Getting married in a church

[Abigailly]

I found this a very interesting discussion. I was married in my local parish church, DS1 was christened there and DS2 will be as well at the end of August. I would never describe myself as religious but I have some form based of Christian beliefs and traditions that I was bought up with.

My local church openly admits that tradition plays a big part in people getting married in church and they accept that. The UK is traditionally a Christian society and churches want to be accessible to the community and that plays a big part of it.

It also may not just be important to the couple getting married, it maybe important to there families. I know my MIL was really pleased we decided to get married in the church as it was important to her family as they have strong faith.

Interestingly, for theses of you who find it disrespectful to get married in church when you don't believe in God. Do you find it disrespectful to celebrate Christmas and Easter? They are after all religious holidays.

I think it kind of is to be honest, but it's so widely accepted that it's not usually the first thing that people think of. I love Christmas (in a non-religious way) and I can totally see why someone of whom celebrates it for it's actual meaning would consider me disrespectful. I don't mind if they do, they're entitled to their opinion. Christmas is different though in my opinion as the meaning has changed so much. You raise a fair point though!

Not every religion treats these as religious holidays. I'm a member of the Church of Christ, and we celebrate neither as "religious" holidays, as they are not actually found in the Bible as "holidays". Nowhere in the bible does it state to celebrate the birth of Jesus each year, and nowhere does it state the actual date He was born. Actually, historically speaking given the information surrounding his birth, it wasn't even in December. Same goes for his death. The Bible mentions remembering his death, yes, but it also mentions doing this on a weekly basis, not once a year for Easter. I think its often assumed that every religion views these holidays the same, but that's not the case. More food for thought, I suppose. We celebrate both holidays, but we just celebrate them as man-made holidays that are for fun, spending time with family, etc.

Thats exactly my point. It's a traditional that people celebrate them whether or not they follow the religious backing for them. Same could be said for getting married in church.

With 'religious holidays' people take what they want out of it. The take societies traditions, religious traditions and they create their own traditions. You can have a whole Christmas without once thinking of Christ. That's part of our integrated society. And as someone from a deeply Catholic family I take no offense to that. I take things from other religions and cultures and don't in anyway mean it offensively. Only that I appreciate what they do and would like to have that in my life too.

However, there are very few churches in the UK that would do these ceremonies without mentioning your commitment to God. And within these ceremonies (particularly Baptisms) there are promises made to God. About raising under God, allowing God into your marriage etc. What I have the issue with is people making these promises to someone my family considers to be very important and having no intention of keeping them. I find that offensive.

If someone has walked into a church and told them that they don't believe in God, and they just want the church and the priest or whoever accepts that then that's their prerogative. However, I can think of very few churches which would allow that.

 

[Pearls18]

This thread got me thinking about my brother, he is getting married in September, they are marrying in a small old church in my hometown, it's not the "prettiest" church in town, it doesn't even have an aisle which I think made my SIL a little sad as she would like to have done "the walk" but do you know why the church is so important to her? Her father died when she was 2 years old and is buried there, as far as she is concerned that is where he is and she wholeheartedly *deserves* to get married there, I think she feels closer to her Dad there, he should be there on his daughter's wedding day to give her away but can't. We've not had the religious conversation, I don't know what they believe they don't go to church, I doubt my brother believes in God, but if anyone told me they were offended or didn't understand why they would want to get married there they would get a mouthful from me, there is more to being spiritual than following set rules, just because on the outside someone doesn't appear religious doesn't mean they don't have genuine beliefs and intentions. I think it is silly to feel offended by someone getting married in a church because they don't appear religious, Christianity isn't exclusive, it's not a club, people's beliefs are no one else's business, and the only person who has the right to question their intentions is the vicar, and of course God if you so believe, I think people should worry about themselves and not concern themselves in other people's moral code.

 

[TwilightAgain]

This thread got me thinking about my brother, he is getting married in September, they are marrying in a small old church in my hometown, it's not the "prettiest" church in town, it doesn't even have an aisle which I think made my SIL a little sad as she would like to have done "the walk" but do you know why the church is so important to her? Her father died when she was 2 years old and is buried there, as far as she is concerned that is where he is and she wholeheartedly *deserves* to get married there, I think she feels closer to her Dad there, he should be there on his daughter's wedding day to give her away but can't. We've not had the religious conversation, I don't know what they believe they don't go to church, I doubt my brother believes in God, but if anyone told me they were offended or didn't understand why they would want to get married there they would get a mouthful from me, there is more to being spiritual than following set rules, just because on the outside someone doesn't appear religious doesn't mean they don't have genuine beliefs and intentions. I think it is silly to feel offended by someone getting married in a church because they don't appear religious, Christianity isn't exclusive, it's not a club, people's beliefs are no one else's business, and the only person who has the right to question their intentions is the vicar, and of course God if you so believe, I think people should worry about themselves and not concern themselves in other people's moral code.

I'm sorry but I disagree. I think everyone is entitled an opinion, whether conscious or not we all make judgements and question peoples actions. You say you would give someone a mouthful if they questioned your brothers actions, would you not just explain? I think it's totally understandable given his reasoning but without knowing I think it's natural to be inquisitive.

 

[Pearls18]

This thread got me thinking about my brother, he is getting married in September, they are marrying in a small old church in my hometown, it's not the "prettiest" church in town, it doesn't even have an aisle which I think made my SIL a little sad as she would like to have done "the walk" but do you know why the church is so important to her? Her father died when she was 2 years old and is buried there, as far as she is concerned that is where he is and she wholeheartedly *deserves* to get married there, I think she feels closer to her Dad there, he should be there on his daughter's wedding day to give her away but can't. We've not had the religious conversation, I don't know what they believe they don't go to church, I doubt my brother believes in God, but if anyone told me they were offended or didn't understand why they would want to get married there they would get a mouthful from me, there is more to being spiritual than following set rules, just because on the outside someone doesn't appear religious doesn't mean they don't have genuine beliefs and intentions. I think it is silly to feel offended by someone getting married in a church because they don't appear religious, Christianity isn't exclusive, it's not a club, people's beliefs are no one else's business, and the only person who has the right to question their intentions is the vicar, and of course God if you so believe, I think people should worry about themselves and not concern themselves in other people's moral code.

I'm sorry but I disagree. I think everyone is entitled an opinion, whether conscious or not we all make judgements and question peoples actions. You say you would give someone a mouthful if they questioned your brothers actions, would you not just explain? I think it's totally understandable given his reasoning but without knowing I think it's natural to be inquisitive.

I didn't say people aren't entitled to their opinion...I'm just saying that my opinion is that I think it's a silly and intrusive thing to make an opinion about when you won't necessarily know the full story. And when I said giving a mouthful, I meant if they still had the opinion that it is disrespectful to marry in a church without being religious after knowing their reason for wanting to do so. The fact you think it is understandable now you know their reasoning shows there are reasons why people choose to marry in a church despite possibly not being a fully conformist Christian therefore it isn't as black and white as being "disrespectful".

 

[Bex84]

The church in the village where I grew up offered to marry us, I went to church every Sunday as a child despite neither parent been religious. We decided to get married local to where we lived as per what I said on pp. I celebrate Christmas but not in religious sence. It for me is a time of togetherness, giving, being thankful for what you have and family. Really it isn't christian anyway. Christmas was integrated in our culture by romans and was originally a pagan holiday, it meant Christianity could mirror culture already accepted. Going by Bible nothing says Jesus
was born December 25th. Of course nothing wrong celebrating it and remembering it on that date as christian

 

[HBGirl]

This thread got me thinking about my brother, he is getting married in September, they are marrying in a small old church in my hometown, it's not the "prettiest" church in town, it doesn't even have an aisle which I think made my SIL a little sad as she would like to have done "the walk" but do you know why the church is so important to her? Her father died when she was 2 years old and is buried there, as far as she is concerned that is where he is and she wholeheartedly *deserves* to get married there, I think she feels closer to her Dad there, he should be there on his daughter's wedding day to give her away but can't. We've not had the religious conversation, I don't know what they believe they don't go to church, I doubt my brother believes in God, but if anyone told me they were offended or didn't understand why they would want to get married there they would get a mouthful from me, there is more to being spiritual than following set rules, just because on the outside someone doesn't appear religious doesn't mean they don't have genuine beliefs and intentions. I think it is silly to feel offended by someone getting married in a church because they don't appear religious, Christianity isn't exclusive, it's not a club, people's beliefs are no one else's business, and the only person who has the right to question their intentions is the vicar, and of course God if you so believe, I think people should worry about themselves and not concern themselves in other people's moral code.

Beautifully said.