Get your own personal BnB BF Champion and one-on-one BF support here!

[DaisyDoodles]

Thank you sooo much!! - I can't even begin to explain how good it is to hear someone being positive!

I don't know about mum having had any medical advice but my sister definately didn't, it was just a case of her suddenly stopping and saying she'd 'had the same as mum'.

They are just so down on me for wanting to try.. we bought a medela pump at the weekend and they went mad saying we'd wasted all that money for nothing - personally I'd rather spend money trying than not try at all and it's our money anyway!

Oh and mums done exactly as she did when my son was born and is already stocking up on Cow and Gate formula (because that's what she used for us!) but this time I'm not going to back down so I guess she'll be the one wasting money!!

I know it's not going to be easy, I've read and read, but I'm determined to do it if I can!

Thank you again!!

 

[TigerLady]

@ your mom stocking up on formula. How rude and selfish!!!

TBH, I would have a very serious talk with her. You really need to tell her that you fully intend to give breastfeeding a serious go. You need to tell her (and mean it!) you will NOT tolerate negative comments or being unsupportive of it. You will not tolerate any suggestions or use of formula. Full stop. If she insists on being unsupportive or continues to push FF, then she won't be allowed 'round to see the baby.

I know that sounds harsh, but it is necessary. The worst thing in the world for a BFing mom is getting into the thick of it, being tired, having normal newborn issues, and then having a close family member pushing them to stop BFing. It will do your head in.

Tell your mom SHE is being incredibly selfish. She isn't respecting your wishes or what is best for your baby. She's pushing something on you that you don't want and that is not helpful. It is better for your baby is s/he is BFed! If your mom really cared about you and your baby, she would support you in this. By pushing FF on you, she is showing only that she is putting HERSELF and her own desires first. That is completely uncalled for and intolerable.

 

[DaisyDoodles]

Don't worry, I've told her.. she can ignore me all she likes, but she is losing out!

With my son, I was ill after he was born and she went down to NICU with him .... and told the nurses I was intending to FF (which of course I wasn't!), so this time despite the fact that she's constantly telling my DH that it'll be her that I want in the room when giving birth, little does she know that we have absolutely no intentions of calling her until LO is well and truly here!

And she doesn't visit us, she will expect us to take baby to her, but those visits will be few and far between as well if she's going to nag me... hopefully though my dad will eventually get through to her as he is the one family member other than DH that is actually supporting me - he says mum gave up BF because she's lazy and wanted him to do the night feeds not because her milk went which is quite likely to be true!

 

[TigerLady]

It sounds like your dad has it right. I hope he gets her to see some sense. But it's good that you are prepared to limit your exposure to her if she won't support you.

It's also great that your DH is on board with BFing. That will help loads. And we are always here for support if you need it!

 

[JudeMc]

Help.... sitting here attached to my TT elec pump when i just want to sleep. When Cosmo is attached I feel like im having a tattoo on my nipple!! We are ten days in and I thought we were doing ok.. he was latching ( i think) and getting sufficient.. the past day or so Im not sure.. could the nipple pain be coz they aren't getting a break, between the feeds and the expressing??

He feeds then falls asleep... then wakes and wants more... oh I dunno ... what's the best formula to use???!!

 

[TigerLady]

First take a deep breath. 10 days in is still very very early days. It usually takes a few weeks for the pain to really go. I remember wanting to scream and claw the walls when LO would latch. But it gets better. You just have to stick to it.

As for getting enough, why do you think Cosmo isn't getting enough? How long is he sleeping between feeds? Judge by number of wet nappies and what he is like -- if he has 5-6 (or more) wet nappies per day, and is alert with wet eyes when he is awake, he is getting enough. It is normal for them to feed often when they are newborns. My DS fed every 1-2 hours around the clock from birth to 14 weeks.

Have you tried keeping him awake when he is feeding to help him feed longer? That might help him go longer between feeds. Tickle him, change his nappy, rub him, strip him down to just a diaper, rub his cheek, etc.

Hang in there!

 

[StonesWife]

Tigerlady has anyone told you you're amazing? I read your posts on here just because you're so insightful and encouraging.

 

[TigerLady]

Tigerlady has anyone told you you're amazing? I read your posts on here just because you're so insightful and encouraging.

Awww! That's so very sweet of you to say!

Honestly, I'm just really grateful to be able to help a little. BFing has meant so much to me and my kids. I just want other ladies to be able to know that experience.

Thank you -- it means a lot to hear you are appreciated!

 

[StonesWife]

You've done so much for me and you probably don't even realise it! So many times I've almost given up and I can just read your posts or ask for help and you've been there! Thanks sooooo much!

PS your LOs are soooooooo cute!

 

[TigerLady]

Thanks, hon!

 

[StonesWife]

I need some encouragement...
I work full time and have to pump to make sure Athena has food for the next day...
Well the stress of pumping and making sure she's got enough is really getting to me....
Enough to where I'm wanting to quit...
Please help

 

[TigerLady]

OMG, I so feel your pain. I work full time, too, and pump at work. It's such a chore!

Before I overload with all sorts of advice ( ) can you describe your situation to me? I know you are in the US (as am I) and laws and protections are different here than elsewhere. And newer, too!

Can you answer the following:

What is your work schedule?
What do you do? (Generally, you don't have to be too specific... but office? teacher? retail? sales? etc...)
How hard is it for you to get pump breaks?
Where is Athena taken care of and how far from work is that for you?
How often do you pump?
Where do you pump?
How long does it take you to pump?
What kind of pump do you have?
How much do you get each session?
How do you store it before you leave?
Do you take any supplements right now?
How much does she take when you are away and how often?
What, exactly, is stressing you out about it?

Sorry, I know it is a lot of questions! But it will help me help you.

 

[StonesWife]

OMG, I so feel your pain. I work full time, too, and pump at work. It's such a chore!

Before I overload with all sorts of advice ( ) can you describe your situation to me? I know you are in the US (as am I) and laws and protections are different here than elsewhere. And newer, too!

Can you answer the following:

What is your work schedule?
What do you do? (Generally, you don't have to be too specific... but office? teacher? retail? sales? etc...)
How hard is it for you to get pump breaks?
Where is Athena taken care of and how far from work is that for you?
How often do you pump?
Where do you pump?
How long does it take you to pump?
What kind of pump do you have?
How much do you get each session?
How do you store it before you leave?
Do you take any supplements right now?
How much does she take when you are away and how often?
What, exactly, is stressing you out about it?

Sorry, I know it is a lot of questions! But it will help me help you.

I'll answer the questions in order...
1. I work different days... 5 days a week from 930-630 or 1130-630 with and hour lunch break
2. I'm a retail sales manager
3. It isn't hard for me to get pu p breaks if we're not busy. I get 2 fifteen minutes breaks per 8 hour shift on top of my lunch
4. Athena is taken care of by my parents about 5 minutes away from owrk (not even really)
5. Usually I feed Athena at 9 before work, pump at lunch around 12-1 and feed her after, then pump when I get off around 5-630, then pump once more around 1-3 in the am
6. At work I pump in the office
7. It only takes me about 15 minutes to pump and clean up
8. I have an Avent Isis Double electric
9. I can get any where from 1 oz to 3-4 oz. Tonight after getting off work at 630 I pumped 4 oz (I pumped and fed at 230)
10. I pop it in the fridge at work or my parents
11. I am currently taking fenurgreek 610mg 3pillsX3times a day
12. We've got her on 4 oz bottles every 3-4 oz but I'm not sure thats enough is it? Although she has almost doubled her birth weight. She was 8.1 and is now around 15
13. Well I just had my period so my supply dropped to zero so I had to use a container from my freezer stash and I'm still trying to play catch up. I am finally outputting more. Today was great actually. I pumped at 7 this morning and got about an oz then fed her at nine. She ate four ounces at 1 then I pumped at 230 and topped her off. She then ate 4 ounces again at 6 then I pumped 4. So right now I've got six ounces in my fridge for tomorrow, so thats only 2 ounces away from the amount she eats on average.

Hopefully this all makes sense. I guess I'm just needing some encouragement that I'm doing the right things and such.

 

[TigerLady]

I think it mostly makes sense, but correct me if I have anything wrong.

First, it sounds like you are doing everything really well. It sounds like you go to her on your lunch hour and feed directly, right? I was going to recommend that if you weren't already. It actually sounds like you have a situation very similar to mine. I work from 8-5. I feed DK in the morning before work, she gets a bottle mid-morning, I go home to feed her at lunch, she gets a bottle mid afternoon, then I'm home again. So, 2 EBM feeds per day. I did the same routine with Otter.

As for how much your LO is taking, it is just about right, even a little much. Both my babies only ever ate 3-5 oz, usually 3-4 per feed... no matter how old they were. Otter was still taking that much when he dropped all EBM feeds at around 9 months or so. So, don't worry about having to increase her intake past about 4 oz per feed. That is something you only have to do with FF, not BFing. BM changes to meet a baby's needs, so they don't have to take extra as they get older. The milk just changes instead of the amount, iykwim.

It sounds like the only difference between us is how much we get. I am very lucky and "suffer" from oversupply issues more than undersupply. So, I never have much trouble pumping loads. That way with pumping 1-2 times per day at work, I can usually keep up or even stay ahead of DK. Which means I actually increase my freezer stash with every pump.

That is a huge stress relief! So, I would say we aim for seeing if we can increase your pumping output. That way you can keep up more easily and it isn't such a stress on you.

You've already got a good pump, so that's good! Have you tried any of these things:

-- Having a favorite pic of Athena with you when you pump
-- Having something that smells of her when you pump
-- Closing your eyes and hearing and seeing (in your mind's eye) her hungry cries, her smiles, her giggles, favorite expressions, etc.
-- Deep, relaxation breathing
-- Don't watch the collection bottles trying to see how much you are pumping
-- Listening to relaxing music
-- Trying different speeds and suctions on your pump
-- Do breast compressions while you are pumping

Anything you can do to relax, not focus on how much you are getting, make it a comfortable situation, etc will help. The more you worry about it, the more you will have trouble getting a let down and getting good flow.

Does she feed from both sides in one feeding yet? If not, feed from one and pump on the other once or twice per day. That will help you get ahead. And pump a bit on the weekends if you can. Just work on building up a bit more stash, so you don't stress so much about how much you get daily. Then, you might be surprised and see you get more because you are stressing less.

HTH and keep asking if I missed anything!!! You are doing a fantastic job. Not many moms are lucky enough to be able to go to our babies on our lunch hours. Or have such trusted caretakers as our own parents. I feel blessed that I have both of those thing. I think you are, too!

 

[vaileasmama]

i need help!!! am so close to giving up and possibly going crazy as well.
my lo has basically been refusing my left boob for about a week and half now. she has at times refused righty as well, although i can normally convince her to take righty if she's calm.
she'll take both when cluster feeding tho from about 6 - 8, and also during the night.
i am soooo tired of the screaming, biting, arching, pulling, punching etc when i try to feed her.
she wont take a bottle either, so i really dont have much of a choice of how to feed her, although righty is only hanging in by a thread in the popularity stakes.
this was pretty sudden - i did get my hair done the day it all started, but that was over a week and half ago now - surely this cant still be affecting her?!
im seriously at my wits end.
have tried every single position known to man to feed her lefty besides standing on my fuking head! righty she normally will take either walking around or if she's sleepy i get to sit down for part of it.
when do i give in????
if i sacrifice lefty, and just feed of righty, will i still have milk in left if i want to feed her at nights? do people do this? is iot possible this late in the game for righty to be enough during the day?
its about a million degrees here, and i can sometimes see her little brain pulsing cos she needs to drink and just wont!
sorry for essy

 

[TigerLady]

I'm so sorry you are struggling!

I don't have loads of experience with nursing strikes and breast favoritism. But I'll help if I can!

My first thought when you described how she fights was reflux?? Has she ever shown signs of reflux or silent reflux?

https://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/reflux.html

Even though I don't know a great about this, I do know it is much more common than you would think. There can be any number of reasons for it. And it can be a real challenge to get things going smoothly again. But you can do it! I know you can.

Here's a couple of other things to read that might help. Read them over, see if any of it matches you. Then if you can get a better idea of why she might be doing this, come back and let me know. I might be able to help more then.

In the meantime, hang in there. You are doing a fantastic job. Keep at it. I know it has to be terribly exhausting and frustrating. But I also know there is a way through it.

https://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/baby/back-to-breast.html

https://www.llli.org/FAQ/strike.html

https://www.llli.org/llleaderweb/LV/LVOctNov99p99.html

https://www.kellymom.com/bf/concerns/baby/fussy-while-nursing.html

https://www.llli.org/NB/NBMayJun08p15.html

 

[vaileasmama]

thanks you so so so much for replying, i appreciate more than u can know.
there's a few things that i took from your suggestions and links.
when my lo had her 6 week check up/needles the doctor told me she has reflux and possibly gerd. i honestly ignored her as she told me that i should introduce solids/rice cereal and 2 and half months to combat it, which i found a ridiculous suggestion, especially as her diagnosis took about 10 seconds to make!
but tbh im confused as to whether she has it or not... she spits up/vomits a little after every feed, without fail, except in her middle of the night feed. this doesnt pain her, she smiles through it, and it has only been projectile maybe 3 times in her life.
i can lie her flat after a feed without any crying normally, and at night she will feed and go straight down in her moses basket without fussing.
but she is constantly hiccuping, burping, sometimes coughing... argh, its so confusing!
but out of another article the day it started, i had my hair coloured so there would have been a different smell there. and on the way home i got her 3 month check done at the clinic, and the nurse there told me to rouse on her when she bit me (she had just started biting me with her gums and i asked her for advice ie is she teething etc). so i only got a chance to "speak firmly" to her once before all this business started - so i def think it could be related to this, as i certainly scared her - i didnt yell at her, but i remember she looked up at me very shocked.
i have done all the wrong things though since then. i'll admit that i have at times tried to force her to take my breast - as in forced her poor little head on when she's screaming and crying so hard - i feel absolutely terrible and ashamed of myself.
so do you think i just have to wait it out?
there is no other feeding option - she will absolutely not take a bottle of anything(well i've only tried ebm, but not yet willing t try formula), and i am thinking it wouold not be a good time to start trying to get her to take one.
my ptnr just thinks that if she's hungry enough she will eat - he doesnt understand this is breaking my heart.
thanks again for your help x

 

[~Mummy~]

I was wondering if someone could help me understand what's going on, I'm just so tired and frustrated with breastfeeding at the moment...

I absolutely love the fact that I'm breastfeeding my daughter, but I just find the whole thing the most unconfortable thing ever. My boobs have gotten massive so that alone makes it a struggle.

She has always latched on really well and apart from growth spurts never had any problems but the last 3 weeks have been so tiring... As soon as I'm about to get my boob out she will start screaming and gasping for air as if she is starving even though she was fine 2 minutes ago, then she will feed and gulp for about a minute and pull off and cry, she will just keep doing this until I swap breast. While I'm swapping she always screams as if someone is hurting her, after she feeds for a few more minutes, she does the same on the other side... Sometimes she will feed for about 10min and then just pull off and cry for both breasts, so I assume she is finished but then she will only stop crying if I pass her to her daddy or give her a dummy.

It makes me feel really crap that she is having a hard time and not enjoying it and I'm not either tbh...

And to make matters worse, I have been diagnosed with PND and my GP told me that I'd have to stop breastfeeding if I wanted medication or to just continue and try other treatments that would take longer.

I don't want to stop breastfeeding and the thought of giving my baby formula when I'm capable of feeding her myself makes me want to cry, for some reason, but it's getting me down that she's having such a hard time.

Could anyone offer some advice, please?

 

[TigerLady]

VM:
A couple of things...

Get her checked by a different doctor about reflux and GERD. Do it asap. It is entirely possible she has it, but you need to figure that out for sure. The advice to put her on rice is RUBBISH!! Just like you thought. However, there are meds that she can have that will make a huge difference to her. You need to see a doc that is open to figuring out if she really does have reflux but wants to treat it with medicine and not cereal!

As for "speaking firmly" to a 3 month old advice you got from the nruse.... I could happily shake that nurse! That is advice you give to someone with a much much older baby. Not such a young one. Your girl is too young to understand dicipline. She doesn't have any clue what you are saying. She only know that you are angry at her but she doesn't understand why. And she doesn't have the ability to make the connection between her biting and your anger. She only knows she was feeding and you got angry.

Don't be upset with yourself for following the advice. It makes sense you would. However, I would offer much different advice for that. A super young baby biting like that is a tough one to solve. And you might have to put up with bit if biting before you get it stopped. But the good news is she doesn't have teeth yet so it won't do damage to you. LOL

If she clamps down and doesn't let go, shove her face into your boob so her nose is covered. Keep it there until she lets go. She will eventually unclamp in order to breathe. It sounds cruel, it is actually the best way to get a biting baby to let go.

If she bites, get her off your boob and stop feeding her. Don't let her feed again for about a minute or so. If she does it a second time, end the feeding session for at least several minute. This is tricky with one so young and EBF, esp if they are crying to be fed. Just do the best you can with it.

Once she is closer to 6-8 months, you can do the same routine with an added, firm "NO" when she bites. And end the session for longer on the second bite (I did about 30 or more minutes). At that age, they are more able to make the connection that biting means no more boob.

I don't know whether getting your hair done is related or not. I would think not, but I suppose it is possible. Either way, nothing you can do about that one now.

To be completely honest, I really think discomfort while feeding (i.e. reflux issues) is your main culprit here. She probably wants to eat, but can't because it hurts. For whatever reason it might be worse at some points in the day than others. So, get her to a good doc. In the meantime, you can put yourself on a very bland diet and that might help a little.

Most of all, don't feel guilty for any past mistakes you made. You are working your way through this and it isn't easy. Moms make mistakes. That's just part of it. Forgive yourself for making them.... then don't make them again. That's the best you can do. Don't carry guilt or shame around for trying to make her feed... you were only doing what you thought best for her at the time. Afterall, she needs to eat! But now you know it doesn't work, so just don't try it again.

You are probably in for some rough days until you can get to the doc and see about the reflux and/or she gets over her hang ups. In the meantime, try the bland diet and try making nursing a positive experience for her. Play some soft music, have some quiet co-sleeping naps/nursing sessions, try nursing in a warm bath, etc.

Hang in there!!

 

[TigerLady]

I was wondering if someone could help me understand what's going on, I'm just so tired and frustrated with breastfeeding at the moment...

I absolutely love the fact that I'm breastfeeding my daughter, but I just find the whole thing the most unconfortable thing ever. My boobs have gotten massive so that alone makes it a struggle.

She has always latched on really well and apart from growth spurts never had any problems but the last 3 weeks have been so tiring... As soon as I'm about to get my boob out she will start screaming and gasping for air as if she is starving even though she was fine 2 minutes ago, then she will feed and gulp for about a minute and pull off and cry, she will just keep doing this until I swap breast. While I'm swapping she always screams as if someone is hurting her, after she feeds for a few more minutes, she does the same on the other side... Sometimes she will feed for about 10min and then just pull off and cry for both breasts, so I assume she is finished but then she will only stop crying if I pass her to her daddy or give her a dummy.

It makes me feel really crap that she is having a hard time and not enjoying it and I'm not either tbh...

And to make matters worse, I have been diagnosed with PND and my GP told me that I'd have to stop breastfeeding if I wanted medication or to just continue and try other treatments that would take longer.

I don't want to stop breastfeeding and the thought of giving my baby formula when I'm capable of feeding her myself makes me want to cry, for some reason, but it's getting me down that she's having such a hard time.

Could anyone offer some advice, please?

First, you do NOT NOT NOT have to stop BFing in order to take medication for depression! I promise. Granted, your medication options are a bit more limited if you are BFing, but there are still several meds you can take. Zoloft is a good one. Almost none of it passes into breastmilk and the teeny tiny amount that does has no effect on baby. I have been on 100mg of Zoloft per day since before TTC my first. I stayed on it through both my pregnancies and all through nursing. Both my kids are still nursing (18 months and 5 months old) and I still take it daily. It is absolutely safe.


As far as her having difficulty nursing, I am a bit more stumped. Does she ask to be fed before you try to feed her (I'm a bit confused about you saying she will start to scream but was fine right before)? And then she feeds well for only a minute then starts coming on and off with screams between? How often does she feed? Have you tried different positions? I know other ladies with large breasts have found the football/ruby hold a really good one.