Leafy: It is impossible to not think about what's going on
I've read before about people being in limbo and my heart always went out to them because I couldn't imagine what they were going through.
Hopefully the distractions will work some. I know it's impossible to constantly be distracted, but hopefully you can find a balance that gets you through.
maryanne1987: It's so easy to think distractions could work all the time, but it's so hard! When is your next appointment/scan?
I really hope we see some positive outcomes in this thread. I'm really praying for everyone in here. I always figured it was hard for someone to go through something like this, but I never knew just how hard until I ended up here myself.
Puppylove52: That's strange about the 2 sacs! I really hope things turn out to be progressing normally, and I'm interested to hear if they can tell you why 2 sacs. I was thinking along the same lines as Leafy about 2 ovulations. I'm sorry they weren't able to provide more answers. It's such a hard place to be! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you!
cherrished: That's great that you got a heartbeat though! I wonder if the bleed could be a subchronic hematoma? From everything I've heard, not cramping is a good sign. The twinges sound like they could be just the normal stretches. I really hope things go well at your appointment! I know it's still very scary as any kind of bleeding can be very scary. Please keep us posted on how things go!
kaths101: It's always agonizing having that wait for scans and appointments, especially the very first ones! lol
CJHanson: That's great that you had a healthy baby even though going through that
It's encouraging to see others that have been in this position before and have a positive outcome. I've done so much googling since Tuesday, and it always bugged me when the OP never had an update lol Obviously things can go either way, but it was interesting to see both outcomes, but obviously more reassuring to hear that people do continue to have healthy pregnancies, and that these situations don't always turn out bad.
AFM, I'm struggling, but I'd say probably just as much as any of you. It's been an awful week. I had 2 dark brown clots Thursday morning. The brown seemed to slow down after that, but seems to be back to it's usual. I had 1 more dark brown clot today, slightly bigger than either one on Thursday.
I had DH tell my mom what's going on this morning. I was scared I was going to cry trying to tell her, so I had him tell her and then I filled in the gaps since he wasn't really sure what he was saying and didn't get it all right lol
My mom came for a visit today, which I thought I wouldn't want, but I was glad she did. Having DD around has really helped - besides that I'm trying to be "happy" around her. DH was watching a movie that I had no interest in, and I thought I was going out of my mind. I was very fidgety and anxious and had to get out of the house.
I've indulged in some comfort food today, which I guess wasn't comforting enough because I had a major meltdown about an hour and a half ago.
DH has been great with all this. Understanding and supportive even though he had some of his own major crap going on. I've sobbed like crazy during the week, but our schedules were different, so he was never around when I was crying, but when he was around, I tried my hardest not to (though I've cried while on the phone with him trying to explain my scan and whatnot). So tonight is really the first night I really cried about all this with him here.
I feel awful because I just kept yelling at him. I was horrible to him and all he's ever been was supportive. I eventually got to the root of it the last 10 minutes of the meltdown by telling him that he's not the one who has to see it every time he goes to the bathroom, and that he has no idea how much it's going to (physically) hurt when things do happen.
I've had 2 m/c before I had DD (one 2008 and the other 2010). One was a D&C and the other was natural. I'm most likely planning a D&C if it goes that route mostly because I have control (hopefully) of when I have it done and can schedule it around classes where as if I have it naturally, I may have to miss some class because I know I can't sit in class while I'm actively passing the baby.
Only one of my instructors know about the pregnancy, and that's only because I wanted to make sure the lab would be safe. I decided I'm going to let him know what's going on just in case things start on their own before my next scan and appointment. I want to have a plan in place ahead of time because if I'm having a miscarriage, I don't want to be worrying about school at that same time.
Tomorrow I'm going to buy some pads just in case, too. I've got nothing right now, so I just don't want to be in that position and realize I have nothing.
I'm definitely saying that I will lose this baby. It's not that I don't want to be positive. It's just that I feel like if I try to be positive, it's going to make every bathroom trip 10 times harder, and it's probably going to rip my heart even more if the next scan doesn't turn out well. By having no hope now, it gives me time to accept things (I think this will be the only way to get through my classes this week). I feel like the more I can accept things now, the easier it'll be to get through the bad outcome. It'll still be hard without a doubt, but I'm just hoping it won't be that heart stabbing, gut wrenching moment. It may still be, but I just want to accept things now, and if by some miracle things are okay, I'll probably just cry, and probably still be scared.
