Gender Stereotypes and Little Boys and Judgement from Others

[SarahBear]

So when you don't adhere to gender stereotypes, people notice and not in a positive way... This was true with Violet when we dressed her in "boys" clothes when she was a toddler and baby and it is even more true for boys. Leo's hair is really growing now and it's long enough to be clearly "girly." I respect his wishes when it comes to his hair length and he likes it long. He has been consistent about wanting long hair and hasn't wavered on it. He also likes pink and princesses. So, between allowing him to wear pink and allowing him to grow his hair long, he's looking more and more like a girl these days. When we took Violet to the doctor today, Leo even picked a sticker with a disney princess in a sparkley dress that he proudly stuck to his shirt. He understandably gets mistaken for a girl all the time now that his hair is long. I don't mind him getting mistaken for a girl, I just wonder about judgement from others and how he'll develop as he discovers gender norms...

So for others that didn't force their boy into a box and whose boy consequently gravitated toward certain "feminine" things, did you or your son experience judgement and how did things change for your boy over time as he became aware of cultural norms for gender?

 

[WackyMumof2]

My eldest had a head full of stunning tight golden curls when he was little I purposely didn't have his hair cut for the first 3 or 4 years (his Grandmother took it upon herself to have it cut without asking me and they've never come back). He's got a lot of thick hair like me so he used to get really, really hot but would ask for me to put it up in a 'Mummy tail'. I heard on a regular basis that because his hair was thick we had to cut it and that he looked like a girl but he loved it. DS2 used to wear a princess dress at Kindergarten and loved it. He would get really upset if it wasn't there.

 

[SarahBear]

Leo's hair is really straight and really thin, so very much the opposite! I also have tried to put it in a pony tail, simply to see if it was long enough to do so. He doesn't like me messing with it though. The only thing I force him to let me do with it is brush it once a day.

 

[Fizzyfefe]

We experience judgement constantly. I have two boys and one girl and let them dress however they want and play with whatever they want. I have never purchased “girly” clothing for my daughter; we just use what my eldest has grown out of. Surprisingly, the most judgement comes from my husband’s immediate family (especially his grandmother, born and raised in the south, who also is extremely racist and sexist). I let it be known that people are allowed to have their own opinions, but they are not allowed to shame my children for their choices. I remember last Christmas, I got my eldest a baby doll, and hubby’s dad and grandmother almost had a heart attack.

People are stupid sometimes. Or ignorant. Whatever the case may be, it’s their problems and their insecurities.

 

[Zephram]

My DS1 had long, curly hair as a toddler. It was so beautiful I couldn’t bear to cut it. He consequently got mistaken for a girl a lot as he also had a couple of pink and purple T shirts. I never tried to get him to like boy things but he has gravitated towards them anyway, since toddlerhood. I eventually got sick of struggling to comb his long, curly hair (he hated it and it was turning into a birds nest) and got it cut short. He now couldn’t be mistaken for anything but a boy, but looking back I was never really bothered when he was called a girl. There were never any moments when anyone said he should have short hair, etc, so we were really lucky.

I’m actually more worried now that he’s such a boy as I’ve heard him say things like “Frozen is for girls” and it beats me where he’s getting that from as he’s never heard it at home. I want to raise my boys as feminists since there will be 3 boys and OH in the house and very little feminine energy - just me! - and I want them to understand girls are their equals. So don’t worry about judgement of your son gravitating towards girl stuff - it shows how far society has to go and it also shows that inequality is taught. Your son is lucky you’re so open minded!

 

[lau86]

What i reaaaaaly hate is not so much the clothes or hair but the toys!! My niece was showing me her Lego friends the other day.... for the age range it is not nearly as hard as the boys!! Come on Lego, girls can do it too??? I certainly will NEVER be buying my daughter the rubbish.

 

[george83]

My ds2 has asked for a talking baby and a pushchair for Christmas and is obsessed with the idea of getting them, as I only have boys I’m so pleased that finally I get to have a proper dolls pushchair and a proper baby doll in my house. If my child wanted something aimed at girls I wouldn’t have a problem with it, and I’d be really offended if other people passed judgement on my decisions to buy things - that’s a reflection on me as a parent not my children’s interests

 

[Scout]

I’m actually more worried now that he’s such a boy as I’ve heard him say things like “Frozen is for girls” and it beats me where he’s getting that from as he’s never heard it at home. I want to raise my boys as feminists since there will be 3 boys and OH in the house and very little feminine energy - just me! - and I want them to understand girls are their equals. So don’t worry about judgement of your son gravitating towards girl stuff - it shows how far society has to go and it also shows that inequality is taught. Your son is lucky you’re so open minded!

My daughter has started saying things like, "that's for boys", since starting PreK this year. Before this year toys were toys and she got what she wanted. She's even commented that I'm doing "man's work", when I build something and told me that "we are in the man aisle", when I was shopping for a new jigsaw. It's really disappointing. I think once they get out there in the world, they are bombarded with messages of what is acceptable for girls/boys and what is not. We go to the doctor and as we are leaving she is offered a sticker and the nurse always pulls off a pink princess sticker instead of the blue paw patrol that dd would rather have. At school, they had a dress up day where girls were to dress as princesses and boys as superheroes. WTH!
.

 

[apple_20]

My son used to make many 'feminine' choices like pink glittery things. He's asked to wear a dress a few times which we have had no problem with. Our friends never make negative comments I find it's the older generation who will pass comment. Since starting school full time he now talks about 'boy' toys and 'girl toys' which I've been quick to correct! He told me his sister's Lego was for boys (because thankfully her aunty knew better then to buy the pink stuff!) I'm not having any of that.

My daughter often wears her brothers old clothes and has no problems with it. But people always buy her girly pink clothes and I'm not in a position to be picky so she wears both. Really whatever she likes.

I think times are changing and there are more people who don't make these judgments. However it's so ingrained in society looking at the pictures on the boxes of toys, adverts on TV, the way shops still have very clear girls and boys clothes sections. It makes it harder to stop these ideas seeping in.

Ps I also loved my boys hair long! Eventually he wanted it cut so we did but people put a lot of pressure to cut it sooner. Strangely hardly anyone has mentioned cutting my little girls hair at the same age....

 

[Rainbow82]

My DS is forever being mistaken for a girl as his hair is getting longer finally and is beautiful and curly. Most of his clothes are brightly coloured, he likes the little bird rainbow clothes from mothercare.
Usually when people
Mistake him for a girl it's comments like ooh isn't she boisterous or look how active she is. Or comments about her messing up her nice clothes playing in the mud etc. Never get those comments about how active he is on days he's looking more boyish.
Now he's started a new room at nursery we've noticed he's more aware of gender stereotypes and I actually think it's a bit worrying how young that's started. He will say things like that's a girls dress etc. Luckily he hasn't said anything about toys yet and loves playing with his doll and pram although all of his other toy interests are more stereotypically boyish with trains, planes, cars, boats and building.

 

[SarahBear]

What i reaaaaaly hate is not so much the clothes or hair but the toys!! My niece was showing me her Lego friends the other day.... for the age range it is not nearly as hard as the boys!! Come on Lego, girls can do it too??? I certainly will NEVER be buying my daughter the rubbish.

Yeah, we've been sticking to regular Lego. I haven't actually looked close enough to know that the Lego Friends is easier. It doesn't surprise me though.

 

[Witchrose]

Luckily I live in a really cool area. Don't come across that kind of ignorance too often. But when I do, I try to remain calm, and point out how this is all about money. Literally. Toys never used to be separated into "for boys" or "for girls". Then manufacturers decided they could make more money if they segregated things so parents felt they had to buy different toys for their sons and daughters, rather than having them share.

AND, it used to be pink for boys. Blue for girls!

It's so ridiculous. Drives me crazy. I go to order a Wonder Woman book for my son and in it's description it will say something like: " great book for young girls". Like my son can't enjoy WW? Ugh. And I make a point to buy such books for him because I want him surrounded by strong female characters (not just male). So he grows up respecting girls/women as fellow human beings.

And to those making rude comments about boys having long hair and such, I'd ask them if they'd ever opened up a history book. The tights and powdered wigs look was especially "manly".

 

[minties]

What i reaaaaaly hate is not so much the clothes or hair but the toys!! My niece was showing me her Lego friends the other day.... for the age range it is not nearly as hard as the boys!! Come on Lego, girls can do it too??? I certainly will NEVER be buying my daughter the rubbish.

Yeah, we've been sticking to regular Lego. I haven't actually looked close enough to know that the Lego Friends is easier. It doesn't surprise me though.

I buy and sell Lego for a living, to.me ALL Lego sets are about the same difficulty unless it is a complex technical set.

The Lego friends parts are popular with the men!

 

[vermeil]

People are stupid sometimes. Or ignorant. Whatever the case may be, it’s their problems and their insecurities.

Exactly this! I have one of each and let them wear , play with whatever they want.

 

[InVivoVeritas]

I have two teen daughters and three younger boys (5 and 1 year old twins), and I definitely find that the boys are under more pressure to conform than the girls were.

I don't make a big deal of gender (we have a mix of Lego and Lego Friends), and they've all played with a mix of toys. It angers me that toys are marketed "boy" and "girl" in the first place. My boys inherited their sisters' dolls AND their soldiers.

When my oldest son started pre-school first he started to make "that's for girls" comments, and that drove his older sisters nuts. Now that a few years have passed he loves dinosaurs and the colour pink.

When my oldest daughter was 3, I picked her up from pre-school to find her sitting at a table all alone. She was the only girl in the class (small school -- 5 boys and her), and they had the boys at one table making Batman masks and her all alone making a princess mask. I've never been angrier in my life.

She's in college now, the only girl in her Animation and Game Design class. She specialises in drawing superheroes.