Gender disappointment :(

[Tess08]

I was convinced that my first baby was a girl. I picked out a name, bonded with her, the works. Then, I found out at my scan that it's a boy! I burst into tears because I had bonded with this baby girl that I wouldn't be having. I feel like with me, it wasn't as much being disappointed with having a boy, it's that I really bonded with this daughter I swore I was having............. and then it wasn't having her. It took me a month or two to grieve the daughter I wasn't having before I fell in love with my son. I was so in love with him, as a fetus, as a baby, as a toddler,... He's now 5 and AMAZING! I'm so proud of him and NEVER resented him for not being a girl because I loved the baby he was at birth and never thought of that "dream daughter" again.

I know you'll grieve your baby girl that you dreamed of, and that's okay. Give yourself as much time as you need to let her go. After that, you'll fall absolutely in love with your future son, too. Just the way I did. And your son will be AMAZING, and you'll be proud of his every single accomplishment and all of his sweet snuggles and kisses and gifts for Mommy. Give it time.

Thank u so much for this. It really helps to hear from people who have gone through this exact thing and have come out the other end feeling great. This is exactly what I'm going through right now. We were going to call her Olivia and I already had little outfits picked out I was going to buy her. I also pictured her in my head with my oldest daughter and imagined them being best friends as they grow up. I've felt silly thinking it the past couple of days but grieving is exactly how I'm feeling! Thank u again. I really thought I might get some negative comments after being so open about this but it's been so reassuring to hear everyone being so supportive x

 

[Tess08]

I was convinced that my first baby was a girl. I picked out a name, bonded with her, the works. Then, I found out at my scan that it's a boy! I burst into tears because I had bonded with this baby girl that I wouldn't be having. I feel like with me, it wasn't as much being disappointed with having a boy, it's that I really bonded with this daughter I swore I was having............. and then it wasn't having her. It took me a month or two to grieve the daughter I wasn't having before I fell in love with my son. I was so in love with him, as a fetus, as a baby, as a toddler,... He's now 5 and AMAZING! I'm so proud of him and NEVER resented him for not being a girl because I loved the baby he was at birth and never thought of that "dream daughter" again.

I know you'll grieve your baby girl that you dreamed of, and that's okay. Give yourself as much time as you need to let her go. After that, you'll fall absolutely in love with your future son, too. Just the way I did. And your son will be AMAZING, and you'll be proud of his every single accomplishment and all of his sweet snuggles and kisses and gifts for Mommy. Give it time.

Thank u so much for this. It really helps to hear from people who have gone through this exact thing and have come out the other end feeling great. This is exactly what I'm going through right now. We were going to call her Olivia and I already had little outfits picked out I was going to buy her. I also pictured her in my head with my oldest daughter and imagined them being best friends as they grow up. I've felt silly thinking it the past couple of days but grieving is exactly how I'm feeling! Thank u again. I really thought I might get some negative comments after being so open about this but it's been so reassuring to hear everyone being so supportive x

 

[StillPraying]

You are so not alone in this, and it DOES go away. It takes a little longer for some than others, but it definitely goes away

 

[superfrizbee]

With my first I really wanted a boy and got a girl, with my second I desperately wanted another girl and got a boy. Go figure! I was disappointed too and never talked about it. I felt shockingly guilty. Now, they are both utterly amazing and of course wouldn't change either of them! My little man is amazing. He is so cheeky, funny, affectionate and sweet. He gives great cuddles and when he's being mushy he'll come up and stroke the side of my cheek so gently with this loving little look on his face. He had a wicked sense of humour - hiding things behind his back from me and generally being a pest. This is all the stuff that's special about a child that's hard to imagine when you're pregnant, especially if you've just found out the gender and you're still adjusting. What you're feeling now is more common than it seems. Take some time, cry a bit if you want and then go and buy some cute boy bits and start thinking about names. Even if you dont really feel like it sometimes, fake it until you make it - because you will.

I like the Finland/France reference. I think it's derived from a piece called 'Welcome to Holland', which was written about raising a child with special needs. It's lovely. If anyone is interested just Google it, as I don't think I'm allowed to post the link.

 

[Savasanna]

I like the Finland/France reference. I think it's derived from a piece called 'Welcome to Holland', which was written about raising a child with special needs. It's lovely. If anyone is interested just Google it, as I don't think I'm allowed to post the link.

Awesome! I would love to know/be able to reference where that originated! I happened to stumble on it after someone I know with a child with DS posted it years ago on facebook. Sorry if I butchered the analogy - Going COMPLETELY off of memory here!

 

[superfrizbee]

I like the Finland/France reference. I think it's derived from a piece called 'Welcome to Holland', which was written about raising a child with special needs. It's lovely. If anyone is interested just Google it, as I don't think I'm allowed to post the link.

Awesome! I would love to know/be able to reference where that originated! I happened to stumble on it after someone I know with a child with DS posted it years ago on facebook. Sorry if I butchered the analogy - Going COMPLETELY off of memory here!

You didn't butcher it at all, it was lovely and very relevant to gender disappointment in that context. Lots of people enjoyed it and have taken comfort from that, which is a great thing!

 

[Tess08]

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling a bit better about it today. I'm still not jumping for joy about all the blue I'm going to have in my life now but I managed to talk to my friend about possible names this morning without feeling like I was going to cry so we are heading in the right direction lol. Hopefully over the next few weeks i will be okay with the idea. The next big thing I need to do is go through all of my daughters old things and get rid of them. I think that's another big reason why I'm disappointed because I really thought I would be able reuse them one day x

 

[SarahA]

We didn't find out the sex of our first until delivery, so it's a different situation, but when I was pregnant, I was 100% sure the baby was a girl. It never crossed my mind that I wasn't preparing for a daughter. In my head, I used the girl's name, secretly bought some girl clothes, imagined girly things like brushing each other's hair, etc.

You can guess where this is going. Final push, and out popped my son. The first thing I said was, "Wait... it's a boy?" And then literally one second later, as I clutched him to my chest, I remember thinking, "Of course he's a boy, silly!" It was like I always knew him—I just didn't know that I knew him.

What I think I'm trying to say, is that the two of you are going to get to know each other so well during the next half of your pregnancy. By the time he is born, he'll just be him—the tiny human you've gotten to know over the past few months. You'll remember this phase, sure—I still think about how positive I was that I was carrying a girl, and it kind of makes me laugh—but it won't matter so much. It'll just be one of those memories that makes you smile while you hold your precious boy.

But like many things, this could take more time than you expect, so be kind to yourself.