Funny Things you did while in Labour?

[Didz]

The midwife tripped over my OH sleeping on a beanbag on the floor. He had hidden himself under his long leather coat whilst asleep and she didn't realise he was there. I remember laughing my arse off saying "haha you fell over". OH woke up and the midwife told him what happened, he apologised and I told him not to because it was funny.
He fell back to sleep and I had a HUGE contraction. Somehow I mustered the energy to get off the bed after shouting him, waddled over to the bean bag and kicked him as hard as I could to wake him up. Poor bugger had a bruise across his leg from that. He doesn't sleep, he comas.
Whilst off my norks on diamorphine I vaguely remember one of the many midwives talking to me, dozing off, waking up and hearing her carry on from where I fell to sleep lol. My OH laughing and telling her that was impressive lol.

 

[PrayinForBaby]

I started to panic when my epidural stopped working saying "I can feel this! I'm not suuposed to feel this!" and then when I finally was pushing (my whole 22 min) when the dr put the baby blanket on my tummy I said "OMG! This is really happening! I'm really having a baby! Holy shit!" Everyone in the room started laughing then! lol

 

[bathbabe]

Well.....
When I woke up in labor I called the hospital, they said take paracetamol and have a bath......3 baths later and after almost drowning my OH called them and told them he's bringing me in whether they like it or not etc.
When we get there the midwife asks if I want any pain killers. I tell her damn skippy and climb in the bath. Next came the gas and air which sent me off with the fairies so I started giggling with every contraction. When that stopped killing the pain I had the diamorphine injection........that's when the fun started.
That stuff completely knocked me out. I woke up at one point and said "I'm sure there were more loose panels than this" my OH started laughing at me and I realised I'd been asleep. Started back on the gas and air and fell to sleep with it in my mouth. OH had to take it off me at that point until I woke up and was ok enough to control it myself lol. After the 2nd diamorphine injection I woke up again and told him in a firm slur that "the dogs are BANNED from the paddling pool!" again he started laughing and I made him flick through EVERY channel on the TV before finally saying "everything's shit!". I was in a child like sulk because of that. Because the diamorphine sent me off my knockers I could hear another woman in the middle of giving birth screaming her head off..........I giggled and said "I wonder if I could beat her in a screaming contest". OH said "don't you bloody dare" lol. After that had worn off I was demanding an epidural but the midwife kept telling me no, she couldn't be bothered to take me into the other area to have it done so I ended up threatening the poor woman. The midwife got me to sit on a birthing ball but because I was in back labor it was too painful, OH told me I kicked it across the room in temper and lay back on the bed threatening to get a lawyer on the baby if she didn't hurry up and come out. When they DID take me into the next area to get the epidural they caught a nerve and I accidently booted the midwife. I said sorry and fell to sleep again. Woke up with my sense of humour again and ended up cracking the midwife and my OH up by wiggling my toes and trying to stand up to use the loo.......forgetting I had the epidural. I almost fell on my ass and they struggled to put me back on the bed. After that it's all a blur lol.

EDIT: forgot to mention that my loving OH took a pic of me whilst passed out, sitting on the birthing ball, gas and air in my hand, drooling on the bed.

Hahahahahaha. Lets see the picture! xxx

 

[lunarsea]

I remember the nurse giving me a popsicle for some reason, and within minutes the contractions started getting horrible and I was getting popsicle everywhere.
And then the nurse came in and said if I wanted an epidural id either have to do it then or an hour later because there was a planned c-section going on and i would have to wait for the anesthesiologist.
I was REALLY against getting an epidural so quickly, so in between contractions I would scream "NO I DON'T WANT AN EPIDURAL! I CAN'T I CAN'T!" all while the popsicle was melting all over my face and chest hahaha.
and then i'd get a contraction and start crying, "JUST GIVE IT TO ME NOW! JUST DO IT, NOW!" and other hysterics.

Then when they were doing the epidural, they had trouble cause I have scoliosis, so it was agonizing, I just remember hugging that pillow and cussing at the doctor haha.

I think sometime in the beginning of labor, the nurse checked me, and she said, "Oh, its good that its real loose, and not tight" (my cervix)
and my cousin and I just looked at each other trying not to laugh, and I just remember trying to figure out if I should have been offended or not
and the nurse didn't seem to think it was funny ahha.

then i also remember as I got closer to pushing, it started as "You know, I really feel like I have to poop, call the nurse I think I need to poop." and the nurse told me it was just the baby's pressure.
I just kept going on and on to everyone about how much I needed to take a crap.
My poor OH had to hear me sit there and try to make comparisons as to how I felt haha
"Have you ever held it in so long,like a week, like times that by 10!"
And apparently I told my MIL to "JUST GET AWAY" during a contraction.

 

[Miss Hamilton]

When i arrived at hospital i was 10cm, when midwife told me i shouted 'oh fcuk', apologised straight away, which isnt like me.

Refused gas and air as i wanted to bite on my thumb, bit strange but it worked

As for an epidural, i was asking OH for one as soon as my waters broke, wasnt in labour but could imagine being gutted if i asked too late, well its not as though OH could give me one! Even when i was 10cm i asked midwife if she could sort one for me, only joking with her

 

[Didz]

Well.....
When I woke up in labor I called the hospital, they said take paracetamol and have a bath......3 baths later and after almost drowning my OH called them and told them he's bringing me in whether they like it or not etc.
When we get there the midwife asks if I want any pain killers. I tell her damn skippy and climb in the bath. Next came the gas and air which sent me off with the fairies so I started giggling with every contraction. When that stopped killing the pain I had the diamorphine injection........that's when the fun started.
That stuff completely knocked me out. I woke up at one point and said "I'm sure there were more loose panels than this" my OH started laughing at me and I realised I'd been asleep. Started back on the gas and air and fell to sleep with it in my mouth. OH had to take it off me at that point until I woke up and was ok enough to control it myself lol. After the 2nd diamorphine injection I woke up again and told him in a firm slur that "the dogs are BANNED from the paddling pool!" again he started laughing and I made him flick through EVERY channel on the TV before finally saying "everything's shit!". I was in a child like sulk because of that. Because the diamorphine sent me off my knockers I could hear another woman in the middle of giving birth screaming her head off..........I giggled and said "I wonder if I could beat her in a screaming contest". OH said "don't you bloody dare" lol. After that had worn off I was demanding an epidural but the midwife kept telling me no, she couldn't be bothered to take me into the other area to have it done so I ended up threatening the poor woman. The midwife got me to sit on a birthing ball but because I was in back labor it was too painful, OH told me I kicked it across the room in temper and lay back on the bed threatening to get a lawyer on the baby if she didn't hurry up and come out. When they DID take me into the next area to get the epidural they caught a nerve and I accidently booted the midwife. I said sorry and fell to sleep again. Woke up with my sense of humour again and ended up cracking the midwife and my OH up by wiggling my toes and trying to stand up to use the loo.......forgetting I had the epidural. I almost fell on my ass and they struggled to put me back on the bed. After that it's all a blur lol.

EDIT: forgot to mention that my loving OH took a pic of me whilst passed out, sitting on the birthing ball, gas and air in my hand, drooling on the bed.

Hahahahahaha. Lets see the picture! xxx

I would love to but its on a reeeeeally old phone and I don't have a cable for it (2nd hand off an ex). I wonder if I have a connection for it somewhere in the house though. I was mortified when he showed me the next morning lol. I could have happily throttled him for it lol.

 

[Susie28]

I made a thread exactly like this a few months ago, and like this thread it made me laugh sooooo much! I think that all the women in the Pregnancy section should read it so they know whats to come

 

[LogansMama]

I was determined to get my vbac and without an epidural- up until the contractions kicked in bad and I couldn't deal anymore. Then I was begging for the epi.

After many many more hours I was begging for another c-section because enough was enough. I was 12 hours in at least - in horrific pain - the epi was more annoying than helpful. All I felt was static in my legs.

During my c-section I was singing "Jesus Loves Me" (Im NOT religious) but it was the only song I could remember the words to! And every 2 seconds I was asking how much longer, how much longer, how much longer?????

 

[MommyWishes4]

Can I bump this? These stories made me laugh so much! I'd love to hear more!!

 

[sjminimac]

i was high on gas and air, having awful awful contractions and knelt down leaning against hubby's knees (he was sat down), my ipod was on in the background with nelly's hot in herre on. The midwife left the room for one second whilst i was out of it, and returned to the lovely sight of me naked on all fours swinging my butt around singing 'well girl i think my butt getting big'at the TOP of my voice! Perfect comedy timing.

 

[sandrass]

Lmao...these are funny. I will have to ask my husband if I said anything funny...I can't remember. All I remember is pain, pain, pain (back to back labor and over 3 hours of pushing)

I do know I said that I change my mind I want to go home now..and I said "GET OUT OF ME!"

 

[zenmommy526]

When I was pushing, they decided to use a vacuum extractor to help me...the doctor put it on Liam's head and started pulling. Just then I took a breather and then the thing popped right off Liam's head and it hit the doctor right in the face. Hhahahaha. It was funny.

 

[twinklestar]

i was high on gas and air, having awful awful contractions and knelt down leaning against hubby's knees (he was sat down), my ipod was on in the background with nelly's hot in herre on. The midwife left the room for one second whilst i was out of it, and returned to the lovely sight of me naked on all fours swinging my butt around singing 'well girl i think my butt getting big'at the TOP of my voice! Perfect comedy timing.

that really made me chuckle

 

[Blsmummy]

Haha the one about the Ginger made me laugh the most.


I don't know if this is funny but while I was in labour I was watching coronation street and chatting calmly through every contration the Midwives said theyd never had someone so calm then later when the contrations came stronger runaway bride was on in the background (think they might have changed minds about being calm at that stage as I was swearing during some contrations .

This one is funny:
I was pent over the bed having a contraction my mum was rubbing my back during the contraction and I let out a loud and smelly fart in her face. She ran to the toilet laughing (no idea if she was sick though)

 

[Charlene_b_x]

These are all really funny!
My hubby said that my birth would of made great tv ona programme like one born every minute as I was such a psyco
I wouldn't let them put the monitor on kept running away and hiding in the toilet the midwives literally had to come into the toilets
grab me and pin me on the bed. I kicked both the midwives and asked them to kill me, asked for a csection when I was pushing and kept saying I didn't want to do it lol

 

[Mynx]

My waters broke in the doctor's waiting room while I was waiting for my MW appointment Shoulda seen the look on the other patients faces hehe! The MW came out and called me in for my appointment, and I said "my waters have broken" and she went into a stage 1 panic! Very odd. So I calmed her down by telling her it would be fine and we'd walk home and go the hospital from there, thank you very much Little did I know I'd give birth less than 3 hours later

Oh and when we got to the hospital, the MW there took me onto a ward, and by this time I was having contractions one after the other and couldnt stand up or speak while they were going on, and this MW asked me to pee in a teeny little dish, and that she wanted to examine me.... "to make sure you are actually in labour dearie"
I coulda smacked her one! 2 minutes later, she found I was 6cm dilated and took me up to the delivery room, very apologetic

 

[Mynx]

Lmao...these are funny. I will have to ask my husband if I said anything funny...I can't remember. All I remember is pain, pain, pain (back to back labor and over 3 hours of pushing)

I do know I said that I change my mind I want to go home now..and I said "GET OUT OF ME!"

Lol I was like that too.. right at the end I was in tears begging "Please dont make me push anymore!"

 

[ethan amelia]

id had alot of gas and air and diamorphine and aparently i said in a really funny voice "this is the drunkest iv ever been in my life". How embarrassing!!

 

[AP]

OH told me last night that when the mws tried to get me to push i just shouted "awwww fuck off!"
Thats terrible!!!!!

 

[ellie]

Oh dearie ......... who'd work in maternity with all you loonies about

I dont remember anything much funny happening in labour but afterwards when I was coming round from the GA, I was really doped and Oh said we've got a boy but he's in NICU, but he's doing okay, I burst out laughing apparnetly and started saying to the staff in the recovery room, don't let him name my boy he wants to call him Boris or Saddam or something