intrest my full pregnancy in me or my baby, but the minute hes here hes sending cards and letters welcoming "HIS baby boy into the world" hah, no chance, hes paid for nothing, done nothing and basically he can go F**k himself.

ash, make a list, a BIG EXPENSIVE list, and hand it to him. then watch his face go white as he realises theres no way out and theres nothing he can do! haha

xxx

 

[tinkabells]

Yeah big list, like expensive moses baskets, baby bedding, blankets, loads of stuff, go to like mothercare website and the things you, want but wouldnt buy yourself get him to buy xxx

 

[louise85]

Is this how long it takes for men to actually realise they ARE going to be fathers??!! STOOOPPPIIIDD!!

I agree write him a VERY long list of things you really want but put yourself off buying, have you got all of your big things now? cot, pram etc? I'm sure you could add tose to the list too

Let him carry on, he's put you through enough! Though I agree on the time limit thing as you know what these men are like...unfortunately!

 

[sweetlullaby]

louise....im afraid it seems that way. Most of FOBs seem to decide right at the end or after that they want to be involved etc even after treating us like absolute shit. Its ridiculous. They all need a good kick up the ass!!!

Agree on the time limit thing...but also wanted to say go you! Im impressed that you told him the sex and your name choice etc it must have taken a lot to do!

Does he mean he wants to buy your hospital bag stuff as well?! As in Maternity pads/ breast pads/ disposable knickers/ mini toiletries/ nappies/ cotton wool etc? lol

sorry could just picture a man in boots or tescos buying all that stuff lol xx

 

[Ash_P]

Yeah he said he would buy stuff for my bag and babies bag. I dont really feel comfortable asking him to get me all those things for me though. Cause theres no way hed go and buy them himself, he`d probably send his girl into buy them, adn theres no way im having that.

Iv got all the big things sorted already. Moses basket, Pram, Cot, sterilizer, etc etc. Iv even got all my stuff for the babies bag, like vests, baby grows, all the washes and shampoos (although i dont think i need those for hospital) leaving outfit, scratch mits hats, etc etc But I dont really wanna turn round and say ohh its ok I have it all. cause thats letting him get away scott free again.

I just text him back saying I`ll make a list of things that u can get for bags. But I havent contacted him again. Im def gonna tell him to get bottles, nappies, a few lotions and potions (cause they will all def be used) but im stuck on what else to ask for. I dont want it to be a short list lol

All ideas greatful girls. Im gonna take what I can get off him now, cause like Iv said I give him 6-8 weeks before boredom kicks in and child never sees him again.

 

[lilyd]

What about asking for vests/babygrows etc but get him to get them in the next size up? If he really wants to get newborn stuff, then ask him to give you the receipt as well incase baby is big then exchange it for bigger sizes or stuff you want.

 

[tinkabells]

Yeah good idea abouty asking for receipts, that way if you hate them as well, you can take them back xxx

 

[suzanne108]

Yeah he said he would buy stuff for my bag and babies bag. I dont really feel comfortable asking him to get me all those things for me though. Cause theres no way hed go and buy them himself, he`d probably send his girl into buy them, adn theres no way im having that.

Iv got all the big things sorted already. Moses basket, Pram, Cot, sterilizer, etc etc. Iv even got all my stuff for the babies bag, like vests, baby grows, all the washes and shampoos (although i dont think i need those for hospital) leaving outfit, scratch mits hats, etc etc But I dont really wanna turn round and say ohh its ok I have it all. cause thats letting him get away scott free again.

I just text him back saying I`ll make a list of things that u can get for bags. But I havent contacted him again. Im def gonna tell him to get bottles, nappies, a few lotions and potions (cause they will all def be used) but im stuck on what else to ask for. I dont want it to be a short list lol

All ideas greatful girls. Im gonna take what I can get off him now, cause like Iv said I give him 6-8 weeks before boredom kicks in and child never sees him again.

Tell him you'd rather choose stuff yourself but if he's so adament on buying it he can give you the money. Add up how much you think everything will cost (and add a little bit ) xx

 

[Ash_P]

The mood im in today I want damn all off him. He has had a big bust up with his mum last nite over me. Saying i was asking for this and asking for that, and that I cant afford to buy anything and wants him to pay for everything. WTF!!! I havent asked that fucker for anything. I told her she can read the messages in my fone of him asking what I needed and he would get it.

He took his girl to meet his dad at the weekend, which fucked me off as well. They cant find the time for the fact they are going to be grandparents but they can entertain his girlfriend.

He told his mum that I sat and called her for all the *******s under the sun, and ran her down and slagged her off which i didnt. God I dunno why I even bother. Iv just spent the past hour crying my eyes out, He gives me the impression that he was finally accepting his duties then he just lets me down. Im stupid enough to let this happen time and time again. Why do I fall for it every time? I feel like such an idiot!!!

 

[Shireena__x]

same as said above.

expensive stuff time limit.

tell him how much money u want a week for baby from now too, so hes ''prepared''.

tell him that SHE no matta how much he thinks there right for each other can NOT be invloved in YOUR Childs life

and basically give him the low down and rules he must obey and direct orders and if he accepts it then start on the slow road if he denys it then let him no hes basically denying his child.

 

[suzanne108]

Awww sorry to hear he's been a ******* AGAIN



Can you afford to buy the stuff without him? If I was you I'd want to tell him to stick his money and the hospital bag stuff where the sun don't shine!!!!!

xxxx

 

[sweetlullaby]

what a complete asshole he said he wanted to buy things etc and you said you'd give him a list...then he goes to his mother and says he isnt made of money etc and that you were asking for lots of stuff and says you slabbered about his mum!

I would show her the text messages and contact him and ask him what the hell he's playing at and say that if he doesnt want to buy anything etc then he can go f*** himself. To me it sounds like he is trying to destroy the fact that you and his mum get on really well etc!

xx