had enough, this really wasn't how it was meant to be...so down :(

[jennyxx]

I suppose this is more me writting all my thoughts I can't say out loud to friends or family without upsetting anyone but I simply just don't know what to do. I feel so emotionally tired, constantly guilty and overall like I have just had enough.

I constantly feel guilty because when I got pregnant we were financially stable and now, well, basically it has all gone to sh*t and things seem to be getting worse and worse as I can't get a job and my fiance just can't seem to find the work. I look in the fridge and there is hardly anything in it and that has to last another week which means I am not going to be eating very well which means I am not eating any fruit or vege really which I am told is very important...but what can you do when you have nothing to buy it with?

I probably sound so ungrateful here as others would kill for this generosity but a friend of the family has offered to buy us all that we haven't already got for baby e.g. cot, pram etc but I feel like I can't enjoy looking for things for baby as someone else is paying for it and I feel guilty that they are. I currently can't stand looking at baby clothes, baby things, going in to baby shops and even looking at the things I already have is a struggle...I need to paint the room and I have the paint but I keep putting off going in there.

Our outgoings are currently more than our in-goings, we have a 3000 pound tax bill we need to pay monthly now at £400 a month but we can't save for the next one so going to have the same problem next year, I owe the council about £300 which is going up to £400 because I can't pay it . I suppose it has all come to a head as I had a letter today saying I can't claim maternity allowance which I was sure I was eligable for and nor can I get any other benefits...............................I just don't know what to do and with each passing day it is getting closer and closer to baby being here

I am not willing to talk about my feelings with any health professionals as I don't want no social workers and all those idiots around my house when baby is here but I feel like I need to tell someone or do something but I just don't know who or what to do.

 

[kristy87]

400 a month is ridiculous for an outstanding bill! I've had these before and told them I will pay a certain amount and that is all. Phone them and explain ur circumstances and you should be able to pay 50 or so a month for at least a few months . Hugs xx

 

[jennyxx]

400 a month is ridiculous for an outstanding bill! I've had these before and told them I will pay a certain amount and that is all. Phone them and explain ur circumstances and you should be able to pay 50 or so a month for at least a few months . Hugs xx

400 is the minimum they would accept, it is income tax from our business that is going down the toilet due to bad weather (gardening and tree work)...the bill all in all is £3000

 

[laila 44]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Hopefully soon things wll turn around...do you have family members that can help u with baby supplies once baby I here like diapers, formula, bottles, wipes etc... A baby is very expensive. Is there some government assistance u can apply for?

 

[Mrs_Bump]

If you are having problems with your council tax I would strongly advise phoning them and explaining as unless it's already gone to court they will negotiate with you as to what you can afford to pay. Also the cab do amazing work on debt, benefits and budgeting and will advocate on your behalf.

 

[jennyxx]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Hopefully soon things wll turn around...do you have family members that can help u with baby supplies once baby I here like diapers, formula, bottles, wipes etc... A baby is very expensive. Is there some government assistance u can apply for?

I have no family and my partners family are pensioners....tried for government help and so far denied anything. It doesn't surprise me to be honest that I am getting no help, at 16 I was basically told to just go away when I went to find help and remain homeless and jobless.

 

[Anjali]

I suppose this is more me writting all my thoughts I can't say out loud to friends or family without upsetting anyone but I simply just don't know what to do. I feel so emotionally tired, constantly guilty and overall like I have just had enough.

I constantly feel guilty because when I got pregnant we were financially stable and now, well, basically it has all gone to sh*t and things seem to be getting worse and worse as I can't get a job and my fiance just can't seem to find the work. I look in the fridge and there is hardly anything in it and that has to last another week which means I am not going to be eating very well which means I am not eating any fruit or vege really which I am told is very important...but what can you do when you have nothing to buy it with?

I probably sound so ungrateful here as others would kill for this generosity but a friend of the family has offered to buy us all that we haven't already got for baby e.g. cot, pram etc but I feel like I can't enjoy looking for things for baby as someone else is paying for it and I feel guilty that they are. I currently can't stand looking at baby clothes, baby things, going in to baby shops and even looking at the things I already have is a struggle...I need to paint the room and I have the paint but I keep putting off going in there.

Our outgoings are currently more than our in-goings, we have a 3000 pound tax bill we need to pay monthly now at £400 a month but we can't save for the next one so going to have the same problem next year, I owe the council about £300 which is going up to £400 because I can't pay it . I suppose it has all come to a head as I had a letter today saying I can't claim maternity allowance which I was sure I was eligable for and nor can I get any other benefits...............................I just don't know what to do and with each passing day it is getting closer and closer to baby being here

Sending you lots of positive energy!!

I know what you're going through, as a couple years ago we were in a similar situation. We had no food and were borrowing from people just to get by. I'll tell you one thing though: in order to learn to give and care for another, we must accept learning to receive. If someone close to you was in a similar situation and you had the opportunity to help them, would you not? I'm sure you would, and I'm sure you'd think nothing of it. It happens to all of us, these unexpected situations grab us by the ankle when we're not expecting it. If people are offering you help, accept it and don't kick yourself for it. The world would go round and round if we could all learn to give and receive without thinking twice about it. You got one half of the equation down, you're ready to give to a child who will depend on you and I'm sure you have a good heart and would help others in need, so let go. Let go of any guilt or negative feelings and accept this lesson. This will pass, I promise. Opportunities knock when we're not fighting so hard against our circumstances. Try to just take a deep breath and focus on sending positive energy to yourself and your baby, and give your hubby a great big squeeze as you two have each other and your little one, and that's so so important.

As for the rest, I know this doesn't fix it but do the best you can, because that is all you can do, and be good to yourself. I really do hope everything gets back in order.

 

[iluvmyfamily]

I agree with the previous poster.

I got pregnant at 19 and DH wasnt working at that time. My mom sold her house to someone who let us live there and my mom and dad moved to an apartment. She gave up her furniture and apartment for us. It took a long time before we could get on our feet. Like, yrs before we were able to get our own place and own furniture. Everything that was bought for our daughter was bought from our families. We couldn't afford not one thing for her and it was seriously depressing. Even if we went out and picked it out with their money, it still didn't feel the same. But once our baby was born we knew we had everything she needed. It all came down to one thing: In the end it didn't matter HOW she got what she needed; all that mattered was she actually HAD it and wouldn't want/need for anything. If it weren't for our families I'll be honest and say I don't know where we would've ended up. Probably a shelter. Four kids later and one on the way, we're doing a lot better. Yes, we went on food stamps and WIC and unemployment when DH didn't have work but we did it because we wouldn't want our kids starving. We even found ourselves visiting pantries just to get food. It's hard and some people would be embarrassed but I never once felt ashamed. I always felt that it shown how much we loved our kids. Now we're on our way to moving to PA because NY is just not for us, DH is making a heck of a lot more money than he ever did before, people come to US for help now and we don't think twice about handing it out. One hand washes the other and like the previous poster stated, if someone came to you for help I'm sure you'd help them...think of it that way....you're in dire need of help and you should let those around you who are willing to help step in and help you guys out right now. You WILL get back on your feet. Even through the good times right now DH still owes money out and I have bills and our credit is crap but things fix themselves in time. When the timing is right. Take one step at a time. When we got this apt in 2011 we had NOTHING. No furniture whatsoever. My next door neighbor is a moving man. He gave us furniture from people who didn't want them anymore. Not exactly our taste but we took it with open arms and worked with it. As time went on and we were able to afford things on our own, we got new stuff and gave away the furniture that was given to us.

You'll find your way believe me. In the mean time, take the help that is offered to you and don't think twice about it. At least there will be one thing you don't have to worry about....your baby will have everything it will need. Believe me, that's a huge relief.

 

[HopefulPony]

Have you tried applying for the Healthy Start vouchers for fruit, veg and milk? I don't know what the criteria are but might be worth a go

 

[nimbec]

Hi Hun have u tried to get a note from doctor saying you can't work due to illness from pregnancy then you can claim sickness allowance from government. Or apply for job seekers - even tho u can't work they can't stop you applying and getting funding.... As long as your ni payments are upto date or you and partners income combined is low

Hope this helps! ((((Hugs))))

 

[joo]

I think the healthy start vouchers criteria is £16,000 a year combined earning, my HV was explaining it to me last week.

I would definitely have a chat with citizens advice asap, they can see if there's any help you would be eligible for - sometimes there's things the gov. Don't like to advertise lol. They can also give you advice on what to do about this council tax bill - again there might be a way around it or a way to lessen the payments that the council wouldn't necessarily volunteer such information to you.

As for a friend of the family helping out - I agree with PP, let them help! It will probably give them great pleasure & if you were in a better place & had the opportunity to help someone out I'm sure you would. You might not be able to pay them back soon, but you could show how much it means by way of a gesture - whether it be giving baby a middle name after them or similar to them, they could be a godparent or whatever, doesn't have to be a grand gesture. Most important - don't feel guilty & don't let pride get in the way. You will only feel more guilty if later down the line you are still struggling & baby is here xxx

 

[Dibbles]

Just wanted to say I also agree with the PP life has its ups and downs and having someone looking out for you when things aren't going right is a blessing. Look at it as something to be happy about, that your child will grow up in an enviroment full of giving and sharing.

Support your OH as much as you can and don't give up trying to get your rights out of the government. Try and find as much information as you can online or through experts (as suggested above). Just doing that will give you a sense of accomplishment. Also if you need social workers coming over in order to receive aid then swallow your pride and let them. They are only doing their job and their job is to serve the public which is you

Wishing you all the best

D

 

[shambaby]

Social workers get a bit of a bad press, unfortunately, and people seem to think all they want to do is interfere and take children away from their parents. In reality, they only do that if the parents simply can not or will not care for them properly, and even then only when there are no other options. In a situation like yours they may actually be able to be a big help in getting what you need.

I think my first port of call would be cab, though - they really helped my sister figure out what help she could get when she was expecting her first, and they helped her with applications etc, too. Much easier than trying to figure it out on your own, and you're less likely to miss out on something you could be getting.

As for help from friends / family, I sympathize and would probably feel the same way, but in the circumstances I think you have to accept any help you can get, and they probably will really enjoy helping out and gettinp to be a part of this exciting time in your life. If it helps, insist that it is a loan, but don't pressure yourselves to pay it back until you really can afford to. Because things will get better, the hard times will pass, and if you really want to, and are willing to work for it, you will get back on your feet.

It may also help to seriously consider what your baby will really need and what you can do without - a lot of things you really don't need and may not use all that much. As long as baby is warm, clean, fed and loved, he/she will thrive. X

 

[mandaxx]

I suppose this is more me writting all my thoughts I can't say out loud to friends or family without upsetting anyone but I simply just don't know what to do. I feel so emotionally tired, constantly guilty and overall like I have just had enough.

I constantly feel guilty because when I got pregnant we were financially stable and now, well, basically it has all gone to sh*t and things seem to be getting worse and worse as I can't get a job and my fiance just can't seem to find the work. I look in the fridge and there is hardly anything in it and that has to last another week which means I am not going to be eating very well which means I am not eating any fruit or vege really which I am told is very important...but what can you do when you have nothing to buy it with?

I probably sound so ungrateful here as others would kill for this generosity but a friend of the family has offered to buy us all that we haven't already got for baby e.g. cot, pram etc but I feel like I can't enjoy looking for things for baby as someone else is paying for it and I feel guilty that they are. I currently can't stand looking at baby clothes, baby things, going in to baby shops and even looking at the things I already have is a struggle...I need to paint the room and I have the paint but I keep putting off going in there.

Our outgoings are currently more than our in-goings, we have a 3000 pound tax bill we need to pay monthly now at £400 a month but we can't save for the next one so going to have the same problem next year, I owe the council about £300 which is going up to £400 because I can't pay it . I suppose it has all come to a head as I had a letter today saying I can't claim maternity allowance which I was sure I was eligable for and nor can I get any other benefits...............................I just don't know what to do and with each passing day it is getting closer and closer to baby being here

Sending you lots of positive energy!!

I know what you're going through, as a couple years ago we were in a similar situation. We had no food and were borrowing from people just to get by. I'll tell you one thing though: in order to learn to give and care for another, we must accept learning to receive. If someone close to you was in a similar situation and you had the opportunity to help them, would you not? I'm sure you would, and I'm sure you'd think nothing of it. It happens to all of us, these unexpected situations grab us by the ankle when we're not expecting it. If people are offering you help, accept it and don't kick yourself for it. The world would go round and round if we could all learn to give and receive without thinking twice about it. You got one half of the equation down, you're ready to give to a child who will depend on you and I'm sure you have a good heart and would help others in need, so let go. Let go of any guilt or negative feelings and accept this lesson. This will pass, I promise. Opportunities knock when we're not fighting so hard against our circumstances. Try to just take a deep breath and focus on sending positive energy to yourself and your baby, and give your hubby a great big squeeze as you two have each other and your little one, and that's so so important.

As for the rest, I know this doesn't fix it but do the best you can, because that is all you can do, and be good to yourself. I really do hope everything gets back in order.

^^^This is good advice. Be positive, you will be ok. Take the help, and assure them you will pay back in some way. If you are having trouble with finances, get on to your local MP who can fight your corner, or call citizens advice. The tax place can't make you pay what you don't have, and in this economic climate, they are well aware people are struggling. Let them take you to court if need be, the judge will see you can't pay. Don't worry, things have a way of working themselves out. You will be entitled to help, you just need to ask the right people. Good luck xxx

 

[LadyLupton]

I second the idea of visiting the CAB, they'll have all sorts of info that can really help you.

Like was said above social workers get bad press but you've got nothing to worry about, you're just trying to get the aid you are entitled to. Your GP can also be a good resource. There's a world of support out there, waiting for you to access it.

Good luck to you x

 

[Jakkiw2]

Can I add to this ... I'm an accountant and have sorted a few issues with hmrc ..

I would phone them again and put it in writing that u ask for a fairer payment plan ... That should u go with the 400a month u won't be able to eat and therefore they would be putting u and Ur baby at risk not to mention this undue stress...I know people who have pd there Bill over 2-3 yrs don't let them kid u .. do u not have an accountant that can do that for u ? xx