'Having a baby IS a job'

[BabyMamma93]

okay it seems again what i have said has been taken out of context, i just wont even bother!

thread closed??

 

[Tasha]

I don't think the thread needs closing. It's been polite even if we don't all understand or agree with each other's opinions.

 

[Andypanda6570]

okay it seems again what i have said has been taken out of context, i just wont even bother!

thread closed??

I don't think you meant for this thread to sound bad or sound like ur sticking ur nose up at people..But I do understand their points also...

 

[BabyMamma93]

yes i do understand what people are saying IF i was getting at them or stepping on toes, but thats not what i meant to do everything ive said ive always said 'IN MY OPINION' or my preference, yet i get 5 people making me to be the bad one but people can comment basically saying i scrounge off benefits and are a worse parent doing so. no it wasnt said in them words but if everyone can jump to conclusions and get defensive over MY posts then ill do the same!!
i never said you you or you shouldnt have had kids i said what MY preferences are, then to be told i dont respect my father?? say no more!! this thread has gone off topic so whats point?

 

[Tasha]

Debates evolve, it's natural even if it isn't the direction you want it to go in!

 

[Quartz]

I think with debates it definitely important to try and not take it personally - people are offering different viewpoints. With parenting there are so many different ways of doing it and views on what you should be doing

 

[loeylo]

Just out of curiousity then, when people ask your OH what he does, what does he answer? Does he say he's unemployed? Or does he class his current position and role as a SAHD?

I notice you've previously said he gets stick for not having a financial role in your family, yet he can't find paid employment because of his role as a SAHD, surely if it's not a job he can go and get one that pays?

If it's a job then surely he is justified in staying in his current position, even if that position is supporting your family from home?

I work hard for my family. Work. Scrubbing poop and vomit out of clothing with no one to share these chores doesn't feel like much of a privilege I can tell you. Being here for my children always does, but is your pay your 'privilege' then?

I know other mums get the same hard bits too, but I hope in a family where both parents work these bits are shared.

We get different rewards for our work and support our families in different ways.

I think we should all respect however we define our own roles. I think I work hard, you all work hard too, different roles, different families, different ways.

All women debating about the correct way to say it, when the correct way is your way.

he says he is un employed, when they ask why he says because he has been unable to work due to health reasons and is now dedicating his time to our child, & yes he probably could go and get a job (well not atm with a broken hand and possible hip surgery) but i dont see the point in having a child and a family when one parent does 99% of the parenting, so he stays home and i work part time, so we both get to spend time with and bring up our LO.
i also work hard for my family, i work & i go home to my family, not home to my second job, but just because i work hard doesn't mean im doing it as a job, im doing it because that's why we have children, to do these things.

and lastly i do respect what other parents call their role as a parent, i was only asking whether people do call it a job, or if they dont, i wasnt slating anyone, or stepping on any ones toes saying anything i was just asking and giving my opinion, like others have

You must be very fortunate to have a job well enough paid to survive on one part time salary. Like others have commented. My oh and I both work 40+ hours per week (in fairly well paid jobs at that ...) and I will only be able to afford to take 1 year off work then a maximum of one year part time after that. Your right, why bother having kids. Only those who claim benefits should reproduce.

no i dont but we manage, we struggle and we scrimp and scrape, i will never forget growing up as a child, i didnt have it hard, no way at all, my dad earned a really good living, but he wasnt at home, i didnt see him as much as id wanted, and you know what, all the fancy takeaways and new clothes NEVER beat family time, and that is why i said its not fair, it wasnt fair on me that i never saw my dad but thats fine bcos hes bringing home the bacon right?
i didnt mean to offend anyone, seems everyone takes comments into a context they wish to see it in, its difficult to see what someones saying over a website, so i think thats why everyone jumps down my throat all the time. im sorry you took it the wrong way and thought i was slating your family, i wasnt, i was just saying my opinion, i dont see why my parents planned to have children for one parent & a child to miss out on alot of family time that i only got back when i was a stroppy teenager faar too cool to hang with my dad

Sorry to be blunt, but between to adults you only work 16 hours, you SHOULD be scrimping and saving! It doesn't make you a martyr! MY hard earned money goes in taxes, earned during time I would rather spend at home with my kid. So effectively I'm paying for your kid to have two parents at home all but 16 hours per week. My poor kid will only get weekends and evenings with both of us, but those times will be SO special for the three of us.

My kid will grow up to respect that hard work pays off, and won't have an entitlement to let other people take the slack for them. My kid will know how hard BOTH her parents work, in both paid employment and in the house, to make sure that she can grow up in a secure home in a nice area, and be able to do nice things with her family. I don't think for one minute she will grow up wishing that we had relied on handouts instead of working - my parents both worked, as did my oh's, and neither of us are disrespectful enough to imply that our parents were selfish for doing so.

Also, the money that we earn will not go on frivolous things like takeaways (well, a small amount of it will - as a treat, not a birth right) - it will go on securing a future FOR OUR KIDS. Saving for her to go to Uni, paying off our mortgage so she can have some inheritance, and saving so she isn't lumped with our funeral bills if we weren't here. To imply that I am selfish for doing these things FOR MY KID is disgraceful.

At the end of the day, I can sleep easy knowing that I have worked with my partner to provide a secure future and upbringing for my kid. I haven't relied on anyone else to do so. If you can sleep easy knowing that others are taking the slack for you then go ahead, but I couldn't

(offended? Oh you shouldn't be, I am just outlining my views and what works for my family ... Sound familiar?)

 

[Kirsty3051]

I had every intention of keeping my mouth shut but here goes. Every family raises their children in a different way. Every family works different hours to maintain their lifestyle. Every family makes the best decision for their family, depending on their circumstances.

So, person A didn't spend much time with her father growing up. Fine. So now person A has a family of her own, she wants to do things differently. She works the hours she needs to, to support her family. Her child is fed, washed, clothed, happy. Leave her alone.

Person B is happy to work and appreciates that extra bit of money every month. Her child is fed, washed, clothed, happy. Leave her alone.

Person C depends solely on benefits to raise her family due to whatever reason. Her child is fed, washed, clothed, happy. Leave her alone.

It's about time you all stopped picking on eachother and offered some support. You're all going through the same thing, no matter how many hours you work every week. It's about time you got over yourselves.

 

[Larkspur]

yes i do understand what people are saying IF i was getting at them or stepping on toes, but thats not what i meant to do everything ive said ive always said 'IN MY OPINION' or my preference, yet i get 5 people making me to be the bad one but people can comment basically saying i scrounge off benefits and are a worse parent doing so. no it wasnt said in them words but if everyone can jump to conclusions and get defensive over MY posts then ill do the same!!
i never said you you or you shouldnt have had kids i said what MY preferences are, then to be told i dont respect my father?? say no more!! this thread has gone off topic so whats point?

You seem to be missing the difference between stating your opinion in a way that reflects only your views and stating it in a way that diminishes other people's choices. Here, I'll help.

"It annoys me when people say being a SAHP is a job, it's not a job, it's a privilege."
Vs
"Some people describe being a SAHP as a job, but I don't see it that way."

"I don't see the point of one parent working and one doing 99 percent of the parenting."
Vs
"I really missed my dad growing up so I feel very lucky that we can make the choice to have me only working part time and OH fully at home at present."

 

[katherinegrey]

I did have a question though for families where both parents work, do you share chores like the laundry?

Because I have loads and as DH's companyis currently on shutdown he's been home for two weeks and yet to wash a single sock, do I beat him up or accept it's still my job? I cannot scrub more vomit out of clothing, I just can't.

(Genuine question, I'll cheerfully beat him if I hear dad's do laundry )

 

[catty]

I did have a question though for families where both parents work, do you share chores like the laundry?

Because I have loads and as DH's companyis currently on shutdown he's been home for two weeks and yet to wash a single sock, do I beat him up or accept it's still my job? I cannot scrub more vomit out of clothing, I just can't.

(Genuine question, I'll cheerfully beat him if I hear dad's do laundry )

I do all the laundry. HOWEVER I make him put it away as I hate that part!!

 

[MommyJogger]

I did have a question though for families where both parents work, do you share chores like the laundry?

Because I have loads and as DH's companyis currently on shutdown he's been home for two weeks and yet to wash a single sock, do I beat him up or accept it's still my job? I cannot scrub more vomit out of clothing, I just can't.

(Genuine question, I'll cheerfully beat him if I hear dad's do laundry )

When we both worked, we both did everything, whatever needed to be done and whoever was available to do it.
I stay home now and we still both do everything, there just tends to be a lot less that needs to be done by the time he gets home. So yes, he does laundry. I really can't imagine how mess that the whole family contributes to could be considered only one person's responsibility.

I consider staying at home with our kids to be my job at the moment. If they were in daycare, that would cost over $2000 per month where we live. Not to mention we'd eat out a lot more, there would be higher grocery bills from convenience food we'd buy in order to shave time off other things to get more quality time with the kids. That's money that I 'make' for us through my effort at home. It may not come every month in the form of a paycheck, but it's money in our pocket anyway.

 

[Larkspur]

I did have a question though for families where both parents work, do you share chores like the laundry?

Because I have loads and as DH's companyis currently on shutdown he's been home for two weeks and yet to wash a single sock, do I beat him up or accept it's still my job? I cannot scrub more vomit out of clothing, I just can't.

(Genuine question, I'll cheerfully beat him if I hear dad's do laundry )

I work 25 hours a week and DH works 40-45. I try to get a few things done on the days that I'm home with the kids but anything that doesn't get done is split evenly. DH is fussier about laundry than I am so that's one thing he tends to take charge of!

 

[loeylo]

Right now we both work full time, we also split all tasks 50/50 - my oh is happy to do everything except ironing (which I don't mind doing) and I do everything except hoovering (which my oh doesn't mind) - we don't really have set tasks, we just both pitch in to get it done.

We will both work similar hours after the baby comes (both taking a small cut in hours as we are both at vital stages of our career) so again I'd imagine everything will be 50/50 still. We are also using shared parental leave so we will both be off for the same time.

 

[lau86]

I did have a question though for families where both parents work, do you share chores like the laundry?

Because I have loads and as DH's companyis currently on shutdown he's been home for two weeks and yet to wash a single sock, do I beat him up or accept it's still my job? I cannot scrub more vomit out of clothing, I just can't.

(Genuine question, I'll cheerfully beat him if I hear dad's do laundry )

I work around 24 hours a week, hubby works full time around say 40-45 hours, I do 90% of the chores at home! It's not really fair IMO!

 

[Quartz]

I did have a question though for families where both parents work, do you share chores like the laundry?

Because I have loads and as DH's companyis currently on shutdown he's been home for two weeks and yet to wash a single sock, do I beat him up or accept it's still my job? I cannot scrub more vomit out of clothing, I just can't.

(Genuine question, I'll cheerfully beat him if I hear dad's do laundry )

Absolutely he is hanging washing up as we speak.

Just because he works does not mean he gets a pass on the housework. When we both worked full time it was probably 60/40 in my favour but now it is 70/30.

He has set chores it easier that way - when he gets home he plays with the kids when I make dinner. Then after dinner he will wash up clean up the kitchen and take the bins out.

His other chores are hoovering, mowing the lawn and hanging the washing up to dry (I do the rest)

 

[Quartz]

I did have a question though for families where both parents work, do you share chores like the laundry?

Because I have loads and as DH's companyis currently on shutdown he's been home for two weeks and yet to wash a single sock, do I beat him up or accept it's still my job? I cannot scrub more vomit out of clothing, I just can't.

(Genuine question, I'll cheerfully beat him if I hear dad's do laundry )

I work around 24 hours a week, hubby works full time around say 40-45 hours, I do 90% of the chores at home! It's not really fair IMO!

that isnt fair. Working does not give you a pass to be lazy around the house.

Its one of the things I am keen that DS sees which is his Dad doing stuff around the house so he grows up knowing how to take care of a place and look after himself

 

[lindseymw]

I did have a question though for families where both parents work, do you share chores like the laundry?

Because I have loads and as DH's companyis currently on shutdown he's been home for two weeks and yet to wash a single sock, do I beat him up or accept it's still my job? I cannot scrub more vomit out of clothing, I just can't.

(Genuine question, I'll cheerfully beat him if I hear dad's do laundry )

You may beat him. My DH works, I don't at the moment and he will stick the washing on every now again.

 

[JessyG]

Yes mine does his fair share of washing/dishes cooking tea. I have three days off and he has two (not the same days off) so we definitely share the household duties on those days. I still do more but that's just because I am there more and he is happy to let me pick up more slack if we are both off

 

[Eve]

I look after kids in our home, and OH works 40+ hours a week but he still usually puts the clothes away. I wash and dry and he puts away When we both worked full-time outside of the home, we split it up and helped each other out whenever we could.