General chatter while we wait (and commentary on the "pull out method")

[gigglebox]

I do this to myself every few months...bare with me

If you got pregnant with "pull out", what went wrong?

My husband and I have been using the pull out (withdraw) method of pregnancy prevention successfully for over 4 years. Our child was planned/intentional.

The day before ovulation, we had sex, he ejaculated, wiped off, then continued having sex with me until I finished. I've never let him do this before--I never let him reenter if he finishes first and I'm in my fertile window...but a second kid is on the table possibly next year so I let it slide

So...has anyone gotten pregnant with this sort of specific circumstance?

**editing this on 9/8/24, 9 years later, to write that I finally got pregnant using pull out! I still don't know what went wrong lol; but "it worked until it didn't". Be warned!

 

[DobbyForever]

I know this isn't what you want to hear because I do these types of threads myself and get annoyed when people come and are like, "Yeah! I had that same situation... but I wasn't pregnant." Like go away! That's not what I want to hear!

I had an incident before I had my iud in when SO and I were in that dangerous period of we are stable in our relationship to stop using condoms but hadn't quite figured out what form of reliable birth control to use. He has great self control, so pull out has never been an issue for him. One month, two days before ovulation, he finished. This time, he was being lax about it since we were mulling around about TTC. He decided he felt like finishing (TMI!!!) right on my vagina. Then, he IMMEDIATELY re-entered me and went for round two which ended up another place we'll leave out. I didn't get pregnant from that.

His swimmers work, but I'm not sure how well. We got pg when a condom broke and I used plan b, but then we also had been ttc for a few cycles with no dice. So shrugs. Got my FXed for you though! I'm right there with you. I'm ovulating today, and SO was supposed to try with me two days ago but had a last minute mind change so we are back to WTT since work is insane for him right now. But there's a part of me that hopes and prays that, even though he pulled out well in time, that somehow I will conceive.

 

[gigglebox]

Haha, lol you definitely called me out here ;p but to be honest, i'd really prefer to wait until mid october to start trying, maybe november if Hubs is on board....so while i have a glimmer of hope the next two weeks, i won't be devastated when my period comes (as I'm certain it will).

That said, I do wonder how these women get pregnant with this since, technically speaking, it's hard to do if the method is used correctly (i.e. He actually pulls out in time, hasn't had previous ejaculations between sex, doesn't reenter after he blows, etc.). Are these the reasons pregnancy happens? Do the man lie and actually get that first spurt in before withdrawing?

I am so curious because it's worked great for us and I've known others and read stories of fertile couples using it with success as long as we have and even longer.

 

[DobbyForever]

I have been reading posts and medical journals. The information is conflicting, but the general gist is that most pregnancies happened because he did not withdraw in time but think they do because, like you say, it comes in spurts.

But I did see something on a government site that had a small study whose findings said sperm in pre-ej is based on the individual not the situation. That certain men, regardless or previous ejaculating or bathrooming, have sperm in their pre fluids whole others just do not.

Where are you in your cycle?

 

[DobbyForever]

Some hopeful reading though:

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/p...nyone-else-get-bfp-using-pull-out-method.html

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/06/pullout-method-contraception-my-story_n_3881396.html

 

[gigglebox]

Dobby! Thanks so much for the links. Seems like what they have in common is it was unexpected, so the fact I'm anticipating it means I won't be pregnant lol; no worry though, I'm fine with waiting, and I am hoping to fall pregnant (soon) after a friend of mine does who's been trying for over a year now. I know how it feels to want it and others get it, and i don't want to do that to her...

To answer your question, I am 2dpo I think..maybe 3dpo. Actually I'm pretty sure it's 3dpo. I wrote it down....I'll test if I'm late but not really expecting anything. I'll test early if I get any symptoms I got last pregnancy....or maybe I will anyway since I kind of have a major POAS problem.

 

[DobbyForever]

Aw, that's very sweet of you to think of her like that. Yeah, I have read a lot of he must not have pulled out in time threads but those two had a lot of he did it right but I still wound up pg. So who knows!

Awesome. I'm 2dpo as well. In the same boat. I don't want to start testing early because, even if I know it's a long shot, I am a POAS addict. But I might go ahead and test once when I run out of prenatal vitamins in 8 days. If it's neg, I'll be switching back to my regular women's vitamin.

 

[gigglebox]

Check the contents, my women's vitamin still has plenty of folic acid in it. What I hate about it is it's 3 a day instead of just once, and i have TERRIBLE memory. I'll take them 'til they run out,mthen will switch to a one a day pill...

Ahhh, so you too? (POASA) What brings you into the tww? I see in your signature you're WTT, why is that? How long until you resume proper ttc?

So, as it turns out, i documented my early symptoms in the tww when i got pregnant with my son. I am having the same cervical position now as i did at 5dpo then im certain it's not happening this month, and it's so funny how our bodies just loooove to play tricks on us when we're hyper sensitive to "pregnancy symptoms" haha.

That said, if I get to 8/9dpo with my boobs not hurting, I might start testing as that was the major tip off for me last time (they always hurt until day 1/2 of my cycle). I can't remember when they start hurting though...but i know they do at least 4-5 days prior to my period, but i think it's more like a week.

 

[DobbyForever]

Try not to get too hung up on what is the same/ different, especially if it gets you down in the dumps. Every pregnancy is different. Keeping my FXed!

For the most part, the pre-natal and daily are the same. The only two notable differences are the pre-natal does not have vitamin K and has double the amount of folic acid. My daily only has 400, which I think is still acceptable but on the lower end of what you should take ttc.

The long short of it: SO and I got pregnant back in December doing everything under the sun to not get pregnant. I lost that little bean mid Jan, and I was so devastated I got an IUD. The doctors said we could immediately go back to TTC like it was never there. Lies. We started TTC in early April when everything was happy sailing. A few months ago, the tech company SO works for got bought out. So he is stressed at work wondering if they'll let him go, his mentor/ boss is forcing him to get a tech certification every month and a half, and then his boss made him lead on a project for the first time while he still has to manage all of his other projects. He got really stressed out (imagine how pissy you get on PMS... he's like that 24/7) so we stopped having reproducible sex. I confronted him about it and we made plans to try O-2. He decided the best time to tell me he wasn't ready to have a baby because of his work and family stress was right before he finished. He pulled out much to my surprise after using knocking me up as dirty talk while we DTD. So I am forced into WTT, and who knows when that is going to change.

 

[gigglebox]

Wow. WOW. I don't even know how I would handle that huge slap in the face! I am so sorry to read all of that. When does the project end that he's working on/leading? Maybe that'll help. Could he maybe try to find another job? Hubs had to do that at one point and it was the best thing for us. In fact, he did it right around the time we got pregnant, which was terrifying, but soooo good.

So as far as me symptom spotting goes, I will be fine whatever the outcome is so i'm ok obsessing a little also, if I get pregnant and all goes well, I want to have a partial hyterectomy at the same time as a c section (long story short, i have a wonky uterus that gives me periods 10-11 days long and hormonal birth control doesn't work on me; since my uterus is weird shaped no doc will come near me with an IUD; hubs offered to get snipped but i don't want these rediculous periods anymore...). I just have to find a doctor willing to do it (i had one willing up north but i moved and the first one i asked here said no, but i'll try to talk to them again...themdoctor was on board but the surgeon said no, so i feel like i may need a consult with the surgeon).

SO, what that means is getting pregnant may be the end to my days of symptom spotting and all the POAS fun (if a healthy child results) so I'm enjoying it while I still can

 

[gigglebox]

Oh, side note, just saw your location and oddly enough my brother is moving to your area from cleveland in the next month or so (government job). He's checking out some apartment on the island in the bay (??? Can't remember the name but maybe you know what I'm talking about) and working in the city.

 

[DobbyForever]

He likes his job for his degree. That's why his boss is forcing him to go get all of these certifications, so that he can move into more of the technical aspect. He also wants to go back to get an MBA in a couple of years. My issue is I did all of that already. I have my M.S., and I'm working for one of the top districts in the area. And seeing as how I have to physically carry the baby and do all that, I don't see why it stresses him out so much. Idk. He has Aspergers so that's what I signed up for.

I'm so sorry to hear that. 10-11 day periods sound awful! That was the one thing I enjoyed about my IUD/ post iud. Most women get heavier, longer flows. I went down to 2-3 days of lighter than usual flow. Why are they so hesitant to do the surgery?

I know what island you are talking about, but I am blanking on the name. It's a really great area (SF Bay) to live. It is outrageously expensive. How is his apartment hunting going? The market is very seller/ landlord friendly right now. I know friends of friends who have been outbid hundreds of thousands when offering above asking price, seen houses on then off the market in days, and rent is just skyrocketing. It is crazy. SO and I rent half a duplex from my parents, so we don't have to deal with it. But we're trying to get this townhouse and it's so stressful. I've had many friends throw their hands up and move to Portland or Austin.

 

[gigglebox]

House hunting sucks. I love looking at all the houses but the buying process (bidding and all that) is the most stressful emotional roller coaster ever. Our market when we bought our first house was insane. We had 3-4 offers we were outbid on before we got our house. We had seen several others we wanted to offer on but the seller was not taking any more because there were just so many offers already. And we saw more than I could count....so i feel you.

Though rent for a one bedroom in northern va is about 1500-1800 for an average place. I know it's easily 700 more where you are...my brother and his fiance are going to rent the one bedroom place that is about 2200 a month if i remember correctly, which is a tough pill for him to swallow (he was renting a townhouse for about 1600 in Cleveland).

I was so hopeful about the IUD but knew i'd probably not be able to get it i'm not sure why they won't take my uterus. My thought is as long as an individual knows the consequences and consents to the surgery, why should the surgeons care the reason behind it? I mean i'm not asking for some weird experimental procedure....

So...back to obsessing...my cervix is still being weird. It's super high (couldn't reach the os this morning, now i barely can and it seems slightly squishy and open, which, again, i reported about 7dpo last time). Cm is thick/creamy. Ok, i admit it, i'm having fun obsessing

 

[DobbyForever]

Yikes, I can't imagine reaching a point of so many offers you don't even want to look at another lol. Glad it all worked out though!

Yeah, it's insane out here. It used to just be the tech heavy cities, but once everything blew up and engineers started moving out of the tech area into the suburbs/ forgotten cities now everywhere is expensive. I've grown up here and went to school in LA, so the rent situation is nothing new to me. But I can't imagine moving into it from somewhere else where 2k was a house mortgage or got you a mansion. I know a 1 bedroom apartment in the city I teach recently sold for almost $2 mil.

Be thankful you can't have an IUD. Having my IUD, for just 3 months, was the worst decision I ever made. I really regret putting it in and I will NEVER get another one unless I know I'm done having kids.

Yeah, I know they are liable for stuff but if you know the risks and consent they should do it anyway. Sorry to hear that. Hope that you find a surgeon when the time comes.

Haha obsess away. Wish I could help you obsess, but I don't check my cm or cervix so I have zero idea what you just said/ what it means hahaha. I just obsess over my temp pattens.

 

[gigglebox]

Haha, well usually my cervix lowers, firms up, and points to the side after ovulation. Being high up is unusual....although i did some googling of past threads and found one of mine with this same situation, plus no sore boobs, and i wasn't pregnant...however i was either 1 or possibly 4 days late for my period...i was also sick earlier that month so that maybe have screwed everything up. I pondered a chemical pregnancy but according to my post i was taking internet cheapies and they were negative. Who knows. But i am as clueless to temps as you are to cervical positions

Tell me more of your IUD hatred.....

 

[DobbyForever]

Aw, yeah that's bizarre. Being sick around O can delay it, but who knows what our bodies does sometimes.

Well, I got a Paragard because it was non-hormonal. I didn't stop to think that maybe sticking copper in my uterus wasn't a good idea. It essentially works by physically blocking sperm, but also creating a mild enough infection/ reaction with your uterus so the lining is weak. Anyway, three guns said you can pull it out any time and start trying right away. That it doesn't have any lasting effects. But as soon as I started googling it my first month TTC, there were so many horror stories. My periods have been irregular since. I am still ovulating, but I've Oed anywhere from CD 12 to CD 28. It's insane. As much as I liked the 2 day period, it obviously can't be good that I'm not shedding the crappy lining. So I was glad that my last period was heavier and a day longer. So 5 cycles later and I'm JUST starting to go back to regularity.

I know people say a healthy couple can take a year to conceive. I come from a long line of fertile women and SO comes from a long line of fertile men. I get pregnant easily (keeping them is the issue). So going from a broken condom pull out with immediate soapy shower and plan b bfp to 5 cycles of nothing with perfect timing... I'm calling IUD bulls* on that.

 

[gigglebox]

I'd have to agree. Also, maiy i add that ob/gyn's need to better inform us? After all my bc fails (including 4 years of treatment, 7 types of pills and the nuva ring), my ob insisted i try the depo shot. I got it right there, that day in her office. Worst thing i could have done for myself....she said i would stop bleeding withing 5 days and call her if i didn't. Well, 7 days later i was still bleeding, i called, and she goes, "hmm. Well something continuous bleeding can be a side effect. That should be better next time." ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE, WOMAN? I bled for 120 days and was a complete emotional wreck for the first couple weeks (geeze, who would have thought pumping that much hormone into your body would do that?). That was the final draw for me, i'll never take bc of any kind again.

The IUD I was looking at was the copper one for that reason. Maybe my inability to get it is a blessing in disguise.

And on another note, i'm also of the belief that fertility is genetic. My mom's mom had 7 kids. My mom had multiple pregnancies but 3 live births (i was the last one, conceieved on the pill...so then my dad got snipped). Hubby's dad has 4 kids with two different women. We got pregnant on the first try.

I guess this fuels my concern this cycled about getting knocked up when we weren't being totally safe....though i remain doubtful

 

[DobbyForever]

That is awful! Yeah, it is crazy what they say is no big deal and then it just wreaks havoc. I used to love my bcp, but something about when i hit 24/25 it just started screwing with my body. I started asking around my friends and found how common it is. I remember being single and telling guys I wasn't on any form of contraceptive and explaining why only to have them say they have many female friends who experience that so they understand.

I agree. My family is outrageously fertile. We're full of unplanned babies. Which, as much as I love my family and this is going to be mean haha, probably isn't good for the world for such low quality people to be reproducing.

You never know! It just takes one!

 

[gigglebox]

That's what they say...but really it kind of takes millions haha. Or at least several thousand. I was reading some article that said only about 12-50 sperm actually make it to the egg. Can you imagine that?! From millions to 12. Crazy.

I'm 5dpo today....still obsessing but my boobs are finally starting to hurt now. I know every pregnancy is different but my lack of boob pain in the tww with my son was my biggest tip off, as they hurt right up until i bleed. I did mention they got tender but then all that pain went away about 8dpo...so i'll be doing a lot of boob squeezing over the next fews days (as i already have been haha).

 

[DobbyForever]

Technically, it only takes one just the probability of that one making it is so low we use millions to up the chances. but yeah it is not easy for the little guys. I did read some samples of pre-ej contained 300k sperm. And people get pregnant from condoms breaking in their vaginal cavity. So if the universe aligns...

Haha I bet DH enjoys that my boobs are too small to ever be sore or hurt or do much of anything. SO, my mom, and I have already discussed getting a breast enhancement once we are done having kids/breastfeed


ETA
The pettiest mic drop of all time.
His 50th birthday was today. He’s in Barcelona celebrating. I was able to have him woken up so I could say happy birthday. On his gf’s phone on speaker!!!

TLDR I texted her. She called me. Turns out they’ve been dating exclusively over a year. She knew he had cheated but thought they moved past it/worked it out. She’s a little delulu so I feel bad for her. But turns out she moved in with him mid January!!! But yeah Ngl I looooove that I got to mic drop his ass so hard. I feel so awful for her but I cannot think of a better duck you