Heartbroken - LONG post

[ciaramoy]

I have to say tonight has made me realize that I have made the right decision!

I've spent all day with ds on my own...brought him on a boat, playground, dinner out etc trying to show him a good time because I really don't want him affected. Come home and oh is not home from work yet....he texts and says he is going for a drink after work as he wants to give me my space.

Fast forward and it's 3.40am...and I'm lying here awake waiting for him to come home
I feel like he's treating me like a babysitter and this place like a hotel! I'm so over lying awake in the middle of the night wondering where he is and what he's doing!

Thanks again for all the advice x

 

[geordiemammy]

If he doesn't come back until morning he obviously has somewhere to stay so I would tell him to pack up and fuck off then you tried to be nice and gave him a few days and he is still taking the piss xxx

 

[broodymrs]

It sounds like you have done the right thing. I really hope things work out for you whether you end up staying together or not. You really do not deserve to be treated like this. Sending you lots of hugs hun xxx

 

[mizzyb]

Oh so sorry to hear this. From my personal experience, Id say let him go. 12 years ago I was heavily pregnant when I discovered my partner had been messaging someone and meeting this person and this someone was a 16 year old girl! it was devastating beyond belief however I got the strength to have the baby and move on. It obviously wasnt easy but its the best thing I could have done. I look back now and im so glad my life is the way it is now. I have a wonderful partner who adores me and accepted me having a child completely and dotes on my son, and we have our little baby on the way. Life can be great and you CAN get over this and cope. NO one can tell you what to do I just wanted to say that life does go on and life can be very very good to you, you just have to get past this horrid bit. Its so much easier in the short instance to stay but in the long run it would be so so much harder.. Good luck on whatever you choose to do but go with what you know is right xx

 

[iluvmyfamily]

I really think that no matter what, he isn't going to change. All the counseling in the world won't do him any good because he HAS to WANT to change. Even if he isn't spending time with her while he's out all hours of the night, he's probably talking on the phone with her. Either way, he's still dealing with her. You shouldn't have to sit around and wait to see if he's going to "choose" you. Like someone here said, you are not an option. Maybe he's going through something. Maybe he isn't sure of what he wants. Nobody knows except for him, but it doesn't seem like he wants to change anything. I say let him go. Not so he can figure out who he wants, because he could see her, realize he don't want her and then come running to you, but so that you can move on without him. Believe me, I know taking care of 2 is scary. When my DH was working and going to school, I was home with my 1 year old and a newborn but honestly I had it downpacked in no time and it was so much fun just spending my time with them. You can do it if you have to. I don't think you should stay with him just because you're scared. He knows you're afraid and he assumes you'll always take him back because of that one reason alone. Don't let him win. Let him go be with her if he wants, or if he don't want her, let him go find someone else, or better yet, be alone. You'll never trust him again and you'll never look at him the same way again so why even try? Not trying to dictate your future relationship but this is just my opinion.

You always have us to come to, btw, and don't feel guilty for eating only 2 eggs. You're going through something very traumatic and baby is perfectly fine.

 

[ciaramoy]

Thanks again ladies for all your support - it really helps.

I told my doctor today - most embarrassing appointment of my life. I put it off right to the end but he asked was anything wrong and of course the tears came I wanted so much to just tell him I was having a hard time without crying but nope!!

He has referred me to the counselling place at my hospital. He is worried I have prenatal depression which in turn could cause postnatal depression - I am terrified of this myself to be honest. I really hope he doesn't think I am a nutcase. Also I have lost nearly a kg in the last 2 weeks which he isn't too happy with but the baby is measuring fine and the heartbeat was good so I am so happy about that. I was worried sick the no eating/sleeping and wine was causing problems

My oh is moving out this evening finally so hopefully this will help me move on. My ds has been a nightmare the last few days and I know its because of this...he doesn't understand whats going on and as much as we don't argue in front of him he knows something is wrong. I just want to concentrate on him and try to make him feel as loved as possible. I am really terrified of the future now...but I know I need to take it one step at a time.

Thanks again for reading/replying xxx

 

[Sweedot]

I want to direct you to a website that I use frequently and find to be ver helpful, it's called surviving infidelity.
I recommend this forum very highly because you will find a grea deal of support from people going through similar situations to you, there's veteran members who can offer you advice and people who have gone through these situations and come out the other side, either reconciled or divorced.

There's also a huge amount of reading resources in their section called the healing library. I hope you find your way to this site because you will most definitely receive some very valuable information and support.

 

[geordiemammy]

Thanks again ladies for all your support - it really helps.

I told my doctor today - most embarrassing appointment of my life. I put it off right to the end but he asked was anything wrong and of course the tears came I wanted so much to just tell him I was having a hard time without crying but nope!!

He has referred me to the counselling place at my hospital. He is worried I have prenatal depression which in turn could cause postnatal depression - I am terrified of this myself to be honest. I really hope he doesn't think I am a nutcase. Also I have lost nearly a kg in the last 2 weeks which he isn't too happy with but the baby is measuring fine and the heartbeat was good so I am so happy about that. I was worried sick the no eating/sleeping and wine was causing problems

My oh is moving out this evening finally so hopefully this will help me move on. My ds has been a nightmare the last few days and I know its because of this...he doesn't understand whats going on and as much as we don't argue in front of him he knows something is wrong. I just want to concentrate on him and try to make him feel as loved as possible. I am really terrified of the future now...but I know I need to take it one step at a time.

Thanks again for reading/replying xxx

Pleased you are going to talk to someone and that he has finally moved out it will get better like you say just take it one day at a time your son may play up a little but just do as you normally would with a few extra kisses and cuddles kids are very resiliant and he will soon bounce back and if you ever need to vent feel free to get in touch xx

 

[Momto4monkeys]

Thanks again ladies for all your support - it really helps.

I told my doctor today - most embarrassing appointment of my life. I put it off right to the end but he asked was anything wrong and of course the tears came I wanted so much to just tell him I was having a hard time without crying but nope!!

He has referred me to the counselling place at my hospital. He is worried I have prenatal depression which in turn could cause postnatal depression - I am terrified of this myself to be honest. I really hope he doesn't think I am a nutcase. Also I have lost nearly a kg in the last 2 weeks which he isn't too happy with but the baby is measuring fine and the heartbeat was good so I am so happy about that. I was worried sick the no eating/sleeping and wine was causing problems

My oh is moving out this evening finally so hopefully this will help me move on. My ds has been a nightmare the last few days and I know its because of this...he doesn't understand whats going on and as much as we don't argue in front of him he knows something is wrong. I just want to concentrate on him and try to make him feel as loved as possible. I am really terrified of the future now...but I know I need to take it one step at a time.

Thanks again for reading/replying xxx

I am so proud of you for speaking up and telling your Dr what was going on. You are a very strong woman, and although it's very difficult right now, I know you have the strength to keep going!!

 

[Katiie]

Sadly this story sounds oh so familiar.

I can tell you now, me and my partner are still together.
We've been through the birth of our son,
A miscarriage,
A surprise rainbow pregnancy,
Joblessness and facing homelessness (which we are sure we will avoid)

These things have brought us closer. However.

The trust still isn't there.

I can't trust him.
If he logs out of his Facebook on his tablet I instantly think he's hiding something.

I'm not as bad as I used to be - I mean now he's lost his job, I see him 24/7. But that's not a way to live.

I love my partner. I adore him. I'd be lost without him.

BUT

You can't let him blame this on you!
He sounds very passive aggressive.
Sending huge hugs.
If you need to speak I'm always on here.
I completely understand what your going through xxxx