Funny Things you did while in Labour?

[wannabewillow]

Before I went to hospital, I went to see my midwife for a BP check, after finding out my BP was dangerously high and I needed to go to hospital, I was adamant I had to go and buy my Christmas tree first. (luckily I did go straight to hospital though). She also said I was Nil By Mouth so I started crying because I spent ages making soup before the appointment. I was then admitted to hospital for observation, but became sick overnight and was taken to the labour suite. I wasn't allowed to go into labour as I was too unwell, but I had put in my Birth Plan that I wanted my playlist played from my i-pod on and because I had left that up in the ward, the surgeons were told they were to sing Take That to me... shortly after, one of the scrub nurses got her i-pod and Mairi was born to Take That (and the entire theatre staff) singing Patience... all because I shouted at them for music.

 

[bathbabe]

because i was in prem labour i was hooked up to the monitor and kept trying to pull them off. Everytime for the first hour when the midwife looked away id take it off. Then i gave up until i was pushing. Then the top one was was hurting while i was pushing so i kept moving it. The midwife could not of been happy but she didnt say anything!! Also, i was biting the gas and air mouth piece and kept acidentilly pulling it off. Id panic and go really wide eyed until i had got it back on. But god help anyone that tried to help me! I slapped them away! I wanted to sort it myself! I had a fairly quick labour so i didnt have much time to embarress myself! X

 

[Bex1p]

Hahaha loving these! Trying to breastfeed and laughing isnt helping!

When it came to the end stage I was ramming the gas and air in so hard my mouth was bleeding so I got it took off me!!!

I told them to knock me out and do a c-sect. When asked if I wanted anything I just replied I wanna be high!
Then I said I'm weeing on the bed and I dont care! haha

 

[Aunty E]

I am still amazed that I didn't swear at all, not once. But when I first got to hospital we'd had a bad car journey, then some STUPID man had made me sit in a wheelchair to go the last few yards to the delivery ward when I was quite happy walking and sitting down HURT, and then I'd had a nasty exam from the midwife and she'd dashed off to get some gas and air as I was already 8cm and completely effaced. So I was in a fair bit of pain and making a fair bit of noise and some crazy ass nun/nurse came and grabbed my leg to have a good old look in between as I was having a contraction and I shouted at her very loudly 'Don't touch me'. I'd had enough of being touched by that point! That's as mean as I got though, even when the stupid consultant left his hand in my cervix during a contrction while he had a nice chat with the anaesthesiologist.

 

[flutterbaby]

i was telling my hubby i hated his mother and the was no way i was having a baby on her nirthday i was in the drip and was told it could go to 70 i'd only need 35 ml as he was my 4th but seen it was at 70 and said face the drip the other way cause the numbers was hurting me i also kept saying i needed a poo and wanted to go loo but couldn't then a kept saying if you let me go i'll squeeze a nugget out my mom has hurt her leg and i was telling her to stand and hide the clock as it was all happening to fast for me while i was pushing i was saying i was having 2 more babies and when i'd finished i apologised for not fucking off into my own world as i was still in the room cause i needed more pain relief i was a nightmare lol and i am usually so good never having the drip again plus side labour was only 3 hours from first pain

 

[Pessimistic]

I don't know about funny stuff, but I had a midwife at the beginning telling me not to push she was right in my face and her breath stank something rotten.

I gripped husbands hand so hard he said 'ouch that hurts!' I nearly knocked him out.

 

[cherryglitter]

haha I think we all go through the GET THEM OUT stage. I was terrible.
All I wanted was a c section haha!! Because I just couldn't do it anymore.
Back to back labour is awful as well. Was a nightmare.

I remember OH having to lift me off the toilet as I started having a contraction and I got stuck in mid air because I didn't want to move lol! Bless him.

The gas and air literally made me feel like I had about 8 bottles of vodka and I kept repeating that over and over and over!

It's all coming back to me now xxx

 

[jaybee]

* in my family I am renowned to be VERY VERY loud when in pain. When in labour, i lived uo to my repuration. I was swearing blue murder and the doctor came in and said, we all know who you are... your the lady we can hear in the coffee room (200m's away!)

*The anethatist came in eventaully after my hubby said I was allowed an epi (I had told him to hold off as long as possible even if i was begging) the MW wanted to do another internal, so he said he would wait outside.. I started shouting 'don't leave me, if you love me you have to stay, if you leave your going to go to another woman and I will never get mine' grabbed his arm and held on for grim death. they needed two MW to get my hand to release. Never did get the epi cos i ended up pushing!

*About 4 hours in, apparently my hubby turned round to the MW and said 'I really need a pee' she said... 'no one cares PJ!'

 

[iceylou]

Haha - these are making me giggle Apparantly I tried to get off the bed I was on and told the midwife 'Right Anne, let's go for a teabreak now!!' and kept going on about this cup of tea! I can't remember much after the pethidine.... Then I asked to see the placenta and was tring to poke it! Yuk!!

 

[venusrockstar]

Not sure I did anything funny...hubby and I sat around watching movies and eating popsicles. I had a 2hr nap right before pushing.

Epidural.

 

[Neferet]

Told the midwife to stop looking at my fanny.

Took my mum with me to go pee and got all tangled in the gas and air wifey things in the toilet. Took ages to get unstuck and I was saying really weird stuff because of the diamorphine.

LOL there were a few more funny things, but I'll get back to it later- Isaac is being a little monster at the moment!

 

[lanaross]

I don't remember labor much, but when pushing my OH goes you're doing great, you're doing awesome and kept repeating it. I turned and yelled how the hell do you know how I am doing. Oh and then threw up on him
I also kept saying I am done, I am done (and was nowhere to be done

 

[MNORBURY]

I was having stitches (afterwards) and was in agony but high on g&a too, the nurse was trying to get me through it by telling me she was on for the last bit and it was purely cosmetic as she didn't want me coming back in a year or so complaining blah blah, anyhow I thought it was nice of her (wtf!) and made my hubby say thankyou to her for "making it look pretty"

 

[rach2010]

i farted.....really....really bad. i didnt poo myself though, thank god.

 

[Raggydoll]

I was meant to be having a planned section as Kate was breech, I went into labour 2 days before. When the midwife told me I was going to have my section that night I replied "oh god I've not prepared my area"

Also when the anethetist was checking to see if I was numb he dropped the ice cube down my then very ample cleavage and went to retrieve it!!! I told him it was ok to leave it there!

 

[Mrs.Steer]

I threw up while sat on the toilet having a poo, and threw up loads more over OH outside the birth pool. When the MW was doing her monitoring inbetween contractions, because the time inbetween them wasnt very long I kept shouting "ok GO" to them when they were coming to an end. I told the student midwife not to let my mother in because she would piss me off and asked her not to mind if i ignored her if she talked to me mid contraction

My student midwife was fantastic, my LO's middle name was named after her as a result!

 

[xolily]

gave OH a disgusted look and asked him why he hadn't gotten a shower before he set off from leeds cos i was in labour.. he stunk
told OH to eff off cos "ur hands aren't as fat as my mams, i can't squeeze them"
also, in my room there were no stirrups so i had each foot on a midwifes hip.. well, there was a student in there and they were trying to make me put one on her but she was about 5ft and a size 6.. i was scared of knocking her over so point blank refused lol x

 

[xolily]

not very funny but did use WAY too much lanuage at everyone. mw's kept telling me to push so i told them " u Fing try this, look at ye, young and slim, Fing this and that". my hubby was in floods at this stage and said nice to see my polite wife is still alert. doc came in and i apologised to her for not waxing my legs!!

in surgery after i had a great conversation with the anesthist (sp?) over the best vodka!! i thought i had dreamt this until he came to see me the following day with a bottle of russian vodka

i was in the shower frantically shaving my legs about half an hour before i got to hospital 9cm dilated my mam was like wtf are u doin! i had a bloody lady forest nevermind garden, defo wasn't goin in with hairy legs aswell! x

 

[iceylou]

nothing to do with me but the best revenge i got on my hubby, was me in full swing of labour and he was suffering the worst hangover he ever had and the mw's asking him did he want to see the head!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Embovstar]

erm, it doesn't get any worse than this...

I was being stitched up, so the MW was VERY close to me and I FARTED! Not just the once either

She said that whilst she had seen and had many things happen to her, being farted in the face was not one of them lol

Still, she'll at least remember me!!

Nicola xx