Going it alone?

[smartiepants]

Hi, I'm Stacey, I've introduced myself on the introduction thread and copied this over from the WTT thread but thought it might be an idea to post here as well.

I'm 24 and planning to have a baby alone.

I've had relationships in the past but have never really desired any long term commitment and can't see myself wanting to get married etc in the forseeable future.

This isn't a rash decision and something I've been thinking about for a long time.

I have a history of gynae problems and I suffered a miscarriage 2 years ago. I'm terrified of leaving it too long and finding I can't have children.

I'm relatively financially secure with a career and my own home and whilst it would certainly put a dent in my finances, having a baby wouldn't leave me on the breadline.

I have a lot of support from friend's and family, my mother is keen to be a grandmother and I also have a stepmum who never had children of her own. My dad is fantastic and would make a brilliant grandfather.

I'm currently recovering from breast reduction surgery, my decision was partially down to the fact I was suffering from severe back pain and pregnancy would have been difficult for me, I was also told that I would struggle to breastfeed normally and would be increasing my chances by having the op. As such, I can't conceive for at least a year to avoid complications with the healing.

I have a few donors in mind (mostly gay friends) who would be willing to have involvement with the child to a degree.

Does anyone have any experience with the practical side of this??

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Stacey

xx

 

[Welshcob]

Would you need to use a friend as a donor? I am just wondering if this could add to complications and legalities in later life - rights to access etc. I would look into that. Your other alternative is to go for a course of treatment at a clinic. I went to London Womens Clinic - just to check it out. They seemed great. Screen all their donors for hereditary illness etc. So you have to be 100 percent top notch to get on a donor list. Also they monitor you during the treatment etc to ensure max chances. I would recommend investigating so you know you will have the best chances and the least legal probs afterwards.
Other than that - going it alone - well I decided against it, i felt I really wanted a dad in the babies life and using a personal donor was not something i felt able to do - just personal choice. So in the end I did not go ahead. But fortunately my partner then decided he was going to try with me and I was lucky to become pregnant. Ironically, he walked the moment he found out and I am now a single mum. Because I am frightened of him - I sometimes think it would have been easier to have done the donor...but you know what they say about hind sight! However I can say to bubs that I loved its dad and I know its dad. That does somehow help me!!
Its personal choice, but I would just check things out and then go for it!

 

[smartiepants]

Hi, thanks for the response. I'm a little wary of the financial implications of using a clinic, whilst I'm relatively secure I'm anticipating the costs to be in excess of £1k which is money I feel I ought to spend on the baby. Saving up to use a clinic would set me back even further and I'm desperate to try as soon as possible. The friends I have in mind (mostly gay friends) would be willing to go for health screenings first (one of them even works in a men's sexual health clinic) and I would have no issues with access, the majority of them live some distance away so it would be limited in any case. I will probably contact them anyway, just to see though. Thanks for the advice.