Have u or do u spank your child? Non judgmental thread

[feeble]

I don't think you can come on here and say all spanking is illegal. we are all from diffrent areas of the world and I can strongly say, spanking isn't illegal where I am.

ok thats fair i should have stated the UK

It is NOT illegal to smack your child in the UK

quote taken from citizens advice bearuro

Punishment

Parents

As a parent, you have a legal right to smack your child. However, if the violence you use is severe enough to leave a mark, for example a scratch or a bruise, you can be prosecuted for assault, or the child can be taken into local authority care

Hi do you not think some people take advantage of this? Just because no bruises are left means its not abuse? again I never had any visible bruises because i dont bruise easy but boy oh boy did the abuse i recieve hurt. but never did it leave a perminenet mark or bruise which ment knowone knew about it. so i dont really think that just coz a bruise isnt left then it should be legal.

( By the way i am not talking about this little tapping being abuse. im just disecting that spesific quote of whats legal and what isnt by not having bruises etc xx

I think this raises an interesting point

Abuse is a wide and disturbing thing, it is possible to be a pedophile without ever touching a child. It is possible to abuse someone without touching them, or without leaving a bruise

Gosh I know it's possible to leave a bruise without abusing someone (my husband, not my child I must add)

We cannot as a society place things in such simple boxes as 'if you smack it's abuse' 'if you don't smack you don't abuse'

Because we risk missing some very real and very dangerous child abuse.

 

[MYPRINCEssB]

Children will NOT be traumatised from a handful of smacked bottoms, they would be traumatised from being punched in the face, kicked in the stomach, starved etc etc.....ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This kind of bothered me alittle.

I wasnt punched in the face or kicked in the stomach or starved. But i was still abused phisicaly and emotionaly by my dad . there are different levels of physical abuse and it isnt always this obvious.

Just wanted to clear that up xx

thank you it kinda bothers me too, like you i wasnt hit in the face or kicked in the stomach or starved, my mom didnt stand up for me ever and would let the men of her life do as they pleased, I was in first grade and my step dad at the time would make me watch americas most wanted and tease me saying those men would get me knowing that i was afraid, made me sleep on hard tile floor in a sleeping bag beside the front door and bathroom door because i peed the bed, if they would have taken me to the dentist like they should have they would have found out the reason i wet the bed was due to my upper jaw was not wide enough and I needed an expander, I found this out after i moved out and got myself braces at the age of 19, the orthodontist told me it was a medical condition that causes headachs, earachs and wetting the bed in younge kids. He also made me lie about something I didnt do and because of it made me drink a cup of hot sause mixed with everything spicy we had in the spice cabinet along with castor oil, he said he wanted it to hurn me when i went to the bathroom and know what hell was like for lieing. and my mom just stood there and watched him do it and never said a word. and another time with a different step dad me and my sister told her he was molesting us and she made my sister watch me get beat with a wooden paddle till I had black and green bruses all over my butt I couldnt sit for 2 weeksmy mom said it would make her think twice before getting me to say something that wasnt true, I did fight her half way through just to turn around and tell her that what she was doing wasnt right i got beat harder, I still remember the anger in her eyes and i hate it, she said that she could never be happy didnt belive us, and didnt file reports on him until she was ready to divores him two year later, that being said the court didnt do anything they thought she was just trying to get back at him for something and me and my sister had to suffer. the list goes on of things that happend when i was a kid that was abusive whether it sounds like it or not thants why I think its scarry to be a parent and i take it one day at a time, its scarry to know that if you do one wrong thing in parenting that you could mess your childs whole life, but i wish people wouldnt be so quick to judge that only certain things in a specific catagory is child abuse, it comes in all shapes and forms and really can damage.

aww hunni I am so sorry for what you experianced everything you experianced was abuse!! and are as bad if not as worse as the obvouis things people class as abuse people do need to be aware that you dont have to have bruises from it to be classed as abuse.

i bet you are a wonderful parent and you havent let your experiance effect how you parent ( apart from in a positive way you are doing great) xx

thanks, and that is something good to remember, and I try to be a good parent but the truth is how do you really know? ya i might not fallow in my moms foot steps but how do i know that what I am doing is right I read all the books and articles about parenting, and kids they smile and tell you they love you and are happy and just want aproval but then they get older and realise things from there past and how you did things and I just dont want those smiles to ever fade

 

[Ladylisle]

wow this thread needs closing, im all for peoples own opinions and such but the way some of you have expressed your views is quite shocking and upsetting for some.
I love babyand bump and spend many hours of the day reading through threads and looking for and giving advice but its threads like these that put me off. I understand that its a forum and everyone has their right to opinions but come on ladies cant you just see that your clearly not gonna agree and leave it at that??

 

[youngwife20]

I don't think you can come on here and say all spanking is illegal. we are all from diffrent areas of the world and I can strongly say, spanking isn't illegal where I am.

ok thats fair i should have stated the UK

It is NOT illegal to smack your child in the UK

quote taken from citizens advice bearuro

Punishment

Parents

As a parent, you have a legal right to smack your child. However, if the violence you use is severe enough to leave a mark, for example a scratch or a bruise, you can be prosecuted for assault, or the child can be taken into local authority care

Hi do you not think some people take advantage of this? Just because no bruises are left means its not abuse? again I never had any visible bruises because i dont bruise easy but boy oh boy did the abuse i recieve hurt. but never did it leave a perminenet mark or bruise which ment knowone knew about it. so i dont really think that just coz a bruise isnt left then it should be legal.

( By the way i am not talking about this little tapping being abuse. im just disecting that spesific quote of whats legal and what isnt by not having bruises etc xx

I think this raises an interesting point

Abuse is a wide and disturbing thing, it is possible to be a pedophile without ever touching a child. It is possible to abuse someone without touching them, or without leaving a bruise

Gosh I know it's possible to leave a bruise without abusing someone (my husband, not my child I must add)

We cannot as a society place things in such simple boxes as 'if you smack it's abuse' 'if you don't smack you don't abuse'

Because we risk missing some very real and very dangerous child abuse.

Thank you!! this is my point!! im crap at explaining things. the abuse my dad gave me was totaly missed because it wasnt the generic usual abuse were you see unexplainable bruises etc. people are shouting at people who are strongly against and seem judgmental. though i wouldnt shout at anyone for how they raise there children i can completly understand why they react that way because its not easy reading " this is what abuse is" when to us.. we were abused and thats not what it was? if that makes sence xx

 

[feeble]

I don't think you can come on here and say all spanking is illegal. we are all from diffrent areas of the world and I can strongly say, spanking isn't illegal where I am.

ok thats fair i should have stated the UK

It is NOT illegal to smack your child in the UK

quote taken from citizens advice bearuro

Punishment

Parents

As a parent, you have a legal right to smack your child. However, if the violence you use is severe enough to leave a mark, for example a scratch or a bruise, you can be prosecuted for assault, or the child can be taken into local authority care

Hi do you not think some people take advantage of this? Just because no bruises are left means its not abuse? again I never had any visible bruises because i dont bruise easy but boy oh boy did the abuse i recieve hurt. but never did it leave a perminenet mark or bruise which ment knowone knew about it. so i dont really think that just coz a bruise isnt left then it should be legal.

( By the way i am not talking about this little tapping being abuse. im just disecting that spesific quote of whats legal and what isnt by not having bruises etc xx

I think this raises an interesting point

Abuse is a wide and disturbing thing, it is possible to be a pedophile without ever touching a child. It is possible to abuse someone without touching them, or without leaving a bruise

Gosh I know it's possible to leave a bruise without abusing someone (my husband, not my child I must add)

We cannot as a society place things in such simple boxes as 'if you smack it's abuse' 'if you don't smack you don't abuse'

Because we risk missing some very real and very dangerous child abuse.

Thank you!! this is my point!! im crap at explaining things. the abuse my dad gave me was totaly missed because it wasnt the generic usual abuse were you see unexplainable bruises etc. people are shouting at people who are strongly against and seem judgmental. though i wouldnt shout at anyone for how they raise there children i can completly understand why they react that way because its not easy reading " this is what abuse is" when to us.. we were abused and thats not what it was? if that makes sence xx

I understand Hun, I had the same sort of abuse, soul destroying, mental torment, designed to make me despise myself and hate my life, it was ignored by everyone and i have had to live with the consequences basically my whole life... Well, until I met my husband and he rescued me from myself...

Gah... Anyway, another thread maybe

I understand Hun, I am so so sorry for what you endured I know that no words can explain it...

 

[youngwife20]

Children will NOT be traumatised from a handful of smacked bottoms, they would be traumatised from being punched in the face, kicked in the stomach, starved etc etc.....ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This kind of bothered me alittle.

I wasnt punched in the face or kicked in the stomach or starved. But i was still abused phisicaly and emotionaly by my dad . there are different levels of physical abuse and it isnt always this obvious.

Just wanted to clear that up xx

thank you it kinda bothers me too, like you i wasnt hit in the face or kicked in the stomach or starved, my mom didnt stand up for me ever and would let the men of her life do as they pleased, I was in first grade and my step dad at the time would make me watch americas most wanted and tease me saying those men would get me knowing that i was afraid, made me sleep on hard tile floor in a sleeping bag beside the front door and bathroom door because i peed the bed, if they would have taken me to the dentist like they should have they would have found out the reason i wet the bed was due to my upper jaw was not wide enough and I needed an expander, I found this out after i moved out and got myself braces at the age of 19, the orthodontist told me it was a medical condition that causes headachs, earachs and wetting the bed in younge kids. He also made me lie about something I didnt do and because of it made me drink a cup of hot sause mixed with everything spicy we had in the spice cabinet along with castor oil, he said he wanted it to hurn me when i went to the bathroom and know what hell was like for lieing. and my mom just stood there and watched him do it and never said a word. and another time with a different step dad me and my sister told her he was molesting us and she made my sister watch me get beat with a wooden paddle till I had black and green bruses all over my butt I couldnt sit for 2 weeksmy mom said it would make her think twice before getting me to say something that wasnt true, I did fight her half way through just to turn around and tell her that what she was doing wasnt right i got beat harder, I still remember the anger in her eyes and i hate it, she said that she could never be happy didnt belive us, and didnt file reports on him until she was ready to divores him two year later, that being said the court didnt do anything they thought she was just trying to get back at him for something and me and my sister had to suffer. the list goes on of things that happend when i was a kid that was abusive whether it sounds like it or not thants why I think its scarry to be a parent and i take it one day at a time, its scarry to know that if you do one wrong thing in parenting that you could mess your childs whole life, but i wish people wouldnt be so quick to judge that only certain things in a specific catagory is child abuse, it comes in all shapes and forms and really can damage.

aww hunni I am so sorry for what you experianced everything you experianced was abuse!! and are as bad if not as worse as the obvouis things people class as abuse people do need to be aware that you dont have to have bruises from it to be classed as abuse.

i bet you are a wonderful parent and you havent let your experiance effect how you parent ( apart from in a positive way you are doing great) xx

thanks, and that is something good to remember, and I try to be a good parent but the truth is how do you really know? ya i might not fallow in my moms foot steps but how do i know that what I am doing is right I read all the books and articles about parenting, and kids they smile and tell you they love you and are happy and just want aproval but then they get older and realise things from there past and how you did things and I just dont want those smiles to ever fade

aww hunni all you can do is try your best though. all parenting books have conflicting information. you know in your heart you are doing everything that is best for them! . teenagers always go through that face of " i hate uuu!!!! leave me alone" not all teenagers lol but i certinaly did and when they get older they apreiciate you more dont take it personal. ur doing great x

 

[Elucida]

I am amazed this thread has stayed open!

I have seen children who have misbehaved and told that if they do not stop continuing to do x y or z they will get a smack.
I have seen children who are 'gentle parented' who are CONSTANTLY made to justify themselves, are empathised with til the point of (quite literally) they are desperately trying to break out of a car or 'mothers loving grip' so they can actually get on with their day and most importantly, who are so totally unaware of their own boundaries that they simply have no idea what is truly right or wrong.

I get very pissed off, with these 'holier than thou, I'm parenting my child to a specific model some guy taught me in a book' parents.

In my opinion and experience, they are just as likely to not have a clue as anyone else


Fact is we are all on a parenting forum, we obviously all give a toss about our kids.

So how about we respect that there are different ways to parent?

From witnessing 'unconditional parenting' and 'gentle discipline' as well as more holistic parenting, I know exactly what I will be doing. And it will NOT be listening to someone who tells me all other parents are conditional/none gentle/ detached parents, so that I can sit on a pedestal on threads like this and look down on people.

I've had this debate with you already. That's an incredibly narrow view and, if you were to even call your, completely anecdotal, evidence a study, with a sample size of what? 2? 4? you'd , quite frankly, be laughed at. So, it doesn't qualify as evidence any more than "I was formula fed and so was hubby and we're healthy".

Spanking is consitently assosciated with mental health problems. I'm not sure anyone respectable recommends it anymore as a method of parenting. It's just not necessary, no matter your parenting philosophy. Though, if you can bring me peer reviewed studies on these, so called, pitfalls of UP/AP then I'm all ears.

I couldn't give a monkeys if you perceive it as a narrow view.

My child is an individual and will be raised according to who he is and what he reacts well to. He is not a case study, nor is he a social experiment and allowing a well documented QUACK who practically every child psychologist in the world thinks should be preventing from writing books (alfred kohn) or a liar who writes parenting books and says she has a doctorate in child psychology WHICH IT TURNS OUT SHE BOUGHT ON THE INTERNET (Naomi Aldort) to raise my child for me based upon their thinly disguised 'get rich quick' scheme, is NOT something I am going to put myself or my child through.

There is a massive difference between smacking a child on the bum and beating them with a caine.

Many nhs professionals believe co-sleeping should be illegal, because if done wrong it can be deadly. Exactly the same can be said for smacking.

Being so black and white is ridiculous. Your allowing your books and 'case studies' to raise your child and my kid will be raised by me. Smacking maybe once a year when he does something dangerous and stupid and needs a short sharp return to reality, and loved and respected AS A CHILD rather than forced to feel guilt and shame and hatred that is usually only experienced by adults


No parent is perfect, no child is perfect, but I will be raising my none perfect children in my own non perfect way. Which I am quite happy with

It sounds to me, like your experiences and flaws are raising your child. Sure, you're not perfect, but there's nothing to be gained from being self-righteous about it.

I was really going to reply to you, but it would be another wasted effort as all our interactions seem to somehow become reduced to you rambling on about things you seemingly know very little about and my trying to present an educated, unbiased argument. It's madness.

All I can really say to you is, good luck. The proof will most certainly be in the pudding.

 

[youngwife20]

I don't think you can come on here and say all spanking is illegal. we are all from diffrent areas of the world and I can strongly say, spanking isn't illegal where I am.

ok thats fair i should have stated the UK

It is NOT illegal to smack your child in the UK

quote taken from citizens advice bearuro

Punishment

Parents

As a parent, you have a legal right to smack your child. However, if the violence you use is severe enough to leave a mark, for example a scratch or a bruise, you can be prosecuted for assault, or the child can be taken into local authority care

Hi do you not think some people take advantage of this? Just because no bruises are left means its not abuse? again I never had any visible bruises because i dont bruise easy but boy oh boy did the abuse i recieve hurt. but never did it leave a perminenet mark or bruise which ment knowone knew about it. so i dont really think that just coz a bruise isnt left then it should be legal.

( By the way i am not talking about this little tapping being abuse. im just disecting that spesific quote of whats legal and what isnt by not having bruises etc xx

I think this raises an interesting point

Abuse is a wide and disturbing thing, it is possible to be a pedophile without ever touching a child. It is possible to abuse someone without touching them, or without leaving a bruise

Gosh I know it's possible to leave a bruise without abusing someone (my husband, not my child I must add)

We cannot as a society place things in such simple boxes as 'if you smack it's abuse' 'if you don't smack you don't abuse'

Because we risk missing some very real and very dangerous child abuse.

Thank you!! this is my point!! im crap at explaining things. the abuse my dad gave me was totaly missed because it wasnt the generic usual abuse were you see unexplainable bruises etc. people are shouting at people who are strongly against and seem judgmental. though i wouldnt shout at anyone for how they raise there children i can completly understand why they react that way because its not easy reading " this is what abuse is" when to us.. we were abused and thats not what it was? if that makes sence xx

I understand Hun, I had the same sort of abuse, soul destroying, mental torment, designed to make me despise myself and hate my life, it was ignored by everyone and i have had to live with the consequences basically my whole life... Well, until I met my husband and he rescued me from myself...

Gah... Anyway, another thread maybe

I understand Hun, I am so so sorry for what you endured I know that no words can explain it...

Thank you xxx and im sorry for what you went through too! on a positive note!! i have an amazing husband too! so im glad our kids wont go through what we went through and im soo happy about that!! xxx

 

[Randianne]

What's sad is that I think threads like these have the potential to actually help mothers. Spanking and other issues need to be discussed. I enjoy reading other perspectives because I think it can bring a lot of insight. I'm not advocating believing everything you read on the internet, but personally I find reading what has and hasn't worked for other moms gives me something to think about. It's just so frustrating when the attacks get personal. There really is no need for that.

I think the child abuse allegation bothers me more than anything because as a person who has chosen to spank, I do live in fear of someone calling protective services just because they disagree with my parenting method. Do they not see the extremely serious nature of that allegation? I have never abused my step son. Ever. But he does get two swats on the bottom if he is very bad. Does that mean I deserve to have CPS agents and police knocking on my door and scaring the hell out of me and my child?

I actually think that there has been some very interesting discussion on this thread and personally, I'd like to see it remain open for that reason. It's a shame when an issue can't be rationally discussed among adults because of a few trouble makers.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to feeble, Euclida, youngwife20, hakunamatata, and all of you who took the time to explain your perspective. I've definitely been given a lot of think about.

 

[Bunnylicious]

Spanking occasionally is fine to me, if other way (lecturing, grounding, etc) doesn't work to get my point accross

I'm from Asia. Among the asians, spanking is not an illegal thing to do.
My parents spanked me with a broom many times also slapped my face.
My ex told me about his dad, beside spanking him, his dad once (or more) locked him and his brother (not at the same time) in the bathroom for days.

When I first came in US, I was surprised when I found out if you spank your kid, the authority/social worker will see you as a very bad person.

 

[TinySunshine]

People should have just commented about what they personally do. They should not have 'name called' or made a conclusion about whether someone else is a good parent or not. That can be so hurtful.

A light tap is perfectly fine in my opinion, it depends how it's done and for what reasons. I plan to talk as much as I can with my child, but I can't rule out there being occasions in the future where I feel it would be necessary to tap their bum.

I love my baby more than anything, and I would die before any harm came to them.. Saying I think smacking can be reasonable does not make me an abusive or bad parent, as this should be something that is decided completely individually based on so many different factors and situations of a person's parenting. That alone is not enough of a basis to claim someone's a bad parent. How hard/often/for what purpose must be taken into account. And from what I can tell, all the ladies on here seem to be wonderful parents who love their children very much.

 

[feeble]

I am amazed this thread has stayed open!

I have seen children who have misbehaved and told that if they do not stop continuing to do x y or z they will get a smack.
I have seen children who are 'gentle parented' who are CONSTANTLY made to justify themselves, are empathised with til the point of (quite literally) they are desperately trying to break out of a car or 'mothers loving grip' so they can actually get on with their day and most importantly, who are so totally unaware of their own boundaries that they simply have no idea what is truly right or wrong.

I get very pissed off, with these 'holier than thou, I'm parenting my child to a specific model some guy taught me in a book' parents.

In my opinion and experience, they are just as likely to not have a clue as anyone else


Fact is we are all on a parenting forum, we obviously all give a toss about our kids.

So how about we respect that there are different ways to parent?

From witnessing 'unconditional parenting' and 'gentle discipline' as well as more holistic parenting, I know exactly what I will be doing. And it will NOT be listening to someone who tells me all other parents are conditional/none gentle/ detached parents, so that I can sit on a pedestal on threads like this and look down on people.

I've had this debate with you already. That's an incredibly narrow view and, if you were to even call your, completely anecdotal, evidence a study, with a sample size of what? 2? 4? you'd , quite frankly, be laughed at. So, it doesn't qualify as evidence any more than "I was formula fed and so was hubby and we're healthy".

Spanking is consitently assosciated with mental health problems. I'm not sure anyone respectable recommends it anymore as a method of parenting. It's just not necessary, no matter your parenting philosophy. Though, if you can bring me peer reviewed studies on these, so called, pitfalls of UP/AP then I'm all ears.

I couldn't give a monkeys if you perceive it as a narrow view.

My child is an individual and will be raised according to who he is and what he reacts well to. He is not a case study, nor is he a social experiment and allowing a well documented QUACK who practically every child psychologist in the world thinks should be preventing from writing books (alfred kohn) or a liar who writes parenting books and says she has a doctorate in child psychology WHICH IT TURNS OUT SHE BOUGHT ON THE INTERNET (Naomi Aldort) to raise my child for me based upon their thinly disguised 'get rich quick' scheme, is NOT something I am going to put myself or my child through.

There is a massive difference between smacking a child on the bum and beating them with a caine.

Many nhs professionals believe co-sleeping should be illegal, because if done wrong it can be deadly. Exactly the same can be said for smacking.

Being so black and white is ridiculous. Your allowing your books and 'case studies' to raise your child and my kid will be raised by me. Smacking maybe once a year when he does something dangerous and stupid and needs a short sharp return to reality, and loved and respected AS A CHILD rather than forced to feel guilt and shame and hatred that is usually only experienced by adults


No parent is perfect, no child is perfect, but I will be raising my none perfect children in my own non perfect way. Which I am quite happy with

It sounds to me, like your experiences and flaws are raising your child. Sure, you're not perfect, but there's nothing to be gained from being self-righteous about it.

I was really going to reply to you, but it would be another wasted effort as all our interactions seem to somehow become reduced to you rambling on about things you seemingly know very little about and my trying to present an educated, unbiased argument. It's madness.

All I can really say to you is, good luck. The proof will most certainly be in the pudding.

oh, it already is

My son is friendly, kind and has boundaries, no he has never been smacked.

You have on this thread, used Alfred kohn as a guru, when he is despised by child psychologists. I know plenty about your parenting novels and the people who write them.

You mistake confidence, with arrogance which is maybe why your posts come across as self righteous, you find it hard to tell the difference.

I have spent years working with children and researching children's psychological needs, i feel no need, in light of that, to force my opinions down peoples throats using long winded links and off topic comments. You call that uneducated, I call it polite.

 

[youngwife20]

What's sad is that I think threads like these have the potential to actually help mothers. Spanking and other issues need to be discussed. I enjoy reading other perspectives because I think it can bring a lot of insight. I'm not advocating believing everything you read on the internet, but personally I find reading what has and hasn't worked for other moms gives me something to think about. It's just so frustrating when the attacks get personal. There really is no need for that.

I think the child abuse allegation bothers me more than anything because as a person who has chosen to spank, I do live in fear of someone calling protective services just because they disagree with my parenting method. Do they not see the extremely serious nature of that allegation? I have never abused my step son. Ever. But he does get two swats on the bottom if he is very bad. Does that mean I deserve to have CPS agents and police knocking on my door and scaring the hell out of me and my child?

I actually think that there has been some very interesting discussion on this thread and personally, I'd like to see it remain open for that reason. It's a shame when an issue can't be rationally discussed among adults because of a few trouble makers.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to feeble, Euclida, youngwife20, hakunamatata, and all of you who took the time to explain your perspective. I've definitely been given a lot of think about.

Your very welcome I in no way think some mums who swat are child abusers. like you said its a strong word to just throw out there. i feel that some people who lashed out saying " omg its child abuse" didnt really explain were that strong feeling came from. and everyones assumed its just out of being judgmental. like i said for some people who have been abused any sort of violance can end up with what we endured as people who abused us clearly had no limit to there abuse and it had to have started somewere.

But i think we are all good mothers who want the best for our kids and i judge noeone who have the best intrest of there kids at heart

 

[bananaz]

When I first came in US, I was surprised when I found out if you spank your kid, the authority/social worker will try to take away the kid.

It isn't illegal for parents to spank their kids in the US as long as they're not actually injuring the child. Of course the line between spanking and beating can be fuzzy and subject to personal interpretation (as we've seen in this thread), so sometimes CPS will get involved to ensure that a child isn't being abused. But just giving your kid a tap on the bum doesn't mean the police have the right to come knock in your door and take your child away.

Corporal punishment in schools, on the other hand, is illegal in many states.

 

[chell5544]

I don't think you can come on here and say all spanking is illegal. we are all from diffrent areas of the world and I can strongly say, spanking isn't illegal where I am.

ok thats fair i should have stated the UK

It is NOT illegal to smack your child in the UK

quote taken from citizens advice bearuro

Punishment

Parents

As a parent, you have a legal right to smack your child. However, if the violence you use is severe enough to leave a mark, for example a scratch or a bruise, you can be prosecuted for assault, or the child can be taken into local authority care

Hi do you not think some people take advantage of this? Just because no bruises are left means its not abuse? again I never had any visible bruises because i dont bruise easy but boy oh boy did the abuse i recieve hurt. but never did it leave a perminenet mark or bruise which ment knowone knew about it. so i dont really think that just coz a bruise isnt left then it should be legal.

( By the way i am not talking about this little tapping being abuse. im just disecting that spesific quote of whats legal and what isnt by not having bruises etc xx

Some people properly will take advantage of this yes but it is a very hard line to put in place its either this or make smacking completly illegal.
it is the people who do take advantage of this and just willinly smack there child for no reason or to the extent that the child is absolutly petrified of the parent.
I have smacked my child a handful of time when all else fails but i will always give warning and explain why it happen surely exactly the same as when a parent warns they will be put on a naughty step or sent to thier room or their toy is taken away at the time the child is extremly upset and properly thinks we have done the most horriable thing in the world to them lol.
But i always give my LO love and affection, i praise her when she is good and have is very close to her me and my OH are her best friends according to her and 98% she is very well behaved and mannered.

Taken to the extreme like anything can be abuse but something in moderation isnt for example if i didn eat my dinner i would go to bed hungry this isnt abuse but starving a child is.

 

[arj]

I just look at the world now days, and its only been in the last few decades that smacking and even corporal punishment has been done away with, as well as the justice systems all going the same way, and look at the world!!! Murders and rapes and pedofiles all on the up and up!
My mother was whipped with a fire hose by nuns at her school, that was 40 years ago. Back then, a murder made head lines. What is happening?

I am BY NO MEANS saying if your kid isnt smacked its gonna turn bad. I just see things getting worse and worse, human rights get given to the criminals and us as parents cant even swat our kids as loving guidance? There needs to be consequences for wrong actions, and whether it is smacking, time out, rewards taken away etc, it needs to happen. Not just rewards for good behaviour and bribery.

 

[overcomer79]

I just have to throw this out and I'm sorry for even relating the two...but people talk about well I was abused as a child so therefore swatting on the bottom is abuse in my eyes...ok fine that's your opinion...

I'm going to be very personal here and just go ahead and say something...I was sexually abused as a child, does that make anyone in my eyes a sexual predator for showing their children affection?..

My answer is no but I dealt with my issues in counselling long before even getting married...

That's what bothers me with some of these abuse comments being slung around carelessly..

 

[arj]

I just look at the world now days, and its only been in the last few decades that smacking and even corporal punishment has been done away with, as well as the justice systems all going the same way, and look at the world!!! Murders and rapes and pedofiles all on the up and up!
My mother was whipped with a fire hose by nuns at her school, that was 40 years ago. Back then, a murder made head lines. What is happening?

I am BY NO MEANS saying if your kid isnt smacked its gonna turn bad. I just see things getting worse and worse, human rights get given to the criminals and us as parents cant even swat our kids as loving guidance? There needs to be consequences for wrong actions, and whether it is smacking, time out, rewards taken away etc, it needs to happen. Not just rewards for good behaviour and bribery.

I smack my kids but I know that I am NOT an abuser. I think neglect and lack of boundaries, time, and love does more harm than a smack.

 

[youngwife20]

I just have to throw this out and I'm sorry for even relating the two...but people talk about well I was abused as a child so therefore swatting on the bottom is abuse in my eyes...ok fine that's your opinion...

I'm going to be very personal here and just go ahead and say something...I was sexually abused as a child, does that make anyone in my eyes a sexual predator for showing their children affection?..

My answer is no but I dealt with my issues in counselling long before even getting married...

That's what bothers me with some of these abuse comments being slung around carelessly..

Omg that was so uncalled for. I never said because i was abused people who swat are there for abusers that is not what i said at all!. i was very calm and explained were all good parents if you read what i said wrong thats fine. but dont get what i said wrong! i didnt sling any comments around carelessly and did not call anyone an abuser. so please do not sit there and say "well i was abused" like im just stroking a violing chord thats not my point at all and i feel like your belittling what i said? ..

 

[tu123]

I just have to throw this out and I'm sorry for even relating the two...but people talk about well I was abused as a child so therefore swatting on the bottom is abuse in my eyes...ok fine that's your opinion...

I'm going to be very personal here and just go ahead and say something...I was sexually abused as a child, does that make anyone in my eyes a sexual predator for showing their children affection?..

My answer is no but I dealt with my issues in counselling long before even getting married...

That's what bothers me with some of these abuse comments being slung around carelessly..

Omg that was so uncalled for. I never said because i was abused people who swat are there for abusers that is not what i said at all!. i was very calm and explained were all good parents if you read what i said wrong thats fine. but dont get what i said wrong! i didnt sling any comments around carelessly and did not call anyone an abuser. so please do not sit there and say "well i was abused" like im just stroking a violing chord thats not my point at all and i feel like your belittling what i said? ..

Hun-dont take the response personally. I think this was a general comment.

When things get heated words get misread by yourself and other posters. It is like writing in text form-it never comes out the right way!