Frustrations with unwilling partner >< also, should I tell clinic about my ovulation

Discussion in 'Trying To Conceive' started by cranberry987, Jan 28, 2011.

  1. cranberry987

    cranberry987 Mum after ttc 16 cycles

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    Hello

    I wanted to share as Ive just had a very frustrating day. My husband and I have been TTC for over a year, in that time I have not had one positive ovulation test. Today, my CBFM went from medium to ovulating, i freaked, did a throwaway opk which confirmed it. My husband refused to play ball...

    He's willing, we had time, there were no outside influences stopping us, but he really didnt see the urgency. I did a opk later on just before doing the do and it was negative, which I take to mean my surge had finished and I had ovulated. So, I know that time timing was probably ok, but....WHY?? Why would he do this.

    Ive been peeing on sticks, having blood tests etc for a year and nothing, when it went to ovulating my eyes nearly popped out of my head and I just wanted to get things going there and then, I have learnt that pressuring him does no good and just had to respect him when he said he wanted to wait til that evening.

    I had to go all day thinking that we were missing our only chance in over a year, why couldnt he just suck it up and take one for the team. All I could do was visualise my plucky little egg making the hard journey to where it was meant to be, with no one to meet it, then it wandering off by itself and getting pee-d out ><

    Also, as an aside, we have our first appt with fertility clinic next week, I'd been told I would benefit from Chlomid but am a stone and a half too heavy for it on the NHS, so we're going private to see the exact same Dr, but with free parking. Should I mention this +ve opk to him? One +ve in a year seems to me like a bit of a fluke (I have PCOS) and I dont want him to tell me to wait another month to see how it goes as Im sure that I wont ovulate again and itll just be a waste of time. But at the same time, I feel like I really should give him all the info (and, what if i do get preg this month? I'd feel like a right pratt).

    Many thanks for reading my rant, maybe youve had the same experiences and can share any possible reasons for his madness >)

    Helen
     
  2. croydongirl

    croydongirl Well-Known Member

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    Sorry this is a frustrating time. I would say that you should give all the information you have to the doctor so they can make the best decision. Also -Please do not be offended by this, it is not a judgement at all and obviously I do not know your situation in the slightest, but I have heard lots of girls on here with PCOS and without it who have lost weight and noticed their cycles become more consistent too. I am not sure if that is something you have considered or even if it something that makes sense in your situation, but to offer some hope that you may be able to increase you chances with that too.
    Wishing you every success at the doctor - perhaps your little bean is already starting it's journey this month?! Sounds like you have him/her the best chance.

    Baby dust to you!
     
  3. Soili

    Soili Well-Known Member

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    Girl, she has a weight loss tracker in her signature and by the looks of it, she's doing very good progress!

    Helen, I'm sorry about your DH not being more understanding! You have two options here, either pretend you're very VERY much in the mood, for no particular reason, except that he's looking so very sexy ;) Or explain that the baby-making sex is most effective before the ovulation occurs, so really, the sooner after you get the +ve, the better. Probably the first would work better ;)

    I really hope you got some last night!

    Oh and the surge doesn't mean you O'ed there on the spot. It means, your hormones signal the follicle to pop a hole, because the egg is mature enough. But the egg won't jump out of there in a second. It's still the sooner after the +ve, the better, but you do generally have around 12 hours of most fertile time to catch the egg :) Next day, there's still a chance too!
     
  4. MRS_HJO

    MRS_HJO Well-Known Member

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    Hello Cranberry987,

    I am sending positive thoughts and prayers your way. That is a lot to go through! I would absolutely let your doctor know about the no ovulation ASAP. He can maybe give you something that will help you ovulate.

    Also, maybe your husband is just feeling the pressure as well. My husband has to constantly tell me to relax about TTC, and that I stress him out. I just try to make baby-making fun... less about the baby, more about eachother, and this lightens the mood. Hope this helps!
     
  5. Heather212

    Heather212 Well-Known Member

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    Hi Helen

    I'm so sorry you're going through this :-(. I had similar issues with my ex partner that I was with for 7 years, but I guess a bit different because he would sometimes say he wanted to try for a kid but whenever I tried to get him to he wouldn't cooperate.

    Anyway, maybe your husband is just upset about all the planning that goes along with TTC, I guess it can be a bit stressing. Have you tried not talking to him about it and just having sex spontaneously (I mean when you think you're ovulating)? With my new partner we rarely talk about kids at all, but I do try to time BD for when it suits me LOL. I think guys kind of start getting annoyed when all we do is talk about TTC so I just do my thing with the calculations and just initiate it when I want to. But I guess the guy I'm with has a high sex drive so I can do that pretty much at any time ROFL. Have you tried wearing revealing clothing or whatever turns your partner on? Maybe he'll be more likely to cooperate if he feels it's happening spontaneously and is not part of a complex TTC schedule.

    Good luck :hugs:
     
  6. kates84

    kates84 Mum to one

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    I do understand how you feel lovely but like heather and the others said, it may be easier if you at least pretend its spontaneous.

    I've got to admit, if the roles were reversed and my hubby came up to me and said "well I'm fertile so do me" (not that you said it like that!) I'd be a little put off. I think many men, despite the stereotype, can't just perform on demand and need a little encouraging like we do.

    About the ovulation issue - I've got to admit I am torn. I get that it is best to be honest with the doctors BUT they also seem to use any excuse to delay treatment - possibly for good reason because clomid isn't without it's side effects - but still, I'd be very tempted to not tell him about this ovulation. If it really was the first time in ages and you suspect you will have the same problem again, I'd just be quiet about it. But that's me :-/
     
  7. cranberry987

    cranberry987 Mum after ttc 16 cycles

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    Thanks for the replies, I think youre right, I should have gone about it differently, I probably was a bit 'Im fertile, do me' Is just so novel actually peeing on a stick and it coming out positive I think I got totally over excited.

    With the PCOS, Ive actually lost 3 stone over the last 18 months or so and its made no difference at all, my cycles arent that long, but I never ovulate. Need to lose another stone or so really, but Ive totally lost the motivation, and now its past a year ttc I want to crack on.

    I think Im going to see how the appt goes, if he seems to be on my side then I might tell him I got a positive opk, as it doesnt necessarily mean I ovulated, there are always reasons for it not to happen. Ive a years worth of other evidence saying I didn't ovulate and all the chlomid side effects seem to be temporary, so Im willing to take the risk tbh.
     
  8. croydongirl

    croydongirl Well-Known Member

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    So sorry I didn't see your ticker before. You are doing great! I know the struggle, and I know it can be even harder when you are feeling down or stressed about tcc.
    Good luck on your journey and with your doctor.
     
  9. Lillismommy

    Lillismommy Well-Known Member

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    Good luck with the doctor. I hope this is your month and you don't have to do any fertility treatments! :hugs:
     

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