Found condoms in my 15 year old's bedroom

[Jayden'sMummy]

Well, as the title says.

WTF do I do? I can't sleep with worrying.

I'm mortified that my little girl is possibly having sex, but on the other hand I'm pleased she's got condoms if she is. I'm so upset that she hasn't come to me first.

For the past few weeks, she's got quite secretive with her msn and phone. And she's come home with a lads chain round her neck and wearing a lads coat. When I questioned her, 'it's just one of my mates'. She does have loads of male friends, she always has, but I've had my suspicions that she's got a boyfriend. But she denies it so I'm worried that she's got something to hide, like maybe he's a bad 'un or a lot older...

DH wants to ground her till Xmas!

Help!

I'm only 17 an i can sort of relate to your daughter i guess. before you pull her on it have a think of all the possibilities, i know at 15 i got sex education and they gave us condoms which i stupidly didnt use but anyways there is a load of reasons why she could have them and also NOT be using them. maybe minding them for a friend who actually is having sex?. maybe talk to her aobut it or ask if theres anything she would like to talk to you about xxx

 

[nikky0907]

Thats a tough situation for every mother (andI know I'd be freaking out and went with your huby's suggestion ).
But don't freak out on her.Take her to a cafe,for a soda or coffee and try asking her about her life,whether she has a crush etc.
If she doesn't open up,then ask her abut the condoms.

Ofcourse,it's not the Disney movie situation but you should be very glad that she isn't having unprotected sex.
I know that I was having sex at 15 and it was an absolute NO for me to talk to my mother about it cause she would freak out on much lesser things and she never showed me that she is willing to talk about such things with me.
I had my sister sign the parental form for me to go on birth control.
I'm sure you'll be able to show your daughter that if she needs something or is worried about something,that she can always come to you.

 

[Elli21]

Awww hun, i think its great she has condoms in her room...at least you know IF she is having sex then she is using protection and being smart about it!
I lost my virginity when i was 14. And i never went to tlk to my mum about it, but when i got into any hard times i went to her and when i found out i was pregnant, apart from my OH, she was the first to know...and only 5 minutes after telling OH.

I think you should just let her know that tlking with you about sex is fine and that your open to it, if my mum had done that with me i know i had alot of questions id have asked her.

I agree with alot of the girls when they say grounding probably isnt the best way to go as it will make her more sneaky.

I hope you two can tlk it over xx

 

[Coffee]

I remember when i was at school it was "cool" to have condoms! I remember being very excited when i got my first condom! All the girls at school had a condom in their purse! Didn't mean any of us used them though - think that condom was in my purse for 3 years before i actually had sex with anyone!
She might not be having sex at all at the moment, is what i'm saying... so don't panic too much just yet!

 

[Amanda]

Thanks for all the advise ladies, you lot are great. I love the way that I can put anything at all on B&B and get totally honest opinions from you all.

Sorry it's took me so long to reply, but we've had a really busy few days, and I've not had a chance to get on here.

Anyway, we had the talk, and.....

but anyways there is a load of reasons why she could have them and also NOT be using them. maybe minding them for a friend who actually is having sex?.

Rachel nailed it!

I know some of you may think I'm being niaive for believing this, but I do know my daughter, and I know when she's lying. They belong to her best friend who turns 17 tomorrow and has a steady boyfriend. The friend's mum is extremely strict and won't even have talk of boys in the house. This poor girl only started her periods for the first time a month ago, and ended up round here in tears because her mum refused to talk to her about it, or buy her any pads. She's a lovely girl, and I have no problem at all with her having sex, as her bf is also a lovely lad, and is only 17 himself. I'm not encouraging her, but I'm not going to reprimand her or tell her mum. Let's face it, she's old enough, and also being responsible. But if her mum ever found condoms in her room, she would be shipped off to her grandparents in Spain - she's already been warned!!!!

Kayleigh has been grounded for this week. This is because she has lied and used this excuse before when we have found fags or lighters in her room. We have told her that if she is looking after anything for her friends, she is to tell us first. So she is being punished for not being honest with us.

She was very open and honest when we talked, and she promised me she would talk to me before she did anything. And she doesn't have a boyfriend, the chains and coat belong to a boy friend of hers who is gay! I've actually seen him since and know they are his.

Thanks again girls. Crisis over - until the next one!!

 

[Wobbles]

Please forgive me for not reading all of this thread Amanda BUT getting the jist of this I'd be half and half a wreck because my BABY has condoms (lol) & relief that she has a bit of sense *if* they belong to her (I see they probably didn't). I would however in this day of age sit down & have a talk with her if it be because shes active now or active sexually later - not a are you but 'if you are' you can only let them know about these thinsg let them be in the knowledge (stds etc) and let her make her life choices & I would rather my daughter was comfortable asking me to help her get protection - I'd rather that dispite my motherly instincts than a pregnant 15 year old.

x x

 

[Tilly]

I agree with Wobbles, was going to suggest the same!

Glad that it's all sorted out now Amanda!

 

[Mamafy]

great news hun I am 100% sure you are relieved

 

[Elli21]

Phew!!

 

[nightkd]

Glad you've got it sorted out. I'd just like to add as Coffee said at age 15 it was 'cool' to have condoms..

I had ONLY male friends from the age of about 13 and although we never had sex (had some experiences with them though..) we all carried condoms because it was cool. (Also meant if we got into a sticky situation, we'd at least KNOW we had them there). We were all good and knew to wait until we felt ready before intercourse (which happened to me at 16 with my now BF who I barely spoke to at school, aside from at 13... none of my male friends!) and thus the condoms were pretty much an accessory.

If I found condoms in my 15 yos room, I'd be glad they were taking precautions if they were having sex, and ask them if they were having it and if so were they happy using condoms or would they like to start thinking about the pill or whatever aswell. Obv, not having kids of my own yet, when I do I'd probably be a bit shocked that my 'baby' was sexually active, thinking from my POV now I'd just make sure she knew she could talk to me.

Anyhoo, just wanted to add from my POV! Glad it all worked out in the end.

xx

 

[Amanda]

Wobbles - when we had the talk about the condoms, we were all very open and honest. Kayleigh has promised me she will come to me if she has any questions, of feels she's ready to take that step.

She actually quite surprised me with her attitude and how grown up she was. She told is that 2 people in her close circle of friends are known at school as slags because they sleep around, and there was no way she was going to get a reputation like this for herself.

I didn't say before in case in influenced peoples advise, but we did have a pregnancy scare with her when she was 13. She had been pressured into sex by a 19 year old (we had the police involved, but Kayleigh wouldn't give his name), who wasn't even her bf. This scared the living daylights out of her (and us!!), and she has said that she hated it and didn't even want to consider having sex until she was in a long-term and loving relationship. Like i say, she was very open and honest, and I do believe her.

 

[Uvlollypop]

ow im so glad to read that it all went well

 

[princess_x0]

1

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

Glad to hear the chat went well and she was able to talk to you about it and you got to the bottom of it

 

[Alexas Mommy]

glad you two had a talk, and that everything went well.

 

[wantababybump]

Glad you got things sorted! Sounds like a smart young lady you have!! xx

 

[hellotasha]

glad everythin went well hun xx

 

[Bunnipowder]

I would sit her down jst you and her no dad (she may find it easier to talk) and say you came across the condoms and although your pleased she is using contraceptive, your still worried about ask her about the lad find out bit about him his age? where he lives? where did she meet him etc do it in a conversation way genuinely being interested in the boy dont try and make her feel like your interrigating her. you cant stop her having sex and itl only make things worse between the 2 of you if you do, what about taking her to docters to go on the pill or injection aswell as her using condoms give you a bit more peace of mind. the best approach is to not go in all guns blazing, because she was going to have sex sooner or later and at least you have the chance to discuss safe sex with her before she ends up pregnant, best of luck!!

 

[Pyrrhic]

I'm glad it sorted and you had a chat about it. It sounds like you two have a very good, strong relationship. In all honesty I would have freaked (I didn't become sexually active until almost 18 ), so I hope when I'm confronted with something similar in the future I can have a level head like you have.

 

[massacubano]

oh I fear this day! But, know it will come just the same mine is 7. Glad you had a talk!