Have You Considered This?

[Foogirl]

Maybe I've totally misunderstood you and if I have then I'm sorry

Yes you have!

i havnt read all of this but my son is ginger and i wouldnt want to change his hair and i hope he never does either. His hair is lovely and individual

I absolutely meant no offence. Mr Foo is "strawberry blonde" At least he used to be til those bits went white. Abby is certainly showing signs of having some red in her hair. I love red hair. She will be taught that no-one has the right to pick on her for anything, no matter what it is. However, if it became a real problem to her, and she wanted to change the colour of it, she could do that.

My point was actually around adults putting children in a situation where they may be bullied, when that could be avoided. I was about to say I picked the wrong example, but I suppose I ran the risk of offending someone no matter which example I chose!

 

[leoniebabey]

I think bullying all centres from the parents veiws
eg, if you grow up with racist/parents who are agains gays/parents who pick on smeone for any such reason then as a child you will think thats acceptable and grow up thinking its okay just because you have known no different
x

 

[Foogirl]

I think bullying all centres from the parents veiws
eg, if you grow up with racist/parents who are agains gays/parents who pick on smeone for any such reason then as a child you will think thats acceptable and grow up thinking its okay just because you have known no different
x

I totally agree. It's difficult to explain that to the child being bullied though.

 

[hopeandpray]

Okay sorry I thought you meant that kind of as a first line of defense you would encourage your child to change anything that might cause them to be targets.
I completely agree that it comes from parents, I'm very lucky that mine are so tolerant.
It is awful seeing one generation poison the next with their ignorance

 

[OmarsMum]

I dont really know how I feel about it. It's not accepted in our culture or religion. I've never been around gay people & I only see them in movies. So I cant really comment on how I will handle it if one of my children have similar sex preference (I dont even know what it's called, sorry but I dont mean to offend).

 

[Foogirl]

I dont really know how I feel about it. It's not accepted in our culture or religion. I've never been around gay people & I only see them in movies. So I cant really comment on how I will handle it if one of my children have similar sex preference (I dont even know what it's called, sorry but I dont mean to offend).

This is actually a really interesting angle. Of course we are looking at it from a UK or Western perspective, where homosexuality is supposed to be entirely acceptable and it is wrong to suggest otherwise. It must be such a different animal if you live in a culture where is isn't socially acceptable or even still illegal (is it?) I think it must be hugely difficult for parents in that situation because you are supposed to love your children unconditionally, but you would have to consider how your family and society at large would react to it.

There is a story in "eastenders" about a muslim family with a gay son and I have to say, it can make uncomfortable viewing sometimes. The son has been disowned, but the family has also been shunned by their friends and their mosque. What a situation to be in!

 

[redpoppy]

I dont really know how I feel about it. It's not accepted in our culture or religion. I've never been around gay people & I only see them in movies. So I cant really comment on how I will handle it if one of my children have similar sex preference (I dont even know what it's called, sorry but I dont mean to offend).

This is actually a really interesting angle. Of course we are looking at it from a UK or Western perspective, where homosexuality is supposed to be entirely acceptable and it is wrong to suggest otherwise. It must be such a different animal if you live in a culture where is isn't socially acceptable or even still illegal (is it?) I think it must be hugely difficult for parents in that situation because you are supposed to love your children unconditionally, but you would have to consider how your family and society at large would react to it.

There is a story in "eastenders" about a muslim family with a gay son and I have to say, it can make uncomfortable viewing sometimes. The son has been disowned, but the family has also been shunned by their friends and their mosque. What a situation to be in!

Education is the only answer in my opinon. I grew up in a Muslim family and have that cultural perspective. My mum's cousin is almost the campest queen I've ever met and although everyone makes comments and hints and suggests that he is gay, if you come out and say it you become the bad guy for slandering.

But my best friends boyfriend came out at uni after a very tough time and I think once people realise that it is a fact that people do not "choose" a lifestyle but are naturally attracted to the same sex the harder it will become for people to justify antagonism, fear, ignorance and homophobia. I had to look at my own homophobic view which I never questioned and always took for granted. I KNOW this friend very well (and have grown VERY close to him since our mutual friend, his ex girlfriend passed away). I also know, as she was my best friend that despite all her effort he was NEVER interested in her sexually. People have to understand that it isn't a choice as what type of 16 or 17 or 18 year old western boy would turn down sexual advances from a very pretty, curvy and attractive 16/17/18 year old girl who he trusted and was very close to and loved very much albeit it turns out in a non sexual way. They dated for 5 years (from 13 till 18) and we were too stupid to even consider him being gay as an option. His fear of rejection and social exclusion lead to him trying to kill himself during that time too. I just know him so well and all the stuff he's been through. I know no child with the state of homophobia in schools as it was then would EVER choose to be gay. He tells me stories of how desperately he wanted to be straight and how he went to buy straight porn in the hope that it would ignite something in him but always nothing. It's just simply not a choice and a large part of the world doesn't know that and when told it refuse to accept it as true.

Even many parts of the anglican church, despite opposition, now understand that since it is not a choice we have to change our views towards it.

I understand that choice is not an issue for those who are not religiously inclined as there is no difference if a consenting adult chooses or not. But in Muslim families where people have to hide their sexuality, live in misery, try and avoid marriage or are unable to avoid marriage, then end up living dual lives it just becomes essential to any progress. Every single Muslim culture on earth has hidden (and sometimes not so hidden) homosexual culture. Despite the death penalty or other harsh punishments, despite the social exclusion, despite the misery that ensues, people are gay.

I know a gay Muslim who was outed by his sisters (he lived in denial for 30 years despite knowing the realities) and then his sisters outed him to his parents. Now they're trying desperately to get him to move to Dubai where they have family so they can guide him back to being straight. But the penalty for gay conduct in Dubai is 14 years in prison AND one of the handful of sexual gay experiences he's had in his 30 year life was in Dubai. He is miserable and doesn't know what to do but his friends keep telling him not to go. He was desperately trying to find a marriage of convenience to show his parents that he wasn't gay afterall. In his 30 years prior to his sisters outing him he had dated about 4 or 5 girls and still nothing. Like many men in his situation he spent the first decade or more of his post pubescent life DESPERATELY wanting to be straight.

Sorry to go on and on but the injustice is a very sad state of affairs.

 

[caz81]

I dont really know how I feel about it. It's not accepted in our culture or religion. I've never been around gay people & I only see them in movies. So I cant really comment on how I will handle it if one of my children have similar sex preference (I dont even know what it's called, sorry but I dont mean to offend).

This is actually a really interesting angle. Of course we are looking at it from a UK or Western perspective, where homosexuality is supposed to be entirely acceptable and it is wrong to suggest otherwise. It must be such a different animal if you live in a culture where is isn't socially acceptable or even still illegal (is it?) I think it must be hugely difficult for parents in that situation because you are supposed to love your children unconditionally, but you would have to consider how your family and society at large would react to it.

There is a story in "eastenders" about a muslim family with a gay son and I have to say, it can make uncomfortable viewing sometimes. The son has been disowned, but the family has also been shunned by their friends and their mosque. What a situation to be in!

Education is the only answer in my opinon. I grew up in a Muslim family and have that cultural perspective. My mum's cousin is almost the campest queen I've ever met and although everyone makes comments and hints and suggests that he is gay, if you come out and say it you become the bad guy for slandering.

But my best friends boyfriend came out at uni after a very tough time and I think once people realise that it is a fact that people do not "choose" a lifestyle but are naturally attracted to the same sex the harder it will become for people to justify antagonism, fear, ignorance and homophobia. I had to look at my own homophobic view which I never questioned and always took for granted. I KNOW this friend very well (and have grown VERY close to him since our mutual friend, his ex girlfriend passed away). I also know, as she was my best friend that despite all her effort he was NEVER interested in her sexually. People have to understand that it isn't a choice as what type of 16 or 17 or 18 year old western boy would turn down sexual advances from a very pretty, curvy and attractive 16/17/18 year old girl who he trusted and was very close to and loved very much albeit it turns out in a non sexual way. They dated for 5 years (from 13 till 18) and we were too stupid to even consider him being gay as an option. His fear of rejection and social exclusion lead to him trying to kill himself during that time too. I just know him so well and all the stuff he's been through. I know no child with the state of homophobia in schools as it was then would EVER choose to be gay. He tells me stories of how desperately he wanted to be straight and how he went to buy straight porn in the hope that it would ignite something in him but always nothing. It's just simply not a choice and a large part of the world doesn't know that and when told it refuse to accept it as true.

Even many parts of the anglican church, despite opposition, now understand that since it is not a choice we have to change our views towards it.

I understand that choice is not an issue for those who are not religiously inclined as there is no difference if a consenting adult chooses or not. But in Muslim families where people have to hide their sexuality, live in misery, try and avoid marriage or are unable to avoid marriage, then end up living dual lives it just becomes essential to any progress. Every single Muslim culture on earth has hidden (and sometimes not so hidden) homosexual culture. Despite the death penalty or other harsh punishments, despite the social exclusion, despite the misery that ensues, people are gay.

I know a gay Muslim who was outed by his sisters (he lived in denial for 30 years despite knowing the realities) and then his sisters outed him to his parents. Now they're trying desperately to get him to move to Dubai where they have family so they can guide him back to being straight. But the penalty for gay conduct in Dubai is 14 years in prison AND one of the handful of sexual gay experiences he's had in his 30 year life was in Dubai. He is miserable and doesn't know what to do but his friends keep telling him not to go. He was desperately trying to find a marriage of convenience to show his parents that he wasn't gay afterall. In his 30 years prior to his sisters outing him he had dated about 4 or 5 girls and still nothing. Like many men in his situation he spent the first decade or more of his post pubescent life DESPERATELY wanting to be straight.

Sorry to go on and on but the injustice is a very sad state of affairs.

I was not going to get involved in this debate but as Religious views are now being brought into it I felt that I would say my piece (even though Im sure I will get slated for it)
I have bolded you comment about the Anglican Church as that was what made me decide to respond to this. Are you saying that man knows better than God? As a member of the Christian Church I believe that God wrote the Bible and gave us our commandments, I do not believe that it is mans place to change or adapt them. I believe that some Christian Churches are changing their views more for a need for popularity/acceptance, these are the same churches that are agreeing to remarry divorced people even though it is a sin.
So, as the original question asks what would I do? Well, I pray to God I am never faced with this situation. As a committed Christian it is not as simple as saying 'I accept anything my child tells me'. I have made a commitment to bring my child up to follow Gods word. I dont know what I would do, I guess I would talk to my child about the Bible and what God wants from us. I know I could not disown my child but also I could not condone what I believe is a sin....so, being religious puts me in a very difficult position and dont know what the answer is. I wouldnt agree with your statement that education is the answer btw, I am very educated, with 2 degrees, that does not solve the dilemma I would face, if anything it makes it harder as if I only had my education from the Bible there would be no place in my mind to question it, it would be a tough thing to approach but im sure that God would guide and help us, beyond that I just dont know!

 

[redpoppy]

I dont really know how I feel about it. It's not accepted in our culture or religion. I've never been around gay people & I only see them in movies. So I cant really comment on how I will handle it if one of my children have similar sex preference (I dont even know what it's called, sorry but I dont mean to offend).

This is actually a really interesting angle. Of course we are looking at it from a UK or Western perspective, where homosexuality is supposed to be entirely acceptable and it is wrong to suggest otherwise. It must be such a different animal if you live in a culture where is isn't socially acceptable or even still illegal (is it?) I think it must be hugely difficult for parents in that situation because you are supposed to love your children unconditionally, but you would have to consider how your family and society at large would react to it.

There is a story in "eastenders" about a muslim family with a gay son and I have to say, it can make uncomfortable viewing sometimes. The son has been disowned, but the family has also been shunned by their friends and their mosque. What a situation to be in!

Education is the only answer in my opinon. I grew up in a Muslim family and have that cultural perspective. My mum's cousin is almost the campest queen I've ever met and although everyone makes comments and hints and suggests that he is gay, if you come out and say it you become the bad guy for slandering.

But my best friends boyfriend came out at uni after a very tough time and I think once people realise that it is a fact that people do not "choose" a lifestyle but are naturally attracted to the same sex the harder it will become for people to justify antagonism, fear, ignorance and homophobia. I had to look at my own homophobic view which I never questioned and always took for granted. I KNOW this friend very well (and have grown VERY close to him since our mutual friend, his ex girlfriend passed away). I also know, as she was my best friend that despite all her effort he was NEVER interested in her sexually. People have to understand that it isn't a choice as what type of 16 or 17 or 18 year old western boy would turn down sexual advances from a very pretty, curvy and attractive 16/17/18 year old girl who he trusted and was very close to and loved very much albeit it turns out in a non sexual way. They dated for 5 years (from 13 till 18) and we were too stupid to even consider him being gay as an option. His fear of rejection and social exclusion lead to him trying to kill himself during that time too. I just know him so well and all the stuff he's been through. I know no child with the state of homophobia in schools as it was then would EVER choose to be gay. He tells me stories of how desperately he wanted to be straight and how he went to buy straight porn in the hope that it would ignite something in him but always nothing. It's just simply not a choice and a large part of the world doesn't know that and when told it refuse to accept it as true.

Even many parts of the anglican church, despite opposition, now understand that since it is not a choice we have to change our views towards it.

I understand that choice is not an issue for those who are not religiously inclined as there is no difference if a consenting adult chooses or not. But in Muslim families where people have to hide their sexuality, live in misery, try and avoid marriage or are unable to avoid marriage, then end up living dual lives it just becomes essential to any progress. Every single Muslim culture on earth has hidden (and sometimes not so hidden) homosexual culture. Despite the death penalty or other harsh punishments, despite the social exclusion, despite the misery that ensues, people are gay.

I know a gay Muslim who was outed by his sisters (he lived in denial for 30 years despite knowing the realities) and then his sisters outed him to his parents. Now they're trying desperately to get him to move to Dubai where they have family so they can guide him back to being straight. But the penalty for gay conduct in Dubai is 14 years in prison AND one of the handful of sexual gay experiences he's had in his 30 year life was in Dubai. He is miserable and doesn't know what to do but his friends keep telling him not to go. He was desperately trying to find a marriage of convenience to show his parents that he wasn't gay afterall. In his 30 years prior to his sisters outing him he had dated about 4 or 5 girls and still nothing. Like many men in his situation he spent the first decade or more of his post pubescent life DESPERATELY wanting to be straight.

Sorry to go on and on but the injustice is a very sad state of affairs.

I was not going to get involved in this debate but as Religious views are now being brought into it I felt that I would say my piece (even though Im sure I will get slated for it)
I have bolded you comment about the Anglican Church as that was what made me decide to respond to this. Are you saying that man knows better than God? As a member of the Christian Church I believe that God wrote the Bible and gave us our commandments, I do not believe that it is mans place to change or adapt them. I believe that some Christian Churches are changing their views more for a need for popularity/acceptance, these are the same churches that are agreeing to remarry divorced people even though it is a sin.
So, as the original question asks what would I do? Well, I pray to God I am never faced with this situation. As a committed Christian it is not as simple as saying 'I accept anything my child tells me'. I have made a commitment to bring my child up to follow Gods word. I dont know what I would do, I guess I would talk to my child about the Bible and what God wants from us. I know I could not disown my child but also I could not condone what I believe is a sin....so, being religious puts me in a very difficult position and dont know what the answer is. I wouldnt agree with your statement that education is the answer btw, I am very educated, with 2 degrees, that does not solve the dilemma I would face, if anything it makes it harder as if I only had my education from the Bible there would be no place in my mind to question it, it would be a tough thing to approach but im sure that God would guide and help us, beyond that I just dont know!

I obviously didn't mean formal education. I understand that religion guides many people through life but I suppose I have a hope and faith that if we appeal to reason and compassion in human beings than most of them will see the light. I don't expect religious people to stop seeing it as a sin but just to not see it as choice and to bear that in mind when appealing to their compassion is all.

I can understand you seeing something as a sin but if you understand the fact that it is not a lifestyle choice but something beyond the control of any individual (was there a point all heterosexuals sat down by themselves and decided to be straight or was it beyond their control?) then perhaps you can see it as a sin but just like many things in the bible which are disregarded because they are not appropriate for modern life (like forcing rapists to marry their victims as punishment) you can perhaps show some compassion for the terrible situation many individuals are put in.

There are devout Christian, Muslim and Jewish homosexuals and the turmoil they go through knowing their very nature is either a test or makes them inherently evil etc. is something most straight believers cannot even begin to try and comprehend. It's not an addiction or a choice. It's like finding out eating after 11am is sinful. You'd be hungry and you'd try and abide by the rules and live just on breakfast but being human and being inclined to eat as all humans are there would be times when you may give in to the pressure of your hunger. You then may go through so much self doubt, self hate and many other horrible and negative emotions that most people will never experience. For those same people who will never experience that and never walk in those shoes so to speak to be the same people who tend to be so very judgemental makes my blood boil quite frankly. I am not saying you are one of those people, I am just saying the people who are, are being a little cheeky. If you woke up one morning and found out you were only sexually attracted to the same sex how would you feel?

There are religious people who believe the earth is 10,000 years old and that all evidence (and there is MASSES upon MASSES upon MASSES) that tells us otherwise is either a trick by the devil or a conspiracy. To think that God gave us our brains/reason as a tool to try and trick us is not something I am inclined to believe.

I like religion, I adore God, I think there are many plusses we would lose if we got rid of religion. But the fact that to this day, in the name of religion and God so many mean and cruel things happen when pretty much every religion tries to promote compassion and mercy and kindness, it just seems very wrong.

I find it very very sad that there are thousands of gay people out there who to this day go through so much angst and misery because their loved ones are feeling they are tested by having their loved child be gay or that somehow their child is a sinful or evil or depraved individual because when he/she hit puberty they found out that the opposite sex didn't appeal to them. I just think its tragic. That people think by making the child go through that feeling of self hate is somehow making them become closer to God. It's so so so so so so so sad and so wrong in my eyes. I don't know if I had that perception of God if I could even begin to want to please such a deity.

 

[caz81]

I dont really know how I feel about it. It's not accepted in our culture or religion. I've never been around gay people & I only see them in movies. So I cant really comment on how I will handle it if one of my children have similar sex preference (I dont even know what it's called, sorry but I dont mean to offend).

This is actually a really interesting angle. Of course we are looking at it from a UK or Western perspective, where homosexuality is supposed to be entirely acceptable and it is wrong to suggest otherwise. It must be such a different animal if you live in a culture where is isn't socially acceptable or even still illegal (is it?) I think it must be hugely difficult for parents in that situation because you are supposed to love your children unconditionally, but you would have to consider how your family and society at large would react to it.

There is a story in "eastenders" about a muslim family with a gay son and I have to say, it can make uncomfortable viewing sometimes. The son has been disowned, but the family has also been shunned by their friends and their mosque. What a situation to be in!

Education is the only answer in my opinon. I grew up in a Muslim family and have that cultural perspective. My mum's cousin is almost the campest queen I've ever met and although everyone makes comments and hints and suggests that he is gay, if you come out and say it you become the bad guy for slandering.

But my best friends boyfriend came out at uni after a very tough time and I think once people realise that it is a fact that people do not "choose" a lifestyle but are naturally attracted to the same sex the harder it will become for people to justify antagonism, fear, ignorance and homophobia. I had to look at my own homophobic view which I never questioned and always took for granted. I KNOW this friend very well (and have grown VERY close to him since our mutual friend, his ex girlfriend passed away). I also know, as she was my best friend that despite all her effort he was NEVER interested in her sexually. People have to understand that it isn't a choice as what type of 16 or 17 or 18 year old western boy would turn down sexual advances from a very pretty, curvy and attractive 16/17/18 year old girl who he trusted and was very close to and loved very much albeit it turns out in a non sexual way. They dated for 5 years (from 13 till 18) and we were too stupid to even consider him being gay as an option. His fear of rejection and social exclusion lead to him trying to kill himself during that time too. I just know him so well and all the stuff he's been through. I know no child with the state of homophobia in schools as it was then would EVER choose to be gay. He tells me stories of how desperately he wanted to be straight and how he went to buy straight porn in the hope that it would ignite something in him but always nothing. It's just simply not a choice and a large part of the world doesn't know that and when told it refuse to accept it as true.

Even many parts of the anglican church, despite opposition, now understand that since it is not a choice we have to change our views towards it.

I understand that choice is not an issue for those who are not religiously inclined as there is no difference if a consenting adult chooses or not. But in Muslim families where people have to hide their sexuality, live in misery, try and avoid marriage or are unable to avoid marriage, then end up living dual lives it just becomes essential to any progress. Every single Muslim culture on earth has hidden (and sometimes not so hidden) homosexual culture. Despite the death penalty or other harsh punishments, despite the social exclusion, despite the misery that ensues, people are gay.

I know a gay Muslim who was outed by his sisters (he lived in denial for 30 years despite knowing the realities) and then his sisters outed him to his parents. Now they're trying desperately to get him to move to Dubai where they have family so they can guide him back to being straight. But the penalty for gay conduct in Dubai is 14 years in prison AND one of the handful of sexual gay experiences he's had in his 30 year life was in Dubai. He is miserable and doesn't know what to do but his friends keep telling him not to go. He was desperately trying to find a marriage of convenience to show his parents that he wasn't gay afterall. In his 30 years prior to his sisters outing him he had dated about 4 or 5 girls and still nothing. Like many men in his situation he spent the first decade or more of his post pubescent life DESPERATELY wanting to be straight.

Sorry to go on and on but the injustice is a very sad state of affairs.

I was not going to get involved in this debate but as Religious views are now being brought into it I felt that I would say my piece (even though Im sure I will get slated for it)
I have bolded you comment about the Anglican Church as that was what made me decide to respond to this. Are you saying that man knows better than God? As a member of the Christian Church I believe that God wrote the Bible and gave us our commandments, I do not believe that it is mans place to change or adapt them. I believe that some Christian Churches are changing their views more for a need for popularity/acceptance, these are the same churches that are agreeing to remarry divorced people even though it is a sin.
So, as the original question asks what would I do? Well, I pray to God I am never faced with this situation. As a committed Christian it is not as simple as saying 'I accept anything my child tells me'. I have made a commitment to bring my child up to follow Gods word. I dont know what I would do, I guess I would talk to my child about the Bible and what God wants from us. I know I could not disown my child but also I could not condone what I believe is a sin....so, being religious puts me in a very difficult position and dont know what the answer is. I wouldnt agree with your statement that education is the answer btw, I am very educated, with 2 degrees, that does not solve the dilemma I would face, if anything it makes it harder as if I only had my education from the Bible there would be no place in my mind to question it, it would be a tough thing to approach but im sure that God would guide and help us, beyond that I just dont know!

I obviously didn't mean formal education. I understand that religion guides many people through life but I suppose I have a hope and faith that if we appeal to reason and compassion in human beings than most of them will see the light. I don't expect religious people to stop seeing it as a sin but just to not see it as choice and to bear that in mind when appealing to their compassion is all.

I can understand you seeing something as a sin but if you understand the fact that it is not a lifestyle choice but something beyond the control of any individual (was there a point all heterosexuals sat down by themselves and decided to be straight or was it beyond their control?) then perhaps you can see it as a sin but just like many things in the bible which are disregarded because they are not appropriate for modern life (like forcing rapists to marry their victims as punishment) you can perhaps show some compassion for the terrible situation many individuals are put in.

There are devout Christian, Muslim and Jewish homosexuals and the turmoil they go through knowing their very nature is either a test or makes them inherently evil etc. is something most straight believers cannot even begin to try and comprehend. It's not an addiction or a choice. It's like finding out eating after 11am is sinful. You'd be hungry and you'd try and abide by the rules and live just on breakfast but being human and being inclined to eat as all humans are there would be times when you may give in to the pressure of your hunger. You then may go through so much self doubt, self hate and many other horrible and negative emotions that most people will never experience. For those same people who will never experience that and never walk in those shoes so to speak to be the same people who tend to be so very judgemental makes my blood boil quite frankly. I am not saying you are one of those people, I am just saying the people who are, are being a little cheeky. If you woke up one morning and found out you were only sexually attracted to the same sex how would you feel?

There are religious people who believe the earth is 10,000 years old and that all evidence (and there is MASSES upon MASSES upon MASSES) that tells us otherwise is either a trick by the devil or a conspiracy. To think that God gave us our brains/reason as a tool to try and trick us is not something I am inclined to believe.

I like religion, I adore God, I think there are many plusses we would lose if we got rid of religion. But the fact that to this day, in the name of religion and God so many mean and cruel things happen when pretty much every religion tries to promote compassion and mercy and kindness, it just seems very wrong.

I find it very very sad that there are thousands of gay people out there who to this day go through so much angst and misery because their loved ones are feeling they are tested by having their loved child be gay or that somehow their child is a sinful or evil or depraved individual because when he/she hit puberty they found out that the opposite sex didn't appeal to them. I just think its tragic. That people think by making the child go through that feeling of self hate is somehow making them become closer to God. It's so so so so so so so sad and so wrong in my eyes. I don't know if I had that perception of God if I could even begin to want to please such a deity.

I agree that people do not choose who they are attracted to and I certainly show compassion to people who are religious who find themselves in such a position. I dont have many answers myself I wish I did, I do know I would never judge anyone for their lifestyles as it is not my place to and would never want anyone to feel bad about their sexuality as I know they cannot choose how they feel. My religion teaches me not to judge others and I certainly dont. I just think I would struggle a lot if my child were to tell me they were gay.

 

[OmarsMum]

So, as the original question asks what would I do? Well, I pray to God I am never faced with this situation. As a committed Christian it is not as simple as saying 'I accept anything my child tells me'. I have made a commitment to bring my child up to follow Gods word. I dont know what I would do, I guess I would talk to my child about the Bible and what God wants from us. I know I could not disown my child but also I could not condone what I believe is a sin....so, being religious puts me in a very difficult position and dont know what the answer is. I wouldnt agree with your statement that education is the answer btw, I am very educated, with 2 degrees, that does not solve the dilemma I would face, if anything it makes it harder as if I only had my education from the Bible there would be no place in my mind to question it, it would be a tough thing to approach but im sure that God would guide and help us, beyond that I just dont know!

Agree. I'm a Muslim & I practice. It's not only the culture I live in, if it was I could always find somewhere else to live in where they accept gays openly to make it better for my child & move on. It's more about my religion & what I believe in which is much more important to me than the culture.

 

[Foogirl]

Are you saying that man knows better than God?

This puts me in mind of a line from a Proclaimers song. "If I'm found wanting when my case is heard, it will be by the Author, not some interpreter of his words"

I've always found it hard to reconcile religion as preached by an organisation and what would seemingly be God's will in any given situation. And that goes far wider than the homosexuality issue.

It must be very difficult not only as a person of faith who is deemed to be going against their religion but it would be equally hard for their family I should think too. My Grandma is a devout Catholic. When my Auntie got divorced, she was able to offer her support as a mother without judgement, and still remain devoted to her God. Maybe that's the key? Separation between a parent and a follower? I think the best one can hope is that a just God would view someones "goodness" as a whole.

 

[lesleyann]

i would not care if kyle was gay i joke abotu it with oh since he gives males more kisses than females lol not sure oh would be so easy going although i dont know but he has this whole my son the footballer thing going on lol i hope kyle would be able to tell me i plan to be the cool mum who buys the half naked male/female calenders and keeps the condom draw stocked lmao

 

[twinkle1975]

If/when we are lucky enough to have a baby, I'll be happy whatever their sexuality! My brother is gay, so are several of my friends and DH's Goddaughter has 2 mummies!
I just wanted to say a couple of things & these are TOTALLY from a personal perspective - I'm not talking on behalf of any group or wanting to make sweeping generalisations.
1) My Dad is a retired policeman and before my brother came out had only had really negative experiences with the gay community. He was a bit shocked when he came out (mu Mum had guessed before) but he said 'he's my son, my baby and I love him. If I don't accept him then I'd lose him & I couldn't bear that. (I blub whenever I think about that) He now gets on really well with my brother's fiance - infact they were allowed to sleep in the same bed at my parents whereas DH & I weren't until were married!
2) I am a Christian infact I work for the Methodist Church & just wanted to say that not all Christians are anti-gay. I go by what Jesus said were the 2 most important commandments - Love God & love others as you'd want to be loved yourself'

 

[bambino156]

If/when we are lucky enough to have a baby, I'll be happy whatever their sexuality! My brother is gay, so are several of my friends and DH's Goddaughter has 2 mummies!
I just wanted to say a couple of things & these are TOTALLY from a personal perspective - I'm not talking on behalf of any group or wanting to make sweeping generalisations.
1) My Dad is a retired policeman and before my brother came out had only had really negative experiences with the gay community. He was a bit shocked when he came out (mu Mum had guessed before) but he said 'he's my son, my baby and I love him. If I don't accept him then I'd lose him & I couldn't bear that. (I blub whenever I think about that) He now gets on really well with my brother's fiance - infact they were allowed to sleep in the same bed at my parents whereas DH & I weren't until were married!
2) I am a Christian infact I work for the Methodist Church & just wanted to say that not all Christians are anti-gay. I go by what Jesus said were the 2 most important commandments - Love God & love others as you'd want to be loved yourself'

I think this post is lovely. My dad was just the same when my brother came out and it brings a tear to my eye to think about it. I also love your quote about those 2 commandments, it makes sense x

 

[codegirl]

I dont really know how I feel about it. It's not accepted in our culture or religion. I've never been around gay people & I only see them in movies. So I cant really comment on how I will handle it if one of my children have similar sex preference (I dont even know what it's called, sorry but I dont mean to offend).

This is actually a really interesting angle. Of course we are looking at it from a UK or Western perspective, where homosexuality is supposed to be entirely acceptable and it is wrong to suggest otherwise. It must be such a different animal if you live in a culture where is isn't socially acceptable or even still illegal (is it?) I think it must be hugely difficult for parents in that situation because you are supposed to love your children unconditionally, but you would have to consider how your family and society at large would react to it.

There is a story in "eastenders" about a muslim family with a gay son and I have to say, it can make uncomfortable viewing sometimes. The son has been disowned, but the family has also been shunned by their friends and their mosque. What a situation to be in!

Education is the only answer in my opinon. I grew up in a Muslim family and have that cultural perspective. My mum's cousin is almost the campest queen I've ever met and although everyone makes comments and hints and suggests that he is gay, if you come out and say it you become the bad guy for slandering.

But my best friends boyfriend came out at uni after a very tough time and I think once people realise that it is a fact that people do not "choose" a lifestyle but are naturally attracted to the same sex the harder it will become for people to justify antagonism, fear, ignorance and homophobia. I had to look at my own homophobic view which I never questioned and always took for granted. I KNOW this friend very well (and have grown VERY close to him since our mutual friend, his ex girlfriend passed away). I also know, as she was my best friend that despite all her effort he was NEVER interested in her sexually. People have to understand that it isn't a choice as what type of 16 or 17 or 18 year old western boy would turn down sexual advances from a very pretty, curvy and attractive 16/17/18 year old girl who he trusted and was very close to and loved very much albeit it turns out in a non sexual way. They dated for 5 years (from 13 till 18) and we were too stupid to even consider him being gay as an option. His fear of rejection and social exclusion lead to him trying to kill himself during that time too. I just know him so well and all the stuff he's been through. I know no child with the state of homophobia in schools as it was then would EVER choose to be gay. He tells me stories of how desperately he wanted to be straight and how he went to buy straight porn in the hope that it would ignite something in him but always nothing. It's just simply not a choice and a large part of the world doesn't know that and when told it refuse to accept it as true.

Even many parts of the anglican church, despite opposition, now understand that since it is not a choice we have to change our views towards it.

I understand that choice is not an issue for those who are not religiously inclined as there is no difference if a consenting adult chooses or not. But in Muslim families where people have to hide their sexuality, live in misery, try and avoid marriage or are unable to avoid marriage, then end up living dual lives it just becomes essential to any progress. Every single Muslim culture on earth has hidden (and sometimes not so hidden) homosexual culture. Despite the death penalty or other harsh punishments, despite the social exclusion, despite the misery that ensues, people are gay.

I know a gay Muslim who was outed by his sisters (he lived in denial for 30 years despite knowing the realities) and then his sisters outed him to his parents. Now they're trying desperately to get him to move to Dubai where they have family so they can guide him back to being straight. But the penalty for gay conduct in Dubai is 14 years in prison AND one of the handful of sexual gay experiences he's had in his 30 year life was in Dubai. He is miserable and doesn't know what to do but his friends keep telling him not to go. He was desperately trying to find a marriage of convenience to show his parents that he wasn't gay afterall. In his 30 years prior to his sisters outing him he had dated about 4 or 5 girls and still nothing. Like many men in his situation he spent the first decade or more of his post pubescent life DESPERATELY wanting to be straight.

Sorry to go on and on but the injustice is a very sad state of affairs.

I was not going to get involved in this debate but as Religious views are now being brought into it I felt that I would say my piece (even though Im sure I will get slated for it)
I have bolded you comment about the Anglican Church as that was what made me decide to respond to this. Are you saying that man knows better than God? As a member of the Christian Church I believe that God wrote the Bible and gave us our commandments, I do not believe that it is mans place to change or adapt them. I believe that some Christian Churches are changing their views more for a need for popularity/acceptance, these are the same churches that are agreeing to remarry divorced people even though it is a sin.So, as the original question asks what would I do? Well, I pray to God I am never faced with this situation. As a committed Christian it is not as simple as saying 'I accept anything my child tells me'. I have made a commitment to bring my child up to follow Gods word. I dont know what I would do, I guess I would talk to my child about the Bible and what God wants from us. I know I could not disown my child but also I could not condone what I believe is a sin....so, being religious puts me in a very difficult position and dont know what the answer is. I wouldnt agree with your statement that education is the answer btw, I am very educated, with 2 degrees, that does not solve the dilemma I would face, if anything it makes it harder as if I only had my education from the Bible there would be no place in my mind to question it, it would be a tough thing to approach but im sure that God would guide and help us, beyond that I just dont know!

So, as the original question asks what would I do? Well, I pray to God I am never faced with this situation. As a committed Christian it is not as simple as saying 'I accept anything my child tells me'. I have made a commitment to bring my child up to follow Gods word. I dont know what I would do, I guess I would talk to my child about the Bible and what God wants from us. I know I could not disown my child but also I could not condone what I believe is a sin....so, being religious puts me in a very difficult position and dont know what the answer is. I wouldnt agree with your statement that education is the answer btw, I am very educated, with 2 degrees, that does not solve the dilemma I would face, if anything it makes it harder as if I only had my education from the Bible there would be no place in my mind to question it, it would be a tough thing to approach but im sure that God would guide and help us, beyond that I just dont know!

Agree. I'm a Muslim & I practice. It's not only the culture I live in, if it was I could always find somewhere else to live in where they accept gays openly to make it better for my child & move on. It's more about my religion & what I believe in which is much more important to me than the culture.

I was totally not going to put my two cents in but now I feel like I HAVE too.

I was raised this way, that sin was sin and I was harsh and judgemental (not saying you are either of those things, I'm just talking about me). Divorce was WRONG, being gay was WRONG, pre-marital sex was WRONG.

Sometimes God has interesting ways of humbling us and reminding us that truly, only he has the right to judge and his mercies are everlasting.

I married young (19) to a man from my church.... a horrible abusive man that said all the right things and played the "game" right out in public. when I left him 8 years later I was harshly judged and told that unless I was willing to reconcile I was not welcome back at the church.

hmmm... think that made me a bit angry? a bit bitter? maybe turned from God for a while????

Flash forward a few years, I am happily remarried to a wonderful man that I "shacked up with" before he convinced me to get married. He also brought me back to the church, is the most amazing father of my 2 children and is a blessing to all those around him. Should I not have been allowed to remarry??

I know this sounds off topic but to me it shows how God said that our number one job (commandment) is to LOVE! It is his place to judge not ours. His book, although holy inspired was still written by man and has to be kept in some cultural contexts (otherwise why don't we agree to plural marragies, there are quite a few examples of those in the bible?)

And on that note, and with my life lessons I would always hope and pray that I will love my children no matter what. I may struggle with things that happen to them because I'm a mom and I want their lives to be "easy" but I will love them, straight, gay, bi...

And if I don't, I'm pretty sure my DH will kick my ass

 

[caz81]

I dont really know how I feel about it. It's not accepted in our culture or religion. I've never been around gay people & I only see them in movies. So I cant really comment on how I will handle it if one of my children have similar sex preference (I dont even know what it's called, sorry but I dont mean to offend).

This is actually a really interesting angle. Of course we are looking at it from a UK or Western perspective, where homosexuality is supposed to be entirely acceptable and it is wrong to suggest otherwise. It must be such a different animal if you live in a culture where is isn't socially acceptable or even still illegal (is it?) I think it must be hugely difficult for parents in that situation because you are supposed to love your children unconditionally, but you would have to consider how your family and society at large would react to it.

There is a story in "eastenders" about a muslim family with a gay son and I have to say, it can make uncomfortable viewing sometimes. The son has been disowned, but the family has also been shunned by their friends and their mosque. What a situation to be in!

Education is the only answer in my opinon. I grew up in a Muslim family and have that cultural perspective. My mum's cousin is almost the campest queen I've ever met and although everyone makes comments and hints and suggests that he is gay, if you come out and say it you become the bad guy for slandering.

But my best friends boyfriend came out at uni after a very tough time and I think once people realise that it is a fact that people do not "choose" a lifestyle but are naturally attracted to the same sex the harder it will become for people to justify antagonism, fear, ignorance and homophobia. I had to look at my own homophobic view which I never questioned and always took for granted. I KNOW this friend very well (and have grown VERY close to him since our mutual friend, his ex girlfriend passed away). I also know, as she was my best friend that despite all her effort he was NEVER interested in her sexually. People have to understand that it isn't a choice as what type of 16 or 17 or 18 year old western boy would turn down sexual advances from a very pretty, curvy and attractive 16/17/18 year old girl who he trusted and was very close to and loved very much albeit it turns out in a non sexual way. They dated for 5 years (from 13 till 18) and we were too stupid to even consider him being gay as an option. His fear of rejection and social exclusion lead to him trying to kill himself during that time too. I just know him so well and all the stuff he's been through. I know no child with the state of homophobia in schools as it was then would EVER choose to be gay. He tells me stories of how desperately he wanted to be straight and how he went to buy straight porn in the hope that it would ignite something in him but always nothing. It's just simply not a choice and a large part of the world doesn't know that and when told it refuse to accept it as true.

Even many parts of the anglican church, despite opposition, now understand that since it is not a choice we have to change our views towards it.

I understand that choice is not an issue for those who are not religiously inclined as there is no difference if a consenting adult chooses or not. But in Muslim families where people have to hide their sexuality, live in misery, try and avoid marriage or are unable to avoid marriage, then end up living dual lives it just becomes essential to any progress. Every single Muslim culture on earth has hidden (and sometimes not so hidden) homosexual culture. Despite the death penalty or other harsh punishments, despite the social exclusion, despite the misery that ensues, people are gay.

I know a gay Muslim who was outed by his sisters (he lived in denial for 30 years despite knowing the realities) and then his sisters outed him to his parents. Now they're trying desperately to get him to move to Dubai where they have family so they can guide him back to being straight. But the penalty for gay conduct in Dubai is 14 years in prison AND one of the handful of sexual gay experiences he's had in his 30 year life was in Dubai. He is miserable and doesn't know what to do but his friends keep telling him not to go. He was desperately trying to find a marriage of convenience to show his parents that he wasn't gay afterall. In his 30 years prior to his sisters outing him he had dated about 4 or 5 girls and still nothing. Like many men in his situation he spent the first decade or more of his post pubescent life DESPERATELY wanting to be straight.

Sorry to go on and on but the injustice is a very sad state of affairs.

I was not going to get involved in this debate but as Religious views are now being brought into it I felt that I would say my piece (even though Im sure I will get slated for it)
I have bolded you comment about the Anglican Church as that was what made me decide to respond to this. Are you saying that man knows better than God? As a member of the Christian Church I believe that God wrote the Bible and gave us our commandments, I do not believe that it is mans place to change or adapt them. I believe that some Christian Churches are changing their views more for a need for popularity/acceptance, these are the same churches that are agreeing to remarry divorced people even though it is a sin.So, as the original question asks what would I do? Well, I pray to God I am never faced with this situation. As a committed Christian it is not as simple as saying 'I accept anything my child tells me'. I have made a commitment to bring my child up to follow Gods word. I dont know what I would do, I guess I would talk to my child about the Bible and what God wants from us. I know I could not disown my child but also I could not condone what I believe is a sin....so, being religious puts me in a very difficult position and dont know what the answer is. I wouldnt agree with your statement that education is the answer btw, I am very educated, with 2 degrees, that does not solve the dilemma I would face, if anything it makes it harder as if I only had my education from the Bible there would be no place in my mind to question it, it would be a tough thing to approach but im sure that God would guide and help us, beyond that I just dont know!

So, as the original question asks what would I do? Well, I pray to God I am never faced with this situation. As a committed Christian it is not as simple as saying 'I accept anything my child tells me'. I have made a commitment to bring my child up to follow Gods word. I dont know what I would do, I guess I would talk to my child about the Bible and what God wants from us. I know I could not disown my child but also I could not condone what I believe is a sin....so, being religious puts me in a very difficult position and dont know what the answer is. I wouldnt agree with your statement that education is the answer btw, I am very educated, with 2 degrees, that does not solve the dilemma I would face, if anything it makes it harder as if I only had my education from the Bible there would be no place in my mind to question it, it would be a tough thing to approach but im sure that God would guide and help us, beyond that I just dont know!

Agree. I'm a Muslim & I practice. It's not only the culture I live in, if it was I could always find somewhere else to live in where they accept gays openly to make it better for my child & move on. It's more about my religion & what I believe in which is much more important to me than the culture.

I was totally not going to put my two cents in but now I feel like I HAVE too.

I was raised this way, that sin was sin and I was harsh and judgemental (not saying you are either of those things, I'm just talking about me). Divorce was WRONG, being gay was WRONG, pre-marital sex was WRONG.

Sometimes God has interesting ways of humbling us and reminding us that truly, only he has the right to judge and his mercies are everlasting.

I married young (19) to a man from my church.... a horrible abusive man that said all the right things and played the "game" right out in public. when I left him 8 years later I was harshly judged and told that unless I was willing to reconcile I was not welcome back at the church.

hmmm... think that made me a bit angry? a bit bitter? maybe turned from God for a while????

Flash forward a few years, I am happily remarried to a wonderful man that I "shacked up with" before he convinced me to get married. He also brought me back to the church, is the most amazing father of my 2 children and is a blessing to all those around him. Should I not have been allowed to remarry??

I know this sounds off topic but to me it shows how God said that our number one job (commandment) is to LOVE! It is his place to judge not ours. His book, although holy inspired was still written by man and has to be kept in some cultural contexts (otherwise why don't we agree to plural marragies, there are quite a few examples of those in the bible?)

And on that note, and with my life lessons I would always hope and pray that I will love my children no matter what. I may struggle with things that happen to them because I'm a mom and I want their lives to be "easy" but I will love them, straight, gay, bi...

And if I don't, I'm pretty sure my DH will kick my ass

I said that I do not judge people and my religion has taught me not to judge and I would love my child anyway, but that I would struggle if they told me they were gay - please read my other posts on this.

 

[codegirl]

I was just talking about me and my life lesson. Sorry if I wasn't clear as I typed that up at 2am. I probably shouldn't do that

 

[November1984]

My opinion? If you can't accept something like love making your child happy whether it be in any form (hetero or homosexual love) because of some non-scientifically based religious concept you have your own issues to deal with.
Even if you accept it but struggle to deal w/it based on your religion that's aggravating to me as well. LOVE (any kind) happening in our world is much more real than any mythological being. Don't make your kids feel guilty for feeling something real.

 

[Foogirl]

My opinion? If you can't accept something like love making your child happy whether it be in any form (hetero or homosexual love) because of some non-scientifically based religious concept you have your own issues to deal with.
Even if you accept it but struggle to deal w/it based on your religion that's aggravating to me as well. LOVE (any kind) happening in our world is much more real than any mythological being. Don't make your kids feel guilty for feeling something real.

I think that is maybe over simplifying it a little. "Love your God or Love your children?"

If you've been raised to believe something all your life, it's not so simple to switch that off in any given situation. Acceptance despite your faith is a hugely difficult thing to do and no matter what my views on religion are, I have huge respect for anyone who is able to do that. Just as I wouldn't ever pour scorn on someone's religion, just because I'm not a believer.