Frustrated with "not ready" hubbie

[CazMagee]

I've been wanting to start a family for over a year now and made my feelings very well known to my hubbie but he just keeps on telling me that he's "not ready" for kids and I'm starting to get really really annoyed with him.

He's 31 and I'm about to turn 30, I've got a stable job and he's self employed.

I came off the pill a few years ago for various reasons and we started using condoms but hubbie doesn't like using them (especially as we weren't using them for so long) so he suggested that we starting using withdrawal.

Obviously I'm happy to do this as it seems one step closer so him taking the plunge, but he still just clams up whenever I bring up the subject of babies.

Anyway, vent over but I'd love to hear any suggestions for bringing him round to the baby way of thinking!

 

[QueSeraSera]

Didnt want to read and run, but I dont really have much advice for you. Before we started NTNP for DD, DH would even admit that he wanted another baby (he has a son from a previous relationship). I wanted to TTC right away but even though he wanted another, he just couldnt wrap his mind around going for it again. Finally, after about a year, he agreed to NTNP for one and just "let something happen if its meant to happen." I think it just takes some guys awhile to come around to it, and if your DH is anything like mine then pushing the subject will just make him dig his heels in even more. Just look at me, DH was admittedly ready for another and it still took him a year to agree to "try" :-/ I do hope that your DH comes around to the idea soon though...I know how much it sucks to be ready and your partner not be.

 

[CazMagee]

Thanks hun,
I've been trying not to go on about it too much, like you said that will just make him resist more (he was like that before he proposed!) but it is getting harder and harder to ignore the broodyness.
Just have to keep waiting, and hope that the withdrawal method isn't too effective in preventing

 

[QueSeraSera]

haha! i was exactly the same way. when we started NTNP, i was like "really? are you kidding?" cause DH didnt want to TTC properly. he thinks temping and charting is being "too scientific about something that should be natural," but for me my cycles were amazingly irregular after coming off the pill. its like how do you NTNP if you have absolutely no idea when you might be ovulating!? i think that was part of DHs plan to by a little extra time, to be honest. but i just made sure to come on to him all the time so that we were BDing 5+ times a week. i figured, with that amount of BDing, we were sure to catch something. still took 5 cycles...but it eventually happened. withdrawl is only so effective...just BD a lot and eventually you should fall pregnant even without him agreeing to TTC! hehe

 

[angelwings666]

My OH was very much "we should wait", but agreed to me coming off the pill. Condoms were sort of discussed, but never came up. A lot of guys will prefer not to withdraw too! ;-) My guy has slowly come around to the idea, without really saying it. Keep on NTNP, it'll happen

 

[gardenofedens]

lol, that's hilarious. my OH would be thrilled if we BD 5+ times per week! Thank goodness my OH is ready and willing when it comes to TTC - it was me holding him back because I wanted to be married and finished with school, etc. Now that I'm 27 (omg), I just want to be pregnant and start our family. So we get to NTNP after my Mirena is removed Friday and will actively start TTC after our wedding in June. I'd love to get pregnant before then though! :-D

My OH and I both don't like condoms so that was out. We tried the withdrawl method a couple times and I don't like that either so we're just gonna BD and whatever happens, happens!

 

[QueSeraSera]

lol, that's hilarious. my OH would be thrilled if we BD 5+ times per week! Thank goodness my OH is ready and willing when it comes to TTC - it was me holding him back because I wanted to be married and finished with school, etc. Now that I'm 27 (omg), I just want to be pregnant and start our family. So we get to NTNP after my Mirena is removed Friday and will actively start TTC after our wedding in June. I'd love to get pregnant before then though! :-D

hehe. i was the same way about holding back until i knew i wouldnt have the baby until i was finished with school. i was in a 7 year doctorate program, so i wasnt going to risk not finishing. but as soon as i was within 10 months of graduation, i wanted to be pregnant and i wanted it then! (patience is not a strong point of mine! lol) DH was pretty excited about all the BDing for sure, but it all averaged out when, by about 30 weeks gone, i went on a "please dont come near me in that way, im big, fat, and uncomfortable" kick.

good luck on getting the IUD removed and your NTNP/TTC journey!

 

[meggo]

So glad to see so many other husbands have been/are the same way as mine! I'd love to actively TTC, but he's not ready to officially declare that yet. So we're "relying" on the withdrawal method until then...well, he is...I'm hoping with amount of times I want to BD now that I'm off the pill it'll still happen.

 

[CazMagee]

5+ times a week? I don't think either of us could keep that up! Although it might be fun to give it a go

There have been a couple 'oops' moments from him when he's got a bit carried away and not withdrawn quite in time

Meggo, looks like we're in the same boat! I keep telling myself that withdrawal is not a good method of contraception, especially when I try to time BD with my most fertile times
Good luck with everything

 

[QueSeraSera]

haha! i didnt realize that was so much, but everyone is commenting on it. guess it didnt seem like that much since it was a couple times a day when we first got together. then when we were NTNP we had my stepson a lot so we managed about 5/wk or so. lol.

hey if your DH is already getting a little carried away and not making it out in time, then you definitely have a chance! and if you time it around your most fertile times then you could be seeing a BFP in no time!

good luck with it ladies!

 

[gardenofedens]

yea, when OH and I got together we were DTD at least 2x per day. Lately I've been so crazy busy with working full time AND going to school full time, we're lucky to DTD 1-2 times per week! I'm hoping that since my busy season is finally going to start coming to an end for work in the next couple months that we'll be able to find more time to DTD and hopefully get a BFP!

 

[QueSeraSera]

i know what you mean! things get so crazy sometimes that definitely can get put on the backburner. i know how hard it is to juggle full time work and full time school and taking care of a hubby/household...sure gets in the way of some of the more fun points of a relationship! lol. DH is currently training for triathalon season and so he is working out 10+ hours/week...that and the fact that hes always exhausted combined with us both working and my DD and my stepson part of the time...making it hard to try for #3! seems like we are more on the 2-3 times/week schedule lately too.

good luck with your TTC journey!!

 

[AshleyNichole]

im right there with you.....sometimes i just want to him

 

[Rin731]

haha! i was exactly the same way. when we started NTNP, i was like "really? are you kidding?" cause DH didnt want to TTC properly. he thinks temping and charting is being "too scientific about something that should be natural," but for me my cycles were amazingly irregular after coming off the pill. its like how do you NTNP if you have absolutely no idea when you might be ovulating!? i think that was part of DHs plan to by a little extra time, to be honest. but i just made sure to come on to him all the time so that we were BDing 5+ times a week. i figured, with that amount of BDing, we were sure to catch something. still took 5 cycles...but it eventually happened. withdrawl is only so effective...just BD a lot and eventually you should fall pregnant even without him agreeing to TTC! hehe

Not to be off subject, but that gives me hope...my periods are irregular when not on the pill (have been for 10 yrs), so I worry that I don't know when I ovulate, but we BD 5-7 times a week...so *fingers crossed*

 

[QueSeraSera]

fingers crossed for you Rin! With that much BDing, its bound to happen sooner or later. i worried about not knowing when i was ovulating too, but then i realized that no matter when it was happeneing we were always BDing withing a day of it. it still took us a little while but it eventually happened! good luck!

 

[Rin731]

fingers crossed for you Rin! With that much BDing, its bound to happen sooner or later. i worried about not knowing when i was ovulating too, but then i realized that no matter when it was happeneing we were always BDing withing a day of it. it still took us a little while but it eventually happened! good luck!

Thx!

That's what I'm figuring... and hoping. lol We've only been NTNP since October. Unsettling though, since I've had 2 periods since then, and other times, but always a , but my body is far from regular.

 

[QueSeraSera]

mine was the same way. i would be weeks and weeks late with AF. it really makes things frustrating. i am going through the same thing with SF returning while i am breastfeeding. i normally go 60 days between AFs lately. its hard to know when/if im ovulating. and since we are NTNP, i really want to know. we dont get to BD as much since the baby doesnt always like to be cooperative with sleep times and such, but we are trying to get in as much as possible these days and just hoping we catch OV and an eggy!

 

[Rin731]

mine was the same way. i would be weeks and weeks late with AF. it really makes things frustrating. i am going through the same thing with SF returning while i am breastfeeding. i normally go 60 days between AFs lately. its hard to know when/if im ovulating. and since we are NTNP, i really want to know. we dont get to BD as much since the baby doesnt always like to be cooperative with sleep times and such, but we are trying to get in as much as possible these days and just hoping we catch OV and an eggy!

Yep yep, to us both.

My period was "due" (hahahahaha, lol) yesterday, but nothing, and I usually have cramps up the wazoo a week beforehand...maybe I should get a test tomorrow... 9times out of 10 I just don't get a period so who knows XD But glad to hear you managed with irregularity...

 

[QueSeraSera]

if you end up testing, let us know lady! i know that even with my irregular cycles, once i was a day "late" from what it would have been if they were normal, i would test. i just couldnt help myself, even though i knew there was no "normal" cycle for me and no way to know if i was really "late" or not.

baby dust and fingers crossed for you!