Have You Considered This?

[Seity]

Yes, I have thought of this, and I will be happy for my LO to be gay, straight, bisexual, or anything in between.

And, in the spirit of putting my money where my mouth is, I am going to attempt to use inclusive language with her as she grows up ( e.g. "Someday, when you meet a nice person ( boy or girl ) and want to get married..."). The language we use is important because it tells our children what we consider acceptable. If my language is always inclusive maybe my LO will always think inclusively and not judge others (or herself).

What do you think of that?

I do the same inclusive language thing!

 

[Tegans Mama]

Yes, I have thought of this, and I will be happy for my LO to be gay, straight, bisexual, or anything in between.

And, in the spirit of putting my money where my mouth is, I am going to attempt to use inclusive language with her as she grows up ( e.g. "Someday, when you meet a nice person ( boy or girl ) and want to get married..."). The language we use is important because it tells our children what we consider acceptable. If my language is always inclusive maybe my LO will always think inclusively and not judge others (or herself).

What do you think of that?

I do the same inclusive language thing!

Us too

 

[CMIL]

I am terribly sorry for your dad's experiences and understand how that would colour opinion mixed with how times were different and societal views have changed. But to hold a whole section of society responsible for a tiny teeny minority's actions is obviously not right. However I can understand how abuse can prevent clear thinking on such issues.

A couple of people referred to this and I dont believe you can say my fathers reaction isn't right. I have travelled all over the World and in some parts I have encountered scepticism and racial judgement for being white, particuarly in parts where communities have encountered negative attempts by white people to exploit or where white people have been rude or misunderstanding of the culture they were in. I would never blame those people for their reaction to me because unfortunately thats the way humans operate. If you get burned you tend to associate that in the future and that association can be on colour, religion, anything. But if what happened to you at the hands of someone/many people is that strong, you cant help but judge in the future.

On the gay adoption thing, a poster later in this thread referred to the 'intolerance towards gay adoption'. I personally wouldnt describe it as an intolerance. It is right that people have an opinion on it and that it is not just regarded as outright acceptable because it is an issue of society. Judgement on certain things I would regard as an intolerance such as race because you are born the colour you are and God or nature meant for us all to be that way so to judge someone on their colour or have an opinion on the rights or wrongs of it is just unacceptable. However gay adoption is like euthanasia....because it is not physically possible and is not what nature intended, it must be ruled on by society and that will always draw differing opinions. If someone were to call me intolerant just because I am not sure I agree with gay adoption, it would displease me greatly and would be unfair I think.

 

[Tegans Mama]

A couple of people referred to this and I dont believe you can say my fathers reaction isn't right. I have travelled all over the World and in some parts I have encountered scepticism and racial judgement for being white, particuarly in parts where communities have encountered negative attempts by white people to exploit or where white people have been rude or misunderstanding of the culture they were in. I would never blame those people for their reaction to me because unfortunately thats the way humans operate. If you get burned you tend to associate that in the future and that association can be on colour, religion, anything. But if what happened to you at the hands of someone/many people is that strong, you cant help but judge in the future.

On the gay adoption thing, a poster later in this thread referred to the 'intolerance towards gay adoption'. I personally wouldnt describe it as an intolerance. It is right that people have an opinion on it and that it is not just regarded as outright acceptable because it is an issue of society. Judgement on certain things I would regard as an intolerance such as race because you are born the colour you are and God or nature meant for us all to be that way so to judge someone on their colour or have an opinion on the rights or wrongs of it is just unacceptable. However gay adoption is like euthanasia....because it is not physically possible and is not what nature intended, it must be ruled on by society and that will always draw differing opinions. If someone were to call me intolerant just because I am not sure I agree with gay adoption, it would displease me greatly and would be unfair I think.

God made ME the way I am - gay. I didn't "choose" to spend my life with a woman. I believe that God creates us all the way we should be - regardless of colour, sexual orientation, gender, race. It is all the same thing. Each person is perfect in God's eyes.

Intolerant - yes, that is an intolerant point of view. Gay people are PEOPLE just like you - just because we can't irresponsibly reproduce and abandon our children for straight people to adopt doesn't mean we shouldn't adopt the children that straight people pop out 'accidentally' every day.

 

[leelee]

Yes, I have thought of this, and I will be happy for my LO to be gay, straight, bisexual, or anything in between.

And, in the spirit of putting my money where my mouth is, I am going to attempt to use inclusive language with her as she grows up ( e.g. "Someday, when you meet a nice person ( boy or girl ) and want to get married..."). The language we use is important because it tells our children what we consider acceptable. If my language is always inclusive maybe my LO will always think inclusively and not judge others (or herself).

What do you think of that?

I do the same inclusive language thing!

I agree with using it too.

 

[leoniebabey]

i would hope that me and LO would have the kind of realtionship where he felt that he could come to me and tell me anything.
I would love him the same if he is straight,gay,blue or pink LOL!

 

[redpoppy]

I am terribly sorry for your dad's experiences and understand how that would colour opinion mixed with how times were different and societal views have changed. But to hold a whole section of society responsible for a tiny teeny minority's actions is obviously not right. However I can understand how abuse can prevent clear thinking on such issues.

A couple of people referred to this and I dont believe you can say my fathers reaction isn't right. I have travelled all over the World and in some parts I have encountered scepticism and racial judgement for being white, particuarly in parts where communities have encountered negative attempts by white people to exploit or where white people have been rude or misunderstanding of the culture they were in. I would never blame those people for their reaction to me because unfortunately thats the way humans operate. If you get burned you tend to associate that in the future and that association can be on colour, religion, anything. But if what happened to you at the hands of someone/many people is that strong, you cant help but judge in the future.

On the gay adoption thing, a poster later in this thread referred to the 'intolerance towards gay adoption'. I personally wouldnt describe it as an intolerance. It is right that people have an opinion on it and that it is not just regarded as outright acceptable because it is an issue of society. Judgement on certain things I would regard as an intolerance such as race because you are born the colour you are and God or nature meant for us all to be that way so to judge someone on their colour or have an opinion on the rights or wrongs of it is just unacceptable. However gay adoption is like euthanasia....because it is not physically possible and is not what nature intended, it must be ruled on by society and that will always draw differing opinions. If someone were to call me intolerant just because I am not sure I agree with gay adoption, it would displease me greatly and would be unfair I think.

His reaction is normal but to say it is right is a moral judgement and I can say it is wrong as that is my opinion. It's like saying you dislike Asian people because you were stabbed by one or hate black people because you were bullied by some at school or you hate white people because you were raped by one. Passing a whole people off because of the actions of a minority or your personal specific experiences is natural but ultimately it's not right. There was documentary on the BNP where one of their Jewish supporters (Yeah I know!?!?! ) was saying he joined the BNP after he got mugged by some black people. It's the same thing. Natural reactionary extreme but I can and will say that in my eyes it is wrong. I don't mean to offend you or upset you or your parents but that's how I see it.

As for what is "natural" in regards to parenting; people who have IVF can be considered not to be able to "naturally" have children. Also, many individuals are unable to have children for whatever reason. Whereas many naturally conceived children are left without either one parent or sometimes put up for adoption nd some parents are awful. the definition of good=natural isn't something I'm convinced of.

 

[Jody R]

I am terribly sorry for your dad's experiences and understand how that would colour opinion mixed with how times were different and societal views have changed. But to hold a whole section of society responsible for a tiny teeny minority's actions is obviously not right. However I can understand how abuse can prevent clear thinking on such issues.

A couple of people referred to this and I dont believe you can say my fathers reaction isn't right. I have travelled all over the World and in some parts I have encountered scepticism and racial judgement for being white, particuarly in parts where communities have encountered negative attempts by white people to exploit or where white people have been rude or misunderstanding of the culture they were in. I would never blame those people for their reaction to me because unfortunately thats the way humans operate. If you get burned you tend to associate that in the future and that association can be on colour, religion, anything. But if what happened to you at the hands of someone/many people is that strong, you cant help but judge in the future.

On the gay adoption thing, a poster later in this thread referred to the 'intolerance towards gay adoption'. I personally wouldnt describe it as an intolerance. It is right that people have an opinion on it and that it is not just regarded as outright acceptable because it is an issue of society. Judgement on certain things I would regard as an intolerance such as race because you are born the colour you are and God or nature meant for us all to be that way so to judge someone on their colour or have an opinion on the rights or wrongs of it is just unacceptable. However gay adoption is like euthanasia....because it is not physically possible and is not what nature intended, it must be ruled on by society and that will always draw differing opinions. If someone were to call me intolerant just because I am not sure I agree with gay adoption, it would displease me greatly and would be unfair I think.

I can understand and sympathise to a point with your fathers feelings if he has been abused and I don't think anyone was 'blaming' your father for having them, but they are correct in saying that it isn't right/fair to blame every gay man for the actions of one or two abusers, just like it isn't fair to blame every straight man for the actions of a man who rapes a woman and I think that's the point people were trying to make, although I am sure they also sympathise with your father for the experiences that have coloured his view.

Gay adoption to me is the same as any adoption. Most/many people adopt because they cannot conceive biological children of their own. If we say that nature doesn't intend for gay couples to have a biological child together we should also accept that nature didn't intend couples facing infertility to adopt or receive IVF etc. If a couple can give love and a good home to a child then it shouldn't matter what sex that couple is.

 

[Foogirl]

A couple of people referred to this and I dont believe you can say my fathers reaction isn't right. I have travelled all over the World and in some parts I have encountered scepticism and racial judgement for being white, particuarly in parts where communities have encountered negative attempts by white people to exploit or where white people have been rude or misunderstanding of the culture they were in. I would never blame those people for their reaction to me because unfortunately thats the way humans operate. If you get burned you tend to associate that in the future and that association can be on colour, religion, anything. But if what happened to you at the hands of someone/many people is that strong, you cant help but judge in the future.

I'd say the reaction was understandable. I wouldn't say it was right though.

It isn't right to tar everyone with the same brush, but if the issues he has, have not been properly dealt with, I can see why he would do that. I'd never defend anyone who does that, but I wouldn't berate them for it either.

 

[WW1]

I am terribly sorry for your dad's experiences and understand how that would colour opinion mixed with how times were different and societal views have changed. But to hold a whole section of society responsible for a tiny teeny minority's actions is obviously not right. However I can understand how abuse can prevent clear thinking on such issues.

A couple of people referred to this and I dont believe you can say my fathers reaction isn't right. I have travelled all over the World and in some parts I have encountered scepticism and racial judgement for being white, particuarly in parts where communities have encountered negative attempts by white people to exploit or where white people have been rude or misunderstanding of the culture they were in. I would never blame those people for their reaction to me because unfortunately thats the way humans operate. If you get burned you tend to associate that in the future and that association can be on colour, religion, anything. But if what happened to you at the hands of someone/many people is that strong, you cant help but judge in the future.

On the gay adoption thing, a poster later in this thread referred to the 'intolerance towards gay adoption'. I personally wouldnt describe it as an intolerance. It is right that people have an opinion on it and that it is not just regarded as outright acceptable because it is an issue of society. Judgement on certain things I would regard as an intolerance such as race because you are born the colour you are and God or nature meant for us all to be that way so to judge someone on their colour or have an opinion on the rights or wrongs of it is just unacceptable. However gay adoption is like euthanasia....because it is not physically possible and is not what nature intended, it must be ruled on by society and that will always draw differing opinions. If someone were to call me intolerant just because I am not sure I agree with gay adoption, it would displease me greatly and would be unfair I think.

I can understand and sympathise to a point with your fathers feelings if he has been abused and I don't think anyone was 'blaming' your father for having them, but they are correct in saying that it isn't right/fair to blame every gay man for the actions of one or two abusers, just like it isn't fair to blame every straight man for the actions of a man who rapes a woman and I think that's the point people were trying to make, although I am sure they also sympathise with your father for the experiences that have coloured his view.

Gay adoption to me is the same as any adoption. Most/many people adopt because they cannot conceive biological children of their own. If we say that nature doesn't intend for gay couples to have a biological child together we should also accept that nature didn't intend couples facing infertility to adopt or receive IVF etc. If a couple can give love and a good home to a child then it shouldn't matter what sex that couple is.

Agreed

 

[rubixcyoob.]

If Joshua came to me and said that he was gay I wouldn't bad an eyelid. I would probably be over the moon he was able to confide that in me. However, with OH I'm not sure. Me and OH have both experimented, him more than me, so can't see him as not being accepting, but just recently his mum disallowed a friend of his entering the home because his sexuality, also she gets annoyed at OH calling his brother a 'gay boy' and says it's wrong. Now she is an amazing woman, really lovely, she just follows her religion strictly. I don't think she would care if LO were gay though, I should hope she shouldn't.

I too don't understand why there is so much emphasis on sexuality these days. Sexuality doesn't define a person, it doesn't make you any better or worse. Your actions and personality define you. Nothing else should come into play.
Whether someone is homosexual, hetrosexual, bisexual, asexual or pansexual it really doesn't bother me in the slightest, in fact, I don't even take notice. It's not my place to judge who make them happy because of what they have, or may not have, between their legs.

 

[Sarahkka]

I would have absolutely no problem with either of my sons being gay. I think they have lots of exposure to a variety of different kinds of families just through our friends, so I hope they are able to freely follow their hearts and find happiness with whomever they choose.

 

[hopeandpray]

I would be a bit upset because it would make their lives a little harder but I would have no problem with it. My mum and dad are go to church on Sunday kind of people but when I was feeling down once when I was younger my dad asked me if I was having boy troubles I said no, he said girl troubles and I laughed, just because I'm not gay and had a long term boyfriend at the time. But then he said we'll love you and help you either way. That meant a lot to me as the area we live in is quite rough with nobody openly gay and if I was he would get a lot of stick for it

 

[hopeandpray]

There's always something which can be done about ginger hair if it becomes a problem!

I'm probably being really petty but as someone with ginger hair I kind of take offence to that. My parents would have said 'you were called a name, that was ignorant of the person' not 'we'll change you to how the bully wants'. Changing your child to keep them popular is a bad idea. You would want them to look a way that meant they wouldn't be bullied, would you want to make sure they didn't do things that weren't the norm too? Imo that is kind of a slippery slope wanting your child to conform to avoid people giving them trouble. Everyone has things that make them different and stick out a little and I think the world would be very dull if people didn't embrace and stand up for what makes them different. People would only become more ignorant if victims changed themselves to stop bullies instead of society trying to change bullies' attitudes
Maybe I've totally misunderstood you and if I have then I'm sorry

 

[BlackBerry25]

I would have absolutely no problem with either of my sons being gay. I think they have lots of exposure to a variety of different kinds of families just through our friends, so I hope they are able to freely follow their hearts and find happiness with whomever they choose.

Same here, sister!

 

[CMIL]

A couple of people referred to this and I dont believe you can say my fathers reaction isn't right. I have travelled all over the World and in some parts I have encountered scepticism and racial judgement for being white, particuarly in parts where communities have encountered negative attempts by white people to exploit or where white people have been rude or misunderstanding of the culture they were in. I would never blame those people for their reaction to me because unfortunately thats the way humans operate. If you get burned you tend to associate that in the future and that association can be on colour, religion, anything. But if what happened to you at the hands of someone/many people is that strong, you cant help but judge in the future.

On the gay adoption thing, a poster later in this thread referred to the 'intolerance towards gay adoption'. I personally wouldnt describe it as an intolerance. It is right that people have an opinion on it and that it is not just regarded as outright acceptable because it is an issue of society. Judgement on certain things I would regard as an intolerance such as race because you are born the colour you are and God or nature meant for us all to be that way so to judge someone on their colour or have an opinion on the rights or wrongs of it is just unacceptable. However gay adoption is like euthanasia....because it is not physically possible and is not what nature intended, it must be ruled on by society and that will always draw differing opinions. If someone were to call me intolerant just because I am not sure I agree with gay adoption, it would displease me greatly and would be unfair I think.

God made ME the way I am - gay. I didn't "choose" to spend my life with a woman. I believe that God creates us all the way we should be - regardless of colour, sexual orientation, gender, race. It is all the same thing. Each person is perfect in God's eyes.

Intolerant - yes, that is an intolerant point of view. Gay people are PEOPLE just like you - just because we can't irresponsibly reproduce and abandon our children for straight people to adopt doesn't mean we shouldn't adopt the children that straight people pop out 'accidentally' every day.

I totally agree, you shouldn't experience intolerance because you are gay, as everyone has overwhelmingly said on this board. But gay adoption is different. Like I said, its a debate for society.

I knew people would come back to my post with comments about infertility. To me it is a little different though. Unofortunately for those two people, they have all the correct equipment between them, but medically they have an issue so of course like most people, I believe infertile people should have the right to adopt.

I want to be clear that I absolutely understand what people are saying. The rational part of my brain says yes, gay people who can offer a loving home should be allowed to adopt, no question. But something else inside me just really strongly believes in having both a male and female influence and that kind of overrides my opinion. Someone mentioned earlier about single mums and came at it from that angle but I think everyone who has a child goes into it believing their relationship will last and that they will be a family. If a member of that unit leaves and the child is brought up single handedly then that parent copes and many single parents do a fantastic job but the point is that the child wouldnt knowingly have been brought into a family where a male or female influence was missing.

 

[Tegans Mama]

My daughter was knowingly bought into a situation without a male influence who lived in our home - however she has plenty of contact with males outside our home in her general family life and will do throughought her life.

Studies show that children of lesbians actually fare better than those of straight people - grow up to have better jobs, more money, happier, more balanced personalities. This is an article relating to that study.

Gay people can offer fantastic homes to children - more times than not, we are in a more stable relationship, better off financially and older than the average straight couple who have a baby, because it takes us years to prepare our lives and relationships for a child. By the time we actually get around to having children, it's not just a twinkle in our eye on a friday night and a broken condom - it is something we spend our lives devoted to and I don't think we should be denied that just because some people think you need both sexes to be good parents. Believe me, you don't - my partner and I are fantastic parents and I do believe that some straight people would struggle with the life we live because our daughter is disabled.

 

[Kalah]

My daughter was knowingly bought into a situation without a male influence who lived in our home - however she has plenty of contact with males outside our home in her general family life and will do throughought her life.

Studies show that children of lesbians actually fare better than those of straight people - grow up to have better jobs, more money, happier, more balanced personalities. This is an article relating to that study.

Gay people can offer fantastic homes to children - more times than not, we are in a more stable relationship, better off financially and older than the average straight couple who have a baby, because it takes us years to prepare our lives and relationships for a child. By the time we actually get around to having children, it's not just a twinkle in our eye on a friday night and a broken condom - it is something we spend our lives devoted to and I don't think we should be denied that just because some people think you need both sexes to be good parents. Believe me, you don't - my partner and I are fantastic parents and I do believe that some straight people would struggle with the life we live because our daughter is disabled.

OT but I just wanted to ask you a question. I see you have one daughter and are pregnant again, since either you or your partner could get pregnant, how do you decide who gets to? Did one of you have the first baby and the other is pregnant with the next? Do either of you feel more maternal than the other or are you both equally motherly? I just know that as a mother I feel so possessive over my baby and I think I'd find it hard to share that possessiveness with another woman who would feel the same, especially if we wanted to do things different ways!

 

[Jody R]

My daughter was knowingly bought into a situation without a male influence who lived in our home - however she has plenty of contact with males outside our home in her general family life and will do throughought her life.

Studies show that children of lesbians actually fare better than those of straight people - grow up to have better jobs, more money, happier, more balanced personalities. This is an article relating to that study.

Gay people can offer fantastic homes to children - more times than not, we are in a more stable relationship, better off financially and older than the average straight couple who have a baby, because it takes us years to prepare our lives and relationships for a child. By the time we actually get around to having children, it's not just a twinkle in our eye on a friday night and a broken condom - it is something we spend our lives devoted to and I don't think we should be denied that just because some people think you need both sexes to be good parents. Believe me, you don't - my partner and I are fantastic parents and I do believe that some straight people would struggle with the life we live because our daughter is disabled.

Tegan is a lucky girl to have two fantastic mum's to take care of her and her little brother or sister.

 

[leoniebabey]

There's always something which can be done about ginger hair if it becomes a problem!

I'm probably being really petty but as someone with ginger hair I kind of take offence to that. My parents would have said 'you were called a name, that was ignorant of the person' not 'we'll change you to how the bully wants'. Changing your child to keep them popular is a bad idea. You would want them to look a way that meant they wouldn't be bullied, would you want to make sure they didn't do things that weren't the norm too? Imo that is kind of a slippery slope wanting your child to conform to avoid people giving them trouble. Everyone has things that make them different and stick out a little and I think the world would be very dull if people didn't embrace and stand up for what makes them different. People would only become more ignorant if victims changed themselves to stop bullies instead of society trying to change bullies' attitudes
Maybe I've totally misunderstood you and if I have then I'm sorry

i havnt read all of this but my son is ginger and i wouldnt want to change his hair and i hope he never does either. His hair is lovely and individual