Have You Considered This?

[Foogirl]

^^ WSS

 

[redpoppy]

I don't think that's what redpoppy posted either. When DH and I decided to try for children, we did so because we wanted one. Why? Because ultimately the joy of having children would make us happy. Gay or straight, makes no difference. Having children is about happiness and fulfillment.

It may appear the way you've read it but if you read the remainder of redpoppy's posts I'm sure you'll see this is not her meaning.

Again - sorry if I'm speaking out of turn redpoppy. I just didn't want this to spiral into something you never intended

Having children is not just about what you gain from it. It is about what you can give to your child/ren. I suppose I may be reading between the lines, but saying "gay people are by having children just thinking about their own happiness and life fulfillment" makes me think that the aim of that statement was to say that gay people having children is a selfish act committed without thought or care about the lives of any future children.

I'm sorry but I'm not going to even bother responding to this nonsense by defending myself to clarify what I "meant" to say. All I can say is go back and read every single one of my posts on this thread and if you still are perceiving that one particular line as being even remotely homophobic then, as I've said before on this forum to people who get completely the wrong end of the stick: you're either having a VERY VERY VERY bad day or you're someone who can't see the wood for the trees and that is the politest way I can possibly put it. I cold put it in far more satisfying ways but I'm trying to show some restraint.

 

[Tegans Mama]

I'm sorry but I'm not going to even bother responding to this nonsense by defending myself to clarify what I "meant" to say. All I can say is go back and read every single one of my posts on this thread and if you still are perceiving that one particular line as being even remotely homophobic then, as I've said before on this forum to people who get completely the wrong end of the stick: you're either having a VERY VERY VERY bad day or you're someone who can't see the wood for the trees and that is the politest way I can possibly put it. I cold put it in far more satisfying ways but I'm trying to show some restraint.

Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am having a bad day, thankyou for asking. I am also universally pissed off with people who think it is OK to disguise homophobia in long worded sentences the general public will not understand. I don't appreciate your condescending tone.

You are definitely not the only one who is showing restraint - there are a LOT of things I could say in response to your lovely sarcasm riddled whip of a reply there.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

Oh people! No! This is sad, this was a really good thread, and I really don't think anyone was meaning to be homophobic.

 

[WW1]

Oh people! No! This is sad, this was a really good thread, and I really don't think anyone was meaning to be homophobic.

I couldn't agree more.

 

[Jody R]

Also wanted to add, it took 12 pages but I can't believe we have already had "gay" and "abusers" in one paragraph. I get so incensed at that link and it is always inevitable. Most men (or women) who abuse children are not gay - whether they prey on boys or girls. Their adult sexual preference has nothing whatsoever to do with them abusing children. Abusers are depraved individuals who's sexual "preference" is for children.
For them to be considered homosexual, they would need to be considered human and they aren't that either.

I agree with this bolded red bit. It's why I don't think we can rehabilitate paedophiles. I don't think I could be rehabilitated from my sexual preference for men and I doubt anyone here would say their sexual preference could be changed through therapy either. Paedophiles prefer sex with children even though they are capable of having sex with adults. But child abuse is nothing to do with being male or being gay.

 

[redpoppy]

I'm sorry but I'm not going to even bother responding to this nonsense by defending myself to clarify what I "meant" to say. All I can say is go back and read every single one of my posts on this thread and if you still are perceiving that one particular line as being even remotely homophobic then, as I've said before on this forum to people who get completely the wrong end of the stick: you're either having a VERY VERY VERY bad day or you're someone who can't see the wood for the trees and that is the politest way I can possibly put it. I cold put it in far more satisfying ways but I'm trying to show some restraint.

Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am having a bad day, thankyou for asking. I am also universally pissed off with people who think it is OK to disguise homophobia in long worded sentences the general public will not understand. I don't appreciate your condescending tone.

You are definitely not the only one who is showing restraint - there are a LOT of things I could say in response to your lovely sarcasm riddled whip of a reply there.

I am genuinely sorry that you are having a bad day. And I apologise for quipping at you. But there is nothing I have said in this thread that is even remotely homophobic and genuinely if you read through my posts you will see that. If someone was to accuse you wrongly of bigotry you may act in ways that aren't ideal too.

 

[Tegans Mama]

I am genuinely sorry that you are having a bad day. And I apologise for quipping at you. But there is nothing I have said in this thread that is even remotely homophobic and genuinely if you read through my posts you will see that. If someone was to accuse you wrongly of bigotry you may act in ways that aren't ideal too.

Yes, I would, the same as you would react in ways that are not ideal if you read something that is reminiscent of the things you have heard every day of your life. Posts in this thread are about people being bullied because they are gay; yet statements are made in those very posts that look like just that - bullying and derogatory comments of gay people. It is hard not to take such comments personally.

 

[SKATERBUN]

it won't matter to me at all as long as he is safe and happy and treats his partner with respect whatever their gender
i would be gutted at having no grandchildren though.

wss ^^

 

[indy and lara]

I really have no concerns one way or the other. What will be will be. I don't think we chose our sexuality, I think it is part of us when we are born so Emma will be what she is. DH would be fine too, as would my dad. Not too sure about inlaws but they would just have to suck it up! Despite growing up in a household in the 70s where no-one we knew was gay, my parents talked to me about same sex relationships at quite a young age, about 6 or 7(I remember my Mum telling me that it was okay whether or not I wanted to kiss boys or girls. I wanted to kiss neither at that point!)

My only concern and worry would be for her because whether we like it or not, being gay does often make life harder. Whether that is living with other peoples' misconceptions or chosing to have child, what is straightforward for hetrosexuals is often harder when you are gay. And I think we all want our children to have as easy a life as possible.

I get so angry when GAY and PAEDOPHILE mixed up. They are not the same thing. The gay men I know like MEN not CHILDREN. End of.

 

[redpoppy]

I am genuinely sorry that you are having a bad day. And I apologise for quipping at you. But there is nothing I have said in this thread that is even remotely homophobic and genuinely if you read through my posts you will see that. If someone was to accuse you wrongly of bigotry you may act in ways that aren't ideal too.

Yes, I would, the same as you would react in ways that are not ideal if you read something that is reminiscent of the things you have heard every day of your life. Posts in this thread are about people being bullied because they are gay; yet statements are made in those very posts that look like just that - bullying and derogatory comments of gay people. It is hard not to take such comments personally.

But I've not said anything remotely homophobic and I stand by that. I think from the lovely response of other people following this thread people can see that to be true. I don't even think what you pointed out could be construed as remotely homophobic unless it was followed by a crazy "unlike heterosexual people who have children for the goodness they can bring to those children's lives" which isn't what I said or meant or even implied.

And I don't know which homophobic comments you're talking about. The only ones that I could see which may be construed as such on here was one poster who was reflecting her parents homophobia but was syaing that honestly she doesn't have a problem with her child being gay depsite that baggage and second was foogirl who is concerned about the happiness of children of gay couples but she sits on the fence and I was the one arguing that gay people SHOULD be allowed to adopt which is where I used that line which you've attempted to take completely out of context and applied meaning to it which is the complete opposite of my intention. Completely!

 

[SKATERBUN]

^ I'll second that redpoppy, Ive read all your posts and NO way are you being homophobic

 

[Tegans Mama]

But I've not said anything remotely homophobic and I stand by that. I think from the lovely response of other people following this thread people can see that to be true. I don't even think what you pointed out could be construed as remotely homophobic unless it was followed by a crazy "unlike heterosexual people who have children for the goodness they can bring to those children's lives" which isn't what I said or meant or even implied.

And I don't know which homophobic comments you're talking about. The only ones that I could see which may be construed as such on here was one poster who was reflecting her parents homophobia but was syaing that honestly she doesn't have a problem with her child being gay depsite that baggage and second was foogirl who is concerned about the happiness of children of gay couples but she sits on the fence and I was the one arguing that gay people SHOULD be allowed to adopt which is where I used that line which you've attempted to take completely out of context and applied meaning to it which is the complete opposite of my intention. Completely!

I did not "attempt" to take anything out of context as you so put it. I said in several of my replies to people defending you that I may be reading between the lines and seeing things that were not there.

If this is the case, then so be it. Surely you understand that people misunderstand - I am sure you've done it plenty of times yourself. This is the reason I do not take part of the debate of emotive subjects - misunderstandings and personal digs that get taken too far and end up offending everyone involved. This thread was started as a 'would you care if your child was gay?' thread which was moved along very nicely. The fact it turned into 'Should gay people adopt/have children?' is not fair IMO when there are a few gay parents on this forum who may/will be offended by replies stating it is not right, when saying so is homophobic and last time I checked, homophobia is illegal. It is the same as racism - If someone said "You know, I'm just not sure if black people should be able to adopt..." there would be an UPROAR. Funny how you can get away with saying gay people should not be able to isn't it!

I am done with this thread now - I apologise for any misunderstandings RedPoppy and think we should both move on and get on with our lives

 

[dom85]

I wouldnt care if Brady was gay, and I would be really p*ssed off if he was denied the chance to be a dad just because he was gay if that's what he wanted.

I don't think you can say to someone that they can't be a parent because of some kids that MIGHT be in the childs life may make fun of them having homosexual parents. Kids are bullied for so many other things and the reason that the views on homosexuality don't seem have filtered down to the 9-16 age group is because at this stage everyone wants to be the same, but once you get to 15/16 they all want to be different, I got to be friends with some people in 6th form who were complete idiots in the younger years of secondary school.

I'm bi and I just don't see how the person I chose to love has any affect on my ability to parent and we've all got to get our kids through school.

Do you think that people with disabilities shouldn't be allowed to have children because people will make fun of their kids at school? My mum is deaf and has other disabilities and i got some awful 'cripple' comments at school, and yes they hurt, but they hurt because I love I love my mum so much, I didn't wish I had a different mum because of some idiots at school and its just a part of your life that you get through

 

[redpoppy]

But I've not said anything remotely homophobic and I stand by that. I think from the lovely response of other people following this thread people can see that to be true. I don't even think what you pointed out could be construed as remotely homophobic unless it was followed by a crazy "unlike heterosexual people who have children for the goodness they can bring to those children's lives" which isn't what I said or meant or even implied.

And I don't know which homophobic comments you're talking about. The only ones that I could see which may be construed as such on here was one poster who was reflecting her parents homophobia but was syaing that honestly she doesn't have a problem with her child being gay depsite that baggage and second was foogirl who is concerned about the happiness of children of gay couples but she sits on the fence and I was the one arguing that gay people SHOULD be allowed to adopt which is where I used that line which you've attempted to take completely out of context and applied meaning to it which is the complete opposite of my intention. Completely!

I did not "attempt" to take anything out of context as you so put it. I said in several of my replies to people defending you that I may be reading between the lines and seeing things that were not there.

If this is the case, then so be it. Surely you understand that people misunderstand - I am sure you've done it plenty of times yourself. This is the reason I do not take part of the debate of emotive subjects - misunderstandings and personal digs that get taken too far and end up offending everyone involved. This thread was started as a 'would you care if your child was gay?' thread which was moved along very nicely. The fact it turned into 'Should gay people adopt/have children?' is not fair IMO when there are a few gay parents on this forum who may/will be offended by replies stating it is not right, when saying so is homophobic and last time I checked, homophobia is illegal. It is the same as racism - If someone said "You know, I'm just not sure if black people should be able to adopt..." there would be an UPROAR. Funny how you can get away with saying gay people should not be able to isn't it!

I am done with this thread now - I apologise for any misunderstandings RedPoppy and think we should both move on and get on with our lives

No worries. Thanks for the apology and sorry again for jumping down your throat.

I just wanted to highlight he bit in bold above because, if you read the post from which you got that quote from this was EXACTLY my point of the whole long post. Exactly that. Rereading it I can see how I wasn't being as articulate as I can be but I do have a cold and I suppose I was relying on people following my general line of thought on this thread which is basically saying that gay couples SHOULD be allowed to adopt.

 

[Foogirl]

This thread was started as a 'would you care if your child was gay?' thread which was moved along very nicely. The fact it turned into 'Should gay people adopt/have children?' is not fair IMO when there are a few gay parents on this forum who may/will be offended by replies stating it is not right, when saying so is homophobic and last time I checked, homophobia is illegal. It is the same as racism - If someone said "You know, I'm just not sure if black people should be able to adopt..." there would be an UPROAR. Funny how you can get away with saying gay people should not be able to isn't it!

I think this is just the nature of discussion isn't it? The thread moved naturally into that topic. But to my knowledge, no-one has stated they are against gay adoption.

And often there is debate over interracial adoption in particular for similar reasons.

 

[bambino156]

I really have no concerns one way or the other. What will be will be. I don't think we chose our sexuality, I think it is part of us when we are born so Emma will be what she is. DH would be fine too, as would my dad. Not too sure about inlaws but they would just have to suck it up! Despite growing up in a household in the 70s where no-one we knew was gay, my parents talked to me about same sex relationships at quite a young age, about 6 or 7(I remember my Mum telling me that it was okay whether or not I wanted to kiss boys or girls. I wanted to kiss neither at that point!)

My only concern and worry would be for her because whether we like it or not, being gay does often make life harder. Whether that is living with other peoples' misconceptions or chosing to have child, what is straightforward for hetrosexuals is often harder when you are gay. And I think we all want our children to have as easy a life as possible. I get so angry when GAY and PAEDOPHILE mixed up. They are not the same thing. The gay men I know like MEN not CHILDREN. End of.

I agree totally, what is relatively easy for straight people can be so much harder when you are gay. For example, my brother recently split up with his partner and was left absolutely heartbroken and he said that he finds its not as easy to try and meet potential partners as it would be if he was straight. He can't just walk into a pub and start chatting up some bloke. Any straight bloke could walk in and chat up a woman (and vice versa) no problems, cos chances are that she is straight, iykwim.
So yes, my only worry would be that by being gay my daughters life could be so much harder, but my hubby and I will love and support her all the way.

 

[Nimyra]

Yes, I have thought of this, and I will be happy for my LO to be gay, straight, bisexual, or anything in between.

And, in the spirit of putting my money where my mouth is, I am going to attempt to use inclusive language with her as she grows up ( e.g. "Someday, when you meet a nice person ( boy or girl ) and want to get married..."). The language we use is important because it tells our children what we consider acceptable. If my language is always inclusive maybe my LO will always think inclusively and not judge others (or herself).

What do you think of that?

 

[suzib76]

havent read all the replies, but in answer to OP....................

no, i have never considered it, tbh its not an issue worth considering, i dont really care

 

[WW1]

Yes, I have thought of this, and I will be happy for my LO to be gay, straight, bisexual, or anything in between.

And, in the spirit of putting my money where my mouth is, I am going to attempt to use inclusive language with her as she grows up ( e.g. "Someday, when you meet a nice person ( boy or girl ) and want to get married..."). The language we use is important because it tells our children what we consider acceptable. If my language is always inclusive maybe my LO will always think inclusively and not judge others (or herself).

What do you think of that?