Getting married in a church

[Camlet]

I personally chose not to get married at a church & also not to christen my children for this specific reason but that's just how I felt about my decision (that I would be being disrespectful) everybody's different though & I personally wouldn't have a problem with anyone who chose differently as most churches make money from it & if the vicar agrees etc then it's up to them really. To each their own I guess xx

 

[HBGirl]

Do you know what I find disrespectful? Telling people that their vows mean nothing.

I said people who make a promise to God when they have no intention of ever keeping it are dishonoring the fundamental meaning of their vows.

If you go into the Priest, honestly, and say 'I'm not religious but we would like to incorporate the church and it's beliefs into our lives', then good for you. For standing up for what you believe in. And for allowing what you believe in to prevail.

The wedding part of my post had nothing to do with you. 3 weeks ago I was at a Wedding/baptism where they promised to raise their child under God, and promised to allow God into their marriage etc. It was a religious ceremony. Yet neither of them believed in God. Their entire ceremony was a sham. They stood there looking all solemn and interested, when actually they didn't believe a single thing that was being said at their OWN wedding. What kind of start is that to married life? Turns out it was all to get their child into the school they wanted

I don't see the point in it.

Saying that the enrire ceremony was a sham is downright rude! Then my entire ceremony was a sham. I was married in a full Anglican ceremony just without hyms and prayer. My ceremony was certainly NOT a sham. It meant a lot to me. I was serious and interested because it meant the world to me to make the promise I made to my husband.

 

[Noodlebear]

A lot of people do it, I don't see it as disrespectful...more pointless from my own point of view. I'm not at all religious and for that reason would really dislike getting married in a church, it would have no significance to me. And as has already been mentioned - I feel the same way about christenings, my son isn't christened. I just always feel very uncomfortable in church.

 

[sparkle_1979]

Not really. I personally wouldn't we got married outside a chapel in Greece but I don't think there is anything wrong with it if it's what you want to do. If the vicar is allowing it who am i to judge .

 

[TryinFor1]

I got married in a church but I don't go to church. I am religious so I guess this question doesn't really apply to me. I don't outwardly practice religion (going to church) but I do everything else like praying, believing, etc. Do they just not practice religion or are they athiest? The second would be weird to do in a church just because they don't believe in that stuff, but the first, well they could still have their beliefs and maybe one of their beliefs is securing their marriage under the eyes of the Church and Lord. Either way, its not for anyone to judge. Its their wedding, they can do whatever they want.

 

[tallybee]

Each to their own I say. As long as the people involved are happy then who cares

Hear hear.

I might think it's odd but what are other peoples choices to me? They don't affect me or my family or anybody else. My motto is 'whatever floats your boat, as long as it doesn't sink mine' and that fits here perfectly. It'd be a boring world if we all felt the same about everything

 

[DanielleM]

when you're not religious.

Is it disrespectful?

I'm going to a wedding in two weeks at a church where neither is religious, though there will be hymns and no doubt a religious ceremony. I personally think it's so disrespectful doing it just for tradition rather than actually doing it because you follow their beliefs. I'm not religious at all so I would never get married in a church.

What's your opinion? Just curious really.

If you think it is that disrespectful, why are you going? Why are you going to a ceremony and wedding that you don't agree with?

 

[Noodlebear]

Do you know what I find disrespectful? Telling people that their vows mean nothing.

I said people who make a promise to God when they have no intention of ever keeping it are dishonoring the fundamental meaning of their vows.

If you go into the Priest, honestly, and say 'I'm not religious but we would like to incorporate the church and it's beliefs into our lives', then good for you. For standing up for what you believe in. And for allowing what you believe in to prevail.

The wedding part of my post had nothing to do with you. 3 weeks ago I was at a Wedding/baptism where they promised to raise their child under God, and promised to allow God into their marriage etc. It was a religious ceremony. Yet neither of them believed in God. Their entire ceremony was a sham. They stood there looking all solemn and interested, when actually they didn't believe a single thing that was being said at their OWN wedding. What kind of start is that to married life? Turns out it was all to get their child into the school they wanted

I don't see the point in it.

I also know of someone who did that to get their child into a certain school. I do find that disrespectful and quite flippant tbh.

 

[CRWx]

As long as the two people getting married are happy, what does it matter?

ETA: just realised I echoed Laura, sorry!

 

[lau86]

We had a civil ceremony, it wasn't for us to have a church when we're not religious. What other people do in regards to it doesn't bother me though, I just do what sits right with me

 

[TwilightAgain]

when you're not religious.

Is it disrespectful?

I'm going to a wedding in two weeks at a church where neither is religious, though there will be hymns and no doubt a religious ceremony. I personally think it's so disrespectful doing it just for tradition rather than actually doing it because you follow their beliefs. I'm not religious at all so I would never get married in a church.

What's your opinion? Just curious really.

If you think it is that disrespectful, why are you going? Why are you going to a ceremony and wedding that you don't agree with?

I don't really feel like I have much of a choice to be honest. It doesn't offend me as I'm not religious, I just wonder whether it offends others as I can see how it could come across if you don't believe in it. It's not my wedding, I can't dictate what people do but I can have an opinion on it

 

[LoveCakes]

I see religious and civil marriages as equal. Getting married in a church when you're not religious doesn't make all your vows worthless as someone said, just the ones you don't intend to keep.

I've never come across a religious wedding or christening without some promise to make God part of the peoples lives so was actually surprised some people had ceremonies like this.

 

[cncem]

I don't think it is disrespectful, maybe one or other's parents are religious and paying for the wedding so the couple will do what that parent wants.

I myself used to be religious at the time I got married, but my husband to be was not and refused to get married in a church so we had a backyard wedding and had a friend of ours ordained online to marry us. It was lovely.

I don't think you should be offended, each person to their own is how I look at it.

 

[Equreuil]

I only glanced at some of the responses, but to my knowledge I thought a lot of churches require the couple to be members of the church before they could have their wedding there. Some even require pre-marital counselling.

Personally, I'm a pagan and my husband's nothing specific. We had an outdoor ceremony with a justice of the peace and we were both happy with that.

 

[supertabby]

Personally I'm all for people getting married in church regardless of background because it's much needed income. A hotel keeps all it's profits but the church uses them charitably in the community both locally and globally (some towards church building upkeep too but many churches are historically significant part of our landscape and valuable in their own right as buildings).

I'm not saying everyone should do it - only if you want to obviously - but I don't feel it's a negative thing. After all even if the people getting married don't believe in God, many of the congregation will view any marriage as a special occasion filled with love and the beginning of a new family. Even if the couple don't think there's a God many onlookers would feel God is blessing them and happy for their union.

I think there is some confusion over what you can/can't do too - a church wedding doesn't save money as some have suggested, a typical ceremony cost is around the same as a registry office/registar in a private building. You don't need to be baptised to marry in CofE however a Catholic priest would be unlikely to marry you if neither of you were Catholic. Faith schools accept non-faith students however they are allowed to prioritise faith in the admission process if they are over subscribed.

We married in a Church of England church because it was important to hubby. He was raised as a Christian and believes in God although he doesn't attend church every Sunday (we do go sporadically). I wasn't baptised and am agnostic leaning on side that there is a God. We were both very open with our vicar about our beliefs and she was very happy to marry us. Hubby was actually raised Catholic but hadn't attended church in a long time and didn't feel his beliefs were specifically Catholic.

 

[Kay_Baby]

I found this a very interesting discussion. I was married in my local parish church, DS1 was christened there and DS2 will be as well at the end of August. I would never describe myself as religious but I have some form based of Christian beliefs and traditions that I was bought up with.

My local church openly admits that tradition plays a big part in people getting married in church and they accept that. The UK is traditionally a Christian society and churches want to be accessible to the community and that plays a big part of it.

It also may not just be important to the couple getting married, it maybe important to there families. I know my MIL was really pleased we decided to get married in the church as it was important to her family as they have strong faith.

Interestingly, for theses of you who find it disrespectful to get married in church when you don't believe in God. Do you find it disrespectful to celebrate Christmas and Easter? They are after all religious holidays.

 

[TwilightAgain]

I found this a very interesting discussion. I was married in my local parish church, DS1 was christened there and DS2 will be as well at the end of August. I would never describe myself as religious but I have some form based of Christian beliefs and traditions that I was bought up with.

My local church openly admits that tradition plays a big part in people getting married in church and they accept that. The UK is traditionally a Christian society and churches want to be accessible to the community and that plays a big part of it.

It also may not just be important to the couple getting married, it maybe important to there families. I know my MIL was really pleased we decided to get married in the church as it was important to her family as they have strong faith.

Interestingly, for theses of you who find it disrespectful to get married in church when you don't believe in God. Do you find it disrespectful to celebrate Christmas and Easter? They are after all religious holidays.

I think it kind of is to be honest, but it's so widely accepted that it's not usually the first thing that people think of. I love Christmas (in a non-religious way) and I can totally see why someone of whom celebrates it for it's actual meaning would consider me disrespectful. I don't mind if they do, they're entitled to their opinion. Christmas is different though in my opinion as the meaning has changed so much. You raise a fair point though!

 

[jd83]

I found this a very interesting discussion. I was married in my local parish church, DS1 was christened there and DS2 will be as well at the end of August. I would never describe myself as religious but I have some form based of Christian beliefs and traditions that I was bought up with.

My local church openly admits that tradition plays a big part in people getting married in church and they accept that. The UK is traditionally a Christian society and churches want to be accessible to the community and that plays a big part of it.

It also may not just be important to the couple getting married, it maybe important to there families. I know my MIL was really pleased we decided to get married in the church as it was important to her family as they have strong faith.

Interestingly, for theses of you who find it disrespectful to get married in church when you don't believe in God. Do you find it disrespectful to celebrate Christmas and Easter? They are after all religious holidays.

I think it kind of is to be honest, but it's so widely accepted that it's not usually the first thing that people think of. I love Christmas (in a non-religious way) and I can totally see why someone of whom celebrates it for it's actual meaning would consider me disrespectful. I don't mind if they do, they're entitled to their opinion. Christmas is different though in my opinion as the meaning has changed so much. You raise a fair point though!

Not every religion treats these as religious holidays. I'm a member of the Church of Christ, and we celebrate neither as "religious" holidays, as they are not actually found in the Bible as "holidays". Nowhere in the bible does it state to celebrate the birth of Jesus each year, and nowhere does it state the actual date He was born. Actually, historically speaking given the information surrounding his birth, it wasn't even in December. Same goes for his death. The Bible mentions remembering his death, yes, but it also mentions doing this on a weekly basis, not once a year for Easter. I think its often assumed that every religion views these holidays the same, but that's not the case. More food for thought, I suppose. We celebrate both holidays, but we just celebrate them as man-made holidays that are for fun, spending time with family, etc.

 

[emyandpotato]

Christmas is only a Christian holiday if you are a Christian. It's a massive part of culture. Yes I know, Christ-mas and all, but things can only be defined by what they are now, not what they used to be- otherwise we'd have to stop doing loads of things because of their original meanings- and for so many Christmas is a cultural celebration of things that are rejoiced in regardless of religion. For all the Christian origins you could find you could find as many pagan ones so obviously it's a festival that has changed a lot and become different for different people. Easter I find odd- it does seem to be literally a celebration of chocolate but I'm sure for some atheists it has some sort of meaning?!

ETA: And positive aspects of religions/religious holidays can be appreciated all round. For example giving up luxuries for lent is quite a good idea with a lot of positive teachings that could resonate regardless of religion.

 

[Kay_Baby]

I found this a very interesting discussion. I was married in my local parish church, DS1 was christened there and DS2 will be as well at the end of August. I would never describe myself as religious but I have some form based of Christian beliefs and traditions that I was bought up with.

My local church openly admits that tradition plays a big part in people getting married in church and they accept that. The UK is traditionally a Christian society and churches want to be accessible to the community and that plays a big part of it.

It also may not just be important to the couple getting married, it maybe important to there families. I know my MIL was really pleased we decided to get married in the church as it was important to her family as they have strong faith.

Interestingly, for theses of you who find it disrespectful to get married in church when you don't believe in God. Do you find it disrespectful to celebrate Christmas and Easter? They are after all religious holidays.

I think it kind of is to be honest, but it's so widely accepted that it's not usually the first thing that people think of. I love Christmas (in a non-religious way) and I can totally see why someone of whom celebrates it for it's actual meaning would consider me disrespectful. I don't mind if they do, they're entitled to their opinion. Christmas is different though in my opinion as the meaning has changed so much. You raise a fair point though!

Not every religion treats these as religious holidays. I'm a member of the Church of Christ, and we celebrate neither as "religious" holidays, as they are not actually found in the Bible as "holidays". Nowhere in the bible does it state to celebrate the birth of Jesus each year, and nowhere does it state the actual date He was born. Actually, historically speaking given the information surrounding his birth, it wasn't even in December. Same goes for his death. The Bible mentions remembering his death, yes, but it also mentions doing this on a weekly basis, not once a year for Easter. I think its often assumed that every religion views these holidays the same, but that's not the case. More food for thought, I suppose. We celebrate both holidays, but we just celebrate them as man-made holidays that are for fun, spending time with family, etc.

Thats exactly my point. It's a traditional that people celebrate them whether or not they follow the religious backing for them. Same could be said for getting married in church is part of the culture in the UK.