Gender disapointment...

[QuintinsMommy]

I knew I was having a boy from the start because I so badly wanted a girl
and at the gender scan they told me it was a boy
I named him Quintin around that time and I think that helped with the bond
Little boys clothes aren't as fun to buy as little girls but that doesnt matter to me
He loves trains but also loves to put on lip glass
but hes mama's little boy and I honestly couldn't be happier
I love him sooo much.

 

[Pretty Sakura]

I assure you that the second that baby arrives and you hold him for the first time all those thoughts are going to melt away. There are plenty of moms who have felt the same but not as brave to say so. Pregnancy hormones and expectations are are tough. Try not to beat yourself up we are all human.

 

[Mari30me]

Sorry you are feeling down about a baby boy. It is totally normal and lots of women can feel that way. I have a daughter and a son already. Just found out last week that we are expecting our 2nd boy. I was a bit down because a small part of me wanted a girl. I am a girlie girl too, but now I am so happy to meet this little boy. When our ds#1 was born in 2010, it was love at 1st sight. He is so sensitive and sweet, but he is a daddy's boy for some reason! lol Maybe I will get a mamma's boy with our 2nd son Once your baby is here, you will forget that you ever felt this way GL

 

[gills8752]

Firstly I want to say how great it is that 99% of this thread is supportive! There have been other gender disappointment threads that have ended up bashing the mum for not "loving her child" and "being grateful for being pregnant". Nice to see a positive response this time

I understand how you feel about disappointment. I so wanted a boy with my first child and was upset for some time that I was having a girl. I wasn't sure what I would do with a daughter to play with, I'm not a girlie girl, not into sparkles and pink etc and was dreading trying to play with a child with dollys and dressing up. BUT I now love her to bits, she's not a typical girl, she loves all things cars, planes etc and is a joy to play with.

I'm expecting another baby girl now and although I would have liked one of each, I've accepted it and am happy that I have another little girl to play with my daughter.

I think the real thing that helped me accept I was having a girl was realising that just because she has a fanny it doesn't mean she can't play with pirate boats and she doesn't have to wear pink. I went out a bought a few outfits that I would be happy for a girl to wear that weren't too girlie - more the style I would wear and started feeling better that I didn't have to deal with the pink, sparkly, frilly, princess thing. She could be a girl like me who likes cars and planes and wears tight jeans and black tops.

Like someone else said (sorry can't remember who) first step is accepting your feelings. I'm sure you'll feel excited soon enough and look forward to having a little boy.

Hope you feel better soon, and do keep us updated!

 

[karlilay]

Hunni - a year ago i could have written this word for word. I understand your feelings. I understand how horrible it is when people ask you if you have a preference (before you know) and you really want to tell everyone, i was a girl. Im so desperate for a girl.. but you know you shouldnt. With Madi i convinced myself she was a boy, i even brought boy things so i wouldnt feel the dissapointment. At the 20 week scan, when she said she was a girl i sobbed and sobbed i was so happy.

Fast foward 18 months- pregnant again. Never entered my head i might have a boy as i already had a girl i kind of expected it to be a girl. I has 1083783654 names picked, and even told OH if it was a biy he could call it whatever he wanted. So were laying there and the scan woman says 'Can you see that? Its his little willy' OH punched the air, and i felt someone had punched me in the stomach. I couldnt function for days. I was terrified, i actually felt quite detatched from my bump for a while. But i brought some little blue baby gros and sorted the hospital bag out. When he came out, i looked down and he was the most beautiful newborn. I kept saying to the midwife 'look at him' 'look how cute he is!' I think id convinced myself i wouldnt love him the same because he was a boy. But it doesnt matter at all. You will love him, i promise you! You will love him the same way you would love a girl. When he was tiny, i was terrified of the whole cars/trucks/football/dirt general boy things. But he is now nearly 11 months old and hes started to love little boy things. Cars and things with wheels, and it makes my heart completley melt when i see him trying to push a car around the floor or doing the 'brrruuummm' noise

I cant imagen life without him. I would never ever change him for the world. And yes its cute looking at all the fancy frilly, lacey girly clothes. But beleive me, they are a FUCKING NIGHTMARE to iron!

 

[Sunshine12]

Be thankful to your pregnant.i think this should help by thinking that there's so many women who's struggling to get pregnant.at least your healthy to get pregnant

I dont see why that makes any difference nor do I see why its remotely relevant TBH.

Loullabelle, I hope you feel better about it soon hun but meantime Im sending you big hugs. xxx

 

[cherryglitter]

huge hugs
like others have said. things will be a lot different when he's here. excitement will begin to take over soon too.

my baby boy is so loving. i can't even remember what my life was like before i had him.

take care.

 

[Akinesia]

I found out recently that my little one is a boy as well. I was hoping for a girl too, and while I haven't cried about it I did feel disappointed when the ultrasound tech announced the sex. Then I felt guilty for feeling disappointed, because everyone always says to just be thankful for the pregnancy and whatnot. I know a lot of girls who have been struggling trying to conceive a baby for years, including my sister in law, and I know what they'd have to say to me if I admitted that I wanted a girl as my first baby. But I also know that I can't help how I feel. It was just something I hoped for, and I know there's nothing wrong with that.

Now, the way I am helping myself to come to terms with things not panning out as I had hoped is to focus on all the positives of having a little boy, and I try to imagine what he'll be like in the same sort of way I thought about having a daughter. I envision him as the protective big brother of my future children, and I think of all the things he may take part in. Maybe he'll be a little athlete, or musician, or artist, or scientist etc. I imagine what it will be like to encourage him and teach him in whatever he decides to pursue in life. I find this helpful, and it's the start of me bonding with my little man I'm sure you'll be able to overcome your feelings of disappointment as well and start to be really excited at the thought of having your little boy.

 

[xloulabellex]

The in-gender.com forums are great for finding comfort about your gender disappointment. No one has the right to make you feel bad about it. I am currently expecting my third boy, very hard after losing my daughter last december at
22 weeks. I suffered GD but as time went on I have accepted it and am preparing for his arrival. Its hard at first but gets easier with passing days.

The in-gender doesn't seem to work every time I try to load it. I'm sorry to hear about your daughter *hugs* you're so strong

 

[xloulabellex]

Hunni - a year ago i could have written this word for word. I understand your feelings. I understand how horrible it is when people ask you if you have a preference (before you know) and you really want to tell everyone, i was a girl. Im so desperate for a girl.. but you know you shouldnt. With Madi i convinced myself she was a boy, i even brought boy things so i wouldnt feel the dissapointment. At the 20 week scan, when she said she was a girl i sobbed and sobbed i was so happy.

Fast foward 18 months- pregnant again. Never entered my head i might have a boy as i already had a girl i kind of expected it to be a girl. I has 1083783654 names picked, and even told OH if it was a biy he could call it whatever he wanted. So were laying there and the scan woman says 'Can you see that? Its his little willy' OH punched the air, and i felt someone had punched me in the stomach. I couldnt function for days. I was terrified, i actually felt quite detatched from my bump for a while. But i brought some little blue baby gros and sorted the hospital bag out. When he came out, i looked down and he was the most beautiful newborn. I kept saying to the midwife 'look at him' 'look how cute he is!' I think id convinced myself i wouldnt love him the same because he was a boy. But it doesnt matter at all. You will love him, i promise you! You will love him the same way you would love a girl. When he was tiny, i was terrified of the whole cars/trucks/football/dirt general boy things. But he is now nearly 11 months old and hes started to love little boy things. Cars and things with wheels, and it makes my heart completley melt when i see him trying to push a car around the floor or doing the 'brrruuummm' noise

I cant imagen life without him. I would never ever change him for the world. And yes its cute looking at all the fancy frilly, lacey girly clothes. But beleive me, they are a FUCKING NIGHTMARE to iron!

hahaha thanks for this he sounds adorable xx

 

[xloulabellex]

Firstly I want to say how great it is that 99% of this thread is supportive! There have been other gender disappointment threads that have ended up bashing the mum for not "loving her child" and "being grateful for being pregnant". Nice to see a positive response this time

I understand how you feel about disappointment. I so wanted a boy with my first child and was upset for some time that I was having a girl. I wasn't sure what I would do with a daughter to play with, I'm not a girlie girl, not into sparkles and pink etc and was dreading trying to play with a child with dollys and dressing up. BUT I now love her to bits, she's not a typical girl, she loves all things cars, planes etc and is a joy to play with.

I'm expecting another baby girl now and although I would have liked one of each, I've accepted it and am happy that I have another little girl to play with my daughter.

I think the real thing that helped me accept I was having a girl was realising that just because she has a fanny it doesn't mean she can't play with pirate boats and she doesn't have to wear pink. I went out a bought a few outfits that I would be happy for a girl to wear that weren't too girlie - more the style I would wear and started feeling better that I didn't have to deal with the pink, sparkly, frilly, princess thing. She could be a girl like me who likes cars and planes and wears tight jeans and black tops.

Like someone else said (sorry can't remember who) first step is accepting your feelings. I'm sure you'll feel excited soon enough and look forward to having a little boy.

Hope you feel better soon, and do keep us updated!

Thank you for this, I guess it must be just as hard for a non-girlie girl to have a little girl too.. I will keep you updated xx

 

[xloulabellex]

Be thankful to your pregnant.i think this should help by thinking that there's so many women who's struggling to get pregnant.at least your healthy to get pregnant

I dont see why that makes any difference nor do I see why its remotely relevant TBH.

Loullabelle, I hope you feel better about it soon hun but meantime Im sending you big hugs. xxx

Thank you xxx

 

[Fruitymeli]

im a girly and i have a lovely little boy , they is some gorgeous clothes not just the typical so hes always been stylish
am sure you will come round dont forget shopping is helpful

 

[Mindy_mini]

Oh Hun I could have written that myself after my 20wk scan (except I wanted a blue one and got a pink one)

I can honestly say I didn't come to terms with it til I had my daughter in my arms. But you will love your baby, you will start to notice nice bluethings and you will get into trucks and cars etc. Just take the time to digest it.

Oh and ignore those who say "be grateful you're even pregnant". I wonder how they'd feel if a terminal cancer patient told them "be grateful you have your health and a long life ahead of you".

Gender disappointment is a real issue and affects each woman differently. We all have dreams and ideas about our baby before we find out the sex, some just deal with it quicker than others xxx

 

[xloulabellex]

Oh Hun I could have written that myself after my 20wk scan (except I wanted a blue one and got a pink one)

I can honestly say I didn't come to terms with it til I had my daughter in my arms. But you will love your baby, you will start to notice nice bluethings and you will get into trucks and cars etc. Just take the time to digest it.

Oh and ignore those who say "be grateful you're even pregnant". I wonder how they'd feel if a terminal cancer patient told them "be grateful you have your health and a long life ahead of you".

Gender disappointment is a real issue and affects each woman differently. We all have dreams and ideas about our baby before we find out the sex, some just deal with it quicker than others xxx

Thank you for your support I appreciate it! xxx

 

[InVivoVeritas]

As PPs have said, accept your feelings, i think more women feel that way than you'd think.

My first DD I really wanted a boy. I saw the nub at the 12-week scan, thought it meant boy, and spent the rest of the pregnancy buying blue things, picked a boy's name, prepared the nursery in blue. When the midwife said "it's a girl" I felt a wave of shock and disappointment. But then I saw her and fell immediately in love. She's 13 now, loves spooky things and the colour black, hates pink and glitter.

Second time I knew I could do girls, knew girls were fantastic, and with a close age gap really wanted another girl this time. You guessed it -- boy.

My son died as a newborn and I fell pregnant again quickly. I wanted another boy with every fibre of my body, so it didn't surprise me at all when the midwife said 'girl'. My younger DD is an animal loving, tree-climbing, mud-attracting tomboy with a secret pink fetish she's embarrassed to show.

This time we're a house of women, no male role model, and I'd love one more girl to add to the hormonal soup. Which, given my history, means that this one is odds-on a boy.

In my experience, once you meet that new person, once you hold him in your arms, your love will be so strong and specific to him that you won't even think about his gender. You'll probably still want a girl, but you'll be thinking in terms of next pregnancy.

 

[xloulabellex]

As PPs have said, accept your feelings, i think more women feel that way than you'd think.

My first DD I really wanted a boy. I saw the nub at the 12-week scan, thought it meant boy, and spent the rest of the pregnancy buying blue things, picked a boy's name, prepared the nursery in blue. When the midwife said "it's a girl" I felt a wave of shock and disappointment. But then I saw her and fell immediately in love. She's 13 now, loves spooky things and the colour black, hates pink and glitter.

Second time I knew I could do girls, knew girls were fantastic, and with a close age gap really wanted another girl this time. You guessed it -- boy.

My son died as a newborn and I fell pregnant again quickly. I wanted another boy with every fibre of my body, so it didn't surprise me at all when the midwife said 'girl'. My younger DD is an animal loving, tree-climbing, mud-attracting tomboy with a secret pink fetish she's embarrassed to show.

This time we're a house of women, no male role model, and I'd love one more girl to add to the hormonal soup. Which, given my history, means that this one is odds-on a boy.

In my experience, once you meet that new person, once you hold him in your arms, your love will be so strong and specific to him that you won't even think about his gender. You'll probably still want a girl, but you'll be thinking in terms of next pregnancy.

I'm sorry to hear about your son *hugs*

Aww I bet a house of women is fun hehe

You speak alot of sense, thank you x

 

[Drazic<3]

It's very true, when they arrive - the love knocks you over and you really don't care what bits they have! I have a girl, and she loves bladdddy Thomas the Tank and Chuggington, but she dresses like a little me. I had a HUGE row with a girl on a thread like this a few years ago. I had just lost a baby, and I really thought she was a selfish cow tbh - but I see it now! It's more than that, but it will go. It's hormones and expectations - trust me, your little boy will blow them out the water.

 

[Arisa]

Be thankful to your pregnant.i think this should help by thinking that there's so many women who's struggling to get pregnant.at least your healthy to get pregnant

Not very helpful advice since it does not make a blind bit of difference when you feel the way you do. I wish women would be more understanding I mean if its okay for our partners/husband etc to want a boy or a girl why is not okay for us? because we are the baby machines we are supposed to be happy with whatever we pop out? no sorry.

I understand how you feel completely xloulabellex because I know i would feel the same if I find out we are having a boy too

 

[pixeldust]

It's ok to grieve the girl you wanted to have. This is, probably, the last baby for us, so no chance of having a daughter. Only after I grieved the baby girl I'd never have did I find I could move on.

It still pangs me when friends announce they are having girls. I still get jealous. I'm still pissed my family don't give a shit about my unborn son because he's a boy. But I'll get over it, and so will you, I promise