Getting married in a church

[TwilightAgain]

when you're not religious.

Is it disrespectful?

I'm going to a wedding in two weeks at a church where neither is religious, though there will be hymns and no doubt a religious ceremony. I personally think it's so disrespectful doing it just for tradition rather than actually doing it because you follow their beliefs. I'm not religious at all so I would never get married in a church.

What's your opinion? Just curious really.

 

[Bex84]

I know a lot of non religious people marry in church due to nice setting. For me personally I didn't. My dh is religious and I am not. For me I didn't want to promice in eyes of God when not something I believe in 100%, I felt I would be disrespecting dhs beliefs and with a promice so important I wanted to make to dh and not promising God as it would belittle it. I have respect for religion and am agnostic. I wouldent think about someone else doing it because I know a few people who don't bother with church but in their hearts believe (dh believes its about how you live life and treat others and doesent go to church every Sunday) I think its a personal choice but for me personally I didnt

 

[Becky61]

Im with you! I have known so many non-religious people get married in a church because it "makes nice photos"! I have been to a church wedding also where the people getting married are religious, & you could just see on their faces it meant so much to have their ceremony in their church, & to have a vicar who has known them on a personal level for years & years marry them. As a non-religious person, it doesnt offend me as such, but i can see how it might piss off religious people, non-religious people attending church for a matter of weeks just so they can marry in a traditional setting. OH & i have agreed we will never get married in a church (if we marry) as to us it would feel like a lie. Our vows would be to one another, & not to a god we dont believe in. Just my opinion!

 

[jd83]

Personally I don't think its disrespectful, but I also may view it differently than other religious people. A building is just a building, no matter how nice. It's not the actual church, the people form the church. I think that is often lost on so many people, especially because the "beautiful appearance and atmosphere" of a church building can often make is seem like more than just a building, but at the end of the day, the church is comprised of God's people, not the building that they attend to worship. That's my take on it from scripture.

 

[MrsMandy]

For me it wasnt a choice about the building but the meaning of our marrage and the celebration of that.
I'm a christian but much like a pp hubby i dont go to church its more about how i live my life and view the world. Hubby is not and is also agnostic (he likes the idea of buddist teachings though!) When hubby proposed he said he knew it was important to me and said he would marry in church. I said it was more important to me that he was comfortable and not made to feel like a hypocryt on his wedding day. I suggested that we have a civil ceremony followed by a blessing.
This was the best compromise as we had a very personal ceremony that was all about us and our vows to each other (and like a pp said i believe that our marrage vows should be between the couple and not with God, contraversial for a christian though that may be!!)
The pastor who did our blessing was from my mums church and took the time to get to know us and our style and understood that Hubby wasnt as sure with religion so he tailored it to be more us and less religion. It was perfect and in the pictures you can see how much it means to hubby as well as me.

 

[Natasha2605]

Absolutely. It really disgusts me when people have weddings in churches for fickle (imo) reasons such as ''Makes the photos look good''.

I'm not too sure if I'd attend a wedding in a church of two non religious people, it would make me very uncomfortable.

 

[lilyd]

I don't think it's disrespectful, but I don't see the point. I feel the same way about people getting their children christened when they are non believers.

I think it is very strange to ask for God's blessing on your marriage when you don't believe.

 

[jd83]

I don't think it's disrespectful, but I don't see the point. I feel the same way about people getting their children christened when they are non believers.

I think it is very strange to ask for God's blessing on your marriage when you don't believe.

Agree with you on that, but that's a whole other topic, LOL! I think they should be of the age to discern God's word and choose to follow it.

On the wedding topic of asking for God's blessing when you don't believe though, I guess I view it as opportunistic. Religiously speaking, we should always seek those opportunities to spread the Word, especially to non-believers. Jesus specifically said that He came to seek the lost, so its a perfect opportunity. Whether the message may reach anyone in attendance is up to them, as God has given us free will to choose to follow Him. Obviously, same goes if non-believer choose NOT to have any religious affiliations at their wedding though. That is their choice. Just saying that if they Do choose to have them, I don't think its a complete waste; its an opportunity. Might not be them who hears it, could be someone in the audience. Just my personal belief on the matter.

 

[Lauraxamy]

My friend is getting married in church in a couple of weeks, neither of them are religious. I don't think it's disrespectful I just don't see the point I think they just think it's a 'nice' place to get married. My other friend went abroad then came back to the UK and got blessed in church (no idea what the idea of a blessing was) and had a party after, they then christened their baby son last year in church, again really don't see the point when neither of them attend church at all.

 

[Button#]

I don't think it's disrespectful, but I don't see the point. I feel the same way about people getting their children christened when they are non believers.

I think it is very strange to ask for God's blessing on your marriage when you don't believe.

I agree with this. If the priest or vicar is comfortable performing the ceremony (and I'm sure they have a fair idea of who is doing it for the pictures) then I don't think it's particularly disrespectful as it is traditional to marry in a church. There are so many lovely places you can get married now though in a civil ceremony it seems strange to me to go for a religious building just for the look of it.

 

[emyandpotato]

I don't like it but for a lot of people it feels like tradition for their family and in a way their culture and so I find it hard to define it absolutely as wrong. Also, I am not a Christian because I don't feel I need any religion but if I did have that need I could easily interpret Christianity (in fact most of the main religions) in to something that makes sense, fits with my moral views, and is about goodness (some people do interpret 'god' as just good), and under that interpretation a lot about a church wedding is lovely and makes sense, so I can understand why it feels okay to non-Christians. Sorry for that long winded explanation! It's kind of a shame though, not least because a totally personal humanist ceremony is such an amazing thing and really reflects the couple- I had this and I'm so glad of it.

 

[emyandpotato]

Personally I don't think its disrespectful, but I also may view it differently than other religious people. A building is just a building, no matter how nice. It's not the actual church, the people form the church. I think that is often lost on so many people, especially because the "beautiful appearance and atmosphere" of a church building can often make is seem like more than just a building, but at the end of the day, the church is comprised of God's people, not the building that they attend to worship. That's my take on it from scripture.

You're right, that gets forgotten so much, thank you!

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Just dont understand the point of it personally

 

[Snow Owl]

Know what you mean.

Personally I won't be getting married in a church as I would feel very hypocritical getting married in 'the eyes of god'.

Same for having the kids christened, I cannot say 'I promise to raise my child under the influence of god'.

I know a few family members (OH has some very religious family members) weren't impressed but MIL was the funniest as she insisted we had the kids christened but herself says she doesn't believe and refuses to go to church. But we MUST get them christened...?

 

[Mummy Bean]

We got married in Gretna Green in a sort of package wedding which only had the choice of 2 churches. We spoke to the pastor before as felt bad about it, and didnt want to lead him on or result in us having to lie in front of ppl about said beliefs. He was lovely and said he was just happy to perform a ceremony for two people on such a special day and that it didnt matter if we didnt believe God was watching as he believed he was.

we didnt have any hymns or readings but the pastor did say a prayer but said it was only for those who wanted to join in (all my side were religious) overall it was a lovely ceremony. but I wouldnt have done it if the pastor wasnt happy with it.

 

[cookette]

I dont think I'd call is disrespectful....I think its just odd.

 

[dani_tinks]

I wouldn't say it's disrespectful, I do think it's a bit weird though if neither person 'believes' or follows religion.

 

[Rhi_Rhi1]

Kind of a funny thing to do... getting married "in gods eyes" when you don't believe he exists
I'm a non believer and I just wouldn't see the point personally. I often suspect it's to save money

 

[DanielleM]

I got married in a Catholic Church, the same parish where I have grown up and gone to the school, I am a catholic and believe in the religion, both my children are baptised and go to the school linked to the church. However we don't go to church every Sunday but I believe in Catholicism would you say that makes me disrespectful? I don't think so you can practise religion anywhere it doesn't necessarily mean you have to go to church, family life is really busy and hard to fit in extra!

 

[HoneyBee144]

I don't find it disrespectful but like others have said...just odd!

When we got engaged my DH automatically assumed we'd get married in a church, neither of us is religious in the slightest but to him "that's just what people did". He was quite shocked where he saw the amount of different places you can get married now

I personally couldn't do it, I don't believe in God and therefore don't need or want him to bless my marriage, same reason I won't be getting my son christened.